Beyond Fitting In – Transformative Benefits of Neurodiversity-Affirming Coaching
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 23
- 6 min read
Dr. LJ Rose is an international expert in mind dynamics, psychology, and alternative healing modalities. Author of eight self-help books, she is the founder of the Natural Wellness Academy, offering professional online coaching certification and one-on-one mentoring in niche wellness careers since 2013.
Neurodiversity-affirming coaching shifts the focus from fitting in to thriving authentically. Rather than teaching neurodivergent individuals to mask or adapt, this approach celebrates their unique strengths, encourages self-advocacy, and promotes true inclusion. The result is transformation, not through conformity, but through recognition, reflection, and reclamation.
How did we get here?
Neurodiversity has become an increasingly recognized framework for understanding some of our differences. The term, coined by Australian sociologist Judy Singer in the late 1990s, reflects a shift from seeing conditions such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or Tourette’s syndrome as deficits, to viewing them as natural variations in human neurology.[1] This reframing has been part of the growing awareness, experiences, and increased recognition of neurodivergence, which in turn has led to a growth in neurodiversity coaching, an approach that seeks to support neurodivergent individuals to better manage and thrive in a world not designed with the variations of neurodivergent processing in mind.
However, many coaching programs marketed as “neurodiversity-aware” still subtly reinforce conformity. There can also be gentle pressure from parents to prioritize helping neurodivergent clients to manage, mask, or fit into existing workplace or societal norms, rather than helping them to explore, understand, and value their neurodivergent experience. These approaches, while understandable and well-intentioned, can perpetuate the very dynamics that create the most stress and potential burnout for neurodivergent people.[2]
Burnout for a neurodivergent individual is a far cry from extreme fatigue and can manifest as “profound fatigue, heightened sensory sensitivities, and a loss of skills, particularly executive functioning and speech abilities”.[3]
As the subject of neurodiversity grows in society’s awareness, with mixed quality of information being readily available, it is worth examining the growing importance of neurodiversity-affirming coaching. Simon Egerton, neurodivergent coaching specialist, explains how this affirming model acknowledges the validity of neurodivergent experience, recognizes the costs of chronic “fitting in,” and seeks to empower individuals to advocate for themselves and others, but importantly, at a pace and in a manner that is manageable for them.
Self-awareness and self-care then become key tenets. Egerton emphasizes that positive coaching of neurodivergent people should never be designed around a focus on adjusting the individual to the environment, but rather about supporting the person to understand their needs, express them with confidence, and build sustainable, self-aligned ways of living and working.
The hidden costs of fitting in
For many neurodivergent people, perhaps especially those who are late diagnosed, the effort to appear “neurotypical” has been deeply learned and comes at a steep cost. Research on masking, the conscious or unconscious suppression of natural traits to conform to expected norms, shows that it is linked to anxiety, depression, and exhaustion.[4] Masking may involve forcing eye contact, rehearsing social interactions, over-managing attention or emotions, hiding sensory sensitivities, and much more. Over time, the constant vigilance this requires can lead to burnout, a loss of knowing one’s own identity, and even trauma-like symptoms.[5]
In workplace coaching, the dominant narrative has long been about “performance optimization” and being a “professional fit.” For neurodivergent clients, this can easily translate into subtle or not-so-subtle pressure to adapt their natural communication, workflow, or energy patterns to match a neurotypical environment. Such approaches risk reinforcing ableist assumptions that there is a “correct” way to think, work, or relate.
A neurodiversity-affirming coach then helps their clients recognize that their experiences, such as chronic fatigue, disconnection, or anxiety, are not personal weaknesses but completely understandable responses to a chronic misalignment between social expectations, an unsympathetic environment, and the reality of their neurobiological processing, which includes frequent dysregulation of the nervous system. This reframing is not merely therapeutic, it can be liberating.
From deficit to difference: a paradigm shift in coaching
The neurodiversity paradigm can also offer a profound reorientation for the coaching profession. Instead of seeing neurodivergence as something to be treated or managed, it recognizes it as part of human diversity, with its own unique strengths and challenges.[6]
Traditional coaching models have tended to emphasize measurable outcomes and behavioral adjustment. While useful, they may inadvertently position the neurodivergent client as someone who must “fix” themselves to succeed. A neurodiversity-affirming approach redefines success as authentic thriving, developing strategies that align with each individual’s natural wiring.
Language plays a crucial role here. Terms like “high-functioning” or “disorder” carry implicit judgments. In contrast, affirming coaching adopts identity-first and strengths-based language to validate the client’s lived experience.[7]
The core of neurodiversity-affirming coaching
At its heart, neurodiversity-affirming coaching is about recognition, reflection, and reclamation.
