Updated: Sep 17, 2020
Written by: Melia Diana, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise
If we have a wounded soul, why do we think we are ready for dating? Anytime a person is wounded in their inner soul- it causes a dripping effect onto others. Our relationships suffer, we suffer, and most importantly, other areas of our lives will continue to be incomplete disarray until we heal.
The dating scene has surely gotten rough… not going to lie. The very fact that we are trapped in the house these days due to COVID doesn’t make dating any easier. Who wants to meet a potential spouse with a mask smashed over our face? I get it. However, maybe we can look at online dating from our home as a positive. If we can take a step back and get to actually know each other on a spiritual and emotional level instead of a physical one, with a guarded heart. In that case, we can truly get to know someone’s heart instead of hopping into a fleshy needy desire. “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (Proverbs 4:23 NLT).
We unintentionally step in the dating realm, not knowing how we affect others. We are subconsciously unaware and disillusioned that we might be the problem- of course, we assume it has to be the other person’s fault. Are you guilty of this defense mechanism? I’ve come into harsh terms with myself that I am not perfect. Shocker…right? Most of us portray we are the innocent victims. We like to self-justify, retaliate, and belittle to defend our weaknesses. We love to point fingers. Put up a shield to hide our deficiencies. And, look out if someone challenges that!
So what’s going on? We all have been hurt, mocked, lied to, and had some kind of betrayal in our lives. In that particular moment, we were flabbergasted, offended, and upset, but as the day progressed- more turmoil started to fester inside our souls. The state of shock usually takes us back quite a bit. We constantly relive the unpleasant feelings of our past. We get in a trapped mindset and astound that a loved one would do that to us. Now, the bitterness starts to set in. We are fuming with wretched ideas that we are God’s “special one” and don’t deserve that kind of treatment. True, we don’t necessarily deserve bad treatment from others, but understand we are all hurting.
"The ultimate goal of dating is to find your husband."
This explains the wounded soul and its need for true healing. I have to warn you about a little secret here. The enemy wants us to stay trapped in our pain, but God wants more for you. Let me kindly chime in here and say that unless our souls are cleansed by the son of Jesus, we will continue to vomit our pain on others. It’s quite scary thought!
My job, as a Certified Christian Counselor & Dating Coach for single Christian women, is to help people identify core root issues and purge anything hindering God’s best for them. I help women discover who they are in Christ as they gain better clarity on how to date properly in their single season. They learn how to heal internally, God’s Way, and attract a godly man, so they feel loved and worthy again.
The ultimate goal of dating is to find your husband. In my findings, if people don’t get to the root of their problem- they will continue to attract the same kind of mate. Like attracts like. Unhealthy relationships, childhood trauma, family issues and old flings are part of the unraveling process of the transformation journey. There is always more than what meets the eyes of every individual. We sometimes have to take a step back and take a good look in the mirror. Yikes! Reality is that there are hurting people out there, sometimes hurting worse than you. Have you heard of the phrase- “hurt people- hurt people?” It’s so true.
We certainly don’t like to be challenged in this area, but many people have unhealthy beliefs and behavior patterns that negatively affect other people. In contrast, there is a greater truth that your healing can bring joy as you discover a more fruitful way to date. Your healing can also have a positive impact on others. Here’s the kicker. Our pain affects us and our relationships the most. Whatever is in our heart, comes out of our mouth. “But the words you speak come from the heart- that what defiles you” (Matthew 15:18 NLT).
So if your heart is filled with bitterness, resentments, and anger…do, you really think this will help you find “the one?” But, if your heart is at peace, rest, and filled with love- perhaps you may attract the right spouse. Get my drift?
I used to think men were the problem. And although maturity is a big factor, we have to take accountability for ourselves and our choices. We must come to God to help fix our brokenness that lies deep inside our soul. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life” (Psalm 139:23-24 NLT).
I went on for half my life completely oblivious to the fact that God was my healer. I want to sincerely encourage you that you will continue to date with a wounded soul unless you heal your toxic wounds. Let’s get out of that rejection funk! You can change, but it starts with you taking action. I’m here to help guide you. God loves you.
Melia Diana, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Melia is an International Best-Selling Author, Certified Christian Counselor, and Dating & Relationship Coach specializing in inner healing transformation. She has spent over 13 years in the medical & fitness field, as a Licensed Physical Therapist Assistant and Certified ACSM Personal Trainer helping people through her passion for delivering attainable and solid goals. But it doesn’t stop there!
Melia’s extensive certifications and background led her to utilize her faith, knowledge, experience and personal development to brand and design her own Signature Coaching Programs. She developed a unique methodology to help clarify the missing links and identify core root issues hindering God’s best. With a godly approach, she helps Christian women to unblock the barriers from having the loving relationships they’ve always desired. God’s mission for Melia, is helping lost souls find their true identity in Christ as the Holy Spirit guides people through their healing journey. Her empathetic approach encourages others for growth, wisdom and a stronger mindset for a more abundant and fruitful life.