Written by Clayton Leavitt, Attachment-Based Relationship Coach and Trained Counsellor Clayton Leavitt is an attachment-based coach and counsellor who helps people uncover and transform the emotional patterns shaping their relationships. His work blends attachment theory, IFS, and emotional intelligence to create deeper self-trust and connection. There's a particular kind of confusion that comes from loving someone who seems to want you and not want you at the same time. Things get close. Something shifts. They withdraw, sometimes coldly, sometimes explosively, sometimes just by going quiet in a way that feels like a door closing. If you ask them what happened, they may not be able to tell you. Not because they're withholding, but because they genuinely don't know. This isn't a character flaw. It's a nervous system doing what it was trained to do. What fearful avoidant attachment actually is Most people are familiar with the basic attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant. Fearful avoidant, sometimes called disorganized, is the fourth, and it's the most complex. Where an anxiously attached person moves toward connection under stress, and an avoidantly attached person moves away from it, a fearfully avoidant person does both simultaneously. Connection is what they most need. Connection is also what feels most dangerous. This isn't ambivalence in the colloquial sense. It's a system in genuine internal conflict, with no clear strategy for resolution. This pattern typically develops when early caregivers were also the source of fear, not necessarily through dramatic abuse, but through chronic unpredictability, emotional dysregulation, or moments where the child needed comfort and got frightened instead. The nervous system learned: the person I need is the person I cannot trust. That imprint doesn't erase in adulthood. It just transfers to intimate relationships.[1] A brief introduction to IFS Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a therapeutic model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. Its central idea is that the mind isn't a single unified thing. It's a system of distinct parts, each with its own perspective, history, and role to play.[2] Three categories matter most here. Exiles are the young, wounded parts of us that carry pain, shame, terror, grief, and the raw memory of feeling unsafe or unloved. Because their feelings are overwhelming, the system tries to protect us from them Managers are the proactive protectors, the parts that keep exiles contained through control, perfectionism, people-pleasing, emotional restriction, and hypervigilance. They try to prevent situations that might activate the exile's pain. Firefighters are the reactive protectors. When an exile's pain breaks through anyway, when something in the present triggers that old wound, firefighters respond fast and hard. Their goal isn't healing or understanding. Their goal is to extinguish the pain by any means available. Firefighter strategies can look like sudden emotional withdrawal, rage, dissociation, compulsive behavior, substance use, or hypersexual activity. They're not chosen consciously. They activate before the thinking brain has a chance to intervene. The fearful avoidant system: What's actually happening In fearful avoidant attachment, the exile at the core typically holds two things at once: terror of abandonment and terror of engulfment. Being left feels like death. Being too close also feels like death. No position is safe. The managers try to navigate this by carefully calibrating closeness, allowing enough connection to not feel isolated while never getting close enough to risk the wound. This looks like keeping relationships at a comfortable arm's length, being selectively available, or using busyness or intellectualization to stay out of emotional depth. But intimacy has a way of bypassing the managers. A partner who shows up fully, who offers real attunement, who gets close, activates the exile. Not because something bad is happening, but because something good is happening, and good has historically been followed by rupture. This is when the firefighters take over. Recognizing the firefighters In a fearfully avoidant person, common firefighter patterns include sudden withdrawal. Things were going well. Then they disappear, emotionally or physically. The withdrawal isn't punitive. It's the system slamming the emergency brake. Criticism or conflict initiation can also appear. This may look like picking a fight right when things feel tender or vulnerable. Distance through conflict is safer than distance through honest communication. Devaluation may also occur. Suddenly, the partner isn't that special. The relationship isn't that important. This cognitive shift creates enough emotional space for the firefighter to feel like the exile is protected. Compulsive numbing can include screens, substances, overworking, pornography, scrolling, or anything that interrupts the feeling that was getting too close. Dissociation or emotional flatness may look like going blank or becoming unavailable without being able to explain why. None of these strategies are chosen. They're deployed by parts of the system that are genuinely trying to protect something very young and very frightened. For partners and loved ones If you love someone with fearful avoidant attachment, you've probably discovered that the usual responses don't work. Chasing when they withdraw confirms the engulfment threat. It amplifies the firefighter's intensity rather than soothing it. Pulling away when they withdraw confirms the abandonment threat, which can pull them back momentarily but trains the cycle rather than breaking it. This is the bind. It's real. You are not imagining it. What actually helps is something harder than either of those options: regulated, non reactive presence. This means not disappearing, but not pursuing. It means offering a clear, calm signal that you're still here, without urgency and without demand. It means naming the pattern without blame. "I notice you go quiet after we get close. I'm not going anywhere. Take the time you need." This communicates safety without triggering the engulfment response. It means tolerating the uncertainty without making it about you. This is the most difficult piece. When someone withdraws, the natural move is to interpret it through our own attachment lens, as rejection, as punishment, as evidence we're not enough. Separating their system's behavior from your worth is both essential and genuinely hard. It also means not trying to fix or rescue the exile. Partners sometimes believe that if they can just love enough, the wound will heal. This can inadvertently create pressure, emotional weight the FA person's system reads as overwhelming demand. Your job is not to heal them. Your job is to be a consistent, regulated presence that makes healing possible. It means recognizing your own limits. This is not a simple dynamic to navigate. If the pull-push cycle is causing you chronic anxiety or distress, that matters. Your attachment needs are legitimate. Supporting an FA partner and abandoning your own nervous system are not the same thing. For the fearfully avoidant person If this is describing you, the push pull, the firefighters running the show, the confusion about why you can't seem to stay close to people you actually want, the most important reframe is this, "Your firefighters are not the enemy." They developed for a reason. At some point in your early life, they were the most intelligent response available to a system that needed protection. The withdrawal, the numbing, and the picking fights were adaptations. They worked. They kept something fragile safe. The problem is that they're still running old code in a context that has changed. Working with this in an IFS frame starts with curiosity rather than self-judgment. Not why do I keep doing this in a frustrated, self-critical tone, but what part of me just activated, and what was it trying to protect? Some entry points include slowing down after the behavior, not during it. Firefighters move fast. You won't catch them in real time at first. But after you've withdrawn, or after the fight, or after the numbing episode, that's when you can get curious. What was happening emotionally right before? What was the threat the system perceived? Learn your somatic signals. Firefighters often give a physical advance warning, a tightening in the chest, a sudden flatness, or a restless urge to do something. These are body signals that a part has activated. Noticing them earlier gives you more choice. Speak to the firefighter directly, internally. "I see you. I know you're protecting something. I'm not going to force you to stand down, but can you tell me what you're afraid of?" Parts that are acknowledged tend to relax. Parts that are fought tend to entrench. Don't bypass the exile. The firefighter is protecting something. At some point, ideally in the presence of a skilled therapist, the exile needs to be witnessed, not just managed around. This is the deeper work. It takes time and it takes safety. But it's where the actual change happens. Both things are true Healing fearful avoidant attachment is not the FA person's job alone, and it is not the partner's job to manage it indefinitely. The relational system matters. How a partner responds shapes whether the FA person's system feels safe enough to let the firefighters rest. How the FA person does their own internal work shapes whether they can be present for genuine intimacy without being hijacked by a part that learned connection was dangerous. Neither person is the problem. The pattern is the problem. Patterns, unlike people, can change. The work isn't about becoming someone who doesn't have these parts. It's about developing enough of a relationship with your own internal system, and enough trust in your external ones, that the firefighters no longer need to run the show. That's what healing actually looks like. Not the absence of protective parts. The presence of something strong enough that they can finally stand down. Deeper understanding. Real change. Follow me on LinkedIn and YouTube for more info! Read more from Clayton Leavitt Clayton Leavitt, Attachment-Based Relationship Coach and Trained Counsellor Clayton Leavitt is an attachment-based coach and counsellor who helps people understand and transform the patterns shaping their relationships. His work blends attachment theory, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and emotional intelligence to support deep, lasting change. Through his writing and coaching, he creates a space where people can begin to see themselves more clearly, feel more deeply, and relate with greater authenticity. His work is rooted in the belief that when you understand your patterns, you can transcend them and create something new. References: [1] Main, M., & Hesse, E. (1990). Parents' unresolved traumatic experiences are related to infant disorganized attachment status. In M. Greenberg, D. Cicchetti, & E. M. Cummings (Eds.), Attachment in the Preschool Years. University of Chicago Press. UC Berkeley Attachment Lab. [2] Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. Guilford Press. IFS Institute. [3] Liotti, G. (2004). Trauma, dissociation, and disorganized attachment: Three strands of a single braid. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 41(4), 472 to 486.

