Your Voice Is a Manifestation of How You Live Your Life
Psychologist Helping Professionals & Parents Resolve Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, Trauma, and Live a Fulfilled & Bold Life | Author of the Bestseller Book, “You Are Not-Depressed. You Are Un-Finished.” | Keynoter & Podcaster
The shift was subtle. My client gently placed her right hand at the base of her neck, stroking it as she shared about her strained relationship with her husband. Her voice became lower and flatter. She looked dejected.
“The voice is the fingerprint of the soul.” – Daniel Day-Lewis
I was in a therapy session with a female leader for depression and anxiety. Deep down, she was searching for that vibrant, daring, and deeply sensitive young girl who had lost herself along the paths of college, marriage, motherhood, and climbing the corporate ladder.
Given what she was sharing, I asked what she noticed coming up for her in her body, especially around her neck, shoulders, and head. She closed her eyes, leaned back, and exhaled. She shared about ongoing neck and jaw stiffness, headaches, and shoulder pain. She carried Advil pain medicine in her backpack. She said, “I don’t know how I feel about my life.”
“I think you know how you feel. It shows up in your upper body pain and soreness. Suppressed emotions show up as physical and emotional pain. The issue is that you’re not speaking your truth,” I said.
“If your upper body pain and soreness could speak, what would they say? What are you afraid of?” I added.
Intense emotions, tears, and breakthrough insights ensued. Around the time of this therapy session, I was in the midst of my research on The Bill of Emotional Rights. Investigating the “I Am” was the most fascinating compared to the other rights. Here is the link.
“I Am” is about fully expressing your beliefs, convictions, values, and your ONLYNESS.
A strong “I Am” is the courage to show up, trust, and convey your inner wisdom, claiming your voice and space. A weak “I Am” is hesitation to express one’s ideas or act on convictions, feeling timid, and being overly concerned about fitting in and being liked.
For several years, I noticed a recurring pattern in clients' development of leadership presence and self-confidence. Many had clenched jaws, neck and shoulder tightness, and rather raspy and flat voices. A few reported instances when they had lost their voices while standing up for what they believed in. What’s the significance of voice?
Our voice is an instrument for self-projection and self-protection. Projecting our voice onto the world is an essential human capability. With our voice, we convey energy and emotions, claim our space, and clarify our power and boundaries.
Our voice is shaped from early infancy. How we perceive and express our experiences is shaped by how we are rewarded, loved, rejected, and shamed as children. Our emotional experiences growing up further shape our voices. Our voices and postures convey whether we are confident or hesitant, joyful or sorrowful, expressive or pensive. All can be traced to our early life conditioning.
It is often not the fear of speaking and projecting our voice that is the challenge. It is a compromised self-perception and self-expression formed in childhood. The emerging science of trauma also shows that a compromised voice is manifested in a range of physical complications, such as neck, jaw, and shoulder stiffness, elevated levels of anxiety and depression, and leaky gut.
At play may also be trauma responses of freeze (e.g., feeling numb, flat affect, feeling stuck, hard to move or act) or appease (e.g., being overly compliant, avoiding conflict, pleasing, and conforming).
Deepen the power of your voice
Distill Your “I Am” x7 Exercise:
Practice the "I Am" question and answer seven times to get clearer about your expressed self-perception.
Focus on an area of your life, your career, marriage, family, friendship, or finances.
Ask yourself, “Who am I?” and then respond to your question by stating, “I am” filling in the blanks. Don’t overthink it.
Jot down any emotions that come up. Notice any physical sensations that come up with each Q&A, tightness, expansion, excitement, changes in breathing, and heart rate. Notice and welcome such sensations.
Repeat the cycle seven times and write down your answers along the way. What do you notice at the end of the exercise? Do you see one opportunity to own your voice and “I Am” emotional right a bit more?
Start small. Question for you, “What is your voice reflecting?”
DM me if you want to resolve your depression and anxiety effectively.
Read more from Dr. Ardeshir Mehran
Dr. Ardeshir Mehran, High-Achievers Depression & Anxiety Disruptor
Dr. Ardeshir Mehran is disrupting the mental health field. His mission is to help to heal depression and to ease he emotional suffering of people across the world. Everyone else portrays depression as an immovable cause, a mood disorder that must be treated. Dr. Mehran busts this myth and focuses attention on the real culprit, the unfulfilled life we must lead when we deny our birthrights. He is the developer of The Bill of Emotional Rights©, based on 30 years of research, coaching, and clinical work. Ardeshir is a psychologist, trauma therapist, and behavioral researcher. He has a Ph.D. and a Master's from Columbia University, New York City. He lives in Northern California with his wife, son, and Lucy (the family’s golden retriever).
