10 Ways to Develop Positivity as a Skill
Updated: Sep 16
Taylor Han is the founder of True Voice Consulting, passionate about helping individuals and organizations build healthier leadership practices, stronger communication cultures, and more authentic ways of leading. Her work explores the intersection of leadership, relationships, culture, and human connection.
Positivity is often treated as something you either naturally possess or simply don’t. What if positivity is less about disposition and more about development? Like any skill, our capacity to recognize what is good, find possibility in difficult circumstances, and intentionally shift our attention toward what is working can be strengthened with practice.
This doesn’t mean ignoring hardship or forcing ourselves into optimism when life feels heavy. Instead, it means learning how to build the mental and emotional habits that allow us to access a more balanced perspective, even in challenging seasons. Below are 10 strategies to develop the capacity to notice that there may still be something worth holding onto, even when things don’t feel okay.
The toxic positivity trap
The recently coined concept of “toxic positivity” is something we all try our best to avoid, but too often, normal positive behavior gets lumped in as well. Toxic positivity could be described as the excessive and overgeneralized belief that, no matter how dire a situation is, you should remain in a relentlessly perky mindset. This is unrealistic, and there is something to be said for occasionally just acknowledging that you’ve had some tough luck.
With that said, why do we find general positivity so off-putting? Unfortunately, it’s just much easier to be negative. It comes more naturally, and conveniently, we’re all very good at it.
Toxic positivity says that our response should always be, “Everything is fine.” I would argue that healthy positivity, appropriately leveraged, would sound more like, “Everything is not fine, but I will find a way to move forward.” There shouldn’t be an expectation to ignore reality, minimize pain, or force optimism. Healthy positivity should tell the truth, acknowledge difficulty, and maintain a belief that progress is still possible.
When misery loves company
Complaining often produces bonding. This is especially true in work environments where stress is high, and morale is low. We all want someone who sympathizes with our woes and knows the context of our circumstances. It’s a primal human desire to find someone to help us in the trenches.
We’re wired to avoid discomfort and disappointment, and so much of the time, that’s what we’re met with. Aiming high is both difficult to do and difficult to sustain.
The power of a reframe
If you think through your life’s hardest moments, most of us would say we eventually ran into someone who was simply the right kind of support. They gave us what we needed when we needed it most, whether it was words of encouragement, brainpower to think through an issue, or some other form of assistance. The end result is usually that, by leaning on their strength and helpful energy, you find a way through. That’s something you usually don’t receive from commiseration buddies.
It’s much easier to pull someone down than to lift them up. One takes advantage of gravity, while the other requires brute strength. When someone can help reframe bad circumstances into silver linings, we see it as a gift. The reason it’s so precious is that it’s difficult to find someone who is able to do this, and the reason it’s so rare is that consistent, healthy positivity is a skill. Skills must be developed and reinforced.
Positivity is a collection of six learned traits
What you notice
What you reinforce
What follow-up questions you ask yourself
How you interpret setbacks
How quickly you recover
Where you allow your attention to naturally rest
The ability to look on the bright side of things is built through the repetition of habits. You don’t accidentally lift weights, for example. It’s an intentional decision each time it’s done. For some reason, we expect people to have emotional resilience without practice.
Our thoughts are heavily dictated by emotion, and emotion is heavily dictated by a delicate balance of internal and external conditions. If we’re too hungry, too tired, too hot, etc., the world tilts off kilter. How can we expect, without intentionally training our thoughts, to end up as anything other than emotionally held hostage by our brains?
Positivity in leadership
In the workplace, teams subconsciously rely on leaders for emotional direction. If the boss is excited, the team is inclined toward excitement. If the boss is beaten down, the team gives up before they start. As information filters through leaders, teams can’t be expected to immediately separate how they should feel about something from the emotional presentation that’s offered to them. If they have to provide the pep, they’re really the ones leading. Great leadership requires realism and hope at the same time.
Like negativity, positivity can also be contagious. If someone smiles at you, you’re likely to unconsciously smile back. If people in a room are laughing, you’re more prone to laughter. It’s why stand-up comedy is always funnier in person! If everyone around you can find the silver lining, you’ll want to see it too, and the same is true in reverse. If you have a silver lining, you’ll want to share it with someone who would benefit.
10 exercises to mentally frame for positivity
Change your inner dialogue: When a disappointing or frustrating situation presents itself, don’t default to complaining. Instead, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?”
Celebrate progress before perfection: Most people wait until the finish line to acknowledge success. Get in the game early by acknowledging momentum.
Name three wins every day: Not because life is perfect, but because your brain won’t naturally notice them. Challenge yourself to find three good things, even if they’re small. This habit will likely be your biggest accelerator.
Catch yourself catastrophizing: Change “This always happens” to “This happened today.” Small language shifts can create major emotional shifts.
Be intentional with encouragement: It isn’t fluff. It’s fuel. Allow your words to feed someone else when their chips are down.
Take a language audit: Spend 7 days tracking your words. Count how often you default to “problem,” “failure,” or “issue” versus “challenge,” “opportunity,” or “data point.” Notice your reflex.
Make sure everyone feels heard: Even if your goal is to redirect toward a solution, people still want to express their own hang-ups before they can see past them. It’s okay to create space for this, but don’t fall into step.
Learn to calibrate severity: Build a mental scale from minor friction, such as a typo or short delay, to real loss, such as a layoff, failed launch, or a mistake with real consequences. On the minor end, reframe freely, but when dealing with real loss, lead with acknowledgement and earn the reframe later.
Use a “both/and” check: Can you hold both truth and hope in the same hand without one canceling out the other? If not, sit in the tension a little longer.
Hold a trusted debrief: Ask a peer or mentor if you come across honestly to others or if you’re seen as glossing over the surface. External calibration is usually more effective than self-assessment.
Want to dig in further?
Changing small habits pays big dividends over time. Take the first step toward overcoming negative thought patterns by implementing these strategies in your life. Know that no matter where you’re starting from, you have the power to rewire the way you think.
If you need help getting started, book a coaching call today. Let’s work together to embrace your true potential.
Read more from Taylor Han
Taylor Han, Leadership and Communication Expert
Taylor's work focuses on helping individuals and organizations build healthier, more human-centered ways of leading. Drawing from her background in communication and leadership, her work explores topics including organizational culture, relationships, authenticity, and the realities of modern leadership. Through her writing, Taylor challenges conventional assumptions and invites readers into deeper conversations about what effective leadership actually looks like. In addition to leadership consulting, True Voice Consulting also provides ghostwriting services, as well as fiction and memoir editing, helping clients communicate their ideas and stories in an authentic and clear way.