Written by Andra Annette, Founder and Gut Health Expert Andra Annette is an international best-selling author, healthcare expert, and founder of Pounds-to-Go. With 40 years as a nurse, nutritionist, and holistic practitioner, she is a trusted gut health expert specializing in gut-thyroid connection and weight loss. Her latest works are When Hormones Hijack Your Life (2025) and Thrive with Hashimoto’s: A Nourishing Guide for Energy, Immunity, and Gut Health (2025). It’s Not Your Fault – It’s Your Metabolism (2025), How to Make Menopause Work for You (2025). If you have crossed the age of fifty and feel like your body no longer responds the way it used to, you're not imagining it. You may be eating less, exercising more, and doing everything you have been told to do, yet the scale refuses to move. Why everything changed after 50 The frustration can be overwhelming, especially when the advice you receive often points to one conclusion, try harder. But what if the problem isn't a lack of willpower? What if your body is not resisting weight loss at all? What if it is responding exactly as it was designed to? The weight loss conversation is missing something important Many people are told that weight gain after 50 is simply a normal part of aging. Others are told that hormones, menopause, or a slowing metabolism are to blame. While these factors can play a role, they do not tell the whole story. What often gets overlooked is that the body is constantly receiving and responding to signals. Every system in the body communicates with every other system. The gut communicates with the immune system. The thyroid communicates with metabolism. Stress hormones influence digestion, blood sugar, energy production, and fat storage. When these systems become overwhelmed, the body shifts its priorities. Instead of focusing on efficiency and fat burning, it focuses on protection and survival. Why your body starts holding on instead of letting go One of the biggest misconceptions about weight loss is the belief that the body simply stores excess weight because of calories alone. In reality, the body is far more intelligent than that. When it perceives ongoing stress, whether physical, emotional, inflammatory, or metabolic, it begins adapting. These adaptations may include slower metabolic function, increased fatigue, blood sugar instability, hormonal imbalance, greater difficulty losing weight, and increased abdominal fat storage. These are not signs that your body is broken. They are signs that your body is attempting to protect you. The hidden role of chronic inflammation Inflammation is often discussed as something harmful that needs to be eliminated. But inflammation itself is a signal. It reflects how the body is responding to its environment, stress levels, digestion, sleep quality, and overall balance. When inflammation becomes chronic, the body receives a continuous message that something is wrong. As a result, resources are diverted away from optimal metabolic function and toward protection. This is one reason many people find that traditional dieting becomes less effective as they get older. The issue may not be a lack of effort. The issue may be the signals the body continues to receive. Why the gut thyroid connection matters After collaborating with individuals for decades, one pattern appears repeatedly. When people struggle with stubborn weight gain, there is often more happening beneath the surface. Digestive health, inflammation, nutrient absorption, thyroid function, and stress physiology are deeply connected. If digestion is compromised, the body may struggle to absorb the nutrients required for energy production and metabolic function. If thyroid function becomes impaired, metabolism can slow. If chronic stress remains unresolved, cortisol patterns may contribute to weight retention and fatigue. These systems do not operate independently. They work together as part of one integrated network. The body needs safety before it can thrive One of the most important lessons I have learned throughout my years as a nurse, nutritionist, and holistic practitioner is this, the body responds differently when it feels safe. When the body receives signals of nourishment, rest, balance, and support, it can shift away from survival mode and toward healing. This does not happen overnight. It is not a quick fix. But sustainable change rarely comes from forcing the body. It comes from understanding what the body has been trying to communicate all along. A different question to ask Instead of asking, "Why can't I lose weight?" consider asking, "What is my body responding to?" That single question can change everything. Because the goal is not to fight the body. The goal is to understand it. When we begin addressing the root causes of stress, inflammation, digestive dysfunction, and metabolic imbalance, we create the conditions for the body to function as it was designed to. That's when lasting change becomes possible. Final thoughts If weight loss has become more difficult after 50, it does not automatically mean you lack discipline, motivation, or willpower. Your body may simply be asking for something different. The body is always communicating. When we learn how to listen, we can finally stop working against ourselves and begin working with the wisdom built into the body from the very beginning. Because healing is not about forcing change. It is about creating the conditions that allow change to happen. If this resonates with you, feel free to connect. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Andra Annette Andra Annette, Founder and Gut Health Expert Andra Annette is a world-renowned healthcare expert and award-winning wellness authority. Recognized as a worldwide leader in Healthcare (2017) and a top nurse in the Bronx by INA, Andra Annette blends nearly 40 years of experience with a personal journey of overcoming leaky gut, thyroid issues, and weight struggles. Her groundbreaking work earned her the Outstanding Female Wellness Expert Award by Every Woman TV Global (2024). Holistic Practitioner and Author of the Year (2025), IAOTP, CREA Award Brainz (2025), Top 50 Fearless Leaders, IAOTP (2026), Top 26 Women Leaders to Look Out For 2026, Passion Vista (2026). As the founder of Pounds-to-Go, host of the TV show Healing from the Inside Out, and author of the published Rainbow of Wellness series, she empowers individuals to love their bodies and live vibrantly. Her mission is to clear the confusion in health and be part of the cure, not the chaos.

Written by Tracy Ann Messore, Integrative Coach Tracy Messore is well-known when it comes to trauma recovery and nervous system healing. She is a bachelor's-prepared registered nurse, certified trauma coach, and the founder of Integrative Coaching. Through her specialized courses and integrative approach, Tracy guides trauma survivors to heal and reclaim their authentic identities. Trauma recovery does not have to be limited to one path. This article explores how Western medicine, somatic practices, and holistic healing can work together to support deeper, whole-person recovery. The question that started my journey "You're a nurse. How can you believe in all this alternative stuff?" A colleague asked me this after seeing me incorporate breathwork, somatic practices, and energy healing into my trauma coaching. The question implied I had to choose to be science-based or holistic. Trust Western medicine or trust alternative approaches. Be rational or be spiritual. But here's what I've learned through my nearly two decades of abuse, my nursing career across multiple disciplines, and my journey from survival to thriving. The most powerful healing happens when you integrate both. The science explains what happened to your body and brain. The somatic practices help your body release what's stored. The spiritual approaches address meaning-making and connection. You don't have to choose. You need all of it. What Western medicine gets right about trauma As a medical professional, I deeply value what Western medicine contributes to trauma recovery. Evidence-based understandIng Western medicine has given us neuroimaging that shows how trauma changes brain structure, research on how stress hormones affect the body, documentation of the connection between trauma and physical illness, diagnostic criteria that help us identify PTSD, C PTSD, and other trauma-related conditions, and evidence-based therapies like EMDR and Trauma-Focused CBT. Understanding the biology of trauma helps you recognize that what you're experiencing isn't weakness or failure. It's a predictable physiological response to abnormal circumstances. Medication when needed Medication, when needed, can help stabilize severe symptoms enough that you can do therapy work, correct chemical imbalances that trauma created, reduce hyperarousal or hypoarousal enough to widen your window of tolerance, and treat co-occurring conditions like depression or anxiety. Crisis intervention Crisis intervention can include acute psychiatric care when someone is suicidal or psychotic, medical treatment for physical symptoms of trauma, safety planning and risk assessment, and hospitalization when needed for stabilization. Diagnostic clarity Diagnostic clarity can help you understand what you're experiencing, access treatment and accommodations, feel validated that your symptoms are real and recognized, and connect with others who have similar experiences. What Western medicine misses about trauma Despite its strengths, traditional Western medicine has significant limitations when it comes to trauma. It is reductionist The problem is that Western medicine tends to treat symptoms in isolation without addressing the whole person or the root cause. This can look like prescribing sleep medication without addressing why your nervous system won't let you sleep, treating chronic pain without exploring the trauma that might be stored in your body, focusing on symptom reduction rather than actual healing, and separating mind from body from spirit. It often ignores the body The problem is that, despite knowing trauma is stored in the body, most Western approaches work primarily with the mind. This can look like talk therapy that stays in the cognitive realm, expecting you to "think your way out" of nervous system dysregulation, not incorporating body-based practices, and dismissing physical symptoms that don't have clear medical explanations. It can be pathologizing The problem is that Western medicine uses a disease model that can make you feel broken rather than adaptive. This can look like diagnoses that define you by what is "wrong" with you, language that emphasizes disorder, dysfunction, and pathology, a focus on what's broken rather than what's resilient, and missing the adaptive nature of trauma responses. It often does not address meaning-making The problem is that trauma disrupts your sense of meaning, purpose, safety, and trust. Medical treatment rarely addresses these existential impacts. This can look like no space to explore spiritual or existential questions, a focus on symptom management rather than post-traumatic growth, missing the importance of meaning, purpose, and connection in healing, and not addressing how trauma affects your worldview, beliefs, and sense of self. It can lack cultural competence The problem is that Western medicine often assumes one-size-fits-all approaches without considering cultural context, traditional healing practices, or diverse understandings of trauma. This can look like dismissing traditional healing practices as "unscientific," not considering how trauma manifests differently across cultures, a lack of culturally adapted treatments, and missing how collective or historical trauma affects individuals. What holistic approaches contribute Holistic and alternative approaches fill the gaps that Western medicine leaves. Body-based healing Body-based healing may include Somatic Experiencing, yoga, breathwork, dance or movement therapy, massage and bodywork, acupuncture, and energy healing. These matter because they work directly with the nervous system and body to release stored trauma, which talk therapy alone cannot do. Spiritual and meaning-making practices Spiritual and meaning-making practices may include meditation and mindfulness, prayer or connection to a higher power, nature-based healing, ritual and ceremony, connection to ancestors or lineage, and existential exploration. These matter because trauma is a spiritual crisis as much as a psychological one. These approaches help you reconstruct meaning, purpose, and connection. Whole person perspective A whole-person perspective recognizes that you are more than your symptoms, that mind, body, and spirit are interconnected, that healing happens in relationship and community, that your symptoms are adaptive responses, not pathology, that your cultural context matters, and that your own wisdom about your healing is valid. Natural and traditional remedies Natural and traditional remedies may include herbal medicine, nutritional support, sleep hygiene, grounding and earthing, and traditional healing practices from various cultures. These matter because they support your body's natural healing capacity and often have fewer side effects than pharmaceutical interventions. The problem with choosing one or the other Here's what I see happening. People who choose only Western medicine often stay stuck in cognitive understanding without body healing, rely heavily on medication without addressing root causes, feel like something is missing even though they're "doing everything right," and never fully heal because they're only addressing part of the problem. People who choose only alternative or holistic approaches often miss serious diagnoses that need medical attention, avoid necessary medication or medical intervention, suffer unnecessarily without evidence-based treatments that could help, and sometimes fall into magical thinking or bypass emotional work. The truth is that you need both. The science and the soul. The evidence and the intuition. The medical model and the healing model. My integrative approach to trauma recovery Here's how I combine both in my own healing and in my work with clients. Foundation: Understanding the science Start with education. Learn about polyvagal theory and your nervous system, understand how trauma is stored in the body, recognize trauma responses as adaptive, not pathological, and know the neurobiology of healing. Understanding what happened to you helps you make sense of your experiences and reduces shame. The science validates what you're feeling. Layer 1: Medical assessment and support Work with healthcare providers to rule out medical conditions that might be contributing to symptoms, consider medication if needed for stabilization, address physical health issues that trauma caused or exacerbated, and get proper diagnoses when helpful. My integration is that I support clients getting medical care while also doing somatic and holistic work. These aren't competing. They're complementary. Layer 2: Somatic and body-based healing Incorporate practices that regulate your nervous system, release stored trauma from your body, help you complete defensive responses, build your window of tolerance, and