Written by: Elena Herrera, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Do you silently fidget inside when someone offers a compliment or gives you a present Maybe that little voice in the back of your mind wondering how you'll ever be able to reciprocate or did the giver really mean it — or what's the catch?
Or do you allow yourself to deeply receive the gift of kindness, caring, and connection?
I personally struggle with receiving on occasion.
This has been a pattern of mine since childhood. And even though I’ve done a lot of healing work around it, this pattern still announces itself from time to time, letting me know there are deeper layers to it. My recent baby shower was a great example of it.
I was so blessed to have not one, but three close friends organize a beautiful celebration for my soon-to-arrive baby boy and me. Everything was perfect— color-coordinated decorations, amazing food, custom cake, photographer, fun games, lots of guests, and insane amounts of gifts.
There was so much love and beauty!
While I felt truly blessed to be with all that, I also felt a lot of guilt. Guilt of receiving.
My guilt became very apparent to me when it was time to open the gifts. I caught myself thinking, “Omg, are all these for me? These gifts are so expensive. I cannot believe my friends spent so much.” And before I could even enjoy the fun of gift opening, I was already contemplating how to give back to clear my guilt.
Here is my childhood pattern clouding the joy of my beautiful baby shower.
I grew up in a family and culture where giving was prioritized over receiving. Giving was always a noble thing to do, while receiving was considered more self-centered and narcissistic.
I learned early on from my Mom that you always have to compensate by giving something in return when you receive something. I remember her saying that she didn't want to feel obligated.
This is how the limiting belief “receiving = obligated” found a safe place in my psyche.
Because this became a core belief, it guided my reality for many years, causing me to compensate for things in my life and not fully take in what was given to me. It was a constant battle between receiving and guilt.
What is your experience with receiving? If you’re truly honest with yourself, why do you feel challenged to accept with grace? Do you perhaps feel that you are unworthy or selfish, or is it something else entirely?
It’s important to identify the root causes resulting in these uncomfortable feelings within you when a compliment or gift is given. Once there is a deeper understanding of the “why,” then you can see how an internal struggle with receiving can potentially inhibit you in important areas of your life.
Being Resistant to Receiving Comes With a Cost
Intimacy: Receiving naturally opens us up to connection - to self and others. And very often, we resist this connection because of a deep fear of intimacy.
Intimacy is vulnerable, and vulnerability is directly connected to being seen, which is not often viewed and experienced as safe.
When we open ourselves up, we fear being judged and rejected. Therefore, we will resist vulnerability as much as we can.
To the extent that we fear intimacy, we may deny ourselves from receiving a gift or compliment, and in doing so, we deprive ourselves of a precious moment of connection.
Worthiness: This is big for a lot of people.
Do you find yourself saying or thinking things like:
“You didn’t have to do all of this for me.”
“Oh, you shouldn’t have”
“Thank you, but….”
The feelings of unworthiness often originate in our childhood. We were raised to believe it’s selfish to ask for too much or receive more than we “should” have. Somewhere, somehow we determined a value of how much was “okay” to receive, and anything above that causes us to feel pangs of guilt.
Our internal set of rules dictate who is worthy of receiving our love, compassion, support, and kindness - as well as who we are willing to accept them from. When somebody outside of that constraint offers us a gift, that’s when we begin to feel uncomfortable.
Do you feel worthy of receiving - why or why not? Sit with your answers and assess them - knowing it is within yourself to determine what you are truly worthy of receiving.
If you continue to feel unworthy, you won’t fully enjoy life and all its possibilities.
Growth and Prosperity: How can you open yourself up to receive abundance from the universe if you can’t even accept a simple compliment?
Not being able to receive stops the flow of abundance. I often hear clients who want a bigger house, better car, more money, etc. But how can they receive what they desire if they cannot even receive smaller things in life like compliments and gifts from friends?
When we can receive with an open heart, without feeling guilty or wrong about it, we can then welcome more opportunities and prosperity into our lives.
3 Tips on how to be more accepting:
Don’t Overthink. Let go of your own judgment and projection of why the other person might have given you a gift. Whether they have an agenda or not, it doesn't matter. You can still receive. Just receive without making it about something. It’s okay to just accept.
Thank you is enough. A simple “thank you” is often enough for the person who just wants to do something for you. When you genuinely thank the person with an open heart and true appreciation, they will feel it. You received their gift, and in return, they feel appreciated by you for acknowledging their love and effort. This is your gift to them.
Practice, Practice, Practice! The next time someone offers a compliment, or gift, or looks lovingly into your eyes, notice how you feel inside. What is happening with you emotionally? What's happening in your body? Are you relaxed or tense? Can you allow the gift in, or do you push it away? The more self-awareness you can integrate, the more shifts occur. Once you learn to receive comfortably, your life will become much more abundant in so many ways.
Receiving is primarily about allowing a connection. It’s essential for us to receive to be open to accepting the generosity the universe has to offer. If we resist it, we close ourselves off from many excellent opportunities.
Practicing receiving from the heart is what creates positive connections and balance in life.
Elena Herrera, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
My personal story of transformation took my life from “unconscious” to “connected and meaningful.” Applying the same tools and modalities I teach today, plus my gift of intuition, I grew from a personal trainer to a full-blown Intuitive Transformational Coach who helps dozens of people to live a life of self-awareness, radiance, and fulfillment.
