Are Traumas a Blessing in Disguise? Learn How to Shift from Victim to Predator
- Brainz Magazine
- Dec 5
- 11 min read
Written by Ilias Kousis, Transformational Coach
Ilias Kousis is an expert tracker in recognizing untapped potential in his clients and helps them transform in all areas of life. He is utilizing the body as an entry point to unravel dysfunctional patterns, rewire the nervous system, and help his clients create new neurological pathways in order to overcome emotional blockages.
Have you ever felt as if life is always going hard on you and that you are helpless? Is the world unfair to you, and do you think you deserve more than you are credited for? Do you feel that you go in circles, putting your best efforts to change, but always end up stuck, hurt, or traumatized? This is typically the inner dialogue of most people when they face challenges. They feel that the universe is holding a grudge against them, and that everything happening to them is not their fault but rather someone else’s external issues projected onto them.
Instead, can you imagine a life where you feel grateful for the adversities you have experienced? A life where you constantly evolve, deriving joy and pleasure from the process, with regret becoming a thing of the past? It is actually possible to live this way. Read on to understand how to get there.
Why should you care about addressing your traumas?
The truth is, no one escapes trauma. Trauma, in the form of masked pain and fear, drives our decision-making, interpretation of life, and ethics while we are unaware. Everyone, at some point in their lives, has or will experience trauma in one way or another. It can be physical, ranging from mild (e.g., a slap on the head when you were a kid by a friend after you said something “stupid”) to severe (e.g., being beaten by a parent with a belt), or emotional, again ranging from mild (e.g., being called silly by a schoolmate for answering a question wrong in class) to severe (e.g., being shamed for your body weight, appearance, or mental sharpness by someone you trust and love deeply, like a parent or teacher).
That said, the extent to which people are affected by the aforementioned examples varies among individuals. Someone may not take it to heart if you call them stupid at work, because they may have been raised in an environment where they always felt safe and supported, and have learned that making mistakes is necessary to become smarter. For someone else, the same comment could devastate them if their upbringing included mostly abuse and a lack of warmth, love, and support.
Putting in the hard work to heal your traumas is not only for your own benefit, it also helps you understand where others' dysfunctional behaviors may come from, which in turn enables you to connect more deeply with your compassionate and wiser self.
Why does trauma happen?
No one can reasonably explain why trauma and unpleasant events take place in our world as we know it. Most people think that trauma happens to you because you have bad luck or because it’s someone else’s fault. The most common idea is that someone abuses you, or that you are affected by a wider-scale problem like war, poverty, or whatever else.
You need to follow closely here. This is partly true. It is true only if you interpret situations through the lens of dry logic. If you choose to go deeper and try to find the root cause of your suffering, you will begin unearthing some precious truths, which can help you turn your pain into medicine. The most intelligent way to regard the reason why trauma happens is to perceive it as a spiritual call to take action and embrace our gifts and talents.
This may feel contradictory to your belief system, but before you reject it, understand this. If you regard trauma from a place of victimhood, you will remain stuck for the rest of your life. And everybody would agree that this would be a very long and sad reality. But if you choose to see this as an opportunity to become the predator of your own fear and empower yourself by learning from your pain, then your life will be full of puzzles, adventures, and excitement as you problem-solve until the end. Eventually, you will be grateful for all your suffering and not want to die because there is so much exciting stuff happening all the time!
My childhood traumas
I grew up in a home characterized by constant conflict and contradictions. I experienced harsh physical abuse, followed by immense waves of love and attention. I sat in the middle of a conflict zone between adults who were screaming at each other, throwing objects, and behaving hysterically. They then assigned me the task of playing the judge and deciding who was right. Since I couldn’t physically defend myself, I started abusing the power I was given and used it to my own advantage.
I began manipulating them and hurting them with words, knowing exactly where it would hurt the most. I did this to get what I needed to numb myself from a very young age, things like toys and junk food. The numbing actions began to stack, and I turned into a clinically obese child. I remember clearly the scene at the doctor’s office when he told my parents to lock the fridge.
