Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is a psychotherapist dedicated to transforming workplace mental health. As a distinguished Human Givens Ambassador, she specialises in helping individuals conquer depression and guiding couples through relationship challenges.
If you're reading this, you may be struggling with depression, have struggled in the past, or know someone who is, or simply want to be better equipped to manage life stressors.
Many people live with depression for years, feeling hopeless and believing things will never change. But this isn't true. Depression is temporary, and change is always possible. This article will give you an insight into how.
What is depression?
From a diagnostic perspective, Doctors consider 9 specific symptoms, at least 4 of which should be experienced over a period of time, when making a diagnosis. And if you are experiencing this then you should consider speaking to a mental health professional.
These symptoms are:
Low mood
Loss of pleasure in what you do
Disturbance of appetite
Disturbance in sleep
Feeling agitated or lethargic
Loss of Energy
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Difficulty in thinking so like a brain fog
Recurrent thoughts of no longer wanting to be here
Rethink your life to revive your well-being
According to Mind, a UK mental health charity, 3 in 100 people will experience Depression. But why is this? Arguably, this is due to the fact modern lifestyles don't always align with our fundamental needs. We're constantly on the go, technology can isolate us, and social media creates a facade that disconnects us from our authentic selves.
So when did life work for you?
Think back to a time when you felt happier and more content. What were you doing? Who were you with? What brought you joy? How did you spend your time? Now, compare that to your life today.
The modern dilemma
Our modern world, while offering many conveniences, can also contribute to feelings of isolation and stress. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but for many, that support network and that community no longer exists. The constant pressure to be productive, the rise of social media, and the demands of work and family can take a toll on our mental and emotional well-being. Consumerism has confused people's wants and needs.
Prioritizing your needs
Just like any living organism, humans have 9 essential needs that must be met so we can thrive. If we are missing emotional intimacy we can feel disconnected and like we don’t matter, if we have too much privacy we can feel lonely and isolated, if we aren’t achieving or trying to advance ourselves, we can feel inadequate and stagnant in life which impacts our purpose. When these needs are not met in healthy & balanced ways in our lives, that is when mental distress can start to occur.
This article will hopefully shine a light on how you may be living your life and highlight some areas where you can start to create change.
The cycle of depression
When working with clients struggling with depression, there is a common pattern and by having an insight into this cycle, you might be able to identify where you are in your own journey and take steps to create positive change.
As a therapist, I do not have all the answers, but I can provide a new perspective that could enable you to manage and overcome your depression, ultimately empowering you to take control of your mental health.
Remember, change is always possible. Even small steps can lead to significant improvements.
So, let's get started.
1. Emotional needs are impacted
Every human being has fundamental emotional needs that, when met, contribute to overall well-being and happiness and it is these needs which, when impacted, can start to create mental distress. So, let’s explore some of them and how they may be impacting your life.
Need for Attention: It's important to assess the quality of the attention you're receiving. Is it positive and supportive, or is it negative or draining?
Are you finding yourself withdrawing from social interactions, either in person or online? Do you feel a sense of loneliness or isolation?
Reflect on how you're spending your time. Are you prioritizing virtual connections over real-life interactions?
Need for Privacy: How much time are you spending alone, and how is it impacting your emotional well-being? Is your solitude a peaceful retreat or a source of loneliness and negative thoughts?
Consider how your current lifestyle compares to a time when you felt happier and more fulfilled. Are you finding it difficult to connect with others? Or are you feeling overwhelmed with little time for reflection and self-care
Need for Status: Are your contributions being acknowledged and appreciated? Do you feel valued for your efforts, both at work and in your personal life?
Consider whether you're receiving positive feedback and recognition or if a lack of this is making you feel underappreciated and your efforts are going unnoticed.
If you're not feeling valued, it can negatively impact your self-esteem and motivation.
Need for Competency & Achievement: Are you accomplishing things, and do you feel like you are progressing? Are you feeling challenged and motivated in your work or personal life or are you feeling stuck in a rut, with little sense of achievement that is making you question your competence?
Need for Meaning and Purpose: It's important to reflect on how you're spending your time and how it contributes to your overall well-being. Are you actively seeking opportunities for personal and professional growth? Are you making a positive impact on the lives of others?
Consider whether you're feeling needed and valued. Are there people in your life who rely on you? Or are you feeling disconnected and isolated?
Think about the activities that once brought you joy and purpose. Are you still engaging in those activities, or have you let them fall by the wayside?
Physical needs: Are you leading an active lifestyle or spending most of your time sedentary? Is your diet primarily composed of healthy foods or processed foods? Are you eating too much or too little? Do you find yourself frequently seeking excuses to avoid responsibilities and stay in bed? And finally, how much priority do you give to sleep and maintaining a consistent sleep schedule?
Imagine if many of these fundamental needs were consistently unmet, both at home or at work. You can hopefully start to see how this can begin to negatively impact your well-being.
2. Emotional arousal increases
When we're emotionally heightened, our rational thinking abilities can become compromised. This is because our emotions can override our logical thinking processes. As a result, our thoughts may become distorted and biased, leading to increased stress and anxiety.
Over time, this can lead to a negative and unhealthy mindset. We may start making judgments based on our emotions rather than on facts and reason which can further exacerbate our emotional distress and make it difficult to find solutions to problems.
