Written by: Jeanne Y. Savelle, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Last month, I introduced some thoughts about my experience with creativity. This month, I’ll share what I’ve learned about creativity as an innate human quality. I was always in awe of writers, musicians, and artists. They seemed different from someone like me who went to work in an office every day. Or from someone who worked in a hospital or at a construction site. I thought they didn’t suffer from the stresses working people had: bills, daily drudgery, finding time for various appointments, balancing family life, and more. Artists either didn’t suffer from these concerns, or they didn’t care as much. Instead, they put their art first, living in ways I didn’t understand. What I didn’t understand was how life works. All humans suffer from illusions created by faulty thinking. Artists have the same concerns as I do because they have similar thoughts to mine. But they instinctively live from a creative space, while I did not. My journey to living a creative life began with life coaching. It forced me to question what I believed was true about the world. I started to see I had more control over my life than I thought. My dissatisfaction wasn’t because of someone or something else outside me. I was creating it. As I searched deeper into ideas about the nature of thought, I began to see life in new ways. I saw for myself that life, and everything in it, is creative, including me. Try an experiment with me. Stop here for a few minutes. Go outside and sit in your yard, preferably in your bare feet. See, hear, smell, and feel what is going on around you. Close your eyes. Then, come back inside and write down what you experienced. What colors, animal life, or cloud formations did you see? Did you hear birds, insects, or rustling leaves? Did you smell mowed grass, the dirt in your garden, or the gardenias by the door? How did the grass or the warm sidewalk feel under your bare feet? Was there a breeze or the sun on your skin? Nature reveals life’s creativity. Every moment is filled with a constantly changing, unique flow of energy. Life’s immense creative force is forever on display, and it lives in you and in me. In the past, I rarely noticed much of my surroundings as I went about my days. I would drive to work oblivious of life around me, sit inside all day, then return home completely unaware. I wasn’t connecting to life’s creative energy at work or at home. I had been denying myself the life I was meant to live. I could feel it. I knew something was missing, something that had been missing for years. I had been fully socialized without realizing it. Watch a young child move in the world. They instinctively engage in each moment with utter delight. They don’t question, judge, or stress themselves about anything. Instead, they play and explore until they don’t want to anymore. What happens when they get older? What happens to their joy and curiosity? Society tells them to be quiet, settle down, sit still, behave, study, criticize, complain, judge, compare, worry, fear. Society leads us to create assumptions, beliefs, and limited stories about our lives. Forty years later, we wonder why our lives seem complicated and unfulfilling. This was me. I didn’t allow myself to question my life until I retired at 62, even though I felt empty most of the time. Three years later, at 65, I have begun to unravel the mystery of my life. I thought I had to “do” something about it: actively change my thinking, commit to “self-improvement,” create better habits through “personal- or self-development.” I did it all. Only later did I learn and experience the truth. There wasn’t anything to fix or do because I am, and always have been, an integral part of life’s immense creative power. You, and everyone and every living thing, are too. I only needed to reconnect with my essential nature. By acknowledging and connecting with my innate creativity, I began to unleash it and allow it to express uniquely through me. Every human being has the same opportunity to tap into their own creative life force and live from that space. Creativity is innate: to me, to you. So, I challenge you to experience your own inner creative potential. Connect with me on LinkedIn ! Read more from Jeanne ! Jeanne Y. Savelle, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Jeanne is a Gentle Guide and Transformation Agent living in the Atlanta, GA, area. After 30 years as an international corporate finance executive, she chucked that life to reinvent herself. She is now a transformational coach guiding older adults to living life through their inner creativity. She is a writer and author, writing about transformation, creativity, retirement, and wine. She's earned certifications from The Retirement Coaches Association, The Life Coach School, and Modern Elder Academy. Her previous life included a Masters in International Management from The Thunderbird School of Global Management at Arizona State University.

Written by: Sarah Waxman, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Self-awareness is a key ingredient for being a better parent. Let’s not go crazy and say a perfect parent because perfection doesn’t exist (my apologies to all my type 1s). Our goal as moms is to strive to be the best parent we can be for our kids and for each of our kids, separately. Once we truly know ourselves as human beings and step into our true and authentic selves (the person that we were born to be), we realize a new level of self-awareness. And we are able to be the mom that our children deserve. Because let’s face it, you were created to do incredible things. One of which was to be handpicked to mother your children—the greatest job of all. And this is where the Enneagram can help. The Enneagram is a self-discovery tool and, in my opinion, the best self-discovery tool. The Enneagram not only tells us and gives us insight into our personality, but it explains to us why we are the way that we are and why we do the things that we do. It’s fluid. It shows us where we go in stress, and it gives us a path to move forward towards growth, towards our true self. The Enneagram doesn’t just tell us our behaviors. It tells us our motivations behind our behaviors. For example, you may finish a project and do it to the best of your ability because you are a perfectionist (ahem, type 1s again). You want to be right, and you want to be good. Someone else may finish a project and do it to the best of their ability because they only feel loved when they produce or achieve (ahem, type 3s). They feel that they are loved for the things they do, not the person they are. They are driven by success and achievement. This tool is wildly helpful in parenting because we can not only learn and understand why we do things, feel things, and think things, but we also begin to recognize what triggers us, what our perception of the world is and gain insight into the motivations of our children. If we are able to understand that one child is driven by needing to be needed (type 2s) and another is driven by wanting to maintain peaceful surroundings (type 9s), then we can respond to each one in a way that makes sense to them and makes them feel loved and valued in their own unique way. Now, I need to make sure that we all understand that we absolutely, in no way, shape, or form type children. What we can do is understand each of the Enneagram types so we can see what tendencies our children display. We can respond to those tendencies and parent to those tendencies without labeling or giving our children a type. Telling our children that they are a specific type can be detrimental to their development. For starters, discovering our Enneagram type is a journey that each of us should experience for ourselves. If we tell someone what type we think they are, not only are we taking away that personal journey of discovery, but we could be wrong. As much as we think we know a person, we don’t know their core desires and motivations. Additionally, by telling a child what type you think they are, you are putting them into a box. You are taking away their opportunity to grow and blossom into the person they are meant to be. Each of us has all 9 types within us. Life shapes what type becomes our dominant personality. Children haven’t had enough life experiences to have a dominant type yet. Labeling it may keep them stuck. The correct path forward here is to consider a few different types for your children, respond appropriately, and keep that information to yourself. One child may demonstrate tendencies of type 1, type 4, and type 6. As parents, we can dive in to better understand what drives those different types and utilize that information in our parenting, adding another layer of awareness. So first things first, let’s figure out your type, momma. Then, we can take a closer look at what each type brings to the table and what children of each type need from their parents. Type 1 - The Flawless mom Type 1s are incredibly wonderful moms because they give their children firm boundaries, and they do everything they can to raise them to be responsible humans. They expect their children to be consistent, truthful, and moral, just like them. Weaknesses: highlight mistakes and imperfections, inflexible, critical, perfectionistic, judgmental intolerant Strengths: reliable, wise, honest, organized, ethical, moral, helps and corrects others Type 1 moms struggle with playtime. They can find it difficult to take time to play with their children. Type 1s often have to be reminded to relax and take a breath. To them, there is always something that needs to be done, and they can’t rest or play until the work is finished. Children of type 1s can feel pressure to be perfect and believe that they always have to do things correctly in order to be loved. Type 1 - The Perfect Child Type 1 children desire to be good boys and girls. They fear being bad or doing something incorrectly. Type 1 children need their parents to understand that when they make a mistake or do something wrong, they are harder on themselves than you are on them. Type 1 children need you to understand that criticizing them doesn’t help but instead makes them feel even worse. Type 1 children are model children. They follow all of the rules and will often spend a lot of time and energy comparing themselves to others. This comparison game is one that will remain with them throughout their lives. Type 1 children want to hear that they are good. They want to be told that they are doing a good job. They need to hear that they are loved, even when they make mistakes and that it’s okay to make mistakes. Things a type 1 child may do: Complete chores and clean up without needing a reminder Give advice Ask if he/she is a good boy/girl Struggle to play with other kids Get along with adults well Feel like everything has to be perfect Won’t try a new activity if he/she believes failure is a possibility Type 2 - The Caring Mom Type 2s are awesome moms because they are the epitome of nurturing and affectionate. They care, and they give their children a strong sense of confidence. They genuinely care about their children, and they are interested in what they have to say. These moms go out of their way to meet their kids’ needs, although this can cause them to forget their own. Weaknesses: manipulative, people-pleasing, indirect, intrusive, possessive, unwilling to accept help. Strengths: generous, supportive, considerate, hospitable, empathetic, compassionate, excellent listener Children of type 2s can feel overwhelmed and burdened by the amount of help and assistance a type 2 mom provides, which can leave her feeling hurt, unneeded, and unwanted. Type 2 - The Helpful Child Type 2 children desire to be liked, wanted, and loved. They fear being unwanted, unloved, and unneeded. Type 2 children need their parents to show them love even when they aren’t doing something for someone else. Type 2 children believe that in order to receive, they must give first. Show them that they can receive affection without providing an act of service first. Type 2 children want to please everyone. They believe their relationships are so important and fragile that they will try to maintain these relationships and win their friends and loved ones over by buying gifts or giving away their favorite things. Type 2 children need to hear that they are appreciated, loved, and needed. They believe that they are only okay if they have close relationships and are loved by others. Help them to understand that their worth is not based on love and appreciation. Help them to understand that they are loved and appreciated for being who they are, not for the things they do for others. Things a type 2 child may do: Seek to be liked by coaches, teachers, and other authority figures Put others first Appear more sensitive than other children Seem to know exactly what others need Offer help, support, and advice to others Take care of others Appear to be very generous and genuine Type 3 - The Cheerleader Mom Type 3s are terrific moms because they raise hardworking children. They are optimistic and goal-oriented. They give one hundred percent to everything they do, including parenting. Type 3 moms are able to fit into any crowd or any scene because they have the ability to shapeshift into the person they need to be in any situation. The pitfall for a type 3 mom is the thought that they have to appear polished and successful wherever they go. Weaknesses: deceitful, competitive, self-promoting, pretentious Strengths: productive, efficient, ambitious, charming, confident, optimistic Children of type 3s can feel like they are only loved because of what they do and the things they achieve, not because of who they are. This can cause a tremendous amount of stress because they will believe that they are only as good as their accomplishments which may put them in a position where they feel that they always have to be the best, they always have to win, or they always have to earn high grades. Type 3 - The Popular Child Type 3 children want to be valued, successful, and admired. They fear failure or being unsuccessful. They fear coming in second place. Type 3 children need their parents to praise them and highlight their accomplishments, even when they don’t win or come in the first place. They need to hear that winning isn’t everything and that having fun is important, too. Type 3 children need to be told that they are loved for who they are, not the things they achieve. Type 