Did You Know There Are No-Brainer Solutions to Reduce Conflict in Your Relationships?
- Jun 16
- 8 min read
Written by Sheila N. Glazov, Author & Personality Expert
Sheila N. Glazov is an internationally recognized personality expert. She is the creator and author of “What Color Is Your Brain?®”, which has sold more than 41,000 copies. Sheila helps individuals decode their personalities and better understand what makes other people tick to improve their communications and relationships.
Conflict often begins with misunderstanding, not disagreement. This article explores how Brain Color awareness, “Wet Paint” moments, and a deeper understanding of personality differences can help people communicate more clearly, reduce tension, and build more harmonious relationships.
Understanding
“If we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. Blaming has no positive effect at all, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, the situation will change.” – Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master
Misunderstanding and miscommunication
Throughout my years of teaching and facilitating, I have found that understanding people’s personalities and perspectives is most helpful in understanding why miscommunication creates misunderstandings.
Reduce conflict and increase harmony
If you have the tools and skills to help you recognize another person’s personality traits and point of view, you can communicate and interpret a problem by utilizing your knowledge to reduce conflict and increase harmony in your life.
You might have learned those skills and tools by utilizing the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or a DISC assessment. However, while working with businesses and educational institutions, I felt it was essential to create a colorful program that provided vibrant, easier-to-remember designators or symbols to help adults and children understand their personalities and perspectives.
Introduction to a color-filled methodology
The idea of using vibrant colors inspired me to create my What Color Is Your Brain?® framework. I also wanted to use my What Color Is Your Brain?® methodology to give people a quick and easy way to reduce conflict and increase harmony in every facet of their professional and personal lives.
I created the following verse to help individuals identify and create awareness of the four different Brain Color Personalities.
Green Brainers never want to be wrong.
Yellow Brainers always need to be right.
Blue Brainers continue to talk and talk.
Orange Brainers need to take a hike.
For example, planning an event for your clients or family members can be stressful because it can create conflicts between the individuals who are planning the event. The type or size of the budget, guests, menu, entertainment, and venue can cause conflict and misunderstandings between individuals.
The following quotes are examples of possible bumps in the road while planning your event. Yellow Brainers may say, “I have had my event plans for months.” Blue Brainers may ask, “Why can’t we include all our clients?” Green Brainers may offer, “I think it should be a small gathering.” Orange Brainers may suggest, “ A destination event would be fantastic!”
Understand their backstory
As in a book or movie, if you get to know and understand another person’s backstory, you can reduce misunderstandings and miscommunications.
Think of each of the four Brain Color Personalities standing on a different corner of a four-way intersection and wearing a backpack, which contains their backstory. Their backstory contains all the relevant events or circumstances that have influenced their point of view and behavior.
Remember, each personality sees whatever is in the middle of the intersection from their unique perspective and from the stories in their backpack.
Knowing the Brain Color Corner you are standing on and what is in your backpack impacts how you communicate and collaborate with others.
Stop, think, and appreciate the fact that others may not know how to do things, or want to do things, the way you would, and their way will influence their Brain Color.
“Shadowed” misunderstandings
Misunderstandings, conflicts, and disputes can make it difficult for individuals to appreciate their differences. As a result, individuals become “Shadowed” and demonstrate the unconscious negative or dark side of their personality. Carl Jung, the renowned psychiatrist and psychoanalyst of the 20th century, believed that individuals hold a “Shadowed” side that they often block from their childhood. This blockage is often associated with people’s negative emotions. I believe that, to truly understand our personalities, relationships, and conflicts, it is critical to acknowledge our “Shadowed” behavior rather than ignore it.
Remember that our “Shadowed” behavior, which causes misunderstandings, conflicts, and disputes:
Is the part of our personality that we have suppressed because it might be too painful or difficult to acknowledge.
Is the buried part of our unconscious personality.
Is often mistakenly a characteristic that we think is not acceptable to other people.
“Wet Paint”
When you are feeling “Shadowed,” you might think about my term “Wet Paint.” It is one of my favorite tools that I offer people to improve their relationships and defuse conflicts.
When situations emotionally intensify, maintaining a harmonious attitude and relationship with others can be challenging or problematic.
Many years ago, my college roommate’s mother shared the following poem, written by Lois Wyse, a legendary advertising executive, author, and columnist who was inducted into the Advertising Hall of Fame. Her poem was published in the Cleveland Plain Dealer Newspaper.
I think the following advice is wise and applicable for your personal or professional life when you are in the midst of conflict. Think about substituting “love” with an individual’s name.
Wet Paint
In the park I like so much,
there is a bench, and over it there is a sign:
Wet Paint.
Do not sit.
Do not touch.
Do not disturb.
I was born under that sign.
For there are days I cannot function in your life.
There are times I am Wet Paint.
But do remember this, my love.
When I seem freshly striped,
wet paint dries faster in the sun.
You must learn to understand
that even in the warmth of all you love,
there are still times my paint is slow to dry.
So give me time, and meanwhile,
do not sit.
Do not touch.
Do not disturb.
I need new paint.
I also need the sun.
I think the poem’s advice is helpful and comforting when you are feeling conflicted. It demonstrates how you can tell yourself or others, “I’m Wet Paint! I need time to dry!” When you say that, you can insert your Brain Color. For example, I would say, “I’m Wet Blue Paint! I need time to dry!”
It is easy to use the “Wet Paint” phrase instead of having to explain your behavior or feelings when you do not feel like talking. You can also defuse a conflict and give yourself time to become calmer and respond when you are composed and feeling more like yourself.
