Written by: Gail Kauranen Jones, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Committing to claiming you are enough is one of the most powerful ways to upgrade your life, and shine as the fullest version of yourself.
Many of us—whether we have reached the top of our professions or are searching to find our way in life—struggle at times with not feeling that we are enough.
In fact, it is estimated that 85 percent of us have dealt with self-esteem issues at one time, according to Dr. Joe Rubino, another expert on the topic.
Some talented people stop short of excelling in their fields, or even in making their work visible, thinking erroneously they are not good enough or they are imposters.
Others falsely believe they are “less than” if they do not have a degree or enough training, experience or certification to validate their innate talents and precious gifts.
At-home parents or caregivers, who left the workforce, may feel “less than” because they cannot contribute financially to the degree they hoped, forgetting the emotional support and physical presence they provide others are, of themselves, valuable contributions.
There are singles who feel they are not attractive enough to find a mate, friends afraid they are not popular enough to be invited places, and kids scared they are not good enough to win their parents’ or others’ love and approval. The lists go on and on in the ways we can be conditioned by societal standards to feel less than.
The cause of not feeling enough
Not feeling enough often stems from early life conditioning, where we were not seen, heard, validated and acknowledged for who we are. We may have had distracted, incompetent, or dysfunctional parents or caregivers, who ignored, dismissed, abandoned, or abused us (and neglect can be a form of abuse). With compassion and forgiveness, we can notice that in some cases our parents were only repeating what was taught to them.
At a young age, a child does not have the discernment skills to know that it was the inadequate parenting, not themselves, that was not enough.
Even if we had a more ideal, nurturing childhood, societal messages later in life enforce that feeling of not being enough as a marketing tool to entice us to buy more, along with bigger and better purchases, to feel satisfied.
Others were applauded mostly for their accomplishments, leading them to seek validation of their worth from their performance and external sources.
We have heard of so many athletes of late—from Olympic competitors disclosing their mental health issues to college students who have committed suicide—defeated from the pressure of always excelling, and feeling lost when they cannot.
The drive to be perfect is another culprit to never feeling enough, as noted in this article by a mother who lost her son to suicide:
Even Whitney Houston, as successful as she outwardly appeared, once told journalist Diane Sawyer in an interview (that was replayed many times after the singer’s tragic death) that she never felt “enough” to perform with Kevin Costner in the movie, The Body Guard. Her fame, beauty and talent could not give her the sense of greatness that she was unable to claim for herself.
Alex Cabaral, a rising 16-year-old, multi-genre (pop, R&B, and folk) singer-songwriter and musician from Boston, Massachusetts, shares that pain of not feeling good enough to pursue her dreams, in her fresh song release, “Need to Know," now streaming on all music platforms.
With the new challenges of the pandemic rocking our world, I can only imagine the impact all the changes will have on our youth. For this and other reasons, I have chosen to extend my worthiness platform to the younger generation. To deepen the teachings, I received additional certification as a “high self-esteem coach for kids” (and for parents and teachers as well to help them guide the next generations in knowing their innate value and acting on it). I offer a complimentary, 30-minute consult, to explore guiding you (or your children) forward.
The earlier a strong sense of worthiness is instilled, the better for making wiser and healthier life choices personally and professionally.
Rewiring the brain to know you are enough
Honoring our innate worthiness, and claiming we are enough “as is,” for who we are, not what we do, is always an inside job. Nothing outside of us can provide that sense of wholeness and value.
Living with a sense of enough begins with giving to ourselves first the internal validation of knowing we are valuable “as is” whether we have money, credentials or any other external markings of success.
Getting mentored or being witnessed helps integrate that solid base of worthiness.
Let us begin with love and compassion. We did nothing wrong for not knowing we are enough. Again, those “lack feelings” stem from early life conditioning as I explain in more detail in my profile video describing the neuroscience of how beliefs are formed—and changed.
The good news is we can teach ourselves to know we are enough, to rewire the brain, to go beyond previous limits.
First, begin be repeating this mantra several times a day, preferably first five minutes upon waking, and five minutes before you go to bed at night: I allow myself to know I AM ENOUGH.
(To receive nine other key statements that help rewire the brain to know you are enough, email gailjones@claimyourworthiness.com.)
Then, and this is really important, track evidence of knowing you are enough. Write it down, which helps create a new neural pathway in the brain to instill the belief of being enough.
Being grateful is another key to feeling a sense of enough. Taking inventory of what you have versus what is missing can cause an instant shift in any feelings of lack.
Another way to shift into knowing you are enough is to stop immediately, pause and regroup, whenever you feel compelled to give more or too much, buy more, or overextend yourselves in any way to prove your worth.
Overcompensating or “giving-to-get” does not work as the inauthenticity of such a strategy eventually backfires in either burnout or resentment, and often both.
We lose our power when we consistently try too hard or go to the plate for others at the expense of ourselves. Saying “no” and setting boundaries with others who ask too much of us often turns out to be a big “yes” to reclaiming feelings of self-love.
You are enough for being you. Take the time to appreciate and value your uniqueness—without comparing yourself to anyone or any external standards of perfection or success.
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” — Anna Quindlen
Email gailjones@claimyourworthiness.com to receive my 10 statements for integrating a stronger sense of knowing you are enough—or to schedule your complimentary, 30-minute consult, to explore working with me in guiding you (or your students or your children) forward.
Gail Kauranen Jones, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Gail Kauranen Jones (known as “Coach Gail Jones”) is an intuitive coach, gifted wordsmith and inspiring teacher who has been leading clients through transformation for more than twenty years.
She is the author of two books, "Cancer as a Love Story: Developing the Mindset for Living," and "To Hell and Back… Healing Your Way through Transition."
Passionate to get to the root causes of blocks that hold clients back and then help them create empowering new beliefs to move forward, Gail delved deep after going through her own journey of healing from breast cancer. She learned some profound ways to optimize health and well-being including claiming one’s worthiness to live and thrive.
Gail trained with world-renowned neuroscientists in guiding clients to rewire the brain for new levels of personal and professional success.
She has appeared as a guest “worthiness coach” nationally in the US on CBS TV’s Emmy award-winning talk show The Doctors and on Sirius XM Radio.
She also was hired to train several hundred HeartMath coaches globally on her worthiness platform, with her signature presentation, “The journey to the heart of worthiness.”
She is the host of her own podcast, “Claim Your Worthiness: Intimate Conversations with Gail Jones,” which features national thought leaders and handpicked experts and others who have transformed their lives to serve.
