Written by: Ajabeyang Amin, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In today’s world, the talk of going for psychotherapy has become popular. Many of us have been to therapy or are currently seeing a therapist. If you are one of those considering it, this article might answer your lingering questions.
While going for therapy is a huge step in recognizing your need for help, how you are in therapy plays a significant role in getting the most benefits from it. Some people make a lot of progress while others don’t. When you aren’t making progress, it’s important to ask, is it me or is it that I don’t have the right fit of a therapist? Here’s a good read to address finding the right therapist, that’s not what I'll be discussing below.
Sometimes, the reason why you are not getting a lot out of therapy is because of you. But there’s hope, we can all learn and adjust. Below are a few tips on how to get the most out of your therapy sessions:
1. Believe that therapy will help you. It sounds simple, but if you have ever achieved something, you know that your faith was an essential factor in attaining it. If you don’t believe therapy is effective and that you can change, you and your therapist are wasting each other’s time. You will continue to go around in circles and go nowhere. Different therapists may be better at treating different problems, which is why finding the right therapist is valuable. However, multiple studies have shown that therapy has led to positive changes in the body and the brain. This change will not happen overnight, it takes time and effort. Some research shows that people begin to show improvements between 6 to 12 sessions. It is not a quick fix, and you are an active part of the process. Therefore, believe it works and be patient with the process.
2. Be honest about yourself. To get the most out of therapy, you need to be honest with yourself and with your therapist. You are spending your money and time to be there, so why hide what you really want to talk about? True, the process of therapy uncovers things that you may not have realized. This is different from you consciously hiding the truth or spending the majority of the time talking about someone else’s story. Other people impact us that is why we bring them up and discuss how they impact us. However, you are the one showing up in the session, therefore your therapist’s primary role is to help you to see where you can make changes. Some of these changes could include how to interact with or help various people that are contributing to your distress.
3. Have the right posture in session. Working with adults of all ages as a therapist, I have wondered what makes it easier for me to offer some people a lot more than others in session. I have realized that the posture of the client matters. I recognize that people have different needs from therapy; some people want a place to vent, others want tangible solutions, some like practicing tools such as meditations in session, while others want strategies to practice outside of session. Regardless of what you want, having a posture that is ready to give and receive is useful to get the most out of the session. By giving, I mean presenting your issue(s) and by receiving, I mean leaving room for the therapist to ask questions and offer input. A good therapist can tell when you are closed off. Some people just want to be able to say “I went to therapy” meanwhile they weren’t really in a posture to receive much from therapy. If you are not ready to make some adjustments in your life, maybe it’s not the right time to be in therapy.
4. Prepare for the session. When I tell people my profession, I often get the question, “Are you psychoanalyzing me?” The answer is no, I have too many issues of my own to be doing that. But most of all, I can’t read people’s minds. Anyone coming for therapy should understand that your therapist cannot read your mind. You would hate for them to make assumptions about you anyway. So, prepare for your session and be ready to expand on your story. You can never give too much information. It helps your therapist to know as much as possible about the issue. Think about your goals for therapy or for the session. Ask yourself what you want to talk about prior to the session. If you’ve been doing therapy for some time, notice what happened during your week, your triggers, your victories, bring back details of what affected you so that you have content for your session.
5. Take notes. If you think of therapy as self-education, it makes sense to take notes. Students that go through a whole semester of classes without taking notes learn less than those who take notes. Some people benefit from taking notes during their therapy sessions. They may be writing something the therapist said, an insight they had during the session, or questions they want to reflect on later. Consider keeping a therapy notebook, which you could use during or after the session. This also helps you to prepare for the next session.
6. Reflect outside of the session. Going along with point 4 and 5 is reflecting outside of the session. People reflect by thinking about the session, talking to a loved one about their insights, or journaling about it. All such reflections keep you learning and growing. I’ve noticed that people show slower improvements when they completely forget about what was previously discussed and come back the next week with nothing to talk about. If this happens repeatedly, it could be telling to how engaged they are in their treatment. At times, it could imply that they are at a point where they need to consider ending therapy because they feel more resolved with their issues.
7. Implement the tools, practice, and do your homework. We’ve all heard the saying, “Practice makes perfect.” I like to reframe that to “Practice makes better.” We will never be perfect, but we can improve, and practice helps a whole lot. Whatever you and your therapist are discussing, practice those tools outside of therapy. If your therapist gives you homework, give yourself the time to do it for your own sake (not because your therapist will follow up). Remember, you only spend one hour in a session out of 168 hours each week, that is if you are seeing your therapist on a weekly basis. Therefore, the more you implement and practice the tools outside of therapy, the more progress you’ll see and the more content you have to bring into the next session, and the cycle continues getting you more improvements faster. But also, be gentle with yourself, this is not a race. Follow your journey however long it takes.
8. Supplement with other resources. Psychotherapy is just one form of treatment. You can supplement your healing journey with reading books related to your problems, doing a workbook, joining a support group, using your community support, and using any of these alternative ways of healing.
9. Review your therapy goals. It is always good to check in with yourself and with your therapist about your goals. Remind yourself why you sought out therapy in the first place. This could also be a good time to use your notes to see how far you have come. Your goals may change as you spend more time in therapy and uncover different aspects of yourself. They may also change based on what’s happening in your life. I for one, am not in the mindset that people should be in therapy forever. I believe the goal of therapy is to help you to obtain the tools you need and assist you in finding other tools from your own community. My ultimate goal as a therapist is to get you to a place where you can fire me because you don’t need me anymore. You can always come back in the future (if needed). Monitor for yourself when you no longer need your therapist.
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Ajabeyang Amin, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dr. Ajabeyang Amin is a psychologist, Christian counselor, and blogger. She founded the blog, African Mind Healer where she writes on mental health, culture, and faith. She is dedicated to helping people heal from their traumas, get unstuck from their past, blossom to authenticity, and do the things they are called to do. She has helped multiple individuals and couples work through various life challenges. She is inspired by her faith, her clients, her experiences living in multiple countries (Cameroon, Senegal, Ghana, France, El-Salvador) and 5 U.S. states, and by being a highly sensitive person. She holds a PsyD in counseling psychology from Northwest University, an MPH from University of Michigan, and a BS from Penn State University. As you read her writing, her unique background and perspective might just inspire you to take a pause and think about your life.