3 children are high achievement seekers. Their accomplishments define their identity. They are very socially aware and may go against their own thoughts and feelings in order to fit in with the cool kids. This conformity may cause them to lose sight of who they truly are. Things a type 3 child may do: Strive to complete tasks successfully Easily adapt to social situations Make friends easily Have a healthy self-esteem Boast about their accomplishments Take pride in their appearance Want to be the center of attention Type 4 - The Sensitive Mom Type 4s are wonderful moms because they truly feel and care. They encourage their children to be creative and to express themselves. They bring depth to the parent-child relationship. Type 4 moms often question their values and can feel disconnected from their families at times. Weaknesses: insecure, stubborn, withdrawn, dramatic, moody, temperamental Strengths: authentic, creative, intuitive, refined, passionate, affectionate Children of Type 4s can feel burdened by the extreme range of emotions and may believe that in order for them to be loved, they must prove that they are special and unique. Type 4 - The Authentic Child Type 4 children desire to be authentic and unique. They fear being plain, unoriginal, and the same as everyone else. Type 4 children want to stand out in some way. Type 4 children need their parents to understand that sometimes they need time to process their emotions, and they don't necessarily want or need to be cheered up. Type 4 children need to be told it’s okay to be vulnerable and that they are allowed to express themselves and how they are feeling. Tell them that being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. Type 4 children want to belong. They want to fit in, but they don’t know how. They believe that something is missing or something is wrong with them. The last thing they want is to be compared to someone else. Parents, hold off on the “why can’t you be more like so and so” or “why can’t you do this like so and so,” comments. Let them know that they are loved for exactly who they are and that it’s okay for them to be happy and successful. This a type 4 child may do: Appreciate nature Feel like they don’t fit in Stand out from the crowd Envy others Talk too much or be too honest Compare themselves to others Enjoy being creative Type 5 - The Perceptive Mom Type 5s are incredible moms because they are perceptive and innovative, and they constantly want to learn new things. They raise their children to ask questions, to be objective and wise, and to make educated decisions. Type 5 moms are familiar with feeling overwhelmed. They feel like the world is intrusive, so they are very private people. Type 5 moms have limited energy. This causes them to be very careful with where they focus their attention, preventing an empty energy tank. Weaknesses: distant, detached, intense, withdrawn, secretive, stubborn Strengths: wise, innovative, calm, observant, skillful, curious, competent, predictable Type 5 moms can be emotionally distant. This can cause their children to question their bond or wonder how much they are loved. Type 5 - The Observant Child Type 5 children desire to know and understand everything. They fear having their privacy invaded or losing all of their energy. Type 5 children need their parents to understand that they don’t have as much stored energy as everyone else. They wake up with lower battery life than everyone else. Time alone is much needed and helps them to recharge. Type 5 children would much rather observe than participate. They want you to understand that just because they want to be alone doesn’t mean they are upset, angry, or frustrated with you … they just want to be alone. It really is that simple. Type 5 children are typically quiet. They want to be able to take care of themselves. They know much more than they let on. They have a love-hate relationship with the school. They enjoy learning, but sometimes the social aspect can be draining. They need to hear that their needs are important and not a burden on others. Type 5s tend to minimize their needs and protect their resources (time and energy). Things a type 5 child may do: Prefer to play alone Struggle with social behaviors and social cues Appear to be shy and introverted Avoid crowds Take things apart to see how they work Ask a lot of questions Struggle when receiving attention Type 6 - The Committed Mom Type 6s are fabulous moms because they are trustworthy and dependable. They raise obedient and responsible children. They feel that the world is a dangerous place and are super protective of their children. They can often assume the worst, which can ultimately project their fears and insecurities onto their children. Type 6 moms are loyal and will do everything they can to keep their children safe. Weaknesses: defensive, indecisive, rigid, skeptical, anxious, suspicious Strengths: supportive, compassionate, trustworthy, loyal, reliable, steady, likable Children of type 6 moms can develop anxiety when their mom unknowingly projects worry and anxiety onto them. This worry can trickle down and become their worry. Type 6 - The Questioning Child Type 6 children desire to have support, and they want to be safe and secure. They fear not having support or guidance or feeling unsafe. Type 6 children need their parents to understand that they are okay with having their mistakes corrected, but please do so gently and privately. They don’t want to be called out in front of others. They don’t want their mistakes exposed. They also don’t want to be micromanaged. If you give them clear, direct, and concise directions, let them do their thing and support them in the background. They know what they are doing. Type 6 children are very measured and hesitant. Authority figures love type 6 children because they are good listeners and they will follow the rules. They are careful, and they will watch before joining in to make sure the activity is safe. They lack self-confidence and have a difficult time receiving compliments or encouragement. Let them know that they are safe and secure. Let them know that they are protected and will be taken care of. Let them know that they don’t need to worry and that they can trust themselves and others. Things a type 6 child may do: Argue Struggle to make a decision and seek advice from others Constantly worry and ask “what if” questions Demonstrate nervous behaviors Engage in behaviors and activities to get others to like them Seem to be loyal to others Feel that they mess things up Type 7 - The Adventurous Mom Type 7s are amazing moms because they are energetic, optimistic, and always looking for a family adventure. They want to expose their children to every opportunity and experience available. They see life as an opportunity to have endless adventures, and they expect their kids to be able to keep up. Weaknesses: not fully present, impulsive, restless, impatient, over-extended, noncommittal Strengths: fun-loving, confident, charming, curious, passionate, optimistic, adventurous Children of type 7 moms can feel like the adventures and experiences are more important than they are. Type 7 moms can overschedule and go, go, go, causing their children to believe that they are only loved if they are having fun. Type 7 - The Wild Child Type 7 children desire to have fun, to be happy, and to live life to the fullest. They fear being bored or having to deal with their emotions. Type 7 children may try to make a joke or do something silly during a serious event or conversation to lighten the mood and ease the tension. They don’t like to feel painful emotions or sit with their feelings. They need their parents to understand that they aren’t trying to be disrespectful. They are trying to cope with their emotions in their own way. Type 7 children feel that they are on their own. If no one else will help them, they will help themselves. Because of this, they dive deep into their imagination and plan exciting adventures and experiences. They imagine a life where they don’t have to deal with painful emotions or scary situations. Let them know that they will always be taken care of, regardless of the circumstances. Encourage them to enjoy the present moment because type 7 children are always planning and thinking about the next thing. They miss out on a lot because they are rarely in the moment. Things a type 7 child may do: Try new things Enjoy being the center of attention Make friends easily Appear to be upbeat most of the time Have a hard time sitting still Avoid difficult conversations or situations Leave things incomplete to jump at a new opportunity Type 8 - The Confident Mom Type 8s are terrific moms because they allow their children to feel safe and protected. They are assertive and protective. They love their children more than anything and will do whatever it takes to help them find success. They are guarded and constantly have a wall up to minimize vulnerability and the possibility of betrayal. Weaknesses: controlling, rigid, confrontational, skeptical, vengeful, explosive Strengths: honest, strong, decisive, protective, empowering, bold, compassionate, resilient Children may feel controlled, intimidated, or belittled by their type 8 mom. The type 8 mom can be blunt, confrontational, domineering, and cynical, which can create space for their family and friends to question how they truly feel about their loved ones. Type 8 - The Protective Child Type 8 children desire to be in control and to be strong and protective of themselves and others. They fear being challenged, controlled, or manipulated. Type 8 children believe that only the strong survive. You either lead .. or you follow, and these children will not be followers. They don’t necessarily have to be the person in control, but they won’t be controlled by others. They want their parents to understand that they are fully capable of being independent. They trust themselves more than they trust most adults. They are able to live up to the challenges presented to them. They want their parents to understand that they understand the rules and limits placed upon them, but their motive behind following the rules is not to please but to be rewarded with more freedom because they can handle it. Let them know that they will not be betrayed. Let them know that they can trust and look up to important adults in their life. Let them know that it’s okay to show some vulnerability from time to time and that expressing how they feel does not make them weak. Things a type 8 child may do: Enjoy being around babies and animals Struggle to show their emotions Figure out how to get what they want Demonstrate leadership qualities Stand up for themselves and others Enjoy confrontation Appear to be very confident Type 9 - The Easygoing Mom Type 9s are wonderful moms because they accept their children for who they are. They are warm and gentle, and free from judgment. They can see all points of view, so they make great mediators. They avoid conflict and want to create a harmonious space for their children. They want their children to lead peaceful lives and feel that everyone deserves to be respected. Sometimes, they can shut off their feelings and tune out their own dreams and thoughts if it goes against what someone else wants. Weaknesses: forgetful, passive-aggressive, resentful, stubborn, indecisive, obsessive Strengths: patient, pleasant, stable, accepting, fair, supportive, caring, trusting Type 9 moms can struggle to provide consistency for their children and can become emotionally unavailable to them. This can cause their children to feel dismissed and unimportant. Type 9 - The Peaceful Child Type 9 children desire to be free from conflict and to live in harmony. They fear confrontation and trouble in their relationships. Type 9 children oftentimes don’t feel heard because they don’t speak up or give their opinion. They would much rather go with the flow to avoid having a different opinion or idea from someone else. Type 9 children want their parents to understand that they want to be seen and they want to be heard, but they also want to keep the peace and be accommodating. Type 9 children are very easy to be around. They tend to play the role of mediator because they are able to see both sides, but the last thing they want to do is pick a side. Let them know that their presence matters and that their ideas, wants, and needs are important, even if they conflict with someone else's. Things a type 9 child may do: Avoid conflict and confrontation Seem to be sweet and kind Go with the flow Tend to procrastinate Get easily distracted Enjoy being close to you Rarely voice their opinion The Enneagram can be incredibly helpful when it comes to parenting, but not because we type our children. It's helpful because we learn about who we are as parents. When we uncover our true identities and learn about our behaviors and motivations, we can better understand ourselves and how we view the world around us. This allows us to understand the perspectives of others, including our children. When we can parent them the way they want and need to be parented, the whole dynamic changes. As parents, we can see patterns in our children's behaviors and learn about the tendencies they display and how they differ from our own. In the descriptions above, figure out the top three types that fit your child best. From there, learn about how your children view the world differently from you. Approach them differently by changing your messaging and your behavior. That will be one of the greatest gifts you can give to your children. All in all, understanding who you are, momma, will greatly impact your family dynamics. Dads may be the head of the household, but moms are the heart. Change begins with you, momma, and it trickles down from there. For more info, follow Sarah on her Facebook , Instagram , or visit her website ! Sarah Waxman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Sarah Waxman, AKA The EnneaMom, is a certified Enneagram coach, host of The SELF Aware Podcast, speaker, and creator of The SELF Aware Academy. She is on a mission to guide mommas on a self-awareness journey to discover who they truly are so they can connect with their families in ways they never dreamed of. Sarah utilizes the Enneagram in her coaching and training and shows mommas how to shed their false self and step into their true self, allowing them to become the version of themselves that their family deserves. The version of themselves that they were created to be.

