Be the Observer and Transform Your Love Life by Watching Your Thoughts
- Brainz Magazine
- Apr 28
- 8 min read
Talsi is a world-renowned tarot reader and psychic spiritual coach. She was born with her intuitive gifts, but spent her early career working as a lawyer in the corporate and entertainment spaces.
Ever feel like you’re stuck in a loop when it comes to your love life, same patterns, different people? Maybe you're trying to ‘be more positive’ about dating, or even setting some intentions, hoping for change or ‘the right one’? Perhaps you’re dating, and you meet someone new and think, maybe this time things will work out?’ But somehow, you keep attracting ‘emotionally unavailable’ partners, people who you feel don’t value you, or you keep playing out the same scenarios over and over. It can feel so frustrating, like something deeper is running the show.
And that “something” is your unconscious thoughts.
But what if I told you that there’s a way to step outside of those patterns simply by an identity shift? What if the key to transforming your love life is learning how to observe not just your thoughts, but how they play into your personal story, who you ‘believe’ you are? Without realizing it, you’re waking up every day and thinking from that identity. In the case of love, this encompasses those thoughts that run on autopilot about yourself, about your love interests, and what you’re unconsciously expecting to play out.
And what if I told you that just by getting into the practise of observing those habitual thoughts, and by actively choosing different ones, you can immediately shift to a different version of you and reality? With persistence, your love life and even romantic interests have no choice but to conform and mirror back those new thoughts and your identity. Here is the key to getting the love you have always craved and wanted.
Why observation changes everything
Whilst most of us have been conditioned to believe that our experience is happening outside of us, our outer world and personal interactions are, in fact, happening through us. This is what Neville Goddard, the spiritual teacher, explained when he said, ‘everyone is you pushed out’.
This essentially means that ‘you’, through your consciousness or awareness, are experiencing a version of reality including versions of other people in that reality. And this all completely through your own state of being and perceptions.
Now, let’s integrate a little science here when we talk about how observation plays into our personal experience of reality! In quantum physics, the observer effect shows us that the act of observation influences outcomes. Particles like electrons behave differently when observed, collapsing from a wave of possibilities into a single, measurable state.
This supports the idea that everything exists as a potential until it’s observed, and through observation, we collapse one possibility or probability into one version of reality. While the link between consciousness and quantum mechanics is still evolving and debated in the scientific community, we can theorize that these principles extend into our lived experiences.
Quantum entanglement, for instance, shows that particles remain connected regardless of distance, hinting at an invisible web of influence between everything, including us. From a quantum lens, we can liken our observations to the concept of superposition: all versions of reality already exist, your person loving you, ignoring you, or choosing you fully. The version you consistently focus on and assume to be true is the one you collapse into your lived experience. You are not a passive participant; you are the observer. And what you observe with intention becomes your reality. By shifting your observation, you can effect the behavior of others and change your experience.
Applied to manifesting
Think of the above in terms of your habitual thoughts and observations when it comes to a love interest or a romantic partner? Or even in the context of any dating experience you have. If your dominant thoughts and assumptions are “I don’t think they’re the type to commit”, “I don’t think they’ll want to see me again”, “things start great but then people always leave me” or, “maybe I’m not good enough,” you're essentially observing from one identity. Your thoughts are being projected out, and you’re continually collapsing your reality from that state or observation. However, here is where the magic happens: you can choose a new lens. With conscious observation and by persistently thinking from a preferred state, you can transform everything and everyone around you. When you, as the observer, choose to see yourself as loved, chosen, and desired, the world, which is your mirror, will reflect that.
Practical application: How does this apply to a special someone or a romantic interest?
Test it out! If you can embrace this approach with a little faith in you, the observer, and your infinite manifesting power, you will see the change. Start selecting preferable thoughts about yourself that align with a version of you that thinks and assumes in a preferable way. Observe and choose new thoughts about a person, how would you prefer them to think and feel about you? If you’re in the habit of expecting they will show up in a certain way, consider a practise of consciously observing them differently. Imagine that simply by changing your internal world, your thoughts, and what you assume, you influence your experience of and with them. Consciously stepping into a different identity means you’re now living and thinking from that state. Your outer world will mirror that choice! Neville Goddard famously said. Simply dare to assume you are what you want to be, and you will compel everyone to play their part.
Break the loop of old love stories
Most of us are living on autopilot, running old mental programs that we didn’t consciously choose but became habitual. Thoughts like:
“Why aren’t they texting me - I think they’re ignoring me.”
“I always attract emotionally unavailable people.”
“No one ever picks me.”
“Love never works out for me.”
“Whenever I like someone, they pull back’
These aren’t just fleeting thoughts. They’ve been looping in your conscious mind and continually working with your subconscious, delivering and reinforcing an experience. Those experiences are who you have become identified with, and your identity is manifesting your present reality. But here’s the great news! You’re not your past or even your present ‘identity’. You’re not even your thoughts! You are the observer of your thoughts. And that means you can choose new ones.
