Why People Who Think About Themselves Aren't Selfish
Written by Maria Mulone, Life Coach & Hypnotherapy
Maria Mulone is a Certified Life Coach and Registered Hypnotherapist. Her focus is to guide individuals towards transformative growth and helping them discovering their own potential.
Have you been told that when you think about yourself, you are selfish? Since we are little, we are told we should always think about others and not be selfish.
Unfortunately, with this mentality we grow up being people pleasers and suppress what we really and truly want, just to make someone else happy or not to irritate/bother them.
While being considerate of others is a very beautiful thing, thinking about others at the expense of your own well-being is not.
According to merriam-webster dictionary
Selfish (adjective)
concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.
arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others, a selfish act
This word has been misused throughout our lives and every time that we wanted something, we have been considered selfish, while the missing bit is that being selfish is just when we do not have any regard for others.
Simply put, thinking of yourself and pleasing yourself while being considerate of other people is not selfish. On the contrary, it is about loving yourself and setting boundaries for your well-being.
Boundaries are needed if you respect yourself and want to guide others on how to treat you right.
Bear in mind that being considerate of others does not mean taking responsibility for their feelings or reactions. Too often we take responsibility for other people's feelings.
The proof that we are not responsible for other people's reactions is given by the fact that the same act can have 2 different results/reactions by 2 different people. People react according to their mood at that specific moment, their traumas, and their past experiences and often in time this does not have anything to do with you.
We could have multiple scenarios, here 2 examples
Breaking up with a person who you know isn't right for you
It can happen that person will be hurt, and that person might use words to make you feel bad about the decision but ultimately you are not being selfish by breaking up, you are respecting yourself and the other person too, because you know you both deserve something different.
Not going to a party because you are feeling down
The friends you are supposed to go with to the party might say you are selfish because you said you were going to go, but you had a very bad week, and you do not feel like socializing that night, and you know that you need to preserve your energy because you want to be a good company for them, if you go out.
You can value yourself and be respectful of other people's needs when you do not deliberately want to hurt them when you are aware of the consequences of your actions, and your decisions have nothing to do with the other person but just to do with yourself.
In the process of loving, respecting, and thinking about yourself, some people might get hurt unintentionally, and this could be inevitable, but others will appreciate your authenticity and self-respect.
Read more from Maria Mulone
Maria Mulone, Life Coach & Hypnotherapy
Maria is a Life Coach and Hypnotherapist, she thrives by helping people boosting their self-esteem and unleashing their inner power, helping them achieving their goals. She always felt the urge of helping others and discovered throughout her life that the only way to build a beautiful life start with self-love.