reconnect you with your body. This is where the actual healing happens at a physiological level. Talk therapy prepared you for this; somatic work completes it. Layer 3: Cognitive and emotional processing Use evidence-based therapies such as EMDR for processing traumatic memories, Trauma-Focused CBT for changing thought patterns, Internal Family Systems for working with parts, and traditional talk therapy for processing emotions and experiences. You need to make sense of what happened cognitively and process emotions that were buried. But this works best when combined with body work. Layer 4: Spiritual and meaning-making Explore practices that help you reconstruct meaning after trauma, connect you to something larger than yourself, address existential questions trauma raised, support post-traumatic growth, and honor your cultural or spiritual traditions. Trauma shatters your worldview. You need to rebuild it intentionally, incorporating what you've learned through survival and healing. Layer 5: Lifestyle and prevention Create sustainable practices, including nutrition that supports nervous system health, sleep hygiene, movement or exercise, nature connection, community and relationships, creative expression, and purpose-driven activities. Healing isn't just about processing the past. It's about building a life worth living in the present and future. Layer 6: Addressing systems and context Recognize that healing happens within relationships, family systems, cultural context, socioeconomic realities, and historical and collective trauma. Individual healing is important, but trauma often has systemic roots that need addressing too. Creating your own integrative practice You don't need to do all of this at once. Here's how to build your integrative healing practice. Step 1: Assess where you are Ask yourself: What am I currently doing for my healing? What areas am I neglecting, body, mind, spirit, relationships, or lifestyle? Am I relying too heavily on one approach? What's working and what isn't? Step 2: Identify your gaps Common gaps I see include all talk therapy, no body work; all holistic practices, no medical support; all individual healing, no relationship work; all symptom management, no root cause healing; and all processing the past, no building the future. Step 3: Add what's missing gradually Don't overhaul everything at once. Add one element at a time. If you have therapy but no body work, add one somatic practice. If you have body work but no cognitive processing, find a trauma therapist. If you have lots of healing practices but poor sleep, prioritize sleep hygiene. If you have individual work but no community, find a support group. Step 4: Listen to what your system needs Different phases of healing need different approaches. The early phase might need medication, intensive therapy, and lots of somatic regulation. The middle phase may involve deep processing work, exploration of patterns, and building new skills. The later phase may focus on integration, meaning-making, post-traumatic growth, and giving back. Trust your intuition about what you need and when. Step 5: Find practitioners who support integration Look for therapists who value body-based approaches, doctors who are open to complementary practices, holistic practitioners who respect medical science, and anyone who sees you as a whole person, not just a collection of symptoms. Red flags include anyone who says their way is the only way, practitioners who dismiss other approaches, people who pressure you to abandon treatments that are helping, and those who promise quick fixes or miraculous cures. What integration made possible for me When I relied only on talk therapy, I understood my trauma cognitively, but my body still felt unsafe. When I added medication, it stabilized my symptoms but didn't heal the root cause. When I discovered somatic work, my body started releasing what it had been holding, but I still needed to process emotionally and make meaning spiritually. Integration gave me understanding from science, stabilization from medication when I needed it, release from somatic practices, processing from therapy, meaning from spiritual practices, community from support groups and relationships, and a life worth living from putting it all together. The result is that my nervous system is regulated most of the time. I recognize my triggers and can work with them. I've rediscovered my authentic self. I parent from healing rather than trauma. I can recognize manipulation and trust my judgment. I've released what I was carrying for my ancestors. I'm not just surviving. I'm thriving. The both/and of healing One of the most powerful shifts in my healing was moving from either/or thinking to both/and thinking. Not science or spirituality. But science and spirituality. Not Western medicine or alternative healing. But Western medicine and alternative healing. Not understanding trauma or releasing trauma. But understanding trauma and releasing trauma. Not medication or somatic work. But medication, if needed, and somatic work. Not individual healing or collective healing. But individual healing and collective healing. Not processing the past or building the future. But processing the past and building the future. Integration means holding it all. The complexity. The contradiction. The scientific and the mysterious. The evidence-based and the intuitive. Your invitation Now you reclaim your power. Build your own integrative healing practice. You take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and create an approach that honors all of who you are, scientific and spiritual, rational and intuitive, wounded and resilient. Your trauma changed you. But your healing can transform you into someone even stronger, wiser, and more whole than you were before trauma entered your life. That's the invitation. That's the promise. That's the power of integrating every tool, every approach, and every part of yourself in service of your healing. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Tracy Ann Messore Tracy Ann Messore, Integrative Coach Tracy Messore is well-known when it comes to trauma recovery and nervous system healing. She is a bachelor's-prepared registered nurse, certified trauma coach, and the founder of Integrative Coaching. After enduring decades of generational trauma and abuse, Tracy transformed her pain into purpose by combining her nursing expertise with somatic body-based healing and polyvagal theory to help trauma survivors break free from survival mode and rediscover their authentic selves. Through her specialized courses and integrative approach, which addresses the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual dimensions of healing, Tracy guides people through processing stored trauma, regulating their nervous systems, and breaking generational cycles. References and further reading: This series has integrated concepts from across disciplines. Here are the key resources that informed this integrative approach. Neuroscience and trauma: van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books. Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self regulation. W.W. Norton & Company. Somatic approaches: Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books. Ogden, P., Minton, K., and Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. W.W. Norton & Company. Integrative and holistic healing: Maté, G. (2003). When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress Disease Connection. Wiley. Pert, C. (1997). Molecules of Emotion: The Science Behind Mind Body Medicine. Scribner. Trauma recovery: Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence, From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books. Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. The Guilford Press. Generational and cultural trauma: Wolynn, M. (2016). It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle. Penguin Books. Menakem, R. (2017). My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies. Central Recovery Press. Note: Throughout this series, concepts from these and other sources have been presented through the lens of the author's nursing training, personal healing journey, and professional coaching practice. The explanations and applications are the author's own interpretations, designed to make complex concepts accessible to trauma survivors while maintaining scientific integrity.

Written by Kathy Cook, Director of Kathy Now Then Coaching Kathy is Director of Kathy Now Then Coaching, drawing on 15 years’ experience as a teacher, SENCo, Assistant Educational Psychologist, Young person coach, and parent. She supports families to rebuild relationships and help young people thrive amid the evolving pressures of today's education system. Change is something we often associate with major life events, such as starting a new school, moving house, beginning a new job, or welcoming a new family member. Yet change happens every single day, often in ways we barely notice. No two days are ever the same. Our routines shift, people around us change, our emotions fluctuate, and unexpected situations arise. For some people, these small changes pass unnoticed, while for others, they can feel overwhelming. The size of the change isn't what matters most. It's how that change feels to the individual. The comfort of routine Whether you consider yourself someone who enjoys routine or not, we all have habits that help our day feel predictable. Perhaps you always make your cup of tea the same way, milk or water first. Jam or cream before eating your scone, how very British, right? Maybe you take the same route to work or sit in the same seat at the dinner table. These routines might seem insignificant, but they give our brains something familiar to hold on to. Predictability helps us feel safe. For many children and adults, routines reduce uncertainty and allow them to begin the day feeling calm and prepared. When those routines suddenly change, it can leave us feeling unsettled, even if we can't immediately explain why. Transitions A transition is simply the process of moving from one stage of life to another. It is the bridge between what is familiar and what is yet to come. Some transitions are exciting. Others are unexpected. Many are a mixture of both. At this time of year, we often talk about children moving into new classes or schools, but transitions happen throughout life. We change jobs, relationships evolve, children grow up, loved ones move away, and sometimes life takes us in directions we never planned. Every transition asks us to adapt. The small changes What may seem like a small change to one person can feel enormous to someone else. A different classroom. A new teacher. A cancelled plan. A change in routine. When our minds are already feeling overwhelmed, uncertainty can quickly fill the gaps with worry. We begin imagining every possible outcome, often focusing on what might go wrong rather than what could go well. Our brains naturally seek certainty, and when certainty isn't available, they often create their own stories. This is why even seemingly minor changes deserve understanding rather than dismissal. Letting go before moving forward One of the most helpful things we can do during a transition is acknowledge what we are leaving behind. In schools, we often encourage children to reflect on their memories, celebrate what they have achieved, and say goodbye before embracing the next chapter. This gives them a sense of completion. Adults need this too. Sometimes we rush straight into the next stage without allowing ourselves time to recognise what we've lost or what we'll miss. Allowing ourselves time to reflect can make moving forward feel much more manageable. When a transition feels big, remember that nobody else can decide whether a change feels significant. If it feels big to you, then it is big. As parents, friends, teachers, or colleagues, our role isn't to judge whether someone's worries are reasonable. Our role is to listen, understand, and help them make sense of what they're experiencing. Instead of saying, "You'll be fine," we might ask, "What feels most worrying about this change?" "What do you think might help?" Feeling heard often reduces anxiety more than trying to solve the problem immediately. Being someone's constant during periods of change means understanding that people often don't need all the answers. They need someone who remains steady. For children, this might be a trusted adult who continues their usual routines, offers reassurance, and reminds them that their feelings make sense. For adults, it may simply be someone who listens without judgment and reminds them they don't have to navigate change alone. Sometimes being the constant in someone else's life is the greatest gift we can offer. Small steps forward If you're supporting someone through a transition, listen before trying to fix. Keep routines as consistent as possible. Talk openly about what is changing and what will stay the same. Celebrate small successes along the way. Offer reassurance without dismissing their feelings. Allow them to see that change is part of life, and allow them to see that being uncertain about things is normal too. If you're experiencing change yourself, take time to acknowledge what you're leaving behind as well as what you're moving towards. Ask yourself: What will I miss? What am I looking forward to? What strengths have helped me through change before? Who can I turn to for support? You don't need to have everything figured out before taking the next step. Final thoughts Not every change is one we choose. Some arrive without warning and ask more of us than we ever expected. While we can't always control what happens, we can choose how we respond and how we support one another through it. Growth rarely happens without change. Every experience, whether it feels successful or challenging, teaches us something about ourselves. Sometimes the lesson is resilience. Sometimes it is courage. Sometimes it is simply recognising that we were stronger than we realised. Every journey begins with one small step. Change can feel uncomfortable because it asks us to leave what is familiar. Yet it also opens the door to new experiences, new relationships, and new possibilities. So, if life feels uncertain today, remember this, "You don't have to rush. You don't have to have all the answers. Take the next step when you are ready; one step at a time is still progress. You never have to face change alone." Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Kathy Cook Kathy Cook, Director of Kathy Now Then Coaching Now Then Coaching takes its name from a warm greeting used by Kathy’s late grandparents and a reminder to focus on now, while growing from then. With experience across primary, secondary, and specialist settings, including Alternative Provisions, Kathy has supported families through both one-to-one coaching and educational support. She helps adults reframe how behaviour is understood, recognising that not all needs are loud or disruptive, some are quiet and easily missed. Kathy advocates for moving beyond labels such as “naughty” or “disengaged”, encouraging a more compassionate, curious approach that asks what a child may need rather than what they have done wrong.