Written by: Sarah R. Moore, Guest Writer Brainz Magazine Mind over matter — we've all heard it. We know that our mindset, or perspective, can directly affect the outcome of nearly any situation. For example, if we believe a situation will go well, it usually does. Likewise, if we expect to fail, it's often a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sure, the outcome isn't carved in stone, but our mindset profoundly affects our lives. In addition to influencing the outcomes of everyday situations, science proves that our most basic beliefs about ourselves and others strongly influence our interpersonal relationships. [1] The closer those relationships, the more strongly our mindset matters. Could our mindset also affect one of our most cherished connections — the one we have with our children? Indeed, it can do more than affect it — our parenting mindset can make or break the relationship. How Mindset Affects Parenting We know that even before birth, maternal happiness is linked with the unborn child's well-being . [2] We haven't even seen the child yet, much less spoken to it. Even in utero, the child is being affected by the person's mindset in whom they're growing. Once we have our children, who else does our "emotional baggage" affect most strongly? What generational cycles are we witnessing ourselves perpetuate? Conversely, what points of strength and resilience are we imparting upon our children? Who challenges us into a place of deep introspection more than our children do? Who do we have more power to influence — for better or worse? Indeed, our parenting mindset is a critical one to unpack for our own sake. And certainly for our children's. Fixed and Growth Mindsets Before we can get into how our mindset affects our parenting, we need to understand what the mindset concept is in the first place. Although mindset and attitude aren't synonymous, they're closely related. Our mindset helps shape our attitudes and beliefs. Those attitudes and beliefs drive how we relate to others. Expert Carol Dweck, Ph.D., has studied mindset extensively and written about it in her brilliant book, Mindset, The New Psychology of Success. [3] Her interdisciplinary work in developmental psychology, social psychology, and personality psychology have influenced our mindset. Dweck writes about the self-conceptions people use to structure the self and guide their behavior. Specifically, Dweck writes about her research showing that something drives people one of two ways when they face challenges: Either they're resilient and handle difficulties with relative ease, or They have the mental inclination to simply wither and withdraw, even when the adversity is relatively minor. They may not see the "whole story" and focus only on their personal shortcomings. That "something" that differentiates the two responses, Dweck writes, is their mindset . In more detail, Dweck and her colleagues have amassed research differentiating between two types of mindset: "fixed mindset" and "growth mindset." According to Dweck, "People who hold more of a growth mindset are more likely to thrive in the face of difficulty and continue to improve," and; “[People] who hold more of a fixed mindset may shy away from challenges or fail to meet their potential". When people are operating from a growth mindset, they're more resilient and rebound better from problems. This may be largely due to their intrinsic belief that they're capable problem solvers. Conversely, a fixed mindset sends people the message that adversity is unsafe, and therefore, it's to be avoided. A person's responses to everyday situations often give a fairly clear indication of their primary mindset, be it a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. Usually, people don't have a fixed mental attitude for every situation; it varies, like all things in life. Resultantly, we can look at how they usually respond to situations and their basic abilities to bounce back from challenges and recover — or not. Their typical way of handling adversity gives us a fairly clear indication of whether they generally harbor a growth or fixed mindset. These two mindsets are at the core of all activities and relationships in which we engage. While not the only indicator of the quality of our relationships, mindset is certainly a strong one. Plainly said, our mindset makes us sink or helps us swim. As it relates to parenting, when our children look to us to model how to "do life," they desperately need us to swim. How Mindset Affects Parenting Our mental attitude about our relationship to and with our children matters. At the core of every belief we have, we embody either a fixed or growth mindset. Our primary mindset reveals itself in how a person approaches everyday situations. Let's look at some examples of hours the mindset affects our parenting. 1. Connection A fixed mindset in parenting damages connection. A fixed mindset in parenting tells us that, using Dweck's definition, we "shy away from challenges." But, unfortunately, avoiding challenges causes a lack of connection between parent and child. How? A parent who misses the opportunity to connect with their child in healthy ways even during conflict risks losing their child's heart. Connection is at the core of healthy, peaceful, and collaborative relationships. When the connection is lacking, the parent/child dyad is, by definition, adversarial. Specifically, parenting with a fixed mindset may make us more apt to parent from one of these two opposite ends of the parenting spectrum: Control and manipulation, as often seen in authoritarian parenting, or Fear and lack of parental leadership, as often seen in permissive parenting. Authoritarian parenting is chronically unhealthy and damaging to children. [4] If the authoritarian parenting mindset had a tagline, it would be, "My way or the highway!" This parent shies away from challenges by always needing to be in charge , even at the cost of the child's self-esteem or emotional well-being. The hallmark of this type of parenting is high control and low warmth because they see the relationship as a unilateral hierarchy where the parent's needs and goals always outweigh the child's. This parent with a fixed mindset engages in the consuming goal of proving that they're smarter/more capable/more worthy of respect than the child. In doing so, they avoid challenges by leaving no room for the child's point of view. The adult will waste time proving that they're "right" rather than that they care. They may assign blame rather than model accountability for their mistakes. Additionally, when parenting from a fixed mindset that keeps the child under their control, they may use Despite its proven and long-term negative effects, physical discipline, including corporal punishment, and its demonstrated lack of effectiveness. [5] Punitive time-outs and isolation-based strategies leave the child to "figure things out" independently , with little to no support. Although time-outs are a broadly embraced concept, there are helpful and harmful ways to use them —more on those in a moment. Likewise, a permissive parenting approach with a fixed mindset undermines the child's basic abilities to rest in the security of a relationship. If it had a tagline, it would be, "I'll hide my deficiencies as a parent so that we never have any conflict, because if we do, I can't handle it . I'm not strong enough to rebound from adversity." Permissive parents may have no boundaries for their children and constantly seek the child's approval rather than offering the confident and loving leadership children need to thrive. This approach, in turn, is highly detrimental to children. [6] A growth mindset in parenting strengthens the parent-child bond. A growth mindset in parenting helps nurture success for the relationship because parents and children can continue to "thrive in the face of difficulty and continue to improve." This mindset allows parents to see their kids as inherently worthy of respect, even in the face of challenges. In fact, they understand that overcoming adversity together can strengthen their bond and make them closer. Parenting with a growth mindset increases the likelihood that the parent will use positive, authoritative parenting. [7] The consensus among the world's leading researchers indicates that this is the healthiest way to raise children, yet only about half of all parents use an authoritative style. [8] [9] Its tagline would be, "I'll lead you and give you healthy boundaries, and I see you as a whole person worthy of respect. So I'll show up for you." The mental inclination that manifests here lies in the simple belief that warmth and responsiveness are paramount in parenting. Positive parenting isn't just for a certain personality type of a child who "responds well" to it —it's for ordinary children as well as extraordinary ones. (Of course, all children are extraordinary in their own ways.) It can be practiced throughout childhood, from an early age, and adolescence. One of its defining characteristics is that it's not a set of "strategies" to gain compliance. Rather, children's behavior is positively and dramatically influenced by the parent's loving responsiveness to their needs. Positive parenting differs from permissive and authoritarian parenting insofar as it holds children accountable for their actions. However, this accountability does not manifest in a punitive way. On the contrary, the simple but groundbreaking idea is that the positive parent leans on natural and logical consequences rather than arbitrary punishment. [5] The authoritative parent may also rely on these forms of positive discipline rather than punitive ones: Use a " time in " rather than a punitive and isolating time-out to reconnect and recalibrate Employ a restorative " calm down corner ," also in lieu of a punitive time-out Peacefully discuss the ramifications of the choices our children make Hold space for our children's big feelings Use playful parenting to circumvent unnecessary conflict when appropriate This non-punitive approach is the proper motivation and often the most effective teacher for our children. Are these the only ways to be a positive, gentle, connection-based parent? Of course not. This is just the starting point. Whether the approach helps the child learn best, working together is always a mark of a growth mindset in parenting. Parenting with a growth mindset focused on connection is how we win and keep our child's heart. This understanding of social psychology, connection, and child development are at the core of a growth mindset in parenting. 2. Problem Solving A parent's mindset around problem-solving can make or break the relationship, as well. When parents encounter problems with their children, they have two options. They can believe that the conflict is Parent versus child (fixed mindset), or Parent and child — together — versus the problem they're trying to solve (collaborative, growth mindset). A fixed mindset fuels the fire of conflict. A fixed mindset fuels a belief that there are only two ways the problem can play out: the parent's way or the child's. The conflict becomes a power struggle where someone "wins" and the other "loses." Oftentimes, beneath the power struggle, the parent is secretly worried that if they "give in" to the child, they're weak, and they've failed as a parent. They rate their parenting effectiveness on whether they believe they look smart or dumb to their child. The only way they think they look "smart" to their child is if they overpower them. The parent might believe that staying rigid and inflexible helps them save face; they have to follow through with punishment even if they feel it isn't warranted. They feel deficient if their child doesn't obey. After all, they say, "the child needs to know who's boss." But at what cost? The risk here is that controlling, demanding parents raise controlling, demanding children — and the children continue the unhealthy cycle as they grow up. Moreover, all their present and future relationships suffer considerably under this mindset. A growth mindset creates room for solutions. A growth mindset that sees problems as opportunities to find solutions that no one has conceived of yet is much healthier. It nurtures creativity in both parent and child. It allows for win/win scenarios where no one "loses." Here, the parent works toward the relationship's good rather than forcing compliance that the child may later resent. With this mindset, the parent realizes that opposing views are often just the starting point before an agreement can be reached. Even if the child seems to exhibit fixed traits (such as often resisting bedtime, for example), this truer growth mindset can help them brainstorm together so that the problem becomes less of an issue. The most basic characteristics of problem-solving with a growth mindset are, once again, respect and trust . Parents and children are more likely to have a healthier relationship with conflict when they see it as being outside themselves rather than an interpersonal breach of connection. This is one of the most fundamental tenets and basic qualities of connection-based parenting. A growth mindset is how great parents lead their children to grow into collaborative, healthy, respectful adults. They realize that they're not just parenting their children; they're also teaching their kids how other significant people in their lives should treat them as they get older. In addition, they're training their children to emulate their own growth mindset for future relationships. 