You don’t have to keep recreating the same experiences or reacting to your outer circumstances that reflect old stories you hold about yourself. You get to decide who you are now, and that decision shifts everything.
Identity first, then reality
This is where it gets real: manifestation isn't as it’s been popularized; it’s not simply about thinking positively or even about finding the perfect technique, hoping to ‘fix’ or change an undesirable experience. It’s about stepping into the identity or the version of you who already has what they want. Neville Goddard said, “There is no one to change but self.” That’s because your external world is a mirror, always reflecting your internal state or whatever version of you you’re being.
So when you start showing up for yourself and thinking as the version of you that assumes you’re already loved, already chosen, already in the relationship of your dreams, you collapse reality into that version. By consciously breaking the habit of thinking and being the old way, your outer reality will rearrange itself and validate what you prefer.
It’s not about changing others. It’s about becoming the version of you who thinks from another state, observes differently, and then watch how others respond and behave in accordance to match your thoughts and assumptions.
So, how do you do that?
Here’s how to start shifting:
1. Observe your thoughts (Without judgment)
Stop reacting, start observing. Start observing and noticing your thought patterns and your natural reactions. What do you really believe about love, about yourself, about partners or potential partners? Be honest, but gentle. You’re not judging, just witnessing. This alone can start to break the pattern.
2. Choose a new identity
Decide who you want to be. The version of you who feels accepted and valued, the one who’s in a deeply loving, secure, passionate relationship, how do they think? What do they assume? What do they naturally expect? When you catch yourself thinking a thought that isn’t in alignment with your new identity or what you’d prefer, e.g., ‘why are they ignoring me?’, observe and ask yourself, ‘why do I assume they’re ignoring me?’ Ask yourself ‘who am I being right now?’ There is a version of you that assumes and thinks differently, ‘they love talking to me, they can’t wait to spend more time with me’.
3. Practice observation and consciously choose daily
Catch yourself when old thoughts pop up. Pause. Redirect. Affirm: “That’s the old me. I’m now someone who knows that I am always deeply loved and fully chosen.” Repetition is what reprograms. This way of thinking and this identity then becomes your new normal. Your subconscious is your faithful servant, it will deliver in your outer experience whatever you persistently feed it with your observation, focus and thoughts. Have faith in the process as you rewire yourself to think and ‘be’ different, you will quickly notice reinforcement in your outer world and in your interactions with others.
4. Persist no matter what
At first, your reality may seem to lag, but keep going. Don’t let old circumstances or memories of disappointment convince you to revert. Stay loyal to your preferred state, your new self-concept. Keep returning to that and observing yourself in that identity. As Neville taught, persistence is the secret that an assumption, if persisted in, will harden into fact. Your thoughts, assumptions, and identity precede what you experience. Have faith and trust that you get to choose your experience, and it is inevitable that what you desire or who you desire is already yours!
5. Embody the energy
This is more than a mindset, it’s a state of ‘being’. Living from the end of being and therefore having what you desire. This means consistently carrying yourself in the knowing that you are the power, who you identify as, and what manifests. So, how would you go about your day in the assumption that the love and appreciation you desire is already yours; it’s inevitable? Think with that level of conviction and move with that energy. That embodiment signals to your subconscious, i.e., your divine intelligence, or the universe ‘this is who I am, this is my reality!’.
You’re the author of your love story
You’re not doomed to repeat the past. You’re not stuck with your old identity or any circumstances that were mirrored to you that you don’t prefer. You’re the creator and author of your own love story. The moment you start observing your thoughts, actively choosing new ones, and committing to a new version of yourself, your entire love life begins to shift.
Change how you see yourself, how you observe others, and what you therefore naturally expect or assume. The people in your life will reflect that change. Your relationships will conform and people will shift in accordance with your personal story. So if you’re ready to break unconscious patterns and manifest the relationship that actually aligns with your heart and worth, it all starts with one thing:
Become the observer. Choose a new version of you. And watch your love life transform!
Come hang out with me on YouTube at Talsi Tarot, where I combine intuitive tarot love readings with powerful mindset and manifestation teachings. I’ll help you break old patterns, see your blind spots, and embody the version of you that already has the love you desire. Let’s rewrite your love story starting now.
Read more from Talsi
Talsi, Tarot Reader and Psychic Spiritual Coach
Talsi is a world-renowned tarot reader and psychic spiritual coach. She was born with her intuitive gifts, but spent her early career working as a lawyer in the corporate and entertainment spaces. Her spiritual awakening came later in life, when she was guided “home” to her true passion and calling. She now uses her gifts to empower others to defy the status quo! Talsi guides her clients back to a place of self-love and compassion. She helps them face their fears, embody their truth, and reclaim their power in their personal, romantic and professional lives.
