Boundaries
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 27, 2021
- 4 min read
Written by: Kim Wagner, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Setting healthy boundaries in both your personal and professional life is a really important aspect of stress reduction, self-care, and happiness.
In fact, the ultimate form of self-love is to be true to yourself and make choices based on your own wants and needs.
Most of us have an instilled desire to make others happy. It stems right back to when we are young children - even from birth.
We observe what makes people happy and try to do more of that.
As children, we are told what to do, and if we deviate from the plan, people get upset and there are consequences. A lot of this behavior and the need to comply is generational.
Do the right thing, make sure you are not causing trouble and keep your head down.
By the time we are young adults, this habit of doing things for others becomes an issue. The lines get blurred, and we are so busy doing things that make others happy that we forget about ourselves.
When I’m working with clients, the biggest focus is self-love and self-worth. Once these areas are transformed, it changes everything. Clients then make decisions and choices based on what makes them happy and what fits in with their goals and dreams.
Some key areas to work on in terms of boundaries are:
Start saying no. We are programmed to say yes to people because we don’t want to upset anyone. How many times have you said yes and instantly regretted it?
For many years I was doing things that I didn’t enjoy and regretted not making a better decision when asked. If it’s tricky to say no upfront, sometimes it’s easier to say something like ‘let me check and get back to you.’
Although we are worried about hurting others, we need to start putting ourselves first. If we decline politely, whilst people might be a little surprised the first time, they will grow to respect our decisions.
Be selfish with your time. Guard it like it’s a limited resource - because it is.
It’s so important to have time for yourself. Whether it’s to read a book, get out in nature or just relax, this time is important above all else. If I don’t get at least a couple of hours completely to myself every week I am unsettled and quick-tempered.
It’s so important to meet our own needs and nurture ourselves without other people’s expectations and influence.
Be wise with who you spend your time with. We all have those people who I call ‘energy vampires.’
The ones that suck the life out of you and are draining. These people are not good to spend time with. It might be tricky saying no at first, but over time the distance between you will grow, and life will be easier.
This goes for friends and family. Just because you are related to someone, you don’t have to spend time with them if it’s not healthy for you.
It’s important to take some time and find your tribe - the people who lift you up and make you feel amazing.
I have a tiny family by blood but an amazing family by love that I’ve collected along the way.
It can be locally or online - the world is changing, and our people don’t have to be physically near us. I have plenty of Zoom coffee dates that are so nurturing!
In the home, start to delegate and don’t take on all of the work. There is absolutely no need to do everything yourself, and it’s time to share the chores with others. This can include things such as cleaning, doing the washing, and cooking meals.
Many of us do the lion's share of work which is not only tiring but unfair. Old gender norms are behind us, and it’s time to start anew.
Belief systems around what society considers normal have been ingrained for hundreds, if not thousands of years. They still exist in our subconscious minds due to generational transference.
Thankfully this can easily be changed in a PSYCH-K® session, so we can now move on without those old damaging behavior patterns.
Boundaries in the workplace are equally as important as personal boundaries. Keeping relationships professional is really important and will save any issues with office politics.
Ensure your workload is manageable and say no if it’s too much. Delegate where you can and use any systems in place to lighten the workload.
Be sure to take your breaks away from your desk and book in time off as it is available to you. It’s just a job, and chances are you’d be replaced in a day if something were to happen.
By setting boundaries in both your personal and professional life, some of the benefits are:
A feeling of freedom and happiness
Less anger and resentment
More time for yourself
Stress and overwhelm will reduce
A true feeling of calm
Enjoying every area of your life
Happiness in the workplace and less stress
Pure joy of spending time with people who lift you up
The experience of trying new things
Living on your terms!
Boundaries are a big part of self-love and self-worth. By working on these areas, we are able to be free to live a life of design on our terms. And that’s such an amazing feeling.
Kim Wagner, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kim is a PSYCH-K® Facilitator, PER-K® Catalyst, Reiki Master, Intuitive Healer, Author, Speaker, and Educator.
After losing her mother to cancer whilst pregnant with her second child, Kim started to research and train in the field of belief systems and trauma. The learnings and results have been astounding.
Kim helps people to transform their lives. Her expertise is to heal trauma, replace negative and limiting belief systems and change the perception of stress.
With a corporate background, Kim's unique ability to help clients allows her to transform lives across the globe.
Kim is co-author of Upself Guidebook and an article contributor for multiple publications.
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