Beyond Acceptance – How Over-Normalizing Is Breaking Society
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 21
- 5 min read
Updated: Oct 22
Emilia Valdez is the co-founder of DeMente, a mental health start-up focused on personal and professional development through workshops, group therapy and community reach-out programs. She works as a clinical psychologist in her private practice and collaborates as a professional in a foundation specialized in child abuse.
We have worked hard as a society to destigmatize mental health, and that is something to celebrate. However, in recent years, the pendulum has swung too far. In our effort to make everyone feel seen and accepted, we have started to normalize everything, even behaviors and attitudes that are objectively harmful.
Unhealthy behaviors are reframed as “self-expression.” Chronic avoidance becomes “protecting my peace.” Toxic relationships are defined as “attachment styles.” Disrespect is disguised as “authenticity.”
The intention, compassion, is noble. The effect, however, is the erosion of responsibility, resilience, and common sense.
According to psychology and neuroscience, this cultural over-correction is quietly damaging our mental health.
The psychology of over-normalization
People crave acceptance. We want to belong. However, that drive can also distort our perception of behavior, influencing what we convince ourselves to tolerate and normalize.
Leon Festinger’s classic theory of cognitive dissonance (1957) states that when our actions clash with our values, we feel psychological discomfort. To ease that tension, we often change our beliefs instead of our behavior.
Today, that translates to saying, “It is not unhealthy, it is who I am.”
Social media amplifies this mechanism, turning self-justification into collective validation. When thousands of strangers “normalize” the same avoidance or dysfunction, personal responsibility quietly dissolves into group consensus.
Psychologist Nick Haslam describes this trend as “concept creep,” the gradual expansion of what constitutes harm or pathology. What used to be ordinary discomfort is now labeled as trauma, and the line between understanding and enabling gets blurred.
Stress is not the enemy, avoidance is
Research consistently shows that some discomfort is not only inevitable but essential for growth. An extensive longitudinal study by Seery, Holman, and Silver found a U-shaped relationship between adversity and mental health, people who experienced moderate stress were actually more resilient and had better outcomes than those with either high adversity or none at all.[1] This idea aligns with the stress inoculation theory, which posits that controlled exposure to manageable stress fosters emotional immunity, much like vaccinations train the body’s immune system.[2]
By overprotecting people from challenge or criticism, we remove the very experiences that build psychological strength. Avoidance feels like safety, but it actually teaches fragility.
The brain needs boundaries
Neuroscience offers a clear explanation for why endless tolerance backfires. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning, impulse control, and moral judgment, develops through structured feedback. As Miller and Cohen describe, this region strengthens when we navigate rules, consequences, and self-correction, not when every action is excused.[3]
Similarly, habit research by Ann Graybiel shows that consistent cues and consequences stabilize behavioral circuits in the brain. Remove those boundaries, and people become more reactive, impulsive, and dependent on external validation. Even our reward system plays a role, repetitive reinforcement of immediate pleasure (through dopamine bursts) shifts motivation away from long-term goals.
Culturally, this prioritizes comfort over growth, validation over reflection, and momentary relief over responsibility and accountability.
When compassion becomes permission
Self-acceptance is essential for healing, but acceptance is not the same as permission. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion shows that genuine compassion involves kindness and a desire to improve. People who practice it are more likely to take responsibility for mistakes, not less. Yet in pop-psychology culture, self-compassion is often stripped of its second half, accountability.[4]
“You are enough” becomes “You never need to change.”
That message may feel empowering, but in the long run, it keeps people stuck in self-defeating patterns.
The sociological ripple effect
Sociologists and psychologists alike are observing what Haslam calls “harm inflation”, a world where the threshold for offense or victimhood keeps shrinking.
When every uncomfortable experience is labeled as trauma, the meaning of real harm erodes. This way of acting does not make us more empathetic, it makes us more anxious, more defensive, and less capable of dialogue.
As boundaries blur, social norms weaken. Public behavior becomes less anchored in shared ethics and more dictated by personal comfort. Over time, this leads to cultural incoherence, a collective inability to distinguish between moral accountability and personal preference, ergo “cancel culture.”
A striking example of this drift can be found in parts of the modern self-perception movement, where some individuals begin to identify as animals or non-human entities and demand social validation for those identities, crying “discrimination” and “harassment” if confronted.
From a psychological standpoint, identity exploration is healthy only when it supports coherence and growth, a stable sense of self that can function in reality. When self-perception detaches entirely from biological and social reality, it may reflect more profound distress or dissociative tendencies rather than authentic self-expression.[5]
Empathy involves listening and understanding, but it does not equate to enabling disconnection from reality, which is not compassion. Mental health requires integration, enabling individuals to feel seen, adapt, and function without losing touch with the real world.
From over-acceptance to honest growth
The antidote to shame is not to declare everything normal. It is to acknowledge imperfection while still striving to do better. Not shunning people based on their flaws, differences, or struggles, but helping them overcome them.
We can destigmatize mental health without glorifying dysfunction. We can teach self-acceptance without erasing self-correction. Moreover, we can honor authenticity while still valuing empathy, respect, and the effort to do better.
Proper mental health requires a balance of compassion and common sense. Without it, we lose the very structure that makes growth and community possible.
Reflection prompts
What behaviors have you justified in the name of “self-acceptance”?
When do you confuse empathy with indulgence?
How can you practice compassion that encourages change, not enabling?
Final thought
We have mistaken unconditional acceptance for progress when, in reality, it is accountability that really heals society.
As neuroscience teaches us, the brain grows through feedback, not constant flattery. And as psychology reminds us, meaning comes not from avoiding discomfort, but from transforming it.
To build stronger individuals and a healthier society, we must recover what radical acceptance has blurred. The courage to tell ourselves the truth about our delusions. Identifying and accepting that your beliefs or behaviors might be biased or unhealthy is often tricky. Look for professional help to allow yourself a safe space where you can explore and challenge yourself for growth.
Read more from Emilia Valdez Münchmeyer
Emilia Valdez Münchmeyer, Msc. Clinical Psychologist
Emilia Valdez Münchmeyer is a leader in mental health. Primarily focused on neuroscience, she invests her time in learning and teaching how to understand, rewire, and reach the full potential of mental, emotional, and spiritual development. Her love for animals inspired her to be certified as an animal-assisted therapist to further connect with her patients and encourage healing in all areas needed. ¨Your true potential is hiding behind your fears and everything everyone told you you are¨.
References:
[2] (Meichenbaum, 1985)
[4] (2003; Brienes & Chen, 2012)
[5] (American Psychiatric Association, 2022)
