5 Ways Holiday Love Goes Wrong And How To Create Authentic Christmas Connections
- Dec 26, 2024
- 5 min read
Written by Nina Izel, Healer, Teacher, and Author
Nina Izel is a well-known pioneer in the psychedelic healing field; she is the founder of Avatar Healing Arts, the author of the book Heart Medicine, Ayahuasca Assisted Therapy and the Integration Process, and the host of the podcast Ayahuhsca Avatars.
Christmas is upon us, a celebration of love and rebirth, but many feel stressed and anxious as the holidays approach. It always amazes me how much we are willing to suffer in the name of love and to keep up appearances. The whole Christmas craziness is a good example of that.
True love starts with self-love and self-care, but it can be tricky to avoid unhealthy behavior, especially with family, during the holiday season.
1. Sacrifice is not love
When you go above and beyond for others and exhaust yourself beyond your capacity, you will feel resentful and angry in the end. Is it worth it? The holidays often come with heavy expectations: visiting people you don't truly want to see, buying gifts you can't afford, and attending events that drain your energy. Showing up out of pure obligation is not love; it’s sacrifice.
Maybe this year, do a little bit less, but with love and kindness, rather than trying to please others and always ending up frustrated.
2. Giving gifts is not love
While giving gifts can be heartfelt and loving, oftentimes we try to replace love with gifts. Doing something heartfelt for others without any expectation is a true form of love that everybody wants to receive.
3. Consumption is not love
The stuff you buy to decorate your house has nothing to do with the love within the family who lives there. Think about what will happen with all the decorations when Christmas is over.
Spending time together, laughing, talking, playing music, or sharing a meal, can be so much more fulfilling than the most beautiful decoration.
4. Control is not love
Trying to control everybody’s experience creates tension, not connection. True love means accepting that your loved ones might have different preferences, traditions, or ways of experiencing joy.
You can start by considering people’s needs and wishes before you host a celebration.
5. Competition is not love
Holidays are breeding grounds for some unhealthy competition. Who's more successful? Whose children are achieving more? Who has the most picture-perfect holiday setup?
When love becomes a competition, everybody loses. True connection happens when we simply appreciate each other's existence, exactly as we are. Instead of competing and criticizing, this time, try giving a compliment to a loved one as a gift of love.
The real meaning of love
Remember: Love is a verb, not a perfectly wrapped present.
Love is not an emotion. It’s a state of being, close to contentment and peace. To love means to walk with an open heart in the face of adversity and contrast. It’s a choice to keep an open heart even when it is hard, ugly, or dark. This is the most courageous and revolutionary act in this world.
Love is unconditional, and everything is an expression of love, even the darkest thing. We all came from this love, and we all return to it at the end of our journey, so do not judge, because judgment closes your heart to feel this love.
You are loved
You are loved unconditionally. There is nothing you have to do to be worthy or to deserve it.
This doesn’t mean you have to accept or invite pain or darkness into your life. You choose which expression of love you would like.
This holiday season, choose connection over perfection. Choose presence over presents. Choose love. Let’s choose to walk with an open heart, to be courageous, and to be the highest expression of love.
I love you. To all my relations.
If you feel disconnected from the source of love within you, work with me to find your way home here.
Happy holidays!
Plant medicine has been the greatest ally for me for many years, to heal, to discover new ways, and to remember who I am.
A while ago, I felt called to celebrate the end of this year with Grandfather Tobacco and Grandmother Ayahuasca from the Amazon. I just came out of the jungle, another amazing journey and a great reminder about love. I trust that through my words, I can share with you some of the gifts of love that I feel so strongly in my heart.
The only way out is through
To get to where you want to go, you must first remove all the obstacles. The strict diet we hold before the ceremony, including the Tobacco cleanse to prepare the mind and body, is a voluntary sacrifice we willingly make to create space for the truth and the love to emerge and be touched.
It’s neither easy nor pleasant to go through this process, but it is absolutely necessary to receive the gifts of this amazing medicine.
There is time for surrender and time to act and express your power
Surrendering to the pain of letting go took me years of practice. The attachments to things that were not serving me were strong and hard to break. In one of my visions, I saw myself grasping at my pain with all my strength as the medicine was teaching me to let go and open my hands.
I learned to sit with the discomfort, I learned to breathe through the pain, and I learned not to resist what death needs to take away. It’s easier this way. I am grateful.
Don’t judge
Judgment closes the heart and prevents you from feeling love. Please do not judge. Honor and respect each path, every journey, because they are all an expression of love. I know that when I judge, it clouds my eyes and disconnects me from love. Acceptance is the great antidote, and I choose to see with the eyes of love. Forgive me if I still judge, and remind me to come back to love.
Your choice
You choose what you want. Period. But I had to mature, heal, and grow to truly understand this choice and to realize that I am not a victim anymore. In fact, I never was. I am still learning to exercise my free will and choose what serves me the most.
About love
Love is not an emotion. It’s a state of being, close to contentment and peace. To love means to walk with an open heart in the face of adversity and contrast. It’s a choice to keep an open heart even when it is hard, ugly, or dark. This is the most courageous and revolutionary act in this world.
Love is unconditional, and everything is an expression of love, even the darkest and sickest thing. We all came from this love, and we all return to it at the end of our journey.
You are loved unconditionally. There is nothing you have to do to be worthy or to deserve it.
This doesn’t mean you have to accept or invite pain or darkness into your life. You choose which expression of love you would like.
For this Christmas, I wish we all remember this. I wish we choose to walk with an open heart, to be courageous, and to be the highest expression of love.
I love you. To all my relations
Read more from Nina Izel
Nina Izel, Healer, Teacher, and Author
Nina Izel helps people to heal and change their life with psychedelic-assisted therapy. She is passionate about self-discovery and self-empowerment and she believes that you are the healer and love is the medicine. Her mission is to support, educate and guide people regarding the safe, responsible and effective use of sacred plant medicines for healing and awakening.