Written by Lisa Tibando, Business Owner, RMT, Bioenergetics Facilitator Lisa Tibando had devoted decades to the healing arts, specializing in guiding others through empowered self-care and personalized transformation by blending ancient wisdom and modern science. Her practice blends deep spiritual insight with a highly educated foundation in anatomy and physiology, reflecting an unwavering commitment to holistic health. Mozart composed masterpieces of music. Picasso composed extraordinary works of art. In a similar way, you are constantly composing a creation of chemical molecules within your body, one that either supports wellbeing or contributes to stress. It’s up to us to make the commitment to incorporate daily self care practices into our routines so they become healthy habits, which then evolve into healthy lifestyles. These self love and inner awareness practices help us make better choices to create a beautiful composition of wellbeing within us that influences every aspect of our lives. Our bodies produce natural chemistry that is far more powerful than we realize. We are our own pharmaceutical manufacturers, producing substances that are better than those on the market. We simply need to learn how to create the right internal environment that produces these harmonious chemical molecules, allowing us to become our own healers and master composers of wellness. Every painter has access to the same basic paints and brushes. Every musician has the same twelve notes to work with. Every human being possesses the same fundamental biological systems. We simply use them differently. We each create a unique composition from the same foundational structures. Artists work with paint. Musicians work with notes. We work with cells, cells that form our hormones, nerves, tissues, organs, glands, muscles, and the energetic systems that run through them. The same is true of our feelings and experiences, which are precursors that determine the composition of chemicals we create within ourselves. We all possess the same base structures for emotions, which are a combination of our feelings and experiences. They differ because we compose them differently. We place different meanings on them. We experience and express them differently. We combine them internally in unique ways, and we create different compositions because these emotions arise with varying intensities, under different circumstances, at different times, and through the stories we tell ourselves. Before we experience a feeling, a thought occurs. Sometimes, we are unaware of that preceding thought because it’s happening entirely within the subconscious mind. Sometimes, the thought happens in a fraction of a second. Other times, it is a familiar thought we have repeated thousands of times, a loop running haphazardly in the mental background. The feelings generated by these patterns of thinking create a cascade of emotional and biochemical activity throughout the body, producing an internal state that either supports harmony or fuels dissonance. Fight or flight or rest and digest. Stress or relaxation. Wellness or disease. These thoughts and feelings gradually shape our beliefs. What starts in our minds then instructs our bodies to compose correlated molecules, chemicals, and hormones. Belief is one of the most powerful faculties we possess. We trust what we believe and even fully accept our beliefs as absolute truths. We believe what we believe. We believe ourselves. But the variety and diversity of human beliefs prove that belief certainly does not mean truth. If we never stop to investigate what we believe, we are prone to living according to distorted perceptions rather than genuine truth. We are prone even to believing lies in both our mental and physical systems. For example, we may believe the lie that “I am not safe” when we are simply feeling angry, sad, or distressed. If we don’t investigate and look within at what’s really transpiring, we become vulnerable to believing stories that no longer serve us. These stories then start to create a chemical cascade reaction in our internal environment that instructs the cells in our bodies. We believe our beliefs. Believe. Be lie f. Be and live lies in our lives. There it is. An interesting way to look at the word itself is “be lie f.” Say “lie f” quickly, over and over, and it begins to sound like “life.” Therefore, 'be' our 'life'. It doesn’t matter whether the word’s origin supports this interpretation. This metaphor is meaningful and powerful, our beliefs become our life. So a belief, a “be life,” becomes what we are and shapes our life. Our inner life is more important than our outer life because everything in our experience blossoms from it and grows from it. Knowing that we create this with our thoughts helps to empower us. When we recognize that the beliefs we are harbouring can cause destructive internal compositions inside us, we can investigate, challenge, and change the beliefs that are not serving us. We can change our thoughts, change our feelings, and replace old beliefs with new ones. We can choose to create beautiful compositions that support vitality, resilience, and wellbeing. We always have a choice. We can change the composition of our inner world by recognizing a simple sequence, "Thoughts create feelings. Feelings shape beliefs. Beliefs influence our biology." Those beliefs continually instruct our nervous system to move into either fight or flight or rest and digest. Together, our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs create the molecular chemistry of our inner life, the seeds from which our experiential and perceptual life grows. Modern society celebrates, applauds, and rewards achievement. The problem is that achievement often accompanies constant doing. The “doer” is always moving, always striving, always climbing the next proverbial ladder. While ambition certainly has value, living exclusively in that state rarely leaves room to care for the inner self. Instead, it often floods the body with stress chemistry that, over time, contributes to exhaustion, burnout, and overwhelm. When we are constantly striving, we cannot fully appreciate, nurture, or care for ourselves. Think about it. When your mind is completely fixed on the next accomplishment, are you appreciating where you already are? Usually not. The state of continually believing, “I’ll be okay when...” sends a powerful message to the nervous system, which, in essence, is, “I’m not okay now. I must survive. I must keep chasing.” This reinforces a fight or flight response, and stress becomes our default chemistry. When we are always reaching for something instead of reaching within, our attention remains focused outward rather than inward. Attention is one of the greatest faculties we possess. When we place a balanced amount of attention on self care, stillness, rest, and inner awareness, we create a composition of healing, restoration, and wellbeing. These practices support the body’s natural rest and digest response, the opposite of constant striving, protecting, performing, and surviving. To optimize our health, we must learn to do both, pursue meaningful goals while remaining deeply connected to ourselves. This requires awareness, practice, and a commitment to self care. It means cultivating a thought life and belief system that support harmony, regardless of the activity or the people we are interacting with. We begin choosing, moment by moment, to be okay now, and now, and now again. Our attention has been conditioned to focus almost entirely on the external world. In doing so, we often lose awareness of what is happening within us, the place where our true composition of wellbeing is continually being created. One of the most effective ways to cultivate harmonious chemistry is simply to direct our attention inward. Notice the thoughts you are thinking, the feelings accompanying those thoughts, and the beliefs quietly shaping your experience. Then choose. Keep what supports your wellbeing and change what no longer serves you. Make the choice to practise self care and investigate your beliefs. Pay attention to how your body feels after interactions, activities, and experiences. Ask yourself: Are the people, places, and experiences in my life helping me think and feel well? If yes, wonderful. Continue nurturing those relationships and environments. If not, what can I change? Can I change my perception? Can I discover a lesson, a gift, or an opportunity for growth? Can I create harmony within myself, regardless of the circumstances around me? If not, what belief is being activated and causing my distress? Bringing conscious awareness to the composition you are creating within your body and making thoughtful adjustments to your responses takes practice. Prioritizing wellbeing also takes practice. Like every meaningful skill, it develops through consistency. We simply begin, one step, one breath, and one moment of awareness at a time. Meditation, breath work, stretching, massage therapy, mindful movement, and other forms of intentional self care help reconnect us to the place where everything begins. Every day, we must prioritize simple practices that bring our awareness back within and help us pay attention to what is going on inside us. This is inner awareness. The more consistently we practise, the more naturally these habits become part of who we are, who we "be" and how we "live". Over time, mastery of our own wellbeing becomes a way of life. As we learn to create harmonious internal chemistry, the result is a happier, healthier, and more resilient life. We become our own healer. We become the composer of our wellbeing. We become the Master Composer. Be the Master Composer of your life. You are worth it! Free practices and home care resources are available on my YouTube channel through the link below. Begin your practice today and start composing your own masterpiece of wellbeing. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Lisa Tibando Lisa Tibando, Business Owner, RMT, Bioenergetics Facilitator Lisa Tibando is a leader in self-awareness, self-care, and self-love. After overcoming a history of multiple childhood and adolescent traumas, she embarked on a profound healing journey that transformed her life, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Today, Lisa is dedicated to guiding others through their own healing, drawing from both personal experience and decades of study. Her deep compassion and intuitive understanding create a safe, empowering space for individuals to reconnect with themselves and embrace the transformative power of self-healing.

