Can You Recover from Mental and Physical Abuse?
- Brainz Magazine
- May 6
- 8 min read
Written by Ylwa Woxmark, Equine-guided Recovery Coach
Ylwa Woxmark is a certified and accredited coach and the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where horses with mental and physical traumas are healed. After the healing process, the horses assist her in helping people with the same challenges. She is also the author of the Horsiquette book, published in 2023, together with her husband, Mats.
Ylwa Woxmark, a certified, accredited and Equine-guided recovery coach, has healed from childhood traumas and abusive relationships. She is today dedicated to helping people change their perspective on traumas to be able to see their strengths and to find their life purpose. She is the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where former traumatized horses assist her in coaching people with the same challenges. Her mission: Allow yourself a second chance.
Have you ever found yourself asking, “Will I ever feel whole again?”
After surviving mental or physical abuse, it’s normal to feel shattered, lost, and unsure if healing is even possible. But there is real, lasting hope. You are not broken beyond repair. I am about to share my story and show you how healing can happen, even after the deepest wounds.
What is abuse?
I’d say abuse is a betrayal of trust. It’s an act of harm, whether emotional, mental, or physical, that leaves invisible bruises on your heart and mind. It shows up in many forms: harsh words that tear down your spirit, gaslighting that makes you question your reality, or physical harm that shatters your sense of safety. No matter the form, the message of abuse is the same: you don't matter.
But that message is a lie. You do matter. Your story matters. And that's exactly why I am stepping forward now, to show you that your story is important too.
I truly began to understand my own life journey by studying horses with mental and physical traumas. I could relate to them because I, too, had endured similar experiences. I recognized the unpredictability of raised voices, harsh tones, and fearful expressions. I understood the chaos of sensory overload and the feeling of being controlled, never having a voice because someone else always held authority.
How abuse leaves lasting marks
Abuse doesn’t just hurt in the moment; it lingers. It seeps into your thoughts, your confidence, your body. Survivors often carry:
Heavy anxiety and sadness that feel endless. Feeling shut down, as if nothing matters. In the beginning, I always thought, "Why me?" I was deeply attached to the events of my past, which created a mindset of scarcity. When I received help from a coach to shift my perspective, I was able to transform my sadness into gratitude. Instead of asking, "Why me?" I began to see opportunities for growth in my experiences, and I did grow - Immensely. "Why me?" became "This is happening FOR me," and my reality changed. By defining old behaviors and creating new, positive ones I was able to create a new life.
Nightmares or flashbacks that steal the peace. I had severe nightmares for a long time, until I became aware that the nightmares could actually give me clues about where I needed healing the most at that moment. The feeling I had when I woke up, even at 4:44 a.m., guided me to an unhealed scar. So I journaled extensively, continuously processing my feelings. The secret is to view your dreams like a movie: you are safe in this reality now, and you can use the insight you gain.
A deep fear of trusting again It took me many years to trust people again — and most of all, to trust a man in an intimate relationship. It was my best friend who eventually became my husband. We had known each other for a long time and could talk about everything. He also supported me through the destructive relationship that had almost cost me my life. For me, trust was the biggest issue, and we also see this with the horses. It has to take time, and the environment plays an extremely important role.
Physical aches and illness Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and other illnesses are born from chronic stress; you cannot suppress your emotions forever. By studying the horses, we came to understand that their physical traumas were merely symptoms of deeper emotional wounds. This realization gave us the opportunity to help them — and, in doing so, to help ourselves. Eventually, my own body began to protest, and I developed issues that, as I later understood, were caused by unresolved events in my life being trapped within me. By listening to my body, I was able to help my mind heal, release, and finally let go, just as the horses at the Sanctuary did.
A battered self-image, where even looking inward felt painful. But during the healing process, I became aware that my self-image had been poor since childhood, as I never felt accepted for my highly sensitive personality. The behaviors this created in me eventually led me to people who treated me badly, just as I had been treating myself.
Knowing these effects are normal, and not your fault, is the first step toward taking your power back.
The first steps toward healing
Healing doesn’t begin with pretending it didn’t happen. It begins with telling yourself: I deserve better.
It begins with finding safety, physical safety, yes, but also the emotional safety to say, "This hurt me," without shame.
It begins when you choose, even just a little, to believe that your future can be brighter than your past.
With the right support, a trauma-informed therapist, a coach who understands, a circle of people who listen without judgment, you can begin to heal old wounds and rebuild the parts of yourself that were destroyed, hidden or silenced.