Those traumas didn’t only have immediate effects by restricting me from doing things I loved, like playing football or engaging in any other physical activity as most of the kids around me did, but they also led to trust and love issues later on as an adult. I had turned into a lone and hurt wolf.
Those traumas set the foundation for a set of beliefs and views on life based on fear, insecurity, and a complete absence of self-worth. Life, for me, for a long time, had been a war arena, where I fought against myself and other imaginary enemies. It still is on some occasions, as I work through healing deeper and deeper layers of trauma, but the adventure of peeling off the layers has turned into a fun, puzzle-solving process!
Healing is possible for you
Here’s what I had to do, and still do to this day, when I work with a new layer of trauma. The first step is to be brave enough to realize that healing is possible. Most people get stuck in this initial stage of their healing journey because, deep inside, they feel weak and helpless (which was the actual case when the trauma happened). They can’t wrap their heads around the fact that the terrain has changed, and they now have freedom of choice. The more they cling to their old identity as a victim, the more resentment and vengefulness they build, and they stay stuck in their old patterns.
The biggest mistake they make is thinking that these emotions are connected to the abuser, but in fact, they are directed towards themselves, they blame themselves for not being able to shift things around and overcome their fear.
Time to take responsibility
The second step is to act in ways that build your self-respect and luminosity. Even though I couldn’t protect myself from the scarring, I could at least not let my old scars define my actions and path in life. I chose not to use them as an excuse to manipulate others or to treat them disrespectfully, because I was angry at myself for not being able to defend myself.
That meant I had to look myself in the mirror and not reproduce the toxic energy from my childhood years while lying to myself that I was entitled to do so as a victim of abuse. I had to challenge my brain’s instinctive, well-meaning reactions (aimed at protecting me) to potential triggers. By succumbing to my personal identification as a victim, I was constantly orchestrating scenarios in my head where I was telling myself that if I trusted someone on a more intimate level, I would always end up getting hurt. This never allowed me to properly open up to receive or generate love until I decided to embrace my fearfulness and trust the process by deleting the old software.
I was also telling myself that I was unworthy of love and that I didn’t deserve someone treating me with respect, as that was something I had never experienced as a child.
Most of us can’t heal our traumas without including our bodies in the process
Many people go to therapy and talk their way towards healing their traumas. While this works for some, many are left feeling helpless as they blame themselves for not being able to heal through this process, even though they are supported by expert therapists. This is because if the body is not included in the healing process, self-sabotage is often inevitable. The body keeps the score when it comes to trauma and pain, and it has its own intelligence. Our heart, for instance, has been proven to have neurons similar to those in our brain.
Get this: Your heart, which is connected to emotions, can cause sensations of pain according to science, click here.
My own example
I remember one day, during a morning yoga intensive in the teacher training I was taking, the intent was “to address your own neediness.” It was during a seated sidebend, where I was releasing my neck and shoulders, when the shock wave came. I started crying without knowing why, I just knew I had to let it out. Something inside insisted on that. After some time and processing, I came to the clear conclusion that my pattern of overly empathizing with other people’s needs, emotions, and problems, and prioritizing them over mine, was stored in my shoulders.
At that moment of the physical release, I managed to crack the shields of numbness I had put on to muscle up and live life without being paralyzed by depression (which I suffered from often). You see, some people freeze, whereas others fight. I had, for some reason, decided to be the fighter. Through this experience, I learned that building a Warrior’s Heart wasn’t about shutting down to everything and everyone, it was about teaching your heart when to open up and soak up the love, and when to close down when real threats lurk. There is no way I could talk my way through this visceral healing process that made all the cells in my body buzz and literally changed everything, from my posture to my perception of life.