Written by Kelly Gates, Women’s Leadership & Identity Coach Kelly Gates is a Women’s Leadership and Identity Coach who helps high-achieving women navigate life and career transitions with authenticity and self-trust. Through her coaching program, The Inner Sovereign™, she empowers women to embrace reinvention, overcome burnout, and lead with clarity and courage. Emotional intelligence is widely regarded as a workplace strength. The ability to read a room, understand different perspectives, communicate with care and build relationships can make someone an excellent colleague or leader. In a toxic workplace, however, those same qualities can become exhausting. Emotionally intelligent people notice the things others may dismiss, minimise or learn to ignore. They sense the shift in a manager’s tone after a meeting. They see a colleague become quieter after raising a concern. They recognise when a team is carefully avoiding a subject that everyone knows needs addressing. They may not be able to point to one particular incident, yet they can feel the weight of an environment where something always seems wrong or about to go wrong, but nobody can articulate what it is. Often, the manager’s mood becomes the unofficial barometer of the office. On a good day, people can relax. However, on a difficult day, messages are rewritten, conversations become cautious and employees quietly adjust their behaviour to avoid becoming the focus of someone else’s frustration. This can create a feeling of ‘treading around glass’, marked by vigilance rather than trust. Manager avoidance can be equally destabilising. Some leaders avoid difficult conversations because they lack confidence, fear conflict or have never been properly equipped to manage people. The result can be a manager who is physically present but relationally absent, offering little direction, feedback or meaningful connection with the people they are responsible for leading. When a manager does not engage, the team is left to fill in the blanks. People begin to wonder whether they are doing enough, whether they have made a mistake or whether a problem is brewing behind closed doors. Silence becomes its own form of communication, and self-doubt and a lack of confidence begin to take hold. Those who name troublesome patterns are often especially vulnerable. Someone may raise a reasonable concern about an unrealistic workload, a poorly thought-through restructure, unfair treatment, or the absence of a clear plan. Rather than engaging with the substance of what has been raised, a manager may recast that person as disruptive or resistant to change. The original issue is then lost beneath a conversation about the employee’s supposed attitude. This is where workplace gaslighting can emerge. A person who identifies a recurring pattern may be told they are overreacting or misreading the situation. Over time, they can begin to doubt their own judgement, even when their instincts have repeatedly proved accurate. This is also where workplace bullying can take root. When a manager feels challenged by a legitimate concern but lacks the confidence or skill to address it constructively, they may shift their focus from the issue to the person who raised it. That can show up as exclusion, excessive scrutiny, withholding information, undermining someone’s confidence or making their day-to-day work unnecessarily difficult. In some cases, the pressure becomes so sustained that the employee feels that leaving is the only way to protect themselves. This matters more than many organisations acknowledge. The CIPD’s 2024 Good Work Index found that one in four UK employees had experienced workplace conflict in the previous year. Yet, while 81% of employers believed they were doing enough to prevent and manage bullying and harassment, only 36% of employees who had experienced conflict felt it had been fully resolved. That gap tells its own story. Policies may exist, but people’s lived experiences can be very different. Many organisations now have wellbeing strategies and carefully worded values statements. These have limited value if the everyday culture rewards avoidance, tolerates inconsistency and punishes people for speaking honestly. A genuine wellbeing culture is visible in everyday moments. It is not created through a one-off resilience workshop, access to meditation or wellbeing apps, a discounted gym membership, or healthy snacks in the kitchen. These can be thoughtful additions, but they cannot compensate for poor leadership. The greatest influence on workplace wellbeing is how leaders lead, how they handle discomfort, whether they are approachable regardless of their mood, whether accountability applies to everyone and whether employees can raise concerns without being made to feel that they are the problem. For emotionally intelligent people, the hardest part of a toxic workplace is often seeing the truth of what is happening while being expected to pretend that nothing is wrong. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Kelly Gates Kelly Gates, Women’s Leadership & Identity Coach Kelly Gates is a Women’s Leadership & Identity Coach focused on helping high-capacity women navigate pivotal transitions in career and life. She works at the intersection of leadership, reinvention and self-trust, supporting women to move from performing roles to embodying who they truly are. Kelly challenges outdated narratives about success and midlife, guiding women to reconnect with their values, voice, and direction so they can lead and live with clarity and alignment.

Written by Kass James, Healthcare Business and Disability Specialist Kass James is an assistive technology specialist with a master’s in management of information systems from the University of Houston’s Bauer College of Business. Fully licensed in ADA compliance and environmental access, he’s a partner at The Spoonie Advocate Associates. It has become impossible to discuss the future of business or IT project roadmaps without a serious conversation about artificial intelligence. But what do people mean when they are talking about AI? Schools, governments, and businesses discuss how to manage AI systems, yet they seem to know nothing about them. They talk about AI as though it were science fiction. Every website, lawmaker, tech billionaire, and IT professional seems to have a different opinion. When we talk about the cost and value of artificial intelligence, it often seems as though many of us are talking about different things. It is deeply frustrating for those of us in the IT industry when C-suite executives discuss AI without understanding it. It is going to upset a lot of people, but we must start with the fact that artificial general intelligence, known as AGI or “true artificial intelligence,” does not exist yet. Many things seem like AGI. They mimic it and are even claimed to be close to it, but they are not. Artificial general intelligence refers to a computer’s ability to make independent decisions, draw conclusions based on feelings rather than facts, adapt and change opinions fluidly, and approach “human” thought. We do not have it, and despite the claims of some incredibly wealthy people, we are not even close to cracking it. We are limited by current technology. Anyone who is trying to sell you or your company a “replacement” for your human workforce is selling you the pipe dream of AGI. It is, however, a goal of many companies to develop the next best thing. If AGI does not exist, what do they mean when they are selling AI? There are a couple of things that fall under the umbrella of artificial intelligence, but usually, what is being discussed is a machine learning, or ML, algorithm. ML is the basis for every single AI system being pushed, and it is the only way we have to simulate intelligent decision-making. It is not actual decision-making, but rather a combination of data collection and a well-trained predictive algorithm. IT professionals train machine learning algorithms through data and repetition The system starts with data collection. The more extensive and up-to-date the data, the better. This is where many legal objections have been raised, as customer privacy remains a legal gray area. Common buzzwords such as “data mining,” “web mining,” and “scraping” all refer to the process of collecting large amounts of data. This is also what those large data centers are designed to store. The data is then sorted, categorized, and tagged with a range of characteristics. The algorithm is initially trained manually through supervised modeling and learning, allowing it to learn to “cluster,” or group, similar items. It then narrows its focus and excludes anomalies. Finally, it begins making structured predictions based on interactions with the data and users. These are not actual predictions. The algorithm uses statistical probability to produce results based on data points that often appear together. This is most often seen in systems such as YouTube and Netflix, where the algorithm makes recommendations based on the videos other users have watched. It does not, however, care whether the results are correct. AI algorithms are addicted to interaction, and you are their dealer The downside of how ML is developed and trained is that the systems only function if they focus on what drives interaction. This means the algorithm does not know or care whether the results are accurate, only that users interact with it often. This is the failure point for many of these systems. They will generate results that appear authentic based on the search terms if no results are found in the database. This is a problem for both businesses and legislators because these results are often mistaken for authentic information and have contributed to widespread misinformation. The reason for and burden of data centers Data centers are a necessary evil in this industry. The data collected and the computer infrastructure used to interpret it are massive and constantly growing. Nearly 400 terabytes are added to the internet every second, with an annual growth rate of 15 to 25%. The infrastructure used to gather and interpret the data also needs to scale accordingly. Unfortunately, the costs associated with these centers are not just monetary. They also include demands on infrastructure and natural resources. Water and power are necessary for cooling and operations. However, data centers seldom shoulder the burden of upgrading local infrastructure to meet these needs. In addition, data centers produce very few permanent jobs and contribute little to the local economy. Thus, it is understandable that communities oppose building projects in which local taxpayers shoulder the burden of infrastructure upgrades while seeing no long-term benefits. Data centers are necessary, but developers seem unaware that, if they want to build, they must budget for the necessary infrastructure. What is not AI or machine learning? Mistaking complex software for AI seems to be a common problem in education, where generative AI is understandably prohibited. Still, administrators do not realize that not all software designed to assist users is AI. Text-to-speech and speech-to-text systems may be used by AI systems to collect data and interact with users, but they are not generative AI. Similarly, basic spell-checking and grammar-checking software is not AI, but more advanced systems, such as Grammarly, may use AI to edit. Business systems such as basic chatbots, automated phone menus, and statistical analysis software are also not AI. So, where are ML systems used? The most common examples are search engines and data interpretation software systems. This is also the best use of AI. You ask a question and get results. These systems excel at the inhuman task of taking in trillions of data points, sorting them, and producing results based on statistical predictions. Brokerage firms have spent sums equivalent to the annual GDP of many first-world nations on these predictive analytics systems, and for good reason. Google has become synonymous with searching online by developing the best search algorithm money can buy. You also see the predictive side of these search engines in the recommendations from systems such as Netflix and YouTube. Targeted advertising is the second most common interaction you will have with machine learning. For better or worse, you are nothing but a dataset to a machine learning system, and the more it knows about you, the better it can try to sell you something. On the other side of that, digital marketing firms pay a premium to know what drives interaction and which advertisements are not engaging. Google’s and Facebook’s market dominance lies not in social networking but in targeted advertising and data mining. The more people interact with something, the happier that system is, and the more profitable it can be for an advertiser. Generative pretrained transformers, or GPTs, have become somewhat synonymous with AI, but they use all that data to generate a response that the algorithm believes will drive interaction. Systems such as chatbots and AI assistants can be extremely useful for providing immediate service to customers without needing to scale your customer support system. The problem with these systems is that falsehoods, errors, and “hallucinations” become more prevalent the more they are relied upon to generate new and unique data. Because they are trained to provide information based on likely interaction, these systems often create responses that look true but are incorrect assemblies of information. One of the most common examples occurs when professionals search for peer-reviewed research, and the GPT system provides the title of a paper that was never written, attributed to authors who have never worked together. Once again, the system is an addict and will do anything, including assembling bits of information to fabricate a result that looks like what you asked for, to get that interaction. Where AI really works, and we do not talk about this enough, is in making people more efficient. New video cards use AI to process data more efficiently. Data modeling and predictive systems for weather, natural resources, and healthcare reduce human error and save lives by predicting change. AI is also necessary for many programming languages, such as Python. Correctly applying AI can reduce errors and employee burnout while increasing workforce productivity. The value of AI lies in how you use it It is important to remember that AI is not inherently good or bad. It depends on how it is trusted and applied. ChatGPT is not your friend or personal assistant, but using it to gain a new perspective can make you a more effective leader. The best AI tools for programmers do not replace them, but AI-assisted development can make your team less prone to errors. Chatbots streamline your customer support system, but you will always need a human to tackle complex issues. Healthcare systems such as AlphaFold 3 allow us to fully sequence and model DNA in days rather than months or years, yet scientists are still needed to interpret and use that information. Effective use of AI can make a company more effective, but relying on these systems or using them to replace humans completely is where everything falls apart. Follow me on LinkedIn and visit my website for more info! Read more from Kass James Kass James, Healthcare Business and Disability Specialist Kass James is a forerunner in the field of disability rights, corporate responsibility, and healthcare business. Having been physically disabled for most of his life, Kass was acutely aware of the lack of accessibility in the workplace. His work focuses on restructuring healthcare to increase profitability while benefiting patients, as well as doing patient assessments for ADA compliance and assistive technology. He’s a partner with the Spoonie Advocate Associates, an organization pushing for increasing value and patient outcomes through common sense and responsible change.

