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Do This if You're Stuck in the Comparison Loop

Written by: Mark D. Lakowske, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


Have you ever looked at another person and thought — “They must live a better life than me. They have it all. They are successful. They are happy, etc.” Yeah, me too.

When you think those thoughts and start comparing yourself, how does that make you feel?

I think we can all agree that comparison is the killer of good self-esteem. Am I right!? It interjects into our own belief system that we aren’t good enough. We aren’t worthy or as good as someone else.

It erodes all the amazing accomplishments we have done or do. It makes us forget what is actually going right in our lives. It holds us back from manifesting our dreams.

In the past, I was stuck in that comparison loop, too. I wondered why things weren’t getting better for me. I looked at all the people around me who were seemingly happier or doing what I wanted to do and living my dream. I got down and discouraged.

That’s until I started to realize that I wasn't supposed to observe these people as reminders of what I wasn’t or that they were competition, but rather they had shown up as examples of what I could do & desired to be. They could be role models, and I could learn from them how to get what I wanted.

Instead of comparing myself to them and judging myself. I remembered that they must have gone through struggles that I never see. They have life lessons that are all their own. This started an empathetic shift in me, and it brought us onto a more even playing field. Then I thought - If we were more equal, then what was the difference that created their reality v.s. my reality?

The key difference, I believe, is the stories that are being told. Changing your story is an important step to changing your life.

The story I was telling myself didn’t match the dream. In other words - You can’t get healthy if all you talk about is how unwell you are. You can’t be happy if all you do is complain about everything. It’s the story that can change everything. Until I changed my story, the way I wanted to feel and the things in my life that I desired to change, do or have were being held apart from me and not getting better.

The truth is, the current state of your life is a direct result of the stories you tell yourself and what you really believe is possible.

Why is this so? I believe it goes back to the fact that we all receive what we tell our subconscious minds. It’s been proven that the mind can not tell the difference between what is made up or imagined and what is truly real.

What the mind thinks is real will become manifest in some way in our physical world and selves. Just think about it. If you think or talk about being tired, what happens? You start feeling more and more tired. Right!?

If you’re worried about going someplace or doing something, the nervousness is created by thought even before the event you’re dreading even happens.

If I were to say to you, don’t think of the color red, don’t see it in the room, don’t see it in your mind’s eye, don’t spell the word red or seek it out. What happens? You saw red, didn’t you? Your mind created it, found it and sought it out, and brought it to your awareness.

Our stories do the exact same thing for us! The story you tell will create your experience.

What’s the story you’ve been telling?

  • Maybe your story is that you’ll never earn over a certain amount of money.

  • Perhaps it’s that you are not good enough.

  • Do you think you’re not smart enough to succeed?

  • How about everyone in your family is fat so you will be too.

All of these examples are just stories.

Changing your life starts with choosing to change. Realizing that the way things are, are no longer working for you or acceptable to you and that you will make achieving your goal non-negotiable. So make the conscious choice to go down a new road.

Starting off this new road will mean identifying the limiting belief story you’ve been thinking/telling. Now, it might be hard at first. After all, you've been telling that old story for so long. You might not think of it as a story at all because it’s so practiced it feels like a fact. At its heart, it’s not a fact, though. It’s a way of being, thinking, feeling, and believing that has been practiced into a story, your story.

Once you know what you don’t want, it is easier to know what you want! Use the contrast you're experiencing if you have “writer’s block.” In other words, think in opposites to flesh out what is wanted and create your new life story. You can write about it, think about it, talk about it, dream about it. Look to other people who are living the life you desire and model what they are doing well in your own narrative.

Remember, your new story should be empowering to you. It should feel grounded and good & speak to what you desire. No negativity or negation allowed! Leave “shouldn’t,” “wouldn’t,” “couldn’t,” “won’t,” “can’t,” or “I hope” or “maybe” etc., on the cutting-room floor! Your new story should sound like you’ve already achieved success.

It’s important that we prop it up! Once you have the new story, you can begin to find evidence around you that can support it. What’s in your life right now that aligns with that new story, and what does not? What in your life is moving you toward your goal or away from it? Looking at those aspects will help you clearly realize if you need to make any changes to your new story or life.

A great question to ask yourself is: Is moving me towards what I want and who I want to be? Or is it a distraction and leading me away?

You can use your emotions to let you know if you are in alignment or off the path. Facts that support your story will help you believe it, but associating it with positive emotions will anchor it into your life.

Actions speak louder than words. If you had a gym membership and didn’t use it, you wouldn’t get the results you wanted, right!? Think of your story as your gym pass, but it will only get you so far. It’s not enough to know. You also have to do it!

Make the conscious effort to speak that story into existence daily! Tell that new story until you start to believe it! Think about it, write about it, act upon it, engage with it, dream about it, add more details that feel good. Begin to notice more and more new opportunities that align with the story. It’s up to you to take those opportunities and even challenge yourself to move forward out of the old story and into the new!

Remember, things won’t change overnight. Small steps in the right direction are still movements. During the process, if you are consistent, you will gain perspective & reconnection that will lead you into your desires.

If you’re ready to turn the page, start a new chapter and move in the direction of your dreams, you can! Be brave and use comparison, not as a roadblock, but let it light a fire under you to spur you into action! Start telling a new empowering story. Tell it long enough and strong enough until it becomes your reality!

Your Favorite Hypnotist,

Mark D. Lakowske CTC® CMHT®

For more info, follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, or visit my website!


Mark D. Lakowske, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Multiple award-winning & internationally renowned clinical hypnotherapist Mark D. Lakowske has trained practitioners worldwide in his groundbreaking methods. Through this and his own practice, he has helped improve the lives of tens of thousands of people in countries ranging from the United States to Australia & New Zealand. Mark is an author of three books & regularly tours the world, contributing ideas to the development of hypnotherapy practice. His passion & drive is assisting people to overcome the overwhelming & live with more confident joy & happiness!



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