Recognition: Clients are supported to recognize their own cognitive patterns, sensory preferences, communication styles, and emotional rhythms as legitimate aspects of their identity, not faults to correct.
Reflection: Clients are supported to reflect on how their environment and histories have shaped their self-perception as well as society’s, often unlearning internalized ableism.
Reclamation: Coaching becomes a space to reclaim agency, identifying supports, boundaries, and advocacy strategies that enable authentic living.
The benefits of affirmative coaching
Validation and psychological safety: For many neurodivergent adults who have spent years being misunderstood or dismissed, simply hearing a validating phrase like “That makes total sense” can be profoundly healing.
Authentic self-understanding: Clients begin to understand what truly supports or drains them, developing greater self-knowledge and self-compassion.
Improved well-being: Coaching that encourages authenticity helps to reduce stress and burnout.[8]
Enhanced self-advocacy: As clients gain clarity, they begin to communicate their needs more confidently and to connect more deeply and authentically with those around them, including loved ones.
Community connection: Recognizing shared experiences fosters belonging and collective empowerment.[9]
Towards a culture of authenticity and inclusion
The broader impact of neurodiversity-affirming coaching extends beyond the individual. When neurodivergent people are supported to show up authentically, they model inclusive practices that benefit everyone.[10]
For organizations and workplaces, this might mean moving from accommodation to inclusion through new design measures, creating environments that are flexible enough to suit diverse minds from the outset.
Conclusion
The benefits of neurodiversity-affirming coaching are both personal and cultural. For individuals, it means moving from experiences of exhaustion and isolation, or even a sense of rejection, to greater self-acceptance, and from merely coping towards a deeper sense of connection. For the wider community, it fosters empathy, innovation, and inclusion.
My main resource in this article, Simon Egerton, is the co-creator of a cutting-edge certified neurodivergence life coaching program through the Natural Wellness Academy, recognized by the International Coaching Federation. This program seeks to embody more enlightened approaches to coaching and incorporating neurodiversity in the workplace.
Real transformation perhaps comes when coaches facilitate an inner change, away from imposed conformity towards a greater sense of identity and emotional liberation, where differences are celebrated proudly as integral to our common humanity.
Read more from Dr. LJ Rose
Dr. LJ Rose, Therapist, Author, Professional Speaker
LindaJoy Rose, Ph.D., is the founder of the Natural Wellness Academy est. 2013 training mind/body/spirit wellness coaches in 40+ countries. The author of eight self-help books, including Your Mind: The Owner’s Manual, Dr. LJ is a pioneer in the worldwide training of hypnotherapy, subconscious dynamics, Jungian archetypes, and healthy lifestyle hacks.
References:
[1] Singer, J. (1999) 'Why Can’t You Be Normal for Once in Your Life?' From a 'Problem with No Name' to the Emergence of a New Category of Difference. In: M. Corker & S. French (eds.), Disability Discourse. Buckingham: Open University Press, pp.59–70.
[2] Raymaker, D.M. et al. (2020). Having All of Your Internal Resources Exhausted Beyond Measure and Being Left with No Clean-Up Crew: Defining Autistic Burnout. Autism in Adulthood, 2(2), pp.132–143.
[3] Neff, M-A. (2024) Self-Care for Autistic People, p56
[4] Hull, L. et al. (2017) 'Putting on My Best Normal': Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autism Spectrum Conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), pp.2519–2534.
[5] Botha, M. (2020). Autistic Camouflage and the Costs of Conformity. Autism in Adulthood, 2(4), pp.336–347.
[6] Walker, N. (2021). Neuroqueer Heresies: Notes on the Neurodiversity Paradigm, Autistic Empowerment, and Postnormal Possibilities. San Francisco: Autonomous Press.
[7] Brown, L.X.Z. (2019). Identity-First Language and the Neurodiversity Movement. In: D. Murray (ed.), Autism and Society: Critical Reflections. London: Routledge, pp. 53–68.
[8] Deci, E.L. & Ryan, R.M. (2000). The 'What' and 'Why' of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), pp.227–268.
[9] Den Houting, J. (2019). Neurodiversity: An Insider’s Perspective. Autism, 23(2), pp.271–273.
[10] Austin, R.D. & Pisano, G.P. (2017) Neurodiversity as a Competitive Advantage. Harvard Business Review, 95(3), pp.96–103.
[11] Chapman, R. (2023). Neurodiversity and the Social Model of Disability: Moving from Theory to Practice. Disability & Society, 38(2), pp.241–258.
[12] Milton, D. (2012). On the Ontological Status of Autism: The 'Double Empathy Problem'. Disability & Society, 27(6), pp.883–887.