Written by Lynn Thorsell, Leadership and Team Coach A student of Buddhism with a history of outdoor athleticism, Lynn Thorsell brings an adventurous spirit and multi-faceted perspective to organizational life and leadership development. Since 2019, she's coached leaders and teams on six continents, enriching her appreciation of human diversity and ingenuity. I feel lost, and I don’t know what to do. Physically, I know exactly where I am: in the kitchen with Aster, Jo, and Laurel (not their real names). I’m making tortillas for dinner during this camping weekend with three dear friends from grad school, and Aster just turned up the heat of the conversation. Physically, I know where I am, but relationally, I suddenly feel disoriented. The drama triangle It was Jo who first introduced me to Dr. Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle fifteen years ago. What an eye-opener that was! I still remember how clearly it illuminated the pattern in which my then-husband, his teenage son, and I were stuck, cycling through Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer as we all tried to navigate particularly difficult changes in ourselves and our relationships. Our marriage didn’t last, but what did endure was my insight into my tendency to identify with the role of Rescuer and how ultimately harmful that was for me and others. I realized that over-identifying with that role enabled me to justify myself as a "good" person, see others as either lacking, victims, or malicious, persecutors, and treat people with condescension. Looking in the mirror of the Drama Triangle was a wake-up call. No place to stand Now, fifteen years later, I’m standing on the edge of another difficult conversation, but this time it’s one that’s being handled much more skillfully. I see Aster challenging Jo on an issue, and Jo having a strong emotional reaction. We can all feel the heat. Jo is obviously grappling with impulses to fight, flee, or freeze, yet manages to stay present and engaged, reclaiming her creativity time after time. At key moments, Laurel speaks, the coach on the sideline. Me? Internally, I find myself flailing. I momentarily feel engulfed by the urge to defend Jo against Aster, as if they were Victim and Villain, but Jo doesn’t need defending, and Aster is coming from a place of love. There’s no need for me to coach, either, as Laurel capably holds that role. Once or twice, an impotent Rescuer comment, some weak justification or defence of Jo, bursts out of my mouth, but falls flat and listless. This is how I find myself feeling so lost, unable to find a place in the dynamic playing out before me, my weak attempts to devolve the conversation back into the Drama Triangle unmet, distractedly pressing and cooking tortillas for our meal. Bystander hangover As the conversation cooks, the issue Aster initially raised puffs with hot air like a more perfect version of the tortillas I am making and then deflates gently into a tender insight, something truer and deeper for Jo, and much more nourishing than the sticky, raw dough ball with which the conversation started. There are tears and hugs that include me, but the conflict inside me is still broiling, and I feel oddly distant and detached. The next morning feels even worse. I don’t seem able to keep my reactivity from the night before from seeping out. As we sit around a morning campfire having tea and coffee, my comments come out sharp or flat, out of sync with the rhythm of the conversation. Laurel shares an insightful and personal reflection on yesterday evening’s interaction. Instead of simply honouring that insight or following her deeper, what comes out of my mouth is theoretical, abstract, superficial. I feel, in turn, like a pouty child or a distant critic, disappointed in my own behaviour, yet caught in it like a net. Finding my way Days later, the experience still weighing on me, I turn to Donna Zajonc’s book Who Do You Want to Be on the Way to What You Want? to try to sort this out. Donna co-founded the Center for the Empowerment Dynamic with the late David Emerald Womeldorff, and I’m intrigued by her character Sophia’s wise insight: “My job is to weaken the grip the [Dreaded Drama Triangle] has on me and strengthen my inner observer,” she thought. “Maybe that’s the formula that leads me out of the DDT? Observing inwardly how I’m relating to myself?” “What is the inner observer?” I wonder. During my friends’ interaction, I felt incidental, unnecessary, and ineffective, like a bystander who simply happens to be present, someone who might want to rush in and rescue, or who might be silently critical and derisive, or who might even be wounded or traumatized by what they observe. That type of observer seems well enmeshed in the Drama Triangle, a very different observer from Sophia’s. Continuing to observe myself stew in that experience only seemed to worsen it, reinforcing my self-judgment. That didn’t sound at all like what Sophia meant. Pondering this, I ask, “What would be the opposite of Bystander?” The answer that comes is, “Witness.” Silent presence Could this be Sophia’s inner observer? Someone grounded in her own wellbeing, who thoughtfully observes interactions, who is strong enough to hold boundaries when needed, and compassionate enough to be available for connection, who is able to bear witness to what occurred. Unlike the helpless or harmful Bystander, deeply entrenched in the Drama Triangle, a Witness makes choices, has agency, and plays an important role, albeit a silent one. As the pieces click into place, I no longer feel lost when I remember my friends’ interaction. I see that there was a place for me. I only needed to find it. Re-orientation Simply by observing an event, we change what happens. Physics has demonstrated this at the quantum level. What I see now is that my quality of being when I make that observation also influences the outcome, for others and myself. Whether we say a word, our quality of presence speaks volumes. Weeks later, I’m on a video call with a team of colleagues when two of them get into a heated debate. As their energy rises, I notice my body tense and my throat tighten. I see value in the questions and points they each make and feel torn and pressured, as if I have to take one person’s side. Then I take a deep breath. There’s nothing to fix or fight here. Within a container of mutual respect, we can just let this play out. Even silent and on the sideline, I can choose to Witness. Follow me on LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Lynn Thorsell Lynn Thorsell, Leadership and Team Coach Lynn Thorsell is a team and leadership coach whose practice is informed by outdoor athletics. Buddhist philosophy, and her time working in Malawi. A student of human diversity and resourcefulness, she is continually heartened by the many leaders and teams working to increase our collective wellbeing, and honoured to support them.

Written by Kathy Ziola, CNVC Certified Trainer and Coach Kathy Ziola, MA, author of “Live Compassion,” is a Psychotherapist, Communication Coach, and Certified Trainer with the international Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) and Founder of Communication Works. Have you ever heard someone begin a conversation with “I just want to be honest with you” and immediately felt your stomach tighten, cringing with the expectation of a barrage of criticism in the name of honesty? For many of us, honesty equals criticism, blame, and painful conversations. Yet genuine honesty does not have to leave people feeling attacked or defensive. In fact, when expressed with self-responsibility and compassion, honesty can become one of the most powerful tools for creating trust, understanding, and lasting connection. What if the problem is not honesty itself, but how we have learned to practice it? Why “I’m just being honest” often backfires When you hear, “I’ve got to be honest with you. You are so inconsiderate, and I really think you are being stupid about this,” how helpful is that, really? I remember attending a workshop back in the 1980s where one of the mottos was “Tell more truth faster and have more fun per hour.” I loved that motto, and I did my best to tell a lot of truth. The outcome was not always much fun, though! The problem was that there was no instruction on how to be honest in a self-responsible way that allowed people to actually receive what I wanted to share, including things that would benefit them, me, and the greater whole. I think I was really in the mindset of “You are doing this wrong” or “Something is the matter with you.” I imagine that many of us value honesty and, with the best intentions, have said many hurtful things in its name. When we do this, trust and the sense of warm connection are diminished or broken. The irony of habitually expressing honesty through criticism is that it actually makes it difficult for listeners to receive our message when we desperately want to be understood. They experience the judgment as an attack, so they shut down and become defensive. Criticism usually covers up something much more tender. Beneath our judgments are feelings, disappointments, hopes, and values that deeply matter to us. When we criticize, people hear the attack. When we reveal what matters to us, people are much more likely to hear our hearts. Relationship researcher John Gottman found that criticism, which involves attacking another person’s character rather than describing a specific concern, is one of the strongest predictors of relationship distress. When people feel criticized, they naturally become defensive instead of curious. There is a difference between brutal honesty and authentic honesty I offer you a new kind of honesty, one rooted not in evaluation but in authentic self-expression. It is not about telling someone who they are. It is about revealing our experience and what is true for us. The intention is to create understanding and more connection between people while being respectful and caring. It includes taking responsibility for our own feelings, values, and needs and making requests instead of demands. From opinions to vulnerability Let’s say I am upset because my partner said they would complete their part of the job on Monday so I could do my part on Tuesday and leave for vacation on Wednesday. They did not complete their part on Monday, and my vacation was delayed by two days. Whoa, am I fuming! Using the old form of honesty, I might say something to my partner like, “I have to be honest with you. You are really inefficient, irresponsible, and inconsiderate. You don’t care about anyone but yourself, and I have to say, I don’t think I can trust you anymore. You really just need to get your work done on time.” Imagine how you might feel hearing that honesty. The partner is likely to respond with something defensive, such as, “Well, you should have known better than to schedule your vacation when you knew we had this big project. It’s your own darn fault.” Being honest can be kind and caring when we share from our authentic and vulnerable experience. Brutal honesty simply stimulates pain and disconnection. I’m sure most of us have experienced this, probably on both sides of the interaction. Let’s see how the new way might sound. Take responsibility for your inner experience Before saying, “I just want to be honest with you,” do some inner reflection. Ask yourself what you are actually feeling, what matters most to you right now, what outcome you hope the conversation will create, and how you can express yourself in a way that invites connection. Focus on your vulnerable feelings and needs, as well as the impact of the situation, instead of labeling and judging the other person. Using this new form of honesty to work toward understanding and connection between us, I might say something like, “Wow, I am so upset and disappointed that the deadline was not met for your part of the project and that I had to stay in town. I’m missing two days of my vacation, and I am frustrated because I really needed that time to relax and rejuvenate after working so hard. I really value reliability and teamwork because they help me relax and trust that we’re working together. Would you mind telling me what you are hearing me say?” This is an authentic expression that lets the person know what matters to you and how you feel while inviting reflection and care. In this case, my partner might respond with, “Oh, I understand that this has had a big impact on you. Your vacation time is important to you because you need to rejuvenate after a difficult project, and you want reliability, consideration for your vacation time, and better teamwork.” Shifting from blaming to understanding changes the whole dynamic After hearing that they understood what was important to me, I might add, “I’d like to understand what happened,” or, “I would really like to brainstorm how we can prevent this in the future. Would you be willing to think it through with me?” Imagine how you might feel hearing this expression. Do you think there is a greater possibility of resolving the upset? Instead of simply demanding that they get their work done on time in the future, there is a request for dialogue and collaboration. When we share our feelings and deeper values instead of blame and judgment, people are more likely to hear what truly matters to us and be open to making changes. This approach works in all kinds of interactions, from parenting and intimacy to business and conflict mediation. Maybe the next time you are tempted to begin a conversation with “I just want to be honest with you,” pause and ask yourself, “Am I about to tell this person what is wrong with them, or am I about to share what is true for me?” One creates defensiveness. The other creates the possibility of understanding and a warm connection. This is a small taste of Compassionate Communication, a foundation for peaceful and powerful interaction. You can learn the whole model with us at an upcoming training here. Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and YouTube for more info! Read more from Kathy Ziola Kathy Ziola, CNVC Certified Trainer and Coach Kathy Ziola, MA, is a certified trainer with the Center for Nonviolent Communication and has been immersed in the practice and teaching of Nonviolent Communication since 2005. Her passion lies in authenticity, living with presence and compassion, and helping others do the same. With over 35 years of experience as a psychotherapist, group facilitator, and healing arts professional, Kathy brings deep understanding and insight into human relationships and personal growth.

