Behind The Mask of High-Performing Women Outwardly Winning at Life
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 15
- 4 min read
Lisa Skeffington is a psychotherapist and thought leader shaping the future of mental health. She is the founder of the Empowered Momentum Community and hosts coastal escapes, empowering high-functioning mid-life women to authentically remove the mask they wear in their outwardly successful life; author of the book From Anxious to Empowered.
Picture this: Emma was once the young high-flyer everyone admired. She had the drive, the career prospects, and the sense of independence that came from making her own way. But when the time came to start a family, she and her husband agreed she would take a step back. It was a joint decision, and one she doesn’t regret. She still works part-time, for her own fulfilment, but her priority has been to be the main caregiver.
On good days, Emma delights in the flexibility. She treasures the school runs, the assemblies, the sports days, and she never wants to miss. She feels grateful for the lifestyle her husband’s success provides, and the comfort and security it affords the family. And yet there’s a quiet frustration she can’t quite shake.
The unspoken conflict
Do you ever feel grateful for the life you have and yet, at the same time, unsettled by it? As though you’re living a paradox, loving your family deeply, yet missing a part of yourself you can’t quite name?
For Emma, that part was her identity as a high performer. The woman she used to be. While her husband’s career continued to soar, she found herself fading into the background of their shared life together. The very success she celebrated for him became the mirror reflecting her own loss of momentum.
And with that loss came questions: Am I still enough? Did I give too much away? Will I ever catch up again?
Questions that don’t get spoken aloud because they feel unfair, even selfish. And so, they remain buried, fuelling the low hum of guilt and dissatisfaction.
When buried emotions become health anxieties
Here’s where Emma’s story may feel eerily familiar. She found herself lying awake at night, her mind racing. A tightness in her chest one week, a tingling sensation in her arm the next. Each new physical symptom would spark a new fear. Is something wrong with me?
Because in Emma’s mind, another hidden fear was at play. I have no right to complain. My husband dotes on me. We live a beautiful life. What if my ill health is punishment for feeling so ungrateful?
On the one hand, she knew this was irrational, yet it felt utterly real. This is the secret world of health anxiety, it can become a tangible, feasible channel for buried fears that feel too complex or shameful to articulate.
Perhaps you’ve been there, too, jolted awake in the night by a new, unexplained worry about your health. A fear that seems to come out of nowhere but feels terrifyingly true.
The relationship strain
In Emma’s marriage, the dynamic began to shift. While she longed for her husband to understand, he grew frustrated by what he couldn’t fix. “What’s the matter now?” was a phrase she heard often, not unkindly, but with exasperation. To him, her fears seemed irrational. To her, they felt overwhelming.
The distance between them widened, not because of a lack of love, but because neither truly understood the other’s experience.
Why does Lisa see this so often
Lisa Skeffington, multi-award-winning Psychotherapist and Mentor, has worked with women like Emma for over 27 years. Women who, from the outside, appear to be “winning” at life with successful partners, beautiful homes, and well-loved children, but who secretly battle with anxiety, self-doubt, and the silent grief of swallowed ambitions.
She explains:
“Many high-achieving women carry unresolved childhood wounds that whisper. You’ll never be enough. Those whispers don’t disappear when life looks outwardly perfect. In fact, stepping back from a career often gives them more room to grow louder. And when you add guilt for feeling dissatisfied in an ‘ideal’ life, health catastrophes can feel like a believable punishment.”
Could this be you?
Do you sometimes wonder why, despite everything you have, you still feel restless or anxious? Do you ever question if you’ve lost touch with the woman you used to be or the woman you hoped you’d become? Do your health worries flare up at the very moments you can least explain them?
If so, you’re not alone. Emma’s story is not unusual. And you don’t have to navigate these questions in silence.
A gentle invitation for women and couples
Lisa’s work is about helping women and couples make sense of what feels confusing, to reconnect with themselves and each other, and to dissolve the doubts that mask the deeper need.
Her coastal escapes are designed to be discreet and discerning. Away from the noise of everyday life, time feels different. Conversations that might take months in a traditional setting can unfold in days. Couples and individuals alike often describe the experience as life-changing.
If Emma’s story has touched something within you, perhaps it’s time to explore what’s really behind your own mask. You’re invited to arrange a relaxed conversation with Lisa. With your call, she’ll send you her brochure to give you a sense of the options available.
Because sometimes, the greatest success isn’t just about what the world sees, it’s about finally feeling at peace within yourself.
Read more from Lisa Skeffington
Lisa Skeffington, Consultant Psychotherapist, Executive Coach & Mentor
Lisa Skeffington, Psychotherapist of the Year 2024/25 & 26, is the leading light for wounded women worldwide. Her own personal story, from trauma to triumph, led her to dedicate her support to mid-life women and their families to heal their emotional wounds so that they feel enough as they are, break free from anxiety, and communicate confidently in healthy relationships. Over her 25 years in mental health, she has developed a unique psychological approach with a seamless blend of psychological therapies, which she calls psychodynamic mentoring. Based on the UK Dorset coast, Lisa runs exclusive coastal escapes and one-day events helping women to remove the mask and thrive in their lives today, without excuse or apology.