Calming your mind: Do some 7/11 breathing
Our bodies have two main nervous systems: the sympathetic nervous system, which triggers our stress response, and the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation.
The key to this breathing exercise is to ensure your exhale is longer than your inhale. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system, helping to reduce stress.
Here's how to do it:
Inhale: Slowly breathe in through your nose for a count of 7. Your stomach should rise. Exhale: Slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of 11. Your stomach should fall.
You can practice this technique throughout your day to manage stress and anxiety. Additionally, incorporating it into your bedtime routine can help lower your overall stress levels.
3. Introspection occurs
When we are in a depressive mindset, our focus can shift from outwards, when we are looking out into the world, our friends, things we do, achieving, our hobbies, our relationships etc to focussing inwards. Inwards is when you have a key focus on you, how negative you feel, what you don’t like, and what has gone wrong, and this happens on repeat throughout the day.
The downfall to this is that this exacerbates your already confined viewpoint where you are focussing more regularly on what you perceive the negative to be in your life and then your perspective becomes your new reality even though it may not be a true reflection of what’s really happening around you. The thoughts processes become more catastrophic, for example your mindset would move from:
‘I've fallen out with my friends’ to ‘ill never have friends again’
‘Gary didn’t say hello when he passed me’ to ‘Gary ignored me because he hates me’
‘I didn't pass the exam that time’ to ‘I’ve failed and I am always going to fail, I am a failure’
This negative thought pattern can create a self-fulfilling prophecy and by constantly focusing on the negative, you can make it harder to see the positive aspects of your life.
Engage in life through mini-goals
Instead of focusing your energy on what you perceive isn’t working in your life, reflect on a time when life was going well and how your emotional needs were being better met.
Rediscover life, one step at a time
Depression can lead to a gradual withdrawal from life which doesn’t help to improve your situation so setting small, achievable goals can be a powerful way to re-engage with life again
Start small
Positive, Achievable, Needs-Oriented (PAN) Goals: Focus on setting goals that are positive, realistic, and address your specific emotional needs that are currently being met out of balance.
For instance, if you can recognise you get overwhelmed and lack personal time (your need for Privacy), consider scheduling 10 minutes each evening for quiet, uninterrupted 7/11 breathing exercises, followed by 10 minutes of writing down and processing your thoughts. This simple practice can help you de-stress and process your day more effectively.
By aligning your goals with your emotional and physical needs, you'll be able to make changes that will positively impact your life almost immediately.
Remember, every small step you take is a victory. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.
4. Disturbed REM Sleep
Many people with depression experience disrupted sleep patterns, including excessive REM sleep. This can lead to feelings of exhaustion, even after a full night's sleep.
When we ruminate on negative thoughts, our minds become overactive, making it difficult to relax and fall asleep. This can lead to an earlier onset of REM sleep, a stage of sleep essential for cognitive function and emotional regulation.
Excessive REM sleep can leave us feeling tired and unrefreshed, further exacerbating symptoms of depression. To improve sleep quality, it's important to practice relaxation techniques, establish a regular sleep schedule, and seek professional help if needed.
Taming the overthinking: Practical tips
Sleep is crucial, it is an essential physical need and is essential for the maintenance of our physical and psychological health so here are some strategies to help with the over-thinking.
Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings. This can help you process them and gain perspective.
Scheduled worry time: Set aside specific times to worry. This can help you focus on other tasks during the rest of the day.
Mindful distraction: When you find yourself overthinking, gently redirect your attention to a task at hand or an enjoyable activity.
Take action: Overthinking often stems from inaction. Break down tasks into smaller, manageable steps and start working on them.
5. You lack motivation
It's understandable how this constant cycle of negative thoughts and withdrawal from our needs can lead to a lack of motivation and a weakened immune system. When we're constantly stressed, our bodies are flooded with cortisol, which can suppress the immune system, making us more susceptible to illness.
Prioritise moments of self-care
Here are some practical tips to help you prioritize your well-being:
Morning Routine: Start your day with a refreshing routine, like a shower or a cup of tea, to energize yourself.
Set limits: Learn to say no to commitments that don't align with your priorities. Connect with Others: Spend time with loved ones or join social groups to foster meaningful connections.
Digital detox: Take breaks from screens and enjoy outdoor activities.
Self-pleasure: Engage in activities you love, whether it's reading, painting, or simply taking a walk.
Positive self-talk: Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that difficult times are temporary
6. Meaning starts to drain from your life
It's understandable how a lack of meaning and purpose can lead to feelings of emptiness and isolation. When we withdraw from the things we enjoy and the people we care about, it can exacerbate negative thoughts and emotions, creating a self-perpetuating cycle. This emptiness can further compound your worries, reinforcing the negative cycle.
But remember, this cycle can be broken. Depression isn’t permanent, it is temporary.
If you feel like I can help you then reach out and click here if you want to understand why the Human Givens modality to Psychotherapy is so effective
Read more from Jessica Chesterman
Jessica Chesterman, Psychotherapist HG, Dip.P
As a Human Givens Ambassador with 15+ years in corporate enterprise sales, Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is passionate about empowering individuals to manage their mental health. Her therapeutic approach, grounded in the latest psychological and neurobiological research, is focused on understanding how emotional needs are met across all aspects of life. By addressing these needs, she aims to help as many people as possible thrive in the workplace and beyond