Written by Dr. Tywana Robinson, Executive Leadership Strategist, Coach, Founder, and Author Dr. Tywana Robinson is the creator of the Pivot with Purpose Framework. She is the founder of Thriving Minds Learning Solutions, author of the book THRIVE: 6 Essential Practices to Living Abundantly, published in 2020, and equips professionals in navigating pivotal seasons. Imagine yourself in a waiting room. Picture it in your mind. What does this waiting room look like? In my mind’s eye, I see a large clock on the wall. Every few minutes, the door opens, and someone’s name is called. The person stands up, gathers their personal items, and off they go to whatever awaits them. You might even nod and smile at the person as they hurry off to their next destination. As you sit in the waiting room, you cannot help but wonder when your name will be called. The minutes tick by. Hours pass. Days turn into weeks and then months. As you wait, you replay and rehash every decision you made along the way. You might even wonder if you prepared enough. Maybe you are not quite qualified enough. Maybe you just were not good enough. The longer you wait in the waiting room, the more the silence can start to feel like failure. It is ironic, but there is also a waiting room for leadership. It is not a physical waiting room with rows of chairs and old magazines. Instead, the waiting room for leadership comprises unanswered emails, stalled dreams, detours, career transitions, and opportunities that seem to open to everyone else first. Many very accomplished leaders struggle with self-doubt as they continue to lead at the highest levels of their organizations. The waiting room is a very difficult place to be. I know this waiting room very well. I retired from the military after 25 years and thought I would be able to transition to a new career easily. However, after obtaining a doctorate in strategic leadership and becoming certified as an executive coach, I still could not secure an opportunity that aligned with my vision for my next career. Even after refining my resume to apply for college-level teaching positions in strategic leadership, I was unable to receive a response to any of my applications, whether negative or positive. It seemed that every door I thought would be open to me after my years of service and continued learning remained closed for what felt like an endless amount of time. I was confused and wondered whether I had been delusional to think that, after all my hard work, I would be able to transition easily into a new career. Applications seemed to go into online portals, never to be heard from again. Openings that I had every reason to believe would be a good fit for me would disappear as quickly as they had appeared. Opportunities that seemed to align with my values and lead to meaningful work somehow never materialized. With every unanswered application and every rejection, I found myself asking the same questions that many others in similar circumstances had asked: “Did I miss something? Am I no longer relevant? Does all that I have accomplished mean anything to anyone?” It was not just my career that was being tested. It was my identity. Before I could pursue another opportunity, I needed to gain clarity about my purpose. I knew my purpose would give me the clarity to view waiting as preparation rather than punishment. What I learned was that I was not waiting for another opportunity. I was waiting in the leadership waiting room. What a great place for a leader to be. It was one of the greatest leadership classes that I have ever attended. In fact, according to Gallup research, fewer than 49% of workers worldwide today are very confident that they will achieve their career goals. The waiting room has a way of stripping away all of the external markers of who we are, including titles, positions, and symbols of success, and getting to the core of who we are as people. That is a very difficult and necessary question. Who are you when no one is calling your name? So, who are you when no one is calling your name? This might be the most important leadership lesson you have ever learned. The waiting room tests your identity One of the greatest challenges leaders face is separating who they are from what they do. Here are the facts: Titles eventually change. Positions end, and organizations evolve. Careers transition. Retirement comes. New leaders emerge. When the title changes, many people begin questioning their value. Every transition will feel like a loss of identity if your confidence depends solely on your position. True leadership, however, is not limited to a business card or office door. It is reflected in choosing outcomes that bring peace rather than confusion, clarity rather than misalignment, and warmth rather than anxiety. It is your character, your judgment, your ability to influence others, and the consistency of your values, regardless of your circumstances. The waiting room asks an important question: Who are you when no one is applauding your accomplishments? The answer to that question often reveals whether your identity is rooted in purpose or position. Waiting reveals what success cannot Success has a way of masking our lack of strength in important areas of our lives. The reality is that most individuals are busy with work and other responsibilities, so they do not have the opportunity to explore their weaknesses. Waiting slows everything down. It exposes our fears. It magnifies self-doubt. It tests our patience. It confronts the expectations we have quietly placed on ourselves. Many professionals discover that rejection feels more personal than they expected. Applications go unanswered. Doors remain closed. Opportunities that appeared certain disappear without explanation. It becomes tempting to interpret delayed opportunities as diminished value. But rejection or a lack of response to opportunities is not always a reflection of limited capability. Often, it reflects timing, business priorities, competing candidates, or circumstances completely outside your control. When leaders internalize every “no” as a measure of their worth, they begin surrendering the confidence they spent years building. The waiting room is developing more than patience Most people think waiting builds patience. I believe it teaches much more. It develops resilience when disappointment becomes familiar. It develops emotional intelligence when frustration could easily become bitterness. It develops humility by reminding us that achievement does not exempt anyone from seasons of uncertainty. It develops empathy because leaders who have experienced waiting frequently become more compassionate toward others undergoing their own transitions. Most importantly, waiting develops clarity. Without clarity, we often chase opportunities simply because they are available. With clarity, we pursue opportunities because they fit with who we are becoming. With clarity, we seek opportunities that align with who we are becoming rather than simply taking whatever is available. There is a significant difference. Leadership continues even when progress feels invisible One of the greatest misconceptions is that leadership only occurs when others are aware of it and watching the leader. In reality, leadership continues long before recognition arrives. It is demonstrated in how you encourage others while quietly managing your own disappointment. It is demonstrated in how you continue learning when no promotion is guaranteed. It is demonstrated in preserving integrity when discouragement suggests that your efforts do not matter. The habits you build while waiting for an opportunity to arise in your life are the things that will sustain you when you are leading in the public eye. The character developed in private is what sustains leadership in public. Do not waste the waiting room Too often, we view waiting as time lost. Instead, consider what this season may be offering you. Perhaps it is refining your perspective. Perhaps it is strengthening your confidence independently of external validation. Maybe it is encouraging you to develop skills you might have overlooked. It could be redirecting you toward opportunities that fit more closely with your purpose. Waiting does not have to become stagnation. It can become preparation. What can you do in the meantime? Continue learning, serving, building meaningful relationships, or improving your expertise. Continue showing up with excellence, even when the audience seems small. Every intentional action taken during the waiting season becomes an investment in your future leadership. Four ways to lead while you are waiting Waiting does not require passivity. In fact, some of the most meaningful leadership development happens when we decide that intention is valuable during seasons of uncertainty. Here are four practices that can turn the waiting room into a place of preparation rather than frustration. Use your gifts: Do not allow delayed opportunities to keep your gifts in reserve. Leadership is not meant to be placed on hold for the perfect job title or a specific boardroom. Your gifts are meant to be used everywhere, all the time. They are expressed whenever you serve. So, write, mentor, serve your community, speak on a stage, coach, create, and teach. Your leadership will continue to grow and develop when you put your leadership gifts into practice, not when they are hidden for some future leadership opportunity. Pursue partnership: Do not attempt to lead alone in the waiting room. The people you surround yourself with can encourage you, hold you accountable, offer a different perspective, and introduce you to new opportunities. Find people who challenge you to grow, help you celebrate your successes, and remind you of your worth when you are doubting your purpose. Do not be afraid to fail: Fear is typically worse during the waiting season. We allow fear to dictate whether we launch the business, submit the proposal, write the article, or apply for the opportunity. We allow fear to dictate our behavior because we mistakenly believe that failure is the opposite of success rather than a stepping stone toward achieving success. Every attempt we make to achieve success develops our ability to handle rejection, builds our character and confidence, and strengthens our ability to handle difficult circumstances. Protect your mindset: The greatest test in the waiting room is the one going on in your own mind. Most of the battle in waiting is the same as it is when launching something new. The same thoughts confront you and tell you that you are not good enough. You have to develop a healthy mindset in the waiting room to reject the same fearful thoughts you would have during a season of progress. A healthy mindset while waiting does not ignore failure and rejection, but it does refuse to allow them to define you or cause you to lose your identity. Your leadership has not expired For those of you who have ever been in a waiting room, for whatever purpose, you know that, at some point, someone is going to call your name. But it is more than simply having your name called that gives you the greatest opportunity to serve. It is being prepared when your name is called. The leaders who emerge strongest are not those who avoided the waiting room, but those who allowed the waiting to shape them in incredible ways. Your leadership is not on hold because your opportunity has not arrived. Your value has not diminished because someone overlooked your résumé. Your influence has not diminished because of your current circumstances, and your work as a leader has not ceased simply because of a change in your title. Leadership is not determined by where you serve. It is determined by how you serve. The waiting room is not a delay in your journey, but rather a growth opportunity that prepares you to become the greatest leader you can be. One day, you will look back and recognize that what appeared to be a delay was development instead. The waiting room is not keeping you from becoming the leader you were meant to be. It is preparing you to become one. Reflection for leaders What is this season teaching me that success never could? Am I allowing my circumstances to define my identity, or is my purpose guiding my response? How can I lead with intention today, even while I am waiting for tomorrow? Leadership is not measured by how quickly opportunities arrive. It is measured by who you choose to become while you are waiting. Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Dr. Tywana Robinson Dr. Tywana Robinson, Executive Leadership Strategist, Coach, Founder, and Author Dr. Tywana Robinson is a distinguished leader across the military and higher education. She brings a blend of strategic leadership, operational excellence, and human-centered development. She has led complex organizations, advanced institutional strategy, and built systems that drive measurable results while cultivating equitable, high-performing cultures. Today, her mission is to help professionals navigate pivotal seasons and overcome fear with clarity, confidence, and purpose.