3. Boundaries When a problem arises, the parent with a growth mindset addresses it with the relationship's good . With this approach, the child feels that the adult is on their side, that they're on the same team. The parent offers a healthy dose of compassion and empathy along with developmentally appropriate boundaries. Developmentally appropriate boundaries arise from the parent seeing where the child is, socially, emotionally, and physically. The parent customizes boundaries for the actual child in front of them, not what they think the child "should" do by a certain age or by comparing them to others. The boundaries of a growth mindset are malleable and account for the child's needs at that moment . Furthermore, the parent realizes that boundaries work best when the adult shows up to help the child when they're struggling. The adult can't simply "lay down the law" and expect the child to comply perfectly every time. Instead, the adult's active involvement — knowing when to step back and when to step in — helps the child thrive best. Does a positive parenting mindset mean parents should relinquish their leadership role in the family and let kids "rule the roost" ? Instead, they need to be so flexible that it's unclear what the boundaries will be any given day? Of course not. Children benefit greatly from clear boundaries and guidance. The difference here is that we look at boundaries as written in pencil rather than in ink. A helpful analogy to understand the growth mindset of boundaries is that they're like water wings while a child is learning to swim. The water wings help keep the child afloat; they help keep them safe in the water. Could a non-swimmer thrive without them? Of course not. Boundaries are much the same way — they help keep children safe until they learn to manage swimming independently . Likewise, however, the child has flexibility in the pool while wearing the water wings; they can safely explore their surroundings. Boundaries that are too harsh are like keeping a 10-year-old in a baby pool; the child can't ever learn to swim that way. For a child to thrive, they have to explore a bit on their own, within the safety of guidelines. Some parents worry that their children will grow up to lack a certain moral character without a firm hand . They believe it may be their job to "mold" their kids into good humans without respect that the child is already a good human. Some parents fail to realize the basic qualities they want to teach best learned by modeling them. Herein lies the difference between the fixed and growth mindset of parenting boundaries: healthy boundaries help our kids explore safely without being too restrictive. Parents can modify boundaries to match whatever the situation calls for. That doesn't make the parent " wishy-washy " — to the contrary, it's a sign of resilience and flexibility. Both of these traits are extremely beneficial to the human endeavor. Our mindset around boundaries can nurture the relationship by allowing the child healthy and developmentally appropriate freedoms. But, conversely , our mindset can damage the connection by being inappropriately lax or restrictive. Stuck in Fixed Mindsets Fixed mindsets, especially around issues related to parenting, can indeed be tough to break. Habits are called habits for a reason. There's only a certain amount of change we can expect in ourselves all at once, even if we want to parent differently. We don't need to be stuck with the same mindset forever, though. The wonderful news about a person's true potential is that change is always possible. So the adage about "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" is a lie. How? Neuroplasticity . Neuroplasticity is a fancy neuroscience word that simply means that if we want to change our brains (and, therefore, our actions), we can. It's one of the most amazing human qualities we all possess. In short, if we want to fix our parenting (or any other) mindset, we can. Changing our fixed mindset to a growth mindset through neuroplasticity requires the following: Recognizing that we have two mindsets; the one from which we want to depart and the other that we want to grow; acknowledging that our fixed traits may, in fact, be changeable. Deciding specifically what the growth mindset would look like for us. Choosing it and following through. Giving ourselves the grace to make mistakes and try again (especially about a deep-seated trait that no longer serves us) while building the new habits and growth mindset we desire. The two basic mindsets, in this way, are a gift. We have to know our starting point before we can figure out where we want to go. Dweck and her colleagues write about brain plasticity related to growth mindsets, as well: "Recent advances in neuroscience have shown us that the brain is far more malleable than we ever knew. Research on brain plasticity has shown how connectivity between neurons can change with experience. With practice, neural networks grow new connections, strengthen existing ones, and build insulation that speeds transmission of impulses." [10] We don't have to do it alone when we decide we want to embody a new mindset and new patterns. Self-help books can be beneficial, as can counseling and/or parent coaching. [11] The more specific you can be about how you want your parenting mindset to look in action, the better. Amazingly, the brain takes our visualization about how we want situations to transpire as if what we visualized has actually happened — and we can grow our skills from that visualization. [12] Then, we take that visualization forward into real life. Mental practice, therefore, makes real-life easier. When you notice success in real life, celebrate it for the outstanding accomplishment that it is. Your initial talents and ongoing practice help fuel your future skills as a parent. In terms of neuroplasticity, the result for your mindset is that your brain will literally create new neural pathways that help you respond in a new way, as your new habit. It's rather like if you've always driven the same route to the grocery store, but one day the road is closed and you need to find a new way to get there. The more you practice the new route, the more it becomes second nature. Sure, you might accidentally go back to your old way once the original road opens up again. However, if you decide you like the new way better, you always have the option to choose it. The more you choose it, the more comfortable it will feel and the more naturally you’ll go in that direction. This is essentially how you form new neural pathways. Changing your mindset doesn't have to become an all-consuming goal, of course. Start small. Start with something actionable. Perhaps the goal isn't to never yell at your kids again, for example, but instead make it through an hour without yelling. A little bit of growth today can create incremental change that makes a lasting and positive difference in the long run. Mindset Matters Of the two mindsets, it's clear that the right mindset is the one that results in children with the interpersonal, emotional, and intellectual skills that foster success in their ongoing interpersonal relationships. Rather than raising children who are constantly seeking and having to work for our love and acceptance, they can rest in it . In this way, our parenting mindset helps us raise emotionally smart kids who seek and pursue connection and respect-based relationships throughout their lives. Best of all, that lasting respect and connection are also with us. Follow me on Instagram , Facebook , Pinterest , Twitter , and YouTube . Sarah R. Moore, Guest Writer Brainz Magazine Sarah R. Moore is the founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting . As a certified gentle parenting coach and trainer, she’s a regular contributor to international parenting magazines, as well as a frequent guest on podcasts and parenting summits. In addition, sh e offers a popular series of mini-courses , webinars, and FREE expert interviews . She’s currently writing two books that will be released this year. References: [1] https://research.cornell.edu/news-features/influence-relationships [2] https://manage.wix.com/dashboard/1a71d539-46f2-4ae2-9dad-1219fb36d93a/blog/60d172fd2d19ea0016940e75/edit [3] https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322?dchild=1&keywords=mindset&qid=1623552613&s=books&sr=1-1&linkCode=ll1&tag=dandelionseed-20&linkId=21fde22525efd6053e109a18deb60d06&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl [4] https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/authoritarian_parenting_style [5] https://dandelion-seeds.com/positive-parenting/spanking/ [6] https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/permissive_parenting_style [7] https://dandelion-seeds.com/courses/ [8] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6323136/ [9] https://www.aafp.org/afp/2009/1215/p1486.html [10] https://www.mindsetworks.com/science/ [11] https://jaiinstituteforparenting.com/sarah-allen [12] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5351796/

Written by: Jennifer Wert, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Seeking balance is about finding the middle road. Instead of only seeing the world in black and white, celebrating the grey. Rather than being too extreme about any one thing, looking for the interesting combination of many wonderful ideas. For those of us on a quest to be balanced, we’re interested in health, in the means more than the ends, in the space between. With parenting, in particular, the balancing act is daily, hourly — seemingly endless. To approach it consciously asks us to be more present than not. It requires honest reflection and ongoing course-correction. The Most Compelling Balances to Seek (and mantras to go along with them): Offering Choice While Holding Boundaries “Soft heart. Strong back.” I love this saying. Be open, but remember your backbone. Today's world is overrun by choices, frankly too many for your children to know what to do with. It’s a luxury until it’s anxiety-provoking. Give them a few clear choices and move on. Know what your line is and when it’s crossed, with fair warning, let them know. Explain to your kiddos what your line is about and what it means to you. Often you are the one with great ideas. Other times your kids have even better ones. Be open to this. You’re their guide, without a doubt. However, let them take the wheel sometimes. In truth, if you’re attuned, you’re following their lead anyway. When to lead, when to follow. When to be soft, when to be firm. Being clear about your boundaries while allowing them freedom within these parameters. It’s a constant balancing act. Remember, though — considering and reconsidering these things, again and again, is bringing consciousness to the relationship, and that's what matters most. Maintaining The Long View While Responding Daily As parents, your core values are the foundational blueprint for the culture of your family. You want to keep one eye on these overarching values while being flexible when the unanticipated arises. Each day, things will come up that you didn’t plan. These are opportunities to model for your children how to pivot and adjust. Of course, you don’t want to veer too far from your path; however, I encourage you not to underestimate the importance of these small moments and your ability to be flexible when they arrive. Too easily, a commitment to one's values can become rote (e.g., auto-pilot parenting). Listen on a deeper level for the unique needs of each of your children. Be quiet enough to notice what it is they’re trying to tell you — it may be they simply need to know you see them. Look at what’s happening right in front of you and respond accordingly. As I often remind myself, “Be where your hands are.” Expressing Feelings While Being Respectful “Only say what’s necessary, true, and kind,” an ancient Yogic principle, is another mantra of mine. The idea is that everything that comes out of one’s mouth must fit all three bills to be worthy of being spoken. This helps our children self-regulate by having them slow down and check; it might help you too. Teach your children the power of their voice. Invite them to notice what they’re feeling and share it, even when the feelings are not pleasant, all while being respectful. To help them with this practice, give them the ‘I language’ (I feel mad when you walk away when I’m talking …) versus the blaming ‘You’ kind (You never listen to me ….). Model it to teach it. Additionally, challenge yourself to listen humbly when they speak, even if you don’t want to hear what they have to say. There’s usually a way you can grow from what they’re brave enough to share. Take it in and think about it. When it’s okay for your children to have uncomfortable feelings and they practice sharing them thoughtfully, they’re empowered to know they can create change in their worlds. This, in turn, will lead to more authentic relationships. Attending to Our Children While also Attending to Ourselves It’s difficult to differentiate between your desires and needs and those of your children. To clearly delineate between the two, you’ve got to slow down (and pause) to ask yourself what it is you feel and want, and then be courageous enough to admit to yourself that this answer may be different than your child’s. Be sure to take time away. Time for yourself - to be alone, write, walk and listen to a podcast, work out, nap, Zoom with an old friend, do whatever it is your heart needs. When you come back, you’ll bring more of yourself — more patience and presence too. Keep track of what brings y-o-u joy, and deliberately incorporate these things into your life. Lastly, for both of your sakes, before reacting, breathe. This will serve your neurological system, theirs, and of course, your relationship. Come back to yourself, over and over again. It’s so easy to get lost in caring for our young ones, and it takes conscious daily commitment. In every way, every time you remember, be sure to “Practice the pause.” Without a manual of any kind, we’re all learning as we go — hopefully learning about ourselves as parents as well as about our children as they grow. Awareness requires humility and introspection. Clearly, I often use mantras to help recenter myself. I hope you’ll find at least one of the ones I’ve shared helpful as you navigate the never-ending balancing act of conscious parenting. Remember to: Know your family values and understand your personal boundaries. Allow yourself permission to make mistakes, change your mind and evolve. Listen to both yourself and your children in new ways all the time There’s real power in practice - keep seeking the balance. It will not only allow you to align more closely with your heart but to have a deeper, more connected relationship with your children. Want to learn more about Jenn´s parent coaching philosophy? Visit her website today for parenting tips, tools, vignettes and ways to connect with Jenn directly. You can also get connected to her social media accounts; Facebook , Instagram , and LinkedIn ! Read more from Jennifer! Jennifer Wert, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Professional Parent Coach, Jenn Wert, serves parents of young children around the globe who are looking for support in their conscious parenting. With a Master’s in Education, educator, and doula experience along with post-graduate social-emotional training, Jenn knows how to counsel parents who want to authentically communicate with their children. After decades of her own therapy, while concurrently working with many different family types, she brings honesty to her conversations and discernment to her listening that allows clients to grow. Jenn inspires parenting that is nurturing, true and transformative.

