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Why Self-Connection is Crucial to Growth and Becoming

Written by: Antoinette Njombua-Fombad, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


For as long as I have tried to understand being, purpose, fulfillment, happiness, and contentment, I keep leading myself to one conclusion. Our connection to our understanding of who we are determines our experiences with our world as we journey through it.

The problem is, many of us find it hard to allow ourselves to entertain the possibilities of our ability for self-authority over our emotional, rational, andlogical attachments to the choices we make as guided by our interactions. Since our environmental exposure often influences our consciousness, we find ourselves subconsciously trying our best to navigate our connections as defined and acceptable by environmental standards and expectations. We fear the judgment that might come from without, which only grooms the mistrust of ourselves from within. The way I see it, we fear because we have created a state of being that is petrified of our audacity. We fear actively utilizing our autonomy might transform our image of who we think we have to be, so we shake off any attempts for allowance of full acceptance and accountability to who we are.

Forming and understanding our values, belief systems, boundaries, and choices is directly linked to self-connection, a state of living fully present and attached to ourselves and how it influences our contribution and interactions. Being self-aware, knowing who we are, equally to where we are, why we are there, and accepting our imperfections and strengths, and using that as our ideal standard template to growing and becoming.

I believe that identities and belief systems are formed as we grow through 3 stages of connection. Connecting with our humanity, connecting with ourselves, and connecting to our growth and becoming.

1. Connect with your humanity.

The first step of connection starts before we understand what consciousness fully is. while in-utero, our exposure to our primal environment provides the opportunity to grasp and live in sync with the energy from our surroundings, from the vibration of the sounds, the smells we encounter, and the comfort of living in a vacuum. Although still very young, we can feel pain, love, sadness, and joy through our connection with the outside world from our mothers and our connection to life in a sac of living water.

By the time we are born, we already have an elementary concept of what the world feels like. Our new environment, now a vast world with so much for our senses to take in, provides the opportunity to begin our journey of understanding both the physicality and fragility of our humanity. We learn what’s wrong from what’s right through actions and reactions. As children, the understanding of our humanity is mostly influenced by our environments and the standards they dictate. We start to form elementary values and belief systems as influenced by our parents, teachers, loved ones, and adversaries. Life is synonymous with who we connect with and where we experience it. Our purpose at this stage is connected to understanding the value of our humanity, and this is crucial to forming our identities as we transition to independence.

Forming foundational values and belief systems are crucial at this stage and require environments that are conducive to the process. We develop into a product of our environment, so as children, we absorb and build on what we are taught. If we are lucky, we learn to be the best of ourselves rather than the best for others.

What to work on to elevate our connection to our humanity:

  • Recognizing our gifts as part of our humanity

  • Adding values needed to improve balance

  • Understanding the meaning of actions and reactions

  • Keep our intentions positive and growth-focused

  • Asking questions for a better understanding of experiences that require your contribution

  • Gracing ourselves at all times with the understanding that we are not perfect

2. Connect with yourself.

By the time we become adults, we have slowly transitioned from our organic understanding of what our world requires of us, to incorporate what we require from our world. This is the stage where we begin to understand and value our individuality and independence and start to use the lessons from connecting with our humanity to connecting with ourselves. It is no longer about what is wrong or right per environmental standards, but what is wrong or right regarding who we are. The need for self-understanding and awareness instinctively takes over because we have earned the emotional and mental maturity to live life on our terms.

We no longer focus our growth on what we are taught but primarily on what we experience. Using our connection to humanity as a template, we now adjust, add, unlearn, build and form values and belief systems more suited to who we are, our capabilities, shortcomings, and dreams. We start to understand our purpose, the reason we are here, and how to contribute to what we receive.

The journey to self-awareness, whether voluntarily or involuntarily, is inevitable at this stage. Although the case, it is the most challenging self-connection stage as we find ourselves living in a push and pull state. The need to maintain our connection to our humanity and what society expects of us, to the need to identify as unique and a truly independent contributor. This is why so many of us find ourselves stuck, with jobs that do not serve us, people-pleasing, thriving on limiting self-belief, depression, anxiety, pain, and anger. We find ourselves in a juxtaposition where we understand who we are, but our attachment to our environmental influence hinders our ability to define the meaning of our life, our purpose, and our growth.

What to work on to elevate self-awareness:

  • Intentionally working to rid off limiting beliefs.

  • Evaluate our choices based on who we are, not who we are expected to be.

  • Accepting and staying mindful of our nature, gifts, and shortcomings.

  • Making self-care a priority.

  • Decrease codependence and increase self-validation.

  • Practice and cultivate habits necessary for self-improvement.

  • Letting go of childhood traumas.

  • Embracing our uniqueness and individuality.

3. Connect with growth and becoming.

In this stage of self-connection, we start to contribute as who we are rather than who we should be, and the world starts to receive us as such rather than what it expects of us. Getting here allows for a full understanding of the value of connection as meaningful when aligned with our purpose. We are no longer attached to people or our environment. We are attached to our purpose to them. We understand the value of our connection to our humanity and ourselves and how they function in our growth journey. We fear neither and start to maximize the effectiveness of their connectivity rather than their conflict.

What to work on to elevate growth and becoming:

  • See every experience as a teaching moment and necessary for growth.

  • Use the lessons to make necessary changes.

  • Trust ourselves above all else.

  • Make choices based on our values and the greater good rather than fear.

  • Take accountability for our contribution regardless of the outcome.

  • Being mindful of our intentions and letting them guide our energy.

  • Use our understanding of self to construct our pathway.

Connection is the key to living meaningful lives. It is essential to understanding our humanity, our relationships, and our purpose. it is crucial to our existence and the oxygen for living as we journey through building our values and experiencing our perception of our meaning of what life is to us as individuals and collectively as a people. It starts with understanding and utilizing self-connection as a guide to authentic interactions and experiences.

So ask yourself, where am I with self-connection? What is holding me back, and what are the deeper roots of these barriers? It doesn’t matter how fast or slow, just stay intentional and keep using your truth to build yourself, as you become YOUR best version of who you define yourself.

“Remember that you are human and deserve infinite chances for self-improvement in the process of your evolution” -

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Antoinette Njombua-Fombad, Executive Contributor, Brainz Magazine

Antoinette Njombua-Fombad is a Connection and Awareness solution-driven coach, helping individuals and groups understand the value of emotions as purposeful and vital to enhancing our perception for individual and collective growth.

She is the founder of WITHIN life coaching services, a writer, storyteller, and motivational speaker working to inspire and empower individuals and groups towards a better understanding of self, for improvement in areas of awareness, mindset shifting, negotiation, Identity, presentation, and confidence, using a healing-loving-and-growing approach.

She is a healer who believes personal growth is crucial to all other relationships and transactional growth. Her healing and coaching journey includes a combined background in caring for individuals as a Registered Nurse and Case Manager for the past eleven years.

Her practice and writings are centered around the conviction that we are gifted beyond recognition with individual capabilities often suppressed by our fear of emotions, which continue to deprive us of the lessons needed to elevate ourselves and our relationships. As our humanity necessitates endless opportunities for healing, and loving environments to facilitate self-improvement in the process of our evolution, we need to keep looking within ourselves for a pathway to growing and becoming.



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