Confessions of a Serial Non-Rest-er – Reclaiming the Power of Pause
- Brainz Magazine
- 2 days ago
- 8 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
Written by Gilles Varette, Business Coach
30 years of experience in Leadership: NCO in a paratrooper regiment in his native France, leading a global virtual team for a Nasdaq-listed company, Board stewardship, Coaching, and Mentoring. Gilles, an EMCC-accredited coach, holds a Master’s in Business Practice and diplomas in Personal Development and Executive Coaching, as well as Mental Health and Well-being.
In today’s always-on culture, rest is often misunderstood, undervalued, or mistaken for laziness. Despite growing awareness of mental health and well-being, many people still struggle to slow down, not because they don’t care, but because they’re caught in a cycle of doing, producing, and pushing through. Rest tends to slip under the radar, seen as optional rather than essential. But true rest, the kind that restores rather than simply pauses, is fundamental to resilience, clarity, and sustainable performance. This article explores why rest matters, the science behind it, and practical ways to reframe our relationship with rest in everyday life.
Despite holding an advanced diploma in mental health and well-being, I have a confession to make: I am a serial non-rest-er. I know the science. I understand the research. I coach others to prioritize their well-being. And yet, when applying that wisdom to myself, rest is often the first thing to slip through the cracks.
I've been wired for doing for as long as I can remember. There’s always another task, another deadline, another opportunity to be useful. Rest? That felt like a reward for later, something to earn once the list was done (which, let’s be honest, it never is).
Over time, I’ve come to realize I’m not alone in this. Many of us, especially those in caregiving, leadership, or high-performance roles, carry a deep, sometimes unspoken, belief that rest is indulgent, or even selfish. But here’s what I’ve learned: rest is not a luxury.
It’s a foundation. And for those of us who struggle to stop, it may be the most courageous act of all.
This article is part reflection, part reckoning. I’m not writing it because I’ve mastered the rest, I’m writing it because I’m learning to honour it. And maybe, if you’re a fellow non-rest-er, it can offer a nudge (and a permission slip) for you too.
The myth of rest as laziness or weakness
Somewhere along the way, I absorbed the idea that rest had to be justified. That it came after the work was done, after the inbox was empty, after I’d proven my worth through action.
Rest, in that story, was something you had to earn. And if you hadn’t or if others were still depending on you, then resting was almost a betrayal.
Sound familiar?
In our productivity-obsessed culture, doing is glorified. We measure our days by output, our value by how busy we are, our success by how much we can juggle without dropping anything. Rest, on the other hand, is often cast as laziness, weakness, or worst of all, wasted time.
I’ve been praised more times for my work ethic than for my self-care. I’ve been called “dedicated,” “driven,” and “reliable,” all things I took pride in. But no one ever said, “I admire how well you rest.” And the truth is, I never gave anyone a reason to.
We don’t talk enough about the cost of always pushing through. About how constantly being “on” frays the edges of our well-being, our relationships, and our creativity. We internalize the myth that rest is optional, and in doing so, we quietly burn out while pretending everything’s fine.
But rest isn’t a retreat from life, it’s what allows us to fully show up for it.
The hidden costs of chronic non-rest
The trouble with constantly running is that eventually, something gives out. Sometimes it's your sleep. Sometimes it’s your focus. Sometimes it’s your joy. In my case, I noticed subtle shifts: more mental clutter, less presence, quicker frustration. My body was functioning, but my mind and spirit were quietly running on fumes.
What we don’t realize until we’re forced to is that the cost of neglecting rest is cumulative. It shows up as chronic stress, decision fatigue, emotional reactivity, and disconnection from meaning. It drains our resilience.
Ironically, the very things we hope to achieve by staying busy, success, impact, and contribution, become harder to sustain without rest. We end up doing more, but being less.
That’s the wake-up call I’ve been answering. Not because I wanted to. Because I had to.
What science says about rest
My training in mental health and well-being left no doubt: rest is essential. It’s not just about catching your breath; it’s about recalibrating your entire system. Rest helps regulate the nervous system, restore cognitive function, support emotional balance, and protect long-term health.
And the rest isn’t just sleep. In an article (2021), Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith discusses how rest should equal restoration in seven key areas of life: physical, mental, emotional, sensory, creative, social, and spiritual. She emphasizes that many individuals suffer from a “rest deficit” because they don't understand the true power of rest.
Physical rest (passive, like sleep, or active, like yoga)
Mental rest (pausing the constant thinking)
Emotional rest (being honest and unfiltered)
Sensory rest (disconnecting from screens and noise)
Creative rest (letting awe and inspiration in)
Social rest (stepping back from draining interactions)
Spiritual rest (connecting to something bigger than yourself)
Dalton-Smith’s framework gave words to something many feel but can’t quite articulate — the kind of fatigue that sleep alone doesn’t fix. A weekend away or an early bedtime helps, but if we don’t address the deeper deficit, the exhaustion returns.
So, reframing rest isn’t about doing less for the sake of it. It’s about restoring what modern life continuously depletes, in ways that are conscious, compassionate, and consistent.