Written by: Tracy J. Hoffman, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. I know most of you will say no, never! As businesses or creators, we know that our brand is our most important asset. We invest a lot in it, build awareness, buy beautiful graphic designs, and we put everything we got into our brand. Because we know our brand makes us unique, so the customers can find us and love to buy from us, and keep coming back. We all know this. So how can it ever be a waste of time and money? A common way many start a business is to come up with a name they like, registering the business, getting a domain, finding someone to do a logo, or create one themselves. And start building the brand. And boom !! Off they go!! Happily start building their brand. Now. Did you consider making sure you can protect as a Trademark? Does your name or logo infringe on someone else’s rights? Can your business name be too descriptive? If you didn't consider this, let me assure you that you are not alone, and if you did, you are more prepared than most business owners are. Here is the kicker, if you didn't consider those things, there is a risk you will not get Trademark protection for your brand. There is a risk someone else had it registered and can shut you down online, and there is a risk that the money and time you spent on building your brand was a waste. You may lose it all, or at least a lot. You will have to start your branding from zero again. Honestly, there is a chance to keep your brand. Even If you don’t protect it as a Trademark, you have some ownership. Still, if you don't search if it is available before you start using it, someone else can already have it and force you to stop using it. If you have built your brand for years, you can claim that it's well-known, but if someone else registers your name as their Trademark, you might have to face legal processes and fees before getting it back. The person filing your name as a trademark can, during that period, make a mess and shut down your digital platforms if they have proof that they are the owner. I recently read about a case where a business finally took off, and their competitor saw that they didn't have the brand registered as a trademark. The competitor filed for the Trademark and managed to shut them down online! You can imagine them feeling hopeless. I saw them asking for advice in one of the Intellectual property groups online. I don't know how the story ended. Still, I know how it could have been avoided. To help you, I have listed some of the most common mistakes I have seen. Choosing a descriptive name , if a business name is too descriptive, you can’t protect it as a trademark. The reason is that you can't distinguish it from other businesses. You can't prevent others from having similar products or services like you or to promote themselves and claiming infringement. If I am a coffee producer, for instance, I can't name my coffee "The Coffee." But if I am making shoes, I can call it "The Coffee" since it has nothing to do with the actual product. The same goes for services. You can't call yourself "the mindset coach" as your brand. If you are a coach, instead, you can use your name as a brand and register it as a Trademark. You are using a template to make the logo the same as many others in the same field of service. I have seen this many times. What happens is that when you want to protect your logo, someone else might have already done it using your template. So I understand we might want to do it ourselves, but using professional help is better. Coming up with a well-known cool name , unless you have a license or cooperation with the owner of that brand, is infringement. What usually happens is that you get contacted and asked to change it, and your digital platforms can get shut down. You can get into legal issues and costs too. Still, in general, it just gets taken down, which is a problem if you have put work into your online presence and marketing. Many celebrities have trademarked their name to avoid someone else doing it. Thinking that this only concerns big businesses , it doesn't. Small businesses grow. As a small business owner, you can't afford to lose the time and money. It will cost you losing your brand and confusing your customers. You may think that you protected your brand when you did a business registration or bought a domain. But it is not the same thing as Trademark protection. The business registration is more local registration, not national. Even if they may consider it before approving Trademarks, it will still not be sufficient protection. The reason is when you protect your Trademark. You are getting protection for all your goods and services in a specific way thru classification. So what can you do? Check if your name and logo is available to protect, don't use templates to create your logo, Check if the name is descriptive or not, how to classify your goods or services (this may require assistance from an expert), how to file. The fee for Trademark registration is usually not very high. It may vary depending on the country, and the first registration fee is valid for ten years. Then it can be renewed ten years at a time forever as long as you pay the fees. To me, it's a cheap price considering what you may risk paying if you lose your brand. Follow me on Social Media if you want to know more about protecting your brand as a Trademark and how to manage other Intellectual Property rights. There will also soon be courses and workshops to help you. Now, what do you think, can building your brand be a waste of time and money? Disclaimer , please note that even if many of the Intellectual Property laws are similar globally, there can always be differences between countries. Do not use this article as legal advice. Please rely on your local IP office when it comes to the last steps in filing the application for your business in the best way. I cannot be held responsible for any legal action you take or not take after reading my article. For more info, follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , or visit my website ! Tracy J. Hoffman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Tracy J Hoffman is a coach/advisor/speaker and her areas are learn how to protect your brand as a Trademark and manage other Intellectual Property, Leadership, and Career building she has a unique understanding of how to read and understand the client/situation and to communicate her knowledge by breaking down the complicated areas and simplify. She has a background working at the Swedish Intellectual Property office with International Training Programs in Intellectual Property for 6 years and as a representative for the Employees at the same office coaching employees and leaders, in reorganizations, conflicts and negotiations and she has been working herself up from unqualified to qualified positions, that is why she understands the challenges in all these areas very well. Her mission is to empower businesses and people by helping them to grow, manage their rights and have tools to stand up for themselves when necessary and understand how to solve challenges.