Below are examples of “Wet Paint” behavior and how to respond easily when others might ask you, “Is anything wrong?” or “Are you feeling ok?”
A Yellow Brainer may not want to be responsible and take charge of organizing a new workspace. No explanation is needed. She just needs to say, “I’m Yellow Wet Paint! I need time to dry!”
A Blue Brainer has been up all night taking care of her sick child and arrives at work not wanting to chit-chat with coworkers. No explanation is needed. She just needs to say, “I’m Blue Wet Paint! I need time to dry!”
A Green Brainer struggles with a new computer program that he purchased, which wreaked havoc with all the other programs on his computer. No explanation is needed. He just needs to say, “I’m Green Wet Paint! I need time to dry!”
An Orange Brainer finds it difficult and is feeling overwhelmed with all the new procedures, policies, and rules in his organization. No explanation is needed. He just needs to say, “I’m Orange Wet Paint! I need time to dry!”
Ask in color
You can easily resolve conflicts in your relationships by utilizing your Brain Colors awareness. Think about asking another person to utilize more of a different Brain Color than they would ordinarily use for a specific task.
To get a job done on time, ask an Orange Brainer to be more Yellow and prompt. For a more compassionate attitude, ask a Green Brainer to be more Blue and helpful. For some quiet time to solve a problem, ask a Blue Brainer to be more Green and calm. To close a sale or adapt to a new procedure, ask a Yellow Brainer to be more Orange and flexible.
The previous examples demonstrate how you can eliminate conflict and criticism and create compatible and cooperative relationships by speaking fluent Brain Color.
External and internal conflict differences
External and internal conflict between different Brain Color perspectives creates conflict and incompatibility. Below are examples.
A Yellow Brainer’s ideal office procedures require strict discipline but create friction with his Orange Brainer team members, who have a robust aversion to rules.
A Blue Brainer wants to discuss staff problems, but creates additional tension with her Green Brain manager, who feels she should solve the problems herself.
A Green Brainer remains calm and logical during a business crisis. However, a Blue Brainer’s emotions tug at her heart and cause distraction with other team members.
An Orange Brainer’s desire to own a small business motivates him. However, his Yellow sense of responsibility for the other employees is a frustrating hurdle to developing his plans.
No-brainer conflict resolution
Below are examples of Brain Color conflicts and compatibilities that demonstrate how you can turn a conflict into a compatible, understanding relationship with another individual.
Yellow conflict | Yellow compatibility |
Is judgmental and self-righteous. Becomes controlling. Complains and expresses self-pity. Demonstrates inflexibility. Worries about the future. | Takes responsibility. Completes tasks on time. Is prompt. Is committed to work and home. Knows what is expected. |
Blue conflict | Blue compatibility |
Can be emotionally distraught. Becomes depressed. Says “I’m fine,” but really isn’t. Does not face reality. Acts irrationally and remorsefully. | Gets and gives hugs. Enjoys and respects nature. Is compassionate and truthful. Shares feelings openly. Trusts intuition. |
Green conflict | Green compatibility |
Gives others the cold shoulder. Becomes sarcastic and critical. Shows indifference. Is uncooperative and insensitive. Pouts. | Utilizes knowledge. Satisfies curiosity. Is competent and precise. Follows a system or method. Promotes justice and fairness. |
Orange conflict | Orange compatibility |
Acts immaturely. Is disobedient and breaks rules. Is rude and physically aggressive. Drops out physically or emotionally. Shows compulsive behavior. | Demonstrates skillfulness. Competes with others. Is courageous and takes risks. Enjoys life’s challenges. Expresses himself or herself freely. |
How to defuse upsets and resolve conflicts
There are four easy points to help you defuse an upset and resolve a conflict.
Utilize your Brain Color knowledge to:
Recognize and interpret signals when you or someone else is having a “Shadowed” day.
Recognize and decrease your internal or external conflicts.
Discover how to increase compatibility in your relationships with other Brain Color individuals.
Remember that utilizing “Wet Paint!” will help you become calmer and more controlled.
Your “Praiseworthy Gifts”
In my interactive workshops and programs, I always encourage the attendees to remember: “If you are aware, your Praiseworthy Gifts are there!”
I encourage you to process and then practice what you consider to be your “Praiseworthy Gifts.” Those gifts are your Brain Color personality attributes and abilities, which help you recognize what influences your relationships and how you can easily understand other people.
It is important to remember that conflict is often less about disagreement and more about misunderstanding. Once you learn to recognize the different Brain Color perspectives in yourself and others, you become a more effective communicator and show more patience and compassion toward others.
The next time you feel conflicted, pause and consider what Brain Color perspective may be influencing you and the situation. With that awareness, you will become more comfortable and better able to appreciate and understand another person’s point of view, which will reduce the discord in your relationships and make conflict resolution a no-brainer.
Reflective question
In closing, reflect on what new knowledge you learned from this article and how it will help you improve your relationships and reduce the conflict in your life.
You can purchase my latest book, What Color Is Your Brain?®, on Amazon, and learn more about your Brain Color attributes and abilities. You will also learn how to decode your personality and discover what makes you and others tick to improve your communications and relationships.
Read more from Sheila N. Glazov
Sheila N. Glazov, Author & Personality Expert
Sheila N. Glazov is dedicated to teaching people a non-judgmental language of color that changes perspectives and lives. Her fascinating “What Color Is Your Brain?®” book and approach give individuals a powerful framework for understanding her four color-filled personality types and have earned praise in conference rooms and classrooms across the U.S. and around the world. Encouraging adults and children to recognize and respect the best in themselves and others is the heart of her workshops and books.
