Why the Best Version of You Doesn’t Exist
- Apr 10
- 6 min read
Updated: May 7
Written by Roje Khalique, Founder of rkTherapy
Roje Khalique is a visionary clinical consultant with 20 years of experience in mental health. She is the founder of rkTherapy, a London-based bespoke psychology consultancy, and a specialist in culturally attuned Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).
“I need to be true to myself and be my best version.” I hear this often in my clinical practice, usually fueled by a social media trend that equates authenticity with being unfiltered. But authenticity has a social dimension that these conversations tend to skip. We use small filters and social graces to maintain harmony, what philosophers call the social contract. A version of authenticity that treats other people’s feelings as secondary to self-expression is not radical truth, it is self-centeredness with better branding. So, what does authenticity truly mean in the field of mental health, and could the widespread pursuit of universal truthfulness lead to unintended consequences?
The “speak my truth” trap
To understand the risk, we must look at what “radical truth” looks like in the real world. In a clinical setting, I’ve had clients say things like, “I’m just going to speak my mind from now on. It’s my truth, and I’m going to speak it.” This is a very popular sentiment in social media and “pop psychology,” but it is often miles away from actual therapy or clinical mental health.
The impulse behind it is usually legitimate, a genuine desire to stop suppressing themselves and to stop performing for others. That impulse is worth taking seriously. But there is a difference between not suppressing yourself and ignoring the impact of your words on the people around you. Imagine if we all walked around our workplaces, grocery stores, and neighborhoods with this “I will speak my truth” mantra, regardless of the impact on others. While it feels empowering in a TikTok video, it often creates unnecessary friction. This version of authenticity is often more about “performing” honesty than it is about deep, internal growth. It mistakes being unfiltered for being authentic. In a clinical sense, authenticity is not just about dumping your thoughts on others, it is about understanding the source of those thoughts and how they align with your deeper values.
The myth of the “best version”
Both “speak my truth” and “best version” are versions of the same mistake, they treat growth as a performance rather than a process. Nowhere is this clearer than with the concept of the “Best Self,” which troubles me and many of my colleagues in the mental health space.
I often ask, “What is your best self? Have you met your best self? When, and how?” To be clear, the “Best Version” is not a science-backed psychological concept at all. It implies a fixed destination, a peak you reach and maintain. But consider what we know about human psychology. Who wakes up 100% motivated every day, for work, for family, for friends, for their health, and for relationships? Is that even realistic? Some days we are healthier than others, some weeks we are more energetic than previous weeks. That is simply what it means to be human. Life is never “its best” all the time.
Furthermore, a Growth Mindset, the opposite of a fixed mindset, suggests that you are forever evolving in life. If you are always evolving, there is no final “best” version. The “best version” almost implies you have no further growth to do. While it makes sense to do your best in terms of effort, the idea of becoming a “Best Version” is a concept that defies the reality of human change.
Choosing the “Healthier version”
From a mental health perspective, we do not advocate for a “best” version, but rather a Healthier Version. For example, if you did not exercise last week, we look at what changes would allow you to do more this week. We also acknowledge that you will eventually lose that motivation, because that is human life. A healthier version allows for these natural fluctuations, rather than perpetuating the “all or nothing” thinking or unhealthy perfectionism that a “best version” demands, a rigid, unattainable standard that turns ordinary dips into failure.
The therapy room vs the “Polished” myth
In my therapy practice, I often encounter patients who express a desire to uncover their “best self” or “authentic self,” sometimes without fully understanding the deeper implications of these aspirations. Increasingly, patients expect their therapeutic journeys to reflect the polished transformation arcs they see on social media, only to discover that real progress is often messy and far from a “quick fix.” To truly embark on the journey of self-discovery, it is essential to explore some fundamental questions.
A foundation for deeper self-exploration
To move past the “wellness culture” version of authenticity, we must look honestly at five specific areas of our lives. These are not just questions, they are the pillars of a truthful life.
1. Identifying the inauthentic divide
In practice, the gap usually shows up in the roles we play. A client can be an entirely different person at work, at home, and in their relationships, and not have noticed. The question is not whether you play different roles, everyone does. It is whether those roles feel like choices or like traps. Are you performing a character to fit a corporate mold? Saying what you think people want to hear? Raising your children based on what looks right to others, rather than what you believe? When we identify these gaps, the messy work of closing them begins, and it destabilizes the people around you too, which is why most people avoid it.
2. The conflict of values and commitments
Are you prioritizing activities or commitments that conflict with your core values? Many of us live “busy” lives that are completely disconnected from what we care about. We yield to peer pressure for the sake of popularity or “fitting in,” rather than seeking genuine value and connection. If your “best version” is just a collection of activities that make you look successful to others but leave you feeling empty inside, you are not living authentically, you are just performing a higher level of “wellness.”
3. The popularity trap
In the pursuit of being our “best version,” we often fall into the trap of seeking popularity. We want to be seen as authentic, which is its own contradiction. If you are acting a certain way so that people will think you are authentic, you are still performing. Genuine connection requires us to step away from the need for popularity, and sometimes even from being “liked,” and move toward a space where we can be truly known, flaws and all.
4. Meaningful growth vs convenience
Are you investing in relationships that foster mutual growth and meaning, or are they merely convenient? Convenience is easy. It keeps the peace. But growth is often uncomfortable. Authentic desires and values often lead us to relationships that challenge us, rather than just those that are easy to maintain.
5. Challenging the rules
Are you conforming to beliefs and rules that you do not truly support? This is where the individual and society truly clash. We are taught to follow rules to keep things stable, but when those rules violate our core values, we face a real choice. Do we stay “authentic” to ourselves and risk disrupting the peace, or do we conform and lose our sense of self? There is no comfortable version of this question.
Final reflections
Authenticity is a powerful tool for personal growth, but we must handle it with care. If we treat it as a “universal truthfulness” that ignores the delicate balance of society, we may find that the world around us becomes more fractured.
Authenticity is not a destination you announce on social media and then maintain. It is an ongoing negotiation, between who you are and who the people around you need you to be, between your values and the compromises that life requires. That negotiation does not end. It just gets more honest.
Instead of chasing a finish line that does not exist, focus on being a healthier version of yourself today than you were yesterday. Embrace the fact that you are forever evolving. Real progress is not a “speak my truth” post or a 5:00 AM workout, it is the quiet, messy work of aligning your life with your values, one day at a time. The “best version” is social media curated. The “healthier version” is the real human journey.
Read more from Roje Khalique
Roje Khalique, Founder of rkTherapy
Roje is a clinical practitioner for a wide range of anxiety disorders and depression. She is dedicated to making quality psychological support accessible to high-achieving professionals in the legal and finance industries in London's high-stakes corporate world. During COVID-19 she recognised a global and increasing need for evidence-based support and developed a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) online, virtual platform and a mobile app. Designed to fit the demanding schedules of professionals not only in London but across Europe, the US, the Middle East, and Asia.