Written by: Fareen Ash, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. When we can understand and even respect each other's needs, our intimate relationship can flourish to its actual potential. The most potent relationship dynamic is the one between the masculine man and the feminine woman. There is no other dynamic filled with passion, attraction, and, if properly understood, lifelong love and commitment. The problem arises with the gender differences that naturally occur with this strong polarity. The wider the gap in polarity, the stronger the attraction and likelihood of conflict as the differences in this dynamic are vast. However, this is the formula for chemistry and attraction. Integration of our energies is critical. However, the liberation in embodying one's true essence and finding a partner that compliments us is paramount. A feminine forward woman is highly attracted to her complete opposite and will desire a level of vulnerability reserved for her. I like to say that the feminine forward woman subconsciously craves a man 80% in his masculine energy and 20% in his feminine. The masculine energy man is usually unfamiliar with his feminine aspects and won't feel safe to reveal all parts of himself until he meets a woman that allows him the space to do so. A woman embodied in her essence comfortable experiencing all of who she is helps a man dabble in this aspect of himself without feeling off-balance and unsafe. Remember, masculinity is endowed to provide and protect. In the hunter-gatherer civilizations, men were not taught, nor was it necessary to be vulnerable. Moments of vulnerability and softness would be reserved for his partner and behind closed doors. Masculinity was revered, and each partner respected the role of the other. Men were appreciated for their efforts, and women had their needs met by gathering and frolicking with other women of the tribe. There was no expectation of man to be all soft and emotional. Women wanted to see strength and feel that the mate they chose would protect the family against external threats. Today, our roles are very confused, with women denouncing their feminine energy. Most women today project a very strong masculine essence and yet claim to desire a strong masculine man. Resultingly, there arises either a lot of conflict in the relationship or the extreme opposite: no sexual tension and friendship-type companionship. The true polarity is what I'm about to get into here. While the feminine energy is free-flowing , sporadic, and very much in the moment, the masculine energy operates most of the time in the complete opposite realm. With his brain functioning primarily in the left hemisphere, the masculine energy is mainly up in his head, sorting out the logistics of pretty much everything! Every detail, action, and decision is methodically and painstakingly calculated. When he meets a woman that is also very systematic, structured, and calculated, the emotional stimulation will rarely follow. If a woman cannot bring him down to his heart, which can only happen if she has the connection to her own heart and body, intimacy will not develop. For intimacy is "into-me-I-see," which flows from intimacy with self first and foremost. Women crave this from a masculine man today but have no idea how to achieve this level of intimacy with themselves first. The expectation of a masculine energy man understanding this feminine aspect of themselves, without a woman guiding them, through her femininity is what creates tension and an imbalance in our intimate relationships. In today's world, where most of us are pulled towards our masculine energy, men that operate primarily from this energy crave play, relaxation, and fun. When a man meets a feminine essenced woman, she will naturally pull him into his feminine energy. Both sexes have access to these energies but often aren't integrated and hover on one side more than the other. An integrated feminine woman will have a healthy masculine core that supports her participation in life from her true authentic essence. The more secure she is, the less likely she will be focused on pleasing anyone and controlling any given situation. She will allow things to flow, be very much in the moment, and focus primarily on what feels good . This is refreshing to a healthy masculine energy man who often doesn't have the space to access feelings or even have the know-how to handle such a broad spectrum of emotions due to the high demands placed on him externally and internally. When a romantic relationship or a date becomes devoid of healthy emotion, it will be unlikely that his desire will be stimulated to make her feel as good as she instinctively desires to feel, as femininity craves closeness. Most of all, the masculine energy man craves a woman who creates safety through her being-ness, enabling him to also dabble in his feminine energy. In the modern day, women can be consumed with pleasing others, getting things done, and accomplishing that they forget how to access their feminine essence. If she has numbed this pleasure center within herself, capturing and maintaining the heart of a masculine man will be pretty tricky. The feminine is and always will be the emotional leader of the home and romantic connection. Her ability to be unapologetically authentic, free, wild, and raw will create the safety he needs to access this freedom within himself. One is genuinely inspired to see a woman so connected to her heart that they too cannot help but lead others to their own heart. This then is the woman that will capture his heart, for, through her complete freedom, he too becomes free. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram and visit my website for more info! Read more from Fareen ! Fareen Ash, Executive Contributor, Brainz Magazine Fareen is an Intimacy, Relationship, and Attraction Strategist. She has a Graduate Degree in Honours Sociology, a Post-Graduate Degree in Law, and is certified in Gender Intelligence and NeuroLinguistic/Timeline Therapy. For a period in her life, Fareen lived in government housing on welfare with her mom, who suffered from depression. She spent much of her time caring for her mom, working three jobs while also attending school due to their lack of financial resources. She worked tirelessly to earn scholarships to help subsidize her education and was the recipient of the Women in Doctoral Studies Grant and recipient of the Alden-Baldy Scholarship. Fareen practiced as a litigation lawyer for nearly ten years, where she gathered information on the dynamics between men and women and the inherent energies that govern human behavior. She has since dedicated her life to helping accomplished women unleash their feminine power, heal the emotional body, and rewire the survival mind that keeps them from embodying their authentic essence. She is passionate about Feminine Energy Embodiment in both love and leadership. Fareen has developed a unique and specialized method for mastering the mind, overcoming emotional blocks, and relieving habitual negative patterning. Her mission: Femininity is a woman's superpower.

Written by: René Luisman, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. ‘I haven't eaten tomatoes for thirty-five years. But when I tasted that taste again today, I suddenly saw myself as a ten-year-old boy in my uncle and aunt's vegetable stall. After a long day at work, we always went to a local pizzeria. And thinking back to this experience, I felt unsafe again.’ How you sometimes get caught up in old emotions You've probably experienced it. The smell of freshly cut grass that takes you back to your childhood. Or an authoritarian colleague who says something that makes you suddenly react defiantly out of nowhere. Early memories that are stored in your brain and body without you being aware of this. A single smell, image, or thought is enough to bring you back into a maze of feelings and emotions. The tomatoes brought Alex back to the weekends when he worked at his aunt and uncle's vegetable stall. When his uncle ordered pizza after a long day at work, Alex tried in vain to indicate his preference. His parents had taught him not to go against adults. So, when his uncle ignored the question, Alex didn’t speak up and swallowed his frustration. Triggers from your past Some memories are so entrenched in your system that you don't even realize how they affect your everyday thoughts and behavior. They unconsciously determine how you approach new experiences. Alex is now in his forties. But when he doesn't feel seen or heard, an ancient survival mechanism kicks in. For a moment, he feels like the ten-year-old boy who is being ignored. And to protect himself, he is shutting himself off. At these moments, he tells himself he's worth it and makes his own plan. And so early memories form a script with which you maneuver through life, even as an adult. How is a script created? Canadian psychiatrist Eric Berne developed the script theory. In doing so, he built on the work of Freud. A script can be positive or negative and consists of connections that we make as children to understand internal and external experiences. For example, you can conclude that it is better not to show your emotions when a parent figure reacts angrily when you cry after you have fallen. Or that your opinion does not matter if you are not listened to time and again. The script has helped you survive for a long time. At the same time, your script also unconsciously influences the choices you make nowadays. The script thus limits your spontaneity and flexibility. When you become aware of your script, it gives you opportunities to make different choices and increase your autonomy. How a script can hinder your growth Alex is one of the gay men in my coaching practice. It is striking that many of the men I supervise have the idea that they are not enough. Not as a son, as a partner, as a friend, or as a colleague. This deep-seated belief has unconsciously led to a decision. The decision that you don't matter. Or that you can't rely on others, and when it comes down to it, you're always on your own. And with that, this conviction works through in every new contact you enter into. Often my clients approach me when they realize that old patterns no longer work. The script used to help you understand the world around you now hinders you in your relationship with yourself and others. Because sometimes, there are thinking errors in your script that stand in the way of your growth and choice as an adult. This is because the script was formed at a time when your brain was not yet fully developed. How do you recognize your own script? A characteristic of a script is that it repeats itself over and over. When you have the conviction that you are not good enough, you are unconsciously always looking for signals that confirm this conviction. And sometimes, a belief is so strong that it is passed down from generation to generation. Another characteristic is that you have reached a conclusion that doesn't necessarily make sense. For example, that you are only okay if you do something perfectly. Or that the interests of the other come first, even if that means that this is at the expense of yourself. To expose the script, you start looking for patterns. What do you regularly encounter? For example, a conflict that often arises in personal or business relationships. The challenge is to observe from a meta-position what you think, feel or do at such a moment. Without judging yourself. Next, reflect on where you have learned to do it this way. Who or what have you remained loyal to by doing it this way? What if you want to change this script? When you recognize your script and its impact on your behavior, you can determine whether you want to change this script. In Alex's example, he tends to disconnect. To keep his mouth shut and not go against the other. But in doing so, he excludes the other from what he thinks and feels, and he actually reacts as ten-year-old Alex reacted at the time. Alex is now an adult, and he does have the choice and the skills to react in a different way. To name what touches the behavior of the other in him, with which he breaks the old pattern of silence. By taking responsibility for his own feelings and needs, he takes care of himself. And by including others in this, there may be more understanding and connection. Allow yourself to make different choices . If your current script hinders you, you can make a re-decision. This is a conscious choice on a cognitive, emotional, and behavioral level. You look for alternative choices that you may not have seen as a child. As a child, you adapted because it was not desirable to contradict an adult. Now that you are an adult, it is necessary to express your feelings and needs. And because you decide to speak up and show yourself from now on, there will most likely be a different reaction in yourself and the other. Such a re-decision is often a fundamental and challenging step. You are entering new, unknown territory. Experimenting with new behaviors may make you feel vulnerable, without knowing whether it will produce the desired result. But you know one thing for sure. Your old script no longer works, so it's time to explore new paths. For more info, follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram and visit my website! Read more from Rene! René Luisman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine René Luisman is a professional life and career coach. Finding his place in life has been quite a challenge after a traumatic accident in which he sustained serious burns on both of his legs. As a trainer and coach, he creates a safe environment for people to work on their authenticity to grow in their personal and professional life. The Dutch Association for Trainers has recognized his work, and they awarded him Trainer of the Year 2017/18. René is on a mission to create more awareness for self-acceptance, especially for gay men.

