Breakups Without Closure – Why Waiting for Answers Keeps You Stuck
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 20
- 4 min read
Updated: Oct 24
Founder of The Yalini Experience, Yalini has qualifications in psychology and a master’s degree in social and political science. She is a certified Master Practitioner in hypnotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and timeline therapy.
Why did things end the way they did? Why did he leave? Why didn’t he stay and explain why he was walking away? You deserve answers, and you deserve to understand why. Heartbreak is painful enough at the best of times, but heartbreak without closure? That’s another world of anguish.
You’ve likely replayed conversations endlessly, wondering what you could have said or done differently. Perhaps you're carrying the weight of unanswered questions, convinced that if only you could have that one final conversation, everything would make sense, and you could finally move on.
I see you. That desperate need for answers, for an explanation, for something, anything to help make sense of why things ended. Maybe you're even holding onto hope that reaching out one last time might bring the clarity you're seeking. After all, don't you at least deserve to know why?
But here's the thing about closure, waiting for someone else to give it to you is like handing them the key to your healing. You're essentially saying, "Here, hold onto my peace until you're ready to give it back." But what if they never do? What if that conversation never comes? Are you willing to put your healing on hold indefinitely?
Hey, I’ve been there too, like so many women I’ve witnessed, desperately seeking that final conversation, believing it would help them understand why things ended. But here's the truth I've learned, even when you get that conversation, it often leaves you feeling more confused than before. In fact, he might not even fully understand his own actions or feelings, meaning his explanations don’t quite add up, leaving you with more questions than answers.
The truth is, all you really need to know is that he didn't choose you. I know that sounds harsh, and yes, it hurts. But there's actually freedom in this simplicity. If he didn't choose you, then he wasn’t your person. The 'why' becomes less important when you realise this fundamental truth. Because the truth is, you're enough, exactly as you are, and you're just right for the person meant for you. Whether your ex couldn't see your value or didn't feel worthy of you themselves, the right person won't leave you questioning your worth. They'll see you, recognise what they have, and choose you.
I witnessed this transformation in a client who came to me after experiencing deep betrayal. Through our work together, she not only healed from her past trauma but also discovered a newfound confidence in herself. She realised that true closure wasn't about understanding why someone couldn't love her properly, it was about loving herself enough to know she deserved better.
The reality is, closure isn't found in that final conversation or in understanding why they did what they did. Real closure comes from within, from forgiving yourself, from acknowledging your worth, and from choosing to release the grip that past pain has on your present joy.
Here's how you can start creating your own closure:
Release the need for external validation: Your healing isn't dependent on someone else's words or actions. You have everything you need within you to move forward. Start by acknowledging that while their actions may have hurt you, your healing is your responsibility, and that's actually empowering because it puts you back in control.
Rewrite your story: Instead of fixating on why they left, focus on why you're staying stuck. What beliefs about yourself are you holding onto? What story are you telling yourself about your worthiness of love? Use journaling to explore these questions and begin crafting a new narrative, one where you are the author of your own healing journey.
Return to self-love: Healing doesn't require you to relive your pain and trauma. Instead, focus on reconnecting with your authentic self. What did you love doing before heartbreak consumed your thoughts? What brings you joy? Start small, even five minutes of self-care can begin shifting your energy from pain to possibility.
Remember, seeking closure from someone else keeps you tethered to the past, while creating your own closure frees you to step into your future. It's not about forgetting what happened or pretending it didn't hurt. It's about choosing to no longer let that pain define your story or dictate your worth.
Yalini Nirmalarajah, Self-Love & Relationship Coach
Yalini Nirmalarajah, a global self-love and relationship coach, empowers women to reclaim the source of their light, their feminine essence, and intuition. In societies where women are taught to be more like men, her guidance helps women overcome this false conditioning so they can heal from the trauma it’s created, reconnect with their emotional bodies, and live authentically from their hearts. Inspired by this mission, she launched the Lead From Love podcast.
Founder of The Yalini Experience, Yalini has qualifications in psychology and a master's degree in social and political science. She is a certified Master Practitioner in hypnotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and timeline therapy. Her expertise extends to postgraduate training in rebirthing breathwork, iridology, sclerology, health, and wellness. Yalini is dedicated to continuous development to provide the highest quality care for all her clients.
