Change Your Experience Of Relationships By Paying Attention To What Really Matters
- Nov 8, 2022
- 5 min read
Updated: Dec 28, 2022
Written by: Kel Green, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When we think of relationships, our mind instantly moves to those we hold near and dear. It may be a romantic one or a role we play such as a parent, professional, sibling, friend, or foe.
These connections represent our experience of the word relationship. Our thoughts and feelings about relationships are stored in our humanity. Our reference point for knowing the word relationship draws upon stories and beliefs about what it means to us, most of which come from the outside world.
Many of us focus our mind's attention upon the external world, a world full of people and experiences that shapes our relationship reality. What we often don’t notice is how responsible we are for creating this reality. We are being shown through the mirror of our relationships, who we really are.
We all have relationships that are not working. Let’s face it, who doesn’t have a bad relationship story!
What I have realised, is that harmonious relationships are only possible when I bring my experience back to inside me.
Can any of us say they are at peace with all persons near and dear to them? Letting you know that I am still working on it!
You can choose to look at this from an expanded perspective by changing your outlook on the landscape of relationship.
Let’s open up our view of relationships to include an observation of what is occurring from the larger perspective. From here, we can contemplate not just the individual roles we play, but the entire space of relating.
When we use this point of view our mind shifts focus from a finite and limited way of seeing, toward a world of infinite possibilities and exploration of the unknown.
Our awareness has been trained to focus on the physical form in the external world. Without realising it we have allowed our consciousness to become identified with objects or subjects as who we are. Directing our attention in this way has limited our ability to see the space in which the object or subject exists and the dynamics of energy surrounding it. This is a deeper understanding of how relationships work.
The field of relationships also includes the point of view of energy.
From this point of view, we understand relationships through personal experience as a dynamic process.
Right now, you may be thinking…what’s this all about? I don’t get it!
Well, I say great, awesome!
It means there is an interruption in your brain’s normal pattern of thinking.
This brain/mind dissonance represents a perfect opportunity to make a change to your point of view.
So now I invite you to take a step further with your personal experience in mind.
Think about a relationship in your life that is important or memorable to you. It may be that right now, you are thinking of a relative or a romantic connection.
For this exercise, imagine there is a wide-open sports field, with you standing on one side and the other person across from you on the other. Next, bring your mind to the space between yourself, and the other person.
Ok. Now think about your experience in the relationship with that person, (feel free to jot your answers down)
How would you describe it?
What emotions come up for you?
What are you feeling in your body?
See the field, with yourself and the other person on either side
See the thoughts, images, and feelings you have about that person laid out in the open space across the whole field.
Observe from above looking down upon you and the field.
Look upon you the person on the field. This is the person that is thinking the thoughts, feeling the emotions, and in the experience.
The field represents the landscape of the relationship between yourself and the other person. The landscape is scattered with obstacles of your mind’s illusion in the form of thoughts, beliefs, and judgments creating your personal experience.
The focus of this process is for you to understand how you are using your mind to create the view of the relationship. It does not include the other person’s perception of the relationship which is to be acknowledged. You are first focussing here upon understanding yourself.
If you want to have a peaceful, more unconditional relationship with a person then you need to shift your mind’s point of view. It is your mind’s limited perception, which includes your thoughts, words, and actions, that creates these barriers.
All that is required to experience this, is for you to make a change in how you see the field of relating with this person whilst dissolving the obstacles held in your mind.
Sounds easy right?!
My guess is that your mind is still attached and coming up with reasons to maintain your current reality of the relationship.
Our mind has a point of view that is unique to us. As we see the world, it discerns with its intelligence to see and define your relationships.
The problem is that the mind’s point of view is not always clear, accurate, or helpful.
When it comes to the mind; many of us don’t realise the central role it plays in our human existence. We have not yet learned how to use its full potential or to master it.
The bottom line is, establishing a steady, calm, and clear mind is integral to living a full and balanced life.
What is the mind?
It is important to know that our mind is not simply comprised of thought. The mind also comprises the ego, our senses, an intellect, and a connection with the true self. The state or level of consciousness of our mind is influenced by our desire to become self-aware.
To master our relationships, we must first explore the relationship we have with our true Self
This means we need to examine not just our relationships outside of us, but also the relationship within, with our Self. This may sound confusing, even ominous; however, it is the only path to being at peace here in the world.
All relationships with ourselves, others, and the world have the potential to heal, transcend and expand in a soul-aligned expression of who we are.
If we want to improve our relationships, we need to first understand the relationship we have with the true Self. The first step is to take the journey within to get to know YOU.
To learn more about Self awareness in relationships, click here to listen to Kel Green on Relationships with Paul Collins on The Most Intelligent Selection Podcast.
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Kel Green, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
The Art of Being You
For individuals who aspire to ‘be’ their best self, to live an extraordinary authentic life.
Kel Green M.A is a leader in ways to know your Self. An Educator, Speaker, Meditation Teacher & Self-Help Author who lives and breathes Self-Awareness.
Kel provides you with uniquely crafted personal development tools, wisdom, and techniques incorporated into your daily routine to allow you to access authenticity and your personal power.
Kel brings over 35 years of experience in IT businesses, eastern and western self-development tools along with transformative healing modalities. She has a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology, a business degree, has authored several Self-awareness books and is a long-time meditator and yoga practitioner.
Kel is a Brainz Magazine Executive Contributor, a regular on the podcast for The Most Intelligent Selection.
Kel uses her personal stories and challenges in breaking dysfunctional patterns to take the journey from head to heart. She draws on this as inspiration to provide programs, tools, and techniques to open your mind to a greater understanding of who you are.