Meet Denisse, a 40-year-old mother of 3, wife, entrepreneur, and founder of Unboxed Life and Style and who managed to become what is called a successful “SHE-cession” story. Denisse Espalter, like so many other working moms, was hit financially hard during the pandemic. Many are calling this recession a SHE-cession because of the disproportionate number of women who have been directly impacted. Whether it's due to the fact they work in the industries most impacted, or they were "forced" to walk away from their jobs or cut their hours to tend to the family at home. Denisse is a testament to that as she was working for one of the oldest and most recognized department stores, Lord & Taylor, as a Regional Marketing and Events manager & stylist. Covid hit, and in March of 2020, she lost that amazing job. Feeling lost as she was home now, wearing multiple hats as a mother of 3 girls, a teacher at best with kids being homeschooled, a therapist assisting her children with what the new norm was for all of us. She decided to shift her mindset and launch her new business. Denisse Espalter, Life & Style Coach & Communications Expert First off, how are you doing? Tell us a little bit about yourself. I am doing great! I, for the first time, feel as if this is finally my time, accepting who I am and allowing myself to be happy! I am in a very good place in my life right now. I currently live in Rochester, NY but grew up in Arizona! I went off to college at the University of Miami. I realized that political science and broadcast journalism were not what I saw myself doing, and I ended up heading out to NYC for a while and started getting involved in the fashion industry. I had the opportunity to work at NY Fashion Week, was part of the Limited Brands design team. I ended up moving back to Miami, where I went back to school and got my degree in Fashion Marketing & Design and started off as a Production Assistant at Miami Fashion Week, Chanel, and landed a job with Perry Ellis. I then moved to Rochester, N.Y. because after searching for that perfect job, I landed a great opportunity with Lord and Taylor, running events across stores and launched a pilot program with personal stylists. I developed relationships with clients and discovered how my own big life experiences was helping other women. From leaving uncomfortable jobs to going through a divorce and how to manage a blended family, I connected with so many. Once COVID hit, did you have to learn how to pivot your career? Yes, I was devasted as everything came crashing down. I lost my job, my kids were homeschooled now, and it was a time of unknown. I knew I could do more and wanted to continue a new path on helping women feel good both inside and out. I took the scary leap and launched my company Unboxed Life & Style, and first started with subscription boxes and gifts for women to allow them to feel good during these uncertain times. I had partnered with other women-owned businesses and put together some fun self-care boxes. It then evolved into lifestyle coaching and back to styling women! Can you tell us a little bit about your book and becoming a best-selling author? Yes, I was thrilled with I was asked to be a part of one of the biggest author anthologies with 50 other women that came together, and each wrote a chapter. The book is called Everyday Woman’s Guide to Doing What You Love, and I had the amazing opportunity to write a chapter where I talked about my journey and how women need to stop letting fear hold them back. I give some actionable tasks that women can act on. This book brought a group of women to close together that empower each other and hope to do the same for those that read the book! We became 1 selling in New Releases, Spiritual Healing, & Women’s Personal Spiritual Growth. We also hit 1 in Canada Personal Transformation and 1 in Hot New Releases in the UK! How do you handle the direction your business has gone with now having multiple arms to your business? I love what I do! When you love what you are doing, you evolve and grow. I also have an amazing support team and husband. My 3 daughters love to help with it comes to packing boxes that have been ordered! But between the boxes, coaching, and styling, it all goes hand in hand. To unbox the better version of yourself, you must start with what is on the inside first, then move to the outside to showcase your beauty and happiness. That can be with self-care, confidence, and an amazing style! As a woman who went through many multiple life-changing experiences, and one of them now has a blended family, I know what it is like to lose yourself and find yourself again. What are your personal goals? Where do you see yourself ten years from now? I would love to continue growing my business and reaching women from around the globe. Starting a platform of empowering women to teach young girls how to believe in themselves, take care of themselves and respect who they are, and learn the value of confidence and growth with a positive mindset. As I have three daughters of my own, I want to empower them and show them that they can achieve so much. I would love to live by water again and add a ranch with horses to my bucket list as my daughters are obsessed! What advice would you give someone trying to start their own business? If you have belief, determination, and support, then go for it. You are given one chance to live your life to the fullest; why not do it with something you are passionate about. I always tell myself and others to go with their gut and what their intuition says. Yes, anything new can be scary, but this is when fear holds us back, and we need to power through and look at it in the rear-view mirror. What would be 3 business advice you would give to other entrepreneurs? Always trust your instinct when it comes to what you are feeling and wanting to achieve. Learn to be grateful for new opportunities, connections, and growth Stop doubting yourself and stop making excuses. Most people are afraid to take the leap and see what the potential is. How can people find you and get in touch if they want to work with you? The best way is to visit my website; They can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. They can also join my free FB group, where we talk about different topics to help and support each other, have monthly guests, and more. It was a pleasure, and thank you for taking the time for us to get to know you better. Thank you, and it was fun! Looking forward to what is ahead and meeting new connections through this platform. Read more from Denisse!

Written by: Mutita Panmook , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. As entrepreneurs, we often neglect our personal needs and take care of others first. But this can lead us to burnout or, even worse, depression. And as the founder of the Get Unstuck Method, I know that it's important to take a break every once in a while so that you can return with renewed energy and enthusiasm for what comes next. So let me give you all the reasons and benefits of taking a break. Why taking a break? Taking a break is important. If you take a short break, you’ll gain amazing benefits. It can also improve your performance at work. In addition, it can reduce the development of sleep disorders and tiredness. Taking a break can let you recharge your batteries, feel more inspired and more creative. It brings a work-life balance for working people. It can also bring good emotion, which eventually brings better concentration. Ultimately, it brings more efficient decision-making. Great decision-making is very important for businesses, employees as well as driving business mechanisms. When you have a work-life balance, you can do as many things as you like. Taking a break can also benefit all parties involved. What happens while we break? When we take a break, we can develop creativity in all aspects. Such development is both artistic and strategic matters. You can find the answer to your business issues when you take a short break. You will have ideas for your business. For example, when you leave your desk and talk to someone in the office or take your time to look at green trees, you will be more relaxed and be passionate about your work. You will see the value of your talk with somebody. This person may be the office maid who brings a glass of water for you. This maid may take a short time period to talk to you. However, such a period can bring great things to you. How breaking time supports business operations for the CEO/COO? Employees who take a break can reduce mistakes at work. When people work as a team, they can share great ideas. They will have a good discussion during the break. When there is a minimum number of mistakes, business operations will grow in all aspects such as production, sales and marketing, and customer service, etc. In addition, there is the growth of business opportunities. Therefore, such organizations will gain more success in terms of customer reliability. Growing business success is also an important factor that supports business operations for the CEO/COO. Breaking time may be a small thing. But it is crucial for business operations. All organizations should focus on breaking time. The CEO/COO should support this initiative. For example, for lunchtime or coffee breaks, some employees take full-time breaks. When they are back to work, they can work better. Some companies offer snack bars, fitness centers or even provide bedrooms for employees. Moreover, some of them allow their staff to take a one-hour nap. When they have good health, they don’t need to see the doctor. So, they can come to work efficiently every day. How can small business owners take a break? Being stressed to the level of burnout is a very serious situation. It is not good for small businesses. However, when this owner takes a break and goes on vacation, they can take a work-life balance. When they come back from such rest, they will bring many great things that may create new business opportunities. There is competition in small businesses. We can leave the competitors behind if we can differentiate our business in price, place, product, promotion, and marketing. All in all, it takes the business owner to push the team members positively. As business owners, the problem is that we are often stuck. We get stuck in our jobs, relationships, and life situations. And it's no fun at all! It feels awful to be stuck. Stuck isn't a place you want to be because you feel like you're not moving forward in your work or relationship, or life situation. You don't know how to move forward; maybe even worse, you might think there's no way out of this mess. Get Unstuck Method, and Mutita Panmook is a business strategist that guides all CEO/COO and even small business owners to have the solution for getting unstuck from any situation by learning how to deal with whatever happens to your business while taking a break through the situations that keep us stuck so we can move on with our lives and careers. Let’s figure out exactly what's holding you back from moving forward and how to get unstuck fast! Want to learn more from Mutita? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and visit her website. Mutita Panmook, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Mutita Panmook is a business operation strategist who’s as known as ‘The Time Queen.’ She believes that time is the number one commodity in the world that you can’t get back once it’s gone. Because of that, Mutita helps small business owners and entrepreneurs build and design efficient business that supports their lifestyle with the Get UNSTUCK Method. Mutita's mission is to help business owners and entrepreneurs getting unstuck from working in the hamster wheel. The goal is to reclaim their time to be with their families, do what they love with joy, or even travel the world, whenever they want, wherever they want, with whomever they want, and letting their business work for them. She is also a host of Get UNSTUCK Podcast that helps entrepreneurs get unstuck in their journey through the guest experts' experiences. Mutita's joy is when her clients keep making positive impacts on the world and become unstuckable.

Written by: Dr. Josephine Harris, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Could you believe that science ultimately caught up with the Bible, revealing that laughter is good for the mind, body, and soul? Did you know that laughter is such a remedy that it is even mentioned in the Bible (Proverbs 17: 22; ESV)? Did you know laughter brings people closer together? Did you know laughter is the best way to improve your mood and emotional/physical well-being? Did you know laughter is priceless medicine? Did you know laughter can help relieve pain, brings greater happiness, as well as increase immunity? Laughter is connected to your mind, body, and soul The true medicine for every ailment. When was the last time you had a really good laugh? I mean getting really deep down in soul laugh, not just a “ha-ha” or a small chuckle, but a laugh that makes you snort-induced, all-out, ab-tensing, stomach-hurt laugh. Life can be so serious at times—bills, family or health concerns, and stressors from home-life or work do not just provoke roaring laughter. But it just like exercise; getting your daily dose of laughter is one of those efforts. It does not require a diagnosis, a doctor’s prescription, nor money is involved, it is available 24/7, and it is diet-free. I bet that sounds too good to be true! “A joyful heart is a good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). It says a joyful heart has a continual feast (Proverbs 15:15), and it promises that although you may weep now, you will one day laugh again (Luke 6:21). This all that the Bible tells us, but now science confirms it—laughter is the medicine to your body, mind, and soul. God filled our mouths with laughter and our lips with shouts of joy! The best news is that you can decide to laugh every day, and as you do, you will rake in these five reasons why laughter is good for the soul 1. Lower your blood pressure Laughter is another way of treating blood pressure diseases. Laughter increases the oxygen in your body and increases blood flow in the body. When you exercise and laugh, you also increase the blood flow in the brain—enabling God’s healing mechanism and preventing sickness. 2. It enhances T-Cells T-cell is a type of lymphocyte that develops in the thymus gland and plays a vital role in the immune response, laughter boosts various glands, and one of them is the thymus gland. This enhances the effectiveness of T-cells, leading to a stronger immune system. 3. It enhances your mental well-being Laughter releases endorphins, which are responsible for natural chemicals in the body that release endorphins, and dopamine, which endorphins promote a sense of well-being and relieve stress. It also decreases anger and eases distressing emotions, which counteracts feelings of anxiety and sadness. Additionally, it helps us to release other intense emotions, such as grief or break-up. 4. Help you burn calories Laughing burns calories by causing your heart rate to fall 10 to 12 percent. A study implemented in 2014 in the International Journal of Obesity found that laughter can burn calories. These researchers had 45 participants into two groups; in fact, half of the group watched film clips intended to evoke laughter, and the other half just watched clips that stimulated laughter. They determine that laughter can burn up to 10 calories in the minutes the group watches the film clips, compared to the other group. Moreover, you burn calories when you laugh. Wow, that is how powerful laughter is, an effective weight-loss agent! 5. It strengthens your spirit When you laugh in the spirit, there is something happening that meets the eye. There are angels involved. You win victories. The Bible calls it a form of prayer. Laughter is the spirit of a faith response by your spirit to our god's victory through Christ over the devil. You should. You could. You ought to laugh out loud and rejoice in the spirit! These are the five keys of laughter, and all are worthy of laughing and rejoicing! The best part? You do not have to pay; it is free of charge, easy, fun, and without any regrets. Take all of this in and listen to what the Bible says—spend time developing a cheerful heart. Find things that make you laugh and involve them in your daily activities. Think about healthy. You can laugh yourself into healthy living through your—mind, body, and soul. Want to learn more from Dr. Josephine? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and visit her website. Dr. Josephine Harris, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Modern-day superheroes are not the ones we familiarize in motion pictures, but rather the quintessential professionals, gifted with a sharp sense of servant leadership, willing to show up greatly; in the lives of those who need it most. Yielded to this profound ethic; is the multifaceted advocate, Dr. Josephine Harris. Dr. Josephine Harris is a two times # 1 Amazon bestselling author, philanthropist, behavior analyst, serial entrepreneur, and CEO/Founder of Calming Minds LLC, a multidimensional coaching practice, helping clients to connect with the mind, body, and soul by way of inspiration, facilitation, coaching, and other dynamic mechanisms. Bringing a vast portfolio of uncompromising skill sets and certifications to her practice within the realms of Addiction Counseling, Intervention programming, Domestic Violence, individual and group psychotherapy, and many more; Dr. Josephine Harris proves herself to be an ideal collaborator; and one of the many reasons, she has earned outstanding respect, from those she serves. Dr. Harris’ mantra is simple: She is inherently committed to the emboldening of women, particularly military spouses, facilitating for them all an opportunity of hope. Whether it be through transformational messages of professional and/or personal growth, Dr. Harris was born to encourage, motivate, and empower women of all cultures.