Written by Claudia Gravaghi, Nutritional Scientist, Formulator & Counsellor Claudia Gravaghi is a Nutritional Scientist, Product Formulator and Counsellor in metabolic health. She combines clinical research, biochemistry, and emotional behavioural support to guide individuals, including GLP-1 users, toward sustainable health, metabolic balance, and a more informed relationship with food. Weight loss is often treated as a simple equation: eat less, move more, reduce calories, and achieve results. Yet, in clinical practice, the reality is far more complex. Many individuals successfully lose weight, sometimes significantly, only to find that maintaining those results is the real challenge. The question is not why weight loss happens. The question is why it so often fails to last. The missing layer in weight loss conversations Most weight loss approaches focus primarily on energy balance and short-term behavioural compliance. This can be effective in the early stages. Structured diets, pharmacological support, or intense motivation can all produce measurable change. However, these approaches often overlook a critical layer: metabolic behaviour. Metabolic behaviour refers to the patterns through which individuals regulate food intake, respond to internal cues, manage emotional states, and adapt to physiological changes over time. Without addressing this layer, weight loss becomes a biological outcome without behavioural integration. When biology changes faster than behaviour Sustainable weight regulation requires alignment between physiology and behaviour. When this alignment is absent, the system becomes unstable. For example, appetite may be reduced through dieting, external restriction, or pharmacological support, but learned behaviours around food often remain unchanged. These may include eating in response to stress or emotional states, relying on external rules rather than internal hunger cues, cycles of restriction followed by rebound intake, and reward-driven eating patterns that persist beyond hunger. In these cases, the body may be lighter, but the behavioural framework that shaped previous weight gain is still active. Why compliance is not the same as adaptation Many weight loss strategies rely on short-term compliance, which involves following a plan, adhering to rules, and maintaining discipline. While this can produce results, compliance is not the same as adaptation. Compliance depends on external structure, while adaptation requires internal change. When external structure is removed, whether that is a diet plan, coaching support, or pharmacological appetite suppression, many individuals return to the behavioural patterns that were never fully addressed. This is one of the key reasons weight regain is so common. The role of metabolic behaviour Metabolic behaviour is not only about what we eat, but also how and why we eat. It includes the ability to interpret hunger and satiety signals accurately, flexibility in response to changing physiological demands, emotional regulation strategies that are not dependent on food, and consistent nutritional adequacy without external enforcement. Without these elements, weight loss becomes a temporary state rather than a stable outcome. Why willpower is not the solution A common misconception is that weight regain reflects a lack of discipline or motivation. However, this perspective overlooks the biological and behavioural complexity involved. Human eating behaviour is influenced by neurobiology, reward systems, the environment, stress physiology, and learned reinforcement patterns. When these systems are not addressed, willpower alone is insufficient to maintain long-term change. From weight loss to weight regulation A more sustainable approach shifts the focus from weight loss to weight regulation. This requires moving beyond short-term interventions and towards building capacity in three key areas: physiological awareness, which involves recognising and responding to internal cues; behavioural flexibility, which involves adapting eating patterns without rigid control; and emotional independence from food, which involves separating mood regulation from eating behaviour. When these elements are integrated, weight stability becomes a byproduct of system balance rather than constant effort. Moving the conversation forward Weight loss interventions are not inherently flawed. Many are effective in producing short-term results. The limitation lies in stopping the intervention at the point of weight loss rather than extending it into the behavioural systems that maintain it. Without metabolic behaviour change, weight loss remains a surface-level shift. With it, it becomes a sustainable adaptation. The difference is not just clinical; it is structural. Until that structure is addressed, weight loss will continue to work and then fail. Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Claudia Gravaghi Claudia Gravaghi, Nutritional Scientist, Formulator & Counsellor Claudia Gravaghi is a Nutritional Scientist, Product Formulator, and Counsellor with a PhD in Clinical Nutrition and a background in pharmaceutical chemistry. She has worked internationally as a postdoctoral researcher in nutrition, metabolism, and cancer. Today, she develops evidence-based formulations and supports individuals in improving both metabolic health and their relationship with food. She has a particular focus on individuals using GLP-1 medications, helping them navigate appetite changes, nutritional adequacy, and the emotional aspects of eating. Her work bridges molecular science and real-life behaviour, translating complex biochemistry into practical, personalised strategies.

Written by Carla Madeleine Kupe, Executive Leadership Advisor Carla Madeleine is an attorney, executive leader, and advisor who guides executives in integrating unexamined inner aspects so their leadership becomes examined rather than reactive. Her work bridges authority, authenticity, and inner transformation, particularly during moments of personal and organizational transition. Have you ever noticed that the very qualities that helped you become successful can eventually become the qualities that limit your growth? Perhaps you became the person everyone could rely on. The leader with the answers. The one who anticipated problems before anyone else saw them. The one who never dropped the ball. Those qualities likely served you well. They earned promotions, trust, influence, and responsibility. But there comes a point in every leadership journey when success asks a different question: Are the strategies that brought you here still the strategies that will carry you forward? Many of the ways we lead are not simply preferences or personality traits. They are adaptations. They are identities shaped by the environments we navigated, the expectations we absorbed, and the challenges we overcame. Survival has a remarkable way of producing capable leaders. It teaches us to be vigilant, responsible, productive, agreeable, and composed. Those qualities deserve respect because they often helped us make it through demanding seasons. The difficulty arises when we continue leading from adaptations that are no longer necessary. Hyper-responsibility can become micromanagement. Self-reliance can become isolation. Remaining composed at all costs can create emotional distance from the very people we hope to inspire. The leader who always says yes eventually discovers that pleasing everyone makes authentic leadership almost impossible. This is why leadership development cannot be limited to acquiring new skills. Sometimes the next stage of growth has very little to do with adding another competency. Instead, it asks us to examine the identity from which we lead. Every meaningful leadership threshold eventually poses the same question: Which parts of who you became are still serving you, and which parts were built simply to help you survive? This question is not an invitation to reject the leader you have been. Those adaptations deserve gratitude. They protected you, helped you achieve meaningful goals, and allowed you to serve others. But they do not have to define your future. In fact, they cannot. We can thank those strategies for their service while recognizing that our next chapter may require something different. The most compelling leaders I have encountered throughout my career were rarely the ones with the most polished answers. They are the ones whose leadership is increasingly congruent with who they truly are, or are becoming. They have learned to distinguish between performance and presence, between proving and serving, between managing every outcome and trusting themselves enough to lead from clarity rather than fear. The next chapter of leadership is not about becoming more impressive. It is about becoming more congruent. It is about allowing your values, your voice, your boundaries, and your presence to align with the way you actually want to lead. That kind of leadership creates trust because people experience consistency and authenticity rather than performance. Before you move to your next goal, promotion, or opportunity, and especially in this particular present moment in history and our human collective, pause for a moment and ask yourself: What version of myself built the leadership career I have today? What was that version protecting? Which strengths still serve me? Which adaptations am I ready to thank and release? Who might I become if I no longer had to lead from survival? Sometimes the greatest transformation in leadership is not becoming someone new. It is finally giving yourself permission to lead as the person you have been becoming all along. Follow me on LinkedIn and visit my website for more info! Read more from Carla Madeleine Kupe Carla Madeleine Kupe, Executive Leadership Advisor Carla Madeleine is an attorney, executive leader, and trusted advisor who works with leaders navigating power, responsibility, and transition. With a background in law, executive leadership, and organizational change, she helps individuals identify and integrate unexamined inner patterns that quietly shape decision-making, authority, and trust, particularly during periods of uncertainty, contraction, and reimagination. Carla writes at the intersection of leadership, inner work, and change, offering grounded insight for those shaping the future.