For readers interested in exploring their own rest needs, Dr. Dalton-Smith offers a free assessment:
This quiz helps identify which types of rest you may be lacking, providing a personalized starting point for restoring balance and energy.
Megan Reitz and John Higgins (2025) describe the power of mental pauses to regain perspective, regulate emotions, and make better decisions, especially in high-demand work environments. They argue that “giving yourself more space to think” is not a luxury, but a necessity for effective leadership.
Similarly, Nataly Kogan (2025) offers a practical guide to taking better breaks at work. She explains that even short pauses, when taken with intention, can reduce cognitive overload and prevent burnout. She encourages creating small rituals to reset attention, such as walking, breathing, or simply stepping away from screens for a few minutes.
Together, this emerging research affirms a powerful truth:
Rest isn’t a reward. It’s a requirement.
Relearning rest: A personal reframe
So here I am, a work in progress, learning how to rest. Not perfectly. Not always willingly. But with intention.
Rest, I’ve come to understand, isn’t just about sleeping more or doing less. It’s about creating micro-moments of recovery throughout the day, rewiring the nervous system, not just escaping stress. My background in mental health tells me that the central nervous system doesn’t lie and navigating it well means building habits that support regulation, resilience, and recovery.
Some of the tools that have been suggested to me and that I’m slowly trying to integrate came from Bressie (Niall Breslin) during The Big Summit in Galway earlier this year. His mix of science, experience, and compassion struck a chord. These simple but intentional practices are designed to help settle the nervous system and reconnect with ourselves in the middle of busy, overstimulated lives. More than just techniques, they help create sustainable well-being habits like grounding, emotional regulation, mindful transitions, better sleep hygiene, and a healthier relationship with technology:
Gratitude on waking: Before getting out of bed, direct your awareness to five things you’re grateful for, one per finger on your left hand. It’s a Day Framer: presence before pressure.
4-7-8 breathing: To mark transitions throughout the day, inhale through the nose for 4, hold for 7, and exhale slowly for 8. Repeat 8 times. This is a physiological cue to slow down.
Physiological sighs: Two quick inhales through the nose, one long exhale through the mouth, three times. A fast and proven way to reduce stress.
Body scan meditation: Practiced three times a week. A short internal check-in to notice, breathe, and release.
7-7-7 Digital reset: Switch off your phone from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. for 7 days. Bressie even recommends “Nokia Sundays,” a full day without a smartphone.
Cadence breathing before sleep: Lower your breathing rate to six breaths per minute. Inhale for 5 counts (left hand), exhale for 5 (right hand). A bedtime rhythm that signals safety and stillness.
Rest isn’t one-size-fits-all. It might mean building quiet, tech-free moments between meetings for a busy executive. For a caregiver, it could be a ten-minute walk alone or time spent journaling. A creative professional might find rest in switching mediums, painting instead of writing, playing music instead of managing screens. What matters is recognizing what type of rest is most needed and honouring it without guilt.
None of this is about perfection. It’s about practice. And it requires a different kind of strength, the strength to slow down, to be still, to feel.
Rest, I’m learning, isn’t the opposite of ambition; it’s what allows us to pursue it sustainably. It’s not something you earn once you’ve done enough.
It’s something you deserve because you’re human.
Key takeaways: Relearning rest
Rest is more than sleep; it’s about intentional restoration across multiple domains.
There are seven types of rest, as defined by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: physical, mental, emotional, sensory, creative, social, and spiritual.
Tools like breathwork, body scans, gratitude rituals, and digital detoxes can help train the nervous system to pause and recover.
Rest is not a reward for productivity; it’s a foundation for sustainable well-being.
Reframing rest as a strength, not a weakness, is key to thriving in modern life.
A call to all the other serial non-rest-ers
If you see yourself in this story, you’re not alone. Whether you're a parent, a leader, a caregiver, or someone simply trying to keep up with the pace of modern life, this is your reminder: you don’t need permission to rest. You need practice.
So, start small. Five minutes. A slow breath. A cancelled obligation. A walk in silence. A question:
What kind of rest do I need right now?
Rest is not a retreat from your life.
It’s a reclamation of your capacity to live it fully.
And maybe just maybe learning to rest is the most powerful thing we serial non-rest-ers can do next.
Gilles Varette, Business Coach
30 years of experience in Leadership: NCO in a paratrooper regiment in his native France, leading a global virtual team for a Nasdaq-listed company, Board stewardship, Coaching, and Mentoring. Gilles, an EMCC-accredited coach, holds a Master’s in Business Practice and diplomas in Personal Development and Executive Coaching, as well as Mental Health and Well-being. He strongly believes that cultivating a Growth Mindset is the key to Personal Development and a natural safeguard against the expertise trap. He lives by this quote from Epictetus: “It is not what happens to you that matters, but how you react; when something happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude toward it.”
References:
Dalton-Smith, S. (2021). The 7 types of rest that every person needs. [online] ideas.ted.com.
Kogan, N. (2025). A Guide to Taking Better Breaks at Work.
Reitz, M. and Higgins, J. (2025). How to Give Yourself More Space to Think. Harvard Business Review.