Written by: Joanna Hakimi, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, anxiety affects 40 million adults aged 18 and older in the United States. Within those 40 million adults, there are a multitude of types of anxiety that are reported. In my practice as a licensed marriage and family therapist, as well as in my personal life, anticipatory anxiety is what I find to be the most prevalent type of anxiety reported. What is anticipatory anxiety? Anticipatory anxiety is extreme worry over events in the future that COULD happen. For example, you may be anxious about an upcoming trip, a new beginning, such as starting college or a new career, a big presentation at work, or a family or social event where you will see people you don’t necessarily want to engage with. The list of anticipatory anxiety triggers is endless. Often we are stuck for days, weeks, sometimes even years, in anticipatory anxiety. It consumes us — yet, and most importantly…it’s a part of life. One of my personal epiphanies that I often share with clients was from when my now teenager was a toddler. We had a swimming playdate set for a Friday. It was Monday. I had so much anxiety about getting in a bathing suit in public with my new mommy friends. The anxiety was all-consuming. I knew I didn’t want to cancel or change the playdate because I didn’t want MY issues with being in a bathing suit to get in the way of a fun playdate for my toddler, but that was certainly in the back of my mind. I spent the entire week with my mind and heart racing, thinking about the playdate. Well, what ended up happening on Friday? IT RAINED! My brain was so consumed with wearing a bathing suit that I hadn’t, once, even considered the weather. While feeling a sense of relief that the playdate didn’t happen, I was also made very aware of the energy I spent worrying about something that didn’t even happen. True anticipatory anxiety. If it had happened, I know it would have been great and no big deal. So why did I waste SO much time worrying about it? Maybe the truth is, I just needed something to worry about. Or maybe I was nervous about being with new moms, and that is the true anxiety? The real reason doesn’t necessarily matter. It’s just recognizing that a majority of the time, everything goes just fine… even better than fine… and the anticipatory anxiety clouded an entire week of my life in something I had zero control over. Using the situation above, what could I have done differently? I could have told myself that I would worry about the situation on Thursday, the day before, rather than spending an entire week anxious about the playdate. I could have focused on the activities that I had with my toddler today, not tomorrow or a week from now. I could have prepared myself for being in a bathing suit by finding one that made me feel good about myself. I also could have canceled the playdate or suggested a different activity, but at the time, that did not seem like an option. We can’t predict the future, so what CAN we do? Of course, it would be nice if we could wave a magic wand and say “poof” don’t worry anymore. Unfortunately, that is just not how our brains are wired. Instead, you can try the following: 1. Schedule a time to worry and compartmentalize it until then. Instead of feeling all consumed by the worry, set a timer or a reminder on your phone to worry about it at a later time. Sometimes we need to give our anxiety the attention it needs, but it is more productive when it’s compartmentalized. 2. Stay present. Focus on the here and now. Being present is not always easy, but it’s a healthy and mindful way to reduce anxiety. 3. Have faith and remember…what will be, will be. As humans, we often want to control what will happen, but when other people are involved, we simply can’t. You need to try and go with the flow. Have faith that the universe has your back. 4. Prepare. What you CAN do is prepare. For example, if you’re a nervous flyer, you can prepare by having the things you may need to calm your anxiety, such as lavender essential oil, your favorite music, or a special treat. Once prepared, it is important to recognize that you aren’t in control of the situation, but you are in control of your anxiety about the situation. Anticipatory anxiety, in my opinion, is the worst type of anxiety because, by nature, we live with so many unknowns. We do not know what the future holds. We have zero control over the universe, so wasting our precious time and energy being anxious about it is truly in vain. Next time you find yourself worrying about something in the future, take a moment and remember you can worry all day long, but ultimately that will have ZERO effect on the outcome. Follow Joanna on her Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and visit her website for more info. Read more from Joanna! Joanna Hakimi, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Joanna Hakimi is a proud entrepreneur and licensed marriage and family therapist. Starting her first successful business at the age of 17 and being president of the Young Entrepreneur’s Society at the University of Georgia, she never closed the door on opportunity. She then went on to Northwestern University and attained her Masters in Science, becoming an LMFT. After being a successful LMFT in the northern suburbs of Chicago for more than 10 years while simultaneously running a mindful goods boutique for 5 years and accomplishing a 200-hour yoga teaching certification, Joanna was itching for a new adventure. Seeing a need to connect independent professionals such as life coaches, wellness coaches, therapists, and career consultants searching for new clients, LifeChangers.info was born. Joanna's goal is to empower and enlighten others to reach their full potential while being their most authentic selves.

Written by: Vanessa Giannos, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. "The true test of leadership is how well you function in a crisis." – Brian Tracy. People are Looking To You As a leader, you are called to balance the needs of different stakeholders and to make some tough decisions. Each decision, each action, each behavior sends signals to your team and peers about your priorities and values. And that is why a time of crisis or challenge is crucial in the life of a leader. Additionally, the people around you feel uncertain, vulnerable, and facing a barrage of professional and personal challenges. They are looking closely at you to determine what kind of leader you are and whether, most importantly for them, they can trust you with their wellbeing. COVID-19, however, is no typical crisis. Even the best prepared Business Continuity Plans (BCPs) only scraped the surface of the issues encountered during this pandemic. There is no doubt that COVID-19 represents a VUCA event, that is: Volatile – has a high rate of change. Uncertain – has a lack of clarity about the present situation Complex – has a multitude of decision factors Ambiguous – has a lack of clarity about the meaning of the event. With these characteristics, this pandemic and new VUCA challenges mean we are in unchartered waters, and we all need to dramatically upskill our leadership capacity, competence, and capability to match. This is no mean feat. During VUCA events, stress and anxiety can be high across the business, and this requires leaders to have exceptional emotional and relationship intelligence. It requires leaders to be authentic, vulnerable, empathetic, compassionate, and lead the business. Leadership is not about how you react to the challenges as they unfold. The effectiveness of your leadership relies upon how well you can engage your team, adapt to rapid change and unclear outcomes, and work to solve complex issues, and above all, know how to skillfully navigate your team and business through the uncertain journey. A Crisis of Trust and Belonging Recent research shows that globally employees feel less engaged and feel more isolated, with some recording a feeling of lack of belonging to be over 50% of employees. Further, trust for their leader has dropped dramatically over the last eighteen months. A recent HBR article suggests creating high inclusiveness and feeling of belonging can improve “a whopping 56% increase in job performance, a 50% drop in turnover risk, and a 75% reduction in sick days”, which can results in millions on your bottom line depending on the size of your business. But how do you create or maintain trust when you are uncertain to yourself and feel like you are only 'winging it.' That’s where authenticity and being a highly adaptive leader comes in. Adaptive Leadership is Key There is a chasm between being a ‘reactive’ leader (which 90% of leaders work from) and be a truly ‘adaptive’ leader. It is estimated that less than 10% of leaders have developed this level of competence and capacity. Adaptive leadership is a term coined by Ronald Heifetz from Harvard University in the 1990s. He was exploring the leadership characteristics required in new and complex challenges where there were no conventional solutions – very similar to the situation we face in this pandemic. The term is taken from the world of biology, where adaptations occur in organisms to help them survive in changing environments. Eyelashes on camels, blubber on polar bears, and camouflage on chameleons are all examples of how animals have adapted to survive in harsh environments. The same process of animal adaptation can be applied to leadership to ensure that your organization not only survives but have the chance to thrive over the course of this crisis and beyond. In the next article, we’ll discuss more about adaptive leadership. Where to Get More Information If you would like more information on how to adapt and thrive, get in touch with The HR Experts International. We are Australia’s leading HR, Coaching & Training Consultancies. We work locally as well as globally, particularly in the UK, USA & ASIA PAC. We specialize in developing leveraged Human Resource Solutions and providing coaching and training to achieve outstanding results. We help businesses and leaders grow, become more agile, more adaptive, create amazing and engaged cultures, and become talent magnets. We work with you to develop your Employer Brand, build your reputation, create a community of engaged employees and rave customer fans. Get in touch to discuss your needs: Book your free consultation today. This article is intended to provide commentary, education, and general information only. It should not be relied upon as comprehensive or legal advice. Formal legal advice may be necessary for particular transactions or on matters of interest arising from this article. The HR Experts International is not responsible for the results of any actions or inactions taken based on information in this article, nor for any error or omission in this article. Want to learn more from Vanessa? Follow her on Facebook and Linkedin. You can also visit her website to get in touch. Read more from Vanessa! Vanessa Giannos, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Vanessa is an International Master Behavioral/Neuroscience Coach and Master-qualified Human Resources and Organisational Transformational Expert. Vanessa has strong demonstrable success from 25 years of local and global experience in senior HR and Executive leadership roles in a breadth of industries and sizes of companies. Vanessa’s helped thousands of people develop their careers, skills, competence, and leadership capability. Vanessa’s passion is to assist individuals and organizations in growing, thrive, and transform to achieve their highest potential and goals. Vanessa is a certified DISC and Leadership Circle 360 Facilitator. Vanessa also specializes in Organisational Culture, Change Management, Communication & Influencing, Human Organisational Design & Development, Merger & Acquisitions, Performance and People Management, Employee Engagement, Customer Experience, Strategic and Operational Planning, Team Building, Management & Leadership Training.