Turn trauma into medicine
Through my work on the mat, I learned to let go of old pain and to turn anger and hatred first into sorrow and grief, and then into forgiveness and compassion. I could clearly see things neutrally, like an observer watching a play. I could finally see the other side of the coin, how deep the love my parents had for me was, and how painfully traumatized they were as children, with this toxicity being placed on them by their parents. I could even see how much more improved their versions were compared to their predecessors. Quick example, my grandmother was so mentally ill with schizophrenia that one day she soaked my mother and her sister with oil and almost set her two daughters on fire. The moment she realized what she was about to do, she started hitting her head on the wall. My mother was strong enough to choose to be a better version of herself, despite growing up in such conditions. And she did it the best way she could. I see where she came from, and it feels only natural for me to feel compassion and actually (I almost can’t believe I am writing this) love her deeply and admire her. Just to be clear, this doesn’t negate that she behaved wrongly during her schizophrenic moments, but instead of getting stuck in what happened, we can learn from it and become better versions of ourselves. I know I beg to differ when it comes to the upbringing of my own children, but it is the suffering I went through that taught me the importance of being compassionate and patient with myself and my family.
Your yoga mat is your safe sanctuary to work with yourself
As I felt increasingly safe on my mat through deepening my practice year after year, the right moment came when I could open up and feel how wounded I was by what happened to me, rather than masking it. I had to cry it out. My yoga mat served as a laboratory and sanctuary, where I could feel free to be myself without being judged and explore different roles and behaviors. I could suddenly choose to be kind or playful with my body without triggering anyone else’s reaction due to my sudden change in behavior. It became possible to avoid feeling ashamed of changing.
Shifts on your mat often provide immediate feedback
Experimenting on my mat provided an immediate shift in perspective. I could see the results right away. Experimenting with a slight change in body posture in a pose could bring immediate relief to a part of my body that had been aching for years. My mat served as a lab where I developed sensitivity to the outcomes of my own actions. I then started extrapolating this skill of feeling and sensing off the mat and into my life, and I noticed how I was hurting myself with the words I used about myself in my inner chatter or in dialogue with others. I also started noticing how my automatic reactions to specific triggers were contributing to my emotional shutdown. All this led me to realize that healing is truly possible, as I could finally witness firsthand the outcome of my actions.
Tracking your patterns in your life arena is where the advanced yoga takes place
Tracking dysfunctional patterns is difficult in the life arena because it often takes time to see the change in the outcomes of our actions, and our senses are not very finely tuned to detect subtleties due to our distraction-filled lifestyles. Another limiting factor is that we often expect positive feedback from others for our changed behavior, and this doesn’t always happen right away. To give you a simple example, even though you have decided to respond with kindness to a person who is usually mean to you at work, it doesn’t necessarily mean that this person will appreciate your change in behavior, perhaps because they are not interested in their personal development at this moment in time. Your brain will then tell you, “Being kind is a waste of time,” which risks getting you stuck in your old patterns. Whereas, had you done this work on your yoga mat alone, the feedback would be sincere and immediate.
Say “yes” to the call
Every single trauma holds medicine and wisdom that we can extract. It is the way of the universe to encourage us to grow spiritually and live freer lives. Had I not opened up to feel the pain of my wounds, I would never have been able to be compassionate, see the beauty and gifts in my students, help them discover them, and put them to good use. It is my courage to not run away, but to stay and embrace adversity, accept hard truths, and evolve, that has turned me into a skilled healer. The fact that I dare to snuggle with my pain and fear allows me to create new neurological pathways in my brain that positively change my perceptions about myself and life. I see the world more through the lens of love and freedom, and I realize how much greater control I have over shaping my life around my passions and what excites me.
Now, I use the wisdom and expertise I developed from resolving my traumas to help others do the same, dig deeper than they normally would, ally with their pain, and use it as a driving force to help them thrive. I know for sure that everyone is capable of doing this, especially with the right guidance. If you resonate with any of the above and are ready to take the next step in your healing journey, I’d love to teach you how to become an excellent tracker and transform.
Read more from Ilias Kousis
Ilias Kousis, Transformational Coach
Ilias Kousis is a leader in the field of stalking fear, emotional, and physical healing and transformation. He grew up in an abusive environment and was clinically obese throughout most of his childhood. Instead of spending his entire life running away from pain and going into victim mode, he took action for his own healing. He turned his old pain, fear, and emotional blockages into wisdom and strength. He decided that committing suicide or living in fear isn't worth it, so he dedicated his life to finding ways to heal and share these tools of transformation with anyone who lives in suffering and wishes to find a way out. His motto. Each adversity hides a gem of truth, be willing to seek it.
