Why Loneliness Is the Diseased Root No One Talks About
- Brainz Magazine
- 3 hours ago
- 12 min read
Written by Gemma Gains, Director
Gemma Gains is a Space Holder and Facilitator in the world of healing and transformation. She specializes in the subtleties of reading and harnessing energy.
The root of human suffering has always been the lower vibrational energies caused by fear. Has our intellectual evolution overcomplicated our understanding of how important we are to each other? To the universe and the very fabric of time and space?
How can understanding that we are in a Relationship with the universe heal society?
Ask and you shall receive
A few years ago, I was potting my Aloe in my Industrial greenhouse (far away from my work as a therapist, physically and mentally) when a man appeared. Timid, his shoulders caved over with the weight of the world on his back, he asked which plants were for the indoors. As I started to tell him that I didn’t work at the Garden Centre, embarrassed, he started to walk away.
I knew exactly why he had appeared next to me. I asked, “Would you like one of these?” and showed him some of my plants. As he started relaxing, I asked him to pick one, and I said I would repot it for him, giving me enough time to support him.
“Your first plant babies?”
He went on to tell me that he had moved out on his own, that he was suffering from depression, suicidal thoughts and had split from his partner. And had no idea how he ended up next to me.
“You have come to the right place; I am a therapist. Would you like some support?”
We met soon after for a “walk and a talk”, one of the most effective sessions I do.
When we had concluded our session. I said.
“You put your hands together and asked God for help, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I did!”
“I think God heard you.”
We have been persuaded that the Universe, Nature and ‘Help’ are outside of us, far, far away and out of our control. Random, unconscious and fleeting? But what if that is completely wrong? What if the Universe is in a relationship with us? Always responding, reflecting and resonating? With only our thoughts breaking the loop?
The universe is always speaking: Listen
As a child, I realised that there was something very different about me and what I could ‘sense’, which made my childhood incredibly lonely. I found it very hard to trust my classmates because I could sense that no one was telling the ‘truth’. What came from their mouths and what I could ‘sense’ was at odds. I felt like everyone was pretending. But then again, so was I.
My home life as a child was extremely chaotic, and I faced abuse, both physical, often receiving beatings and sometimes sexual. But I believe the ‘damage’ was done in the ‘waiting’. But I also think this is how my gifts of perception and sensitivity came to be.
Living in a state of fear, readying myself for the next explosion, I lived in hyper vigilance, I could lie in bed on a night and know exactly what everyone was doing in the house, see them in film, this extending to know who was walking down the road. I knew exactly when the mood changed, and I would ready myself for what would happen. Sometimes, hiding under my bed behind my things, I would meditate, using patterns that I had drawn on the slats.
I ‘escaped’ this chaos by spending vast amounts of time in meditation, a form I now understand as Kevala Kumbhaka (an ancient yogic holding of breath technique), I would hold myself in inversions for very long periods of time, which now I know was calming my nervous system.
I had no support, no one helping me understand what was happening, yet the universe was giving me the support I needed to survive. Speaking to fellow therapists over the years, we have identified how these practices saved me from so much of the ‘harm’.
I have often likened the connection we have with the universe to the film ‘The Shawshank Redemption’. The film is about a prison (society), and the main character navigates his new life ‘inside’. And we, the main character, play the ‘Banker’, