Feeling Stuck? How to Overcome the Barriers to Reach Your Desired Life
- Brainz Magazine
- 19 hours ago
- 10 min read
Written by Tatiana Goded, Motivational Life Coach
Tatiana Goded is passionate about helping women find their life purpose and rediscover their passions. She is the CEO of Puiaki Precious, a life coaching, NLP, and mindfulness business designed to leverage women find their true selves. Tatiana is also the author of “A Trip Towards the Sunset,” a journey of self-discovery published in 2025.
Are you feeling stuck, as if the life of your dreams was slipping through your fingers? Many of us have all that society considers success, a good job, a loving family, and a good home. But many women in their midlife go through a deep existential crisis. They miss the joy in their lives, and wonder what happened to them when they abandoned themselves to be at the bottom of their list. In this guide, we’ll explore the psychology of the barriers in front of us, “the imaginary wall”, and the four key steps to walk through the wall into the life they have always desired, bringing back joy and fulfilment to their lives.
1. How do our inner barriers work? Understanding the psychology of the imaginary wall
Most people have a clear picture of where they would like to be. They dream about it, either during the day or in their night dreams. They wonder if it will ever come true. Many never even take the first step. For the brave ones who do, a long journey lies ahead. The following sections will describe their main phases.
Initial enthusiasm: Walking towards our desired life
After a long time of dreaming about the life you would like to have, one day you gather enough enthusiasm to move towards your goal. You take the first step, then the second, and then the third. Everything looks great. You start gathering momentum, finding joy, thinking it might be possible to get there after all. Wondering why you hadn’t tried before. It’s feeling great until you hit the wall.
Why do we find obstacles on the way?
An obstacle, whether large or small, steps on the way. It makes you doubt yourself and question whether the target is worth the effort after all. Questions about whether you deserve it, whether you are good enough, or if the goal is what you really want start to populate your head. And it gathers such force that all this questioning makes people bounce back to their safety status, where things are predictable, comfortable, and safe. There are no risks involved. They are back into safety, and all is good again. They can finally sigh in relief.
Why don’t we succeed in reaching our goal?
Some time after the first try, feelings of unfulfillment start creeping again. They might just come “out of nowhere” or something might trigger it (issues at work, in their marriage, the death of a loved one). Dreams of your desired state start creeping in once more, this time stronger and more persistent. It’s time to try again. And so, you gather the courage and all the tools you would need to succeed, and then you take the first step. It’s easier than before. You have done it once. This time, you get further. But inevitably, another obstacle stands in the way. And this time it’s a huge boulder. We feel we cannot surpass it. Not this one. And so, we bounce back once more.
Why do we keep bouncing back in a never-ending loop?
For many people, this bouncing forward and backwards, in a never-ending zig-zag track, is their normal. For many, the desired state has turned into a “Shangri-La”, a “Paradise”, that wonderful place that nobody will ever reach. Sadly, some people spend their entire lives on this eternal back-and-forth journey. But then we read about people who have gone through amazing transformations, and we wonder why they did it. What do they have that others don’t?
2. What you don’t need more of
Before digging into what you need more of, let’s dive into what is not helpful. For many people, when they bounce back, or even before they start, an analysis of what is needed is carried out. And often, this analysis is a list of things from the outside, a new degree, more knowledge, more experience, more skills, more money, more time, when the time is right, when the kids have grown up, when they are smarter, thinner, wealthier. Yes. Some skills are essential. But people are usually aware of them and work on those. The problem is not what we need more of. There is a big gap that people tend to forget, the steps that help you walk through the solid wall and into each one’s version of “paradise”.
3. How to surpass the barriers towards your goal in 4 steps
When you have focused on all the actions, skills, knowledge, resources, time, and space needed to fulfill your goal, it’s time to take a look back and see your situation from above. Basically, when you are stuck in this way, you need less “doing” and more “being”. You have reached the point where it’s time to look at what keeps you stuck within yourself. For that, there are four main steps to take, explained below.
Step 1: Visualize your desired life
The first step towards fulfilling your goal and going past that wall is to do some visualization work. Yes, I know. You might have been told about it many times. You might have tried visualizing your goal, but you can’t really see the point. But research says that the number one thing that successful people have had is a clear vision of what they wanted, of where they wanted to be, even if others thought it was impossible, crazy, or insane. They kept their vision no matter what. And here is the key, visualize your goal with all sorts of details, using as many of your five senses as you can, visual, auditory, olfactory, tactile, or kinesthetic (that is, what you feel). So, sit down on a comfy chair as if you were at the cinema, and get on the screen a version of you in the near-future fulfilling your dream. What can you see? What do you look like? What are you doing? Are you with anyone or alone? What can you hear, smell, or even taste? And most importantly, what are your feelings as you are living the dream version of your life? The more details you have, the better. Practicing visualization as part of an everyday meditation exercise is a powerful tool that will make your dream more real. Not by the art of magic. But because of two amazing spiritual reasons. One, you will start believing in your own dream. By having it “out there” on the screen, you make it much more real than when it’s only in your head. And second, it’s as if you were giving clear instructions to Life about what it is that you want. That in itself won’t make it real, but it will give it a good push towards eventually becoming a reality.
Step 2: Identify, question, and turn around your limiting beliefs
The second step is key to your success. The most common reason why people do not achieve their goals and keep bouncing back is a limiting belief that they operate under and have done so for a very long time. It’s the “I am not good enough”, “who am I to think I will succeed”, “I will surely fail”, “I don’t have what it takes,” All this self-talk is running our lives without us being aware of it. The main reason for this is that limiting beliefs are usually formed in our early childhood, when we didn’t have the mental resources to question them. Without logic and reasoning, we are ingrained with that belief from an emotional perspective, and it is kept inside us to govern all our actions, decisions, and lives in ways that we are not aware of. They run inside our unconscious level, and it’s very hard to get to them. Doing limiting beliefs work is usually what brings the deepest transformation in clients, and in general, it’s the work for which clients need most support. However, there are things you can do on your own to get started and bring awareness to the beliefs that are running your life. First, ask yourself what your limiting beliefs are. Bringing them to your conscious level is key. Second, ask yourself when you have had this belief and identify its source. Maybe a parent, teacher, or another person with an important role in your life told you that belief, and you ingrained it in your own system. Meditation and journaling are two powerful ways to connect to our limiting beliefs, identify them, and their source. Transforming that belief into a more positive one is the final stage of this work.
Step 3: Write down your “big why”
Once limiting beliefs have been addressed, it’s time to work on “Your big why”. This is the reason you would like to cross that wall and reach the other side. It’s the main drive for you to take the first steps towards your goals. And as with the “doing” versus “being”, logical reasoning will be part of it, but the main drive is almost always emotional, spiritual, or existential. For example, a woman might want to change her career, saying that it will bring her more stability, a higher income, or a better position. But inside herself, she knows that it will also bring her a sense of joy and fulfilment because it will imply working more with people and creating a meaningful life for herself and others. These kinds of reasons are the real “why”. Many times, we have our why in our heads. But as with the visualization, this is simply not enough. Carrying out some journaling is essential to start to understand your reasons to move towards your goal. Then, when this is clear, writing our “big why”, printing it, and reading it out loud daily is key to moving more efficiently towards our goal. Moreover, it has an additional powerful use, when obstacles appear (and they will invariably do), then it’s time to look at your big why, read it out loud, and use it as a springboard, as the engine to keep you moving “no matter what”. Your big why then turns into your go-to place when you doubt yourself, when obstacles appear, and you want to withdraw. It becomes your best friend and your accountability partner, the one that never lets you give up on your big dream.
Step 4: Commit to your passions
Committing to your passion is the last step towards fulfilling your goals. And it’s not one to be skipped. Yes, you are committed, or so we tend to tell ourselves. But often, our actions don’t match our beliefs or our words. When we say we are committed but don’t leave enough time to work on our goals, we are not truly committed. It might be that a limiting belief is on the way, in which case it’s essential to review step 2. The day we set up our goal as a top priority is when we are fully in. That moment can happen in an instant, a breakthrough, an inspiration. It’s the moment you put your goal at the top of your list, and then you make the necessary time and space to make it happen. But here is the key, it doesn’t matter how long it will take you to get there, you might only take baby steps, or big leaps. You might arrive there tomorrow or in 5 years. Once you have it at the top of your list, you will make sure you move towards it daily, and then, one day, you realize you are unstoppable. An obstacle appears? One that used to be insurmountable? You have your big why to go to, and you can find your way (over it, around it, smashing it, in whatever form works best for you).
Working on the “being” (the 4 steps explained in this section) alongside the “doing” is a powerful way to go beyond that wall. And one day, before realizing it, you are on the other side, living your big dream.
4. What things can you do if you need further help
If, despite this guide, you still feel you are unable to move towards your goal, there are a few things you can do. Below is a list of some of them.
Enroll in courses
For many of us, enrolling in a course with other like-minded people searching for similar solutions could be the way to move forward. In a safe environment, you might be able to share your insights and breakthrough moments and learn from others, boosting your confidence in believing true transformation is possible. Whether in person or online, live or at your own pace, there are thousands of courses available to help you find your way.
Attend talks or webinars
Attending a talk or webinar could help you find your way towards fulfilling your goals. It could help you have a breakthrough moment, discover something about yourself you didn’t know about, or, at times, discover that the speaker is the person you’d like to work with. In any case, attending talks on how to get unstuck usually helps people move on, get the motivation they need, and get started.
Seek professional help
Working on our own on such profound topics can be overwhelming. For many people, having someone to talk to helps them unpack what is going on. First, the mere action of saying it out loud can bring profound insights into what is going on within you. In addition, someone with professional experience would be able to guide you towards finding your own solutions. For issues related to feeling stuck, life coaches are especially trained in helping in this kind of situation. Look for a coach who can provide guidance and support based on their own life experience and expertise. Look at what they say, read feedback from past clients, and ask for an initial session. Most coaches offer free initial consultations, where you can discuss your goals and see if you would be a good fit. If there are other emotionally traumatic circumstances that are keeping you stuck, a professional therapist might be better suited to support you. In any case, a true professional will be able to help you find the best person to support you, to suit your needs and circumstances.
Book a 30-minute free consultation here.
Read more from Tatiana Goded
Tatiana Goded, Motivational Life Coach
Tatiana is a Motivational Life Coach passionate about helping women find their life purpose and rediscover the passion in their lives. She spent many years trying to find her own life purpose and recover her childhood passion for writing, wishing someone would help her reach her goals. Her journey was full of struggles and setbacks until she discovered the key elements to success. She is now following her life purpose as a life coach, and has followed her passion for writing, publishing her first book, “A Trip Towards the Sunset,” in March 2025. Tatiana’s mission is to help women in their midlife rediscover their long-forgotten dreams and recover their true selves, bringing back joy and passion to their lives.
