10 Tools To Strengthen Your Relationship When Parenting Gets Hard
- Brainz Magazine
- Dec 25, 2024
- 6 min read
Empowering parents of tweens and teens to turn stress into calmness and strength. Guide your children to manage transitions with confidence and resilience. Mental fitness will teach you 'how.'
Parenting can feel overwhelming, especially when sleepless nights, endless to-do lists, and high-stress moments pile up. Add a layer of anxiety, and it’s no wonder relationships often feel strained. Yet, in the chaos of raising kids, it’s essential to remember: you and your partner are a team.
Strengthening your connection during stressful times isn’t just possible; it’s vital. By integrating positive parenting tips and mental fitness strategies, you can overcome overwhelm together and nurture both a thriving family and a resilient partnership.
Why parenting feels so stressful
Parenting often triggers the brain’s survival mode, activating stress responses like fight, flight, or freeze. These autopilot reactions; arguments, impatience, shutting down—can unintentionally erode trust and connection.
That’s where Positive Intelligence (PI) comes in. This mental fitness framework teaches us how to shift out of survival mode into a state of calm, clarity, and curiosity. The result? A stronger, calmer partnership, even in the most stressful parenting moments.
10 tools to reconnect and parent as a team
1. Pause and shift perspectives
Stressful moments trigger reactive behaviors that escalate conflict. Instead, pausing to reflect and reframe can open the door to collaboration. PI Action Step: When emotions run high, tap into the Navigate Sage Power and ask yourself, “In one year from now, looking back, what would my elder, wiser self say is important for me to focus on right now? What’s not worth worrying about?” With practice, you can train your mind to redirect initial autopilot reactions.
2 .Don’t take things personally
Stress can make it easy to misinterpret your partner’s words or actions as personal attacks. But often, their reactions reflect their own struggles, not yours.
PI action step: Shift your mindset by asking, “What else might be true?” Instead of assuming, “They’re ignoring me,” consider, “My Judge says they’re ignoring me, but maybe I’m not accurately expressing my needs.” This creates space for empathy and understanding.
3. Be mindful of words and tone
Frustration can lead to hurtful words that damage trust. Conscious communication softens conflicts, nurtures connection, and models healthy communication skills.
PI action step: Take three deep breaths before responding. Remind yourself that your tone has the power to bridge gaps or widen them. You can’t control their tone and words, but with mindful presence, you can control yours.
4. Create space for understanding
During stress, it’s natural to focus on your own assumptions, expectations, and perspective. Stepping back to understand your partner’s experience builds trust.
PI action step: Ask, “What’s most important to you right now?” Listen actively and reflect on what you hear. For example, “I hear you’re feeling overwhelmed by everything on our plates. Is that right?”
5. Find the 10% positive in their perspective
In conflicts, finding a small piece of truth in your partner’s view reduces tension and builds collaboration. If you find yourself having the same disagreement and neither of you feels heard, practicing the Innovate Power of your Sage is most effective.
PI action step: Acknowledge what you appreciate in their perspective, then add your thoughts to generate a new idea: “What I like about your frustration is that I understand how concerned you are over our teen’s behavior, and I’m curious what assumptions she’s making that may have caused this abrupt change that we’re not aware of.”
Practice curiosity over judgment
Judgment pushes people apart; curiosity invites connection.
PI action step: Ask yourself, “What don’t I understand about how my partner feels? What else might be true?” This reframing shifts you from confrontation to collaboration.
Use ‘I’ statements
Blaming language like “You never help!” creates defensiveness. “I” statements focus on your feelings and invite problem-solving.
PI action step: Say, “I feel overwhelmed when I handle the evening routine alone. I have a request: Can we find a way to share this responsibility?”
Establish clear boundaries
Healthy boundaries reduce resentment and clarify expectations for all parties.
PI action step: Use this formula: “When X happens, I feel Y, and I request Z.” For example, “When alcohol is used mindlessly to relieve stress, I feel concerned that we are setting a bad example for our kids, and I request that we explore alternative coping mechanisms.”
Be present in the moment
Parenting often pulls you in multiple directions, creating disconnection. Being fully present and vulnerable rebuilds intimacy and trust. Even five minutes of uninterrupted attention can make a significant difference in feeling seen and heard.
PI action step: Plan a time each week for an uninterrupted conversation. Begin by expressing at least one thing you appreciate about the other person to set a neutral tone. Take turns actively listening and sharing your grievances.
Repeat the practice: “When X happens, I feel Y, and I request Z.” Ask your partner to repeat what they heard to ensure you’re on the same page. Then reverse roles.
Seek support when needed
Sometimes, a neutral third perspective is invaluable. Seeking guidance shows strength, not weakness, and can make all the difference in the world.
PI action step: Activate your Sage Perspective by asking, “What’s the gift or opportunity in this challenge?” Reach out to a trusted resource if needed.
Bonus tool: Ask ‘what’s needed now?’
When frustration takes over, shift toward solutions by focusing on the present moment.
PI Action Step: Ask yourself or your partner, “What’s one thing we can do right now to feel more connected?” Small gestures—a hug, a kind word, or setting aside time to talk—can bring immediate relief.
Why positive intelligence matters
Parenting in survival mode often triggers stress and disconnection. Mental fitness tools rooted in Positive Intelligence can help you and your partner shift from lashing out or shutting down to understanding and empathy, building deeper connections.
By integrating these tools, you’ll not only reduce stress but also deepen your partnership and create a home where collaboration thrives.
When stress arises, you’ll remain grounded.
When criticized, you’ll respond with compassion instead of judgment, recognizing projections as unrelated to you.
When expectations fall short, you’ll shift from disappointment to the gift of discovery, learning, and growth.
Mental fitness isn’t about hopeful thinking; it’s a real-time skill set for real change.
What others are saying
“Mental fitness was the missing piece for me. Therapy and mindfulness helped me reflect, but mental fitness taught me to apply what I’ve learned in real time. I’m grateful every day for this life-changing practice.” – Julie I.
“My husband commented that I’ve been more relaxed and funny lately. I said it’s Barb and my mental fitness. I feel freer and lighter. I can be silly instead of stressed! He said, 'Mental fitness looks good on you!'” – Ellie S.
“After four weeks of mental fitness, my anxiety level has dropped from an 8 to a 4. The practices are simple to remember, and with practice, they’ve replaced autopilot reactions with conscious choices. I’m more present with my spouse and kids, and for that reason, I choose to practice mental fitness daily.” – Ashley C.
“This stuff works!” – Jo Helen W.
Begin your transformation today
Parenting doesn’t have to strain your relationship. With the right mindset and tools, you can strengthen your connection, reduce tension, and nurture yourself, your partner, and your family. It’s never too soon or too late to become mentally fit, but the sooner, the better!
Schedule your free discovery call today
Take the first step toward clarity and empowerment by booking your call here.
Need help finding a time? Email me here, and we’ll arrange a time suitable for us both.
Need help finding a time? Email me at barb@imagoodparent.com, and we’ll arrange a time suitable for us both.
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Read more from Barb Kornbrath
Barb Kornbrath, Certified Positive Intelligence Coach
Barb Kornbrath empowers parents of tweens and teens to manage stress. She helps improve communication, manage anxiety, and nurture emotional intelligence. Using mental fitness techniques, she supports parents in creating resilient, loving family dynamics. Barb transforms parenting challenges into lifelong learning opportunities. Her mission is to promote conscious parenting, one mindset at a time. Happy, thriving parents and kids await!
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