5 Ways To Regulate Your Affect

Written by: Wendy J Olson, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

In my previous article, I discussed what Affect Regulation is and how it works. Just to review, it’s the way we are able to regulate our emotions and moods when a time of stress comes upon us. So now that we know we have to be able to self-regulate in times of stress…how do we actually do that?

Here are 5 helpful ways to help you regulate your emotions when times of stress come a 'callin':

1. Learn better Emotional Vocabulary

Being able to use correct language to name how you are feeling is important and can be very helpful in communicating how you are feeling to others. When we are young, we usually base our feelings on a few simple words: mad, sad, happy, and glad. It’s only through being taught that mad can also mean tired, and sad can also mean hurt or lonely that we begin to build our emotional vocabulary. Even as an adult, we sometimes lack the language around being able to name how we are actually feeling.

2. Move your body.

Moving your body is essential for both hypo and hyper arousal states. Moving is always good for you. It helps regulate not only your emotions but also your lymphatic system. If you are feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated, removing yourself from a situation may be the key. Even just going for a walk or dancing in the kitchen to your favorite song. Maybe you’re feeling stagnant and stuck. Try some yoga! Not only does it get your body moving, but it also helps you to stretch and feel the places where your body is more tender. Yoga is also a great mindfulness practice.

3. Connect with nature.

There’s something about connecting with nature that can help ground a person when they are feeling off-kilter. This could mean you take yourself for a hike or just get out and weed some garden beds. Taking your shoes off and standing in the dirt, even just for 30 seconds, can help you feel more grounded and bring you back to the center while regulating your emotions and returning to your Window of Tolerance.

4. Breathwork and Grounding

This is one of those activities you can do alone or with any of the other suggestions.

While standing in the dirt, you can take some deep breaths.

While doing yoga, don’t forget to breathe.

Even when you’re stuck in traffic, find your breath!

Grounding is done in conjunction with deep breathing and is just a way to get yourself back into your body and feel yourself in space. Trauma makes us leave our bodies, showing us that it is no longer safe to inhabit, and so we flee. The work of healing is to get back inside our bodies.

Feel things. As painful as that may be.

There are some great grounding exercises you can find on YouTube and Pinterest that work really well.

A few deep breathing techniques I like to use are 4-7-8 and 6-4-6. I also love a good “Voo” to stimulate the Vagus Nerve. The three numbers each represent a breath. So the first number, let’s use 4, for example, is your inhale. You inhale for 4 seconds. Your second number is your hold. In this sequence, you would hold for 7 seconds. And the third number is your exhale, so you would exhale for 8 seconds. The 4-7-8 combo is great for bedtime.

As for the “Voo,” you can take a big inhale, hold for 4-5 seconds, and then when you exhale, you’ll say the word “Voo” all the way out. It sounds funny, but it feels great.

5. Try a hobby!

This one may not work in every case, but there are some things I love to do that help me get out of my funk when I’m feeling hypo-aroused and need to get out of my numb, dissociative state. For me, I love to bake. I can go into the kitchen and bake five different things for the week, turn on some music, and find myself in a whole ‘nother place mentally.

Now, I’m not only moving my body. I’m doing something I love. This helps me get out of my head too! I’ll be honest, sometimes I turn to the TV as well to help me stop thinking about all the things that cloud my brain day to day.

Maybe you’re into kayaking. Me too! Now you’re not only moving your body, you’re breaking out of your routine. Sometimes this is just what the nervous system orders.

There are so many different activities that you could do that include some of the four suggestions above. Anything that helps you feel calm brings you a sense of joy and peace and lifts your spirit is going to be good for you.

The goal is always to keep ourselves away from the vices we turn to in order to “regulate.” While alcohol, drugs, and other chemicals may work short-term, they are not long-term solutions and end up causing more problems in the scheme of things.

There are many more ways to help you regulate your affect, but I hope these few were helpful. Stay healthy, stay hydrated, and give yourself tenderness and grace.

You are worthy!

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Wendy J Olson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Wendy J Olson is a healing coach, founder, and president of Grit Plus Gumption Farmstead. Wendy believes in the power of stories to change and shape people's lives. She walks with women through their stories of past hurts and traumas and guides them to find their own freedom and healing. Through Grit plus Gumption, she serves survivors of sexual exploitation and domestic violence. Having applied all she teaches to her own life as a survivor herself, she is able to guide women with kindness and grace, showing them there is always more freedom to be had in one’s life. She believes everyone has a story, and even if that story is really hard, it doesn't mean the rest of the story has to be.