Is true recovery possible?
Yes. Absolutely yes!
Healing isn’t about erasing the past; it’s all about refusing to let it control your future. It’s about waking up one day and realizing that the weight on your chest is a little lighter. It’s about trusting yourself again, loving yourself again, and daring to hope for love and joy that doesn’t hurt.
Real healing often includes:
Facing the hard truths but not facing them alone. My experience is that the only way to get rid of the pain is to walk right through it, and to do that, you need help. Many people try to escape the pain with medication, but I truly believe this is not the right way. Medication may temporarily silence the symptoms, but it never removes the root cause; you have to unearth that yourself.
Relearning how to set boundaries without guilt. I spent my whole life trying to heal the pain in my heart by always doing things for others. The need to be needed was unavoidable, but it didn’t work at all. When I began treating myself with the same love and care I’d always shown to others, my baseline lifted. Today, I am very aware that I need to protect my energy every day in order to honor my boundaries.
Finding your voice again and using it. Recovering is all about rediscovering your true self. Beneath all the layers your mind and body created to protect you from being hurt again lies you, your voice, your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Finding my voice again was a real challenge, and it was even more daunting to be courageous enough to tell my truth and to share my story.
Feeling safe in your own body and skin. For example, for as long as I can remember, I never saw my mother without makeup. When I was feeling my worst, I had breast implants inserted. This only attracted men who treated me badly, and it wasn’t until I moved to the countryside that I began to shed my old skin. I stopped wearing makeup, and one day, I ran a high fever when my body rejected the implants, resulting in emergency surgery. It was as if my true self was demanding space.
Rebuilding dreams you once thought were lost. I quit my well-paid job in Stockholm and moved to the countryside to build my childhood dream. It was a very hard time, as everyone except my future husband thought I had lost my mind, and I could often feel resistance, even from my own family. But when your desire is strong enough, you can overcome any obstacle in your way. So, try to go back to what truly lit you up as a child. And never stop believing in miracles.
Healing is rarely a straight path; it’s filled with setbacks. But if you embrace setbacks as learning opportunities and remain adaptable to changing circumstances, you will continuously evolve your strategies, and that will allow you to grow.
Why healing takes time
Sometimes you will feel like you’re moving backwards. Sometimes grief will hit you when you least expect it.
That’s not failure, that’s healing. True healing honors every emotion.
It understands that recovery isn’t about forgetting, it’s about weaving your pain into your story without letting it define you.
You deserve to be patient and gentle with yourself. Your timeline is perfect, just as it is.
Signs you are reclaiming your life
You recognize manipulation and walk away from it. Today, I can sense bad energy from miles away. It’s become one of my superpowers, and my tip is to raise your own energy so high that the bad energy can’t reach you.
You speak your truth, even when your voice shakes. Still today, my body goes into fight-or-flight mode every time I am about to give a lecture. I have learned that this is just my mind trying to prevent me from growing, and I usually thank my old self each time for protecting me. But I also reassure it that protection is no longer needed.
You protect your heart without hardening it. Sometimes I feel completely astonished that, after all I’ve been through, I am still capable of feeling love so strongly. I have come to believe that love is our natural state. By rediscovering your true self, you also return to love.
You smile, not because you have to, but because you feel like it. When you apply gratitude in your daily life, everything changes. Each morning, I am still grateful to wake up and be alive because it was so close that I almost left this life.
You believe, even on the hardest days, that you are worthy of love, joy, and safety. Some days, I take life one breath at a time, and that’s totally okay. I remind myself that I am safe and in control of my life. Whatever I feed my mind will manifest, so I choose my thoughts wisely.
These are the milestones of true, hard-won healing.
You don’t have to do this alone
You are not weak because you were hurt. You are powerful because you survived.
And now, you have the chance to turn survival into thriving.
If you’re ready to take the next step, even if it’s a tiny one, we are here for you, the ones who have survived, too. Reach out. There is a whole world waiting for you, one where you are safe, seen, and deeply loved in the oneness we call Earth.
Read more from Ylwa Woxmark
Ylwa Woxmark, Equine-guided Recovery Coach
Ylwa Woxmark, certified and accredited coach and equine-guided recovery coach, has healed from childhood traumas and abusive relationships. She is today dedicated to helping people change their perspective on traumas to be able to see their strengths and to find their life purpose. She is the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where former traumatized horses assist her in coaching people with the same challenges. Her mission: Allow yourself a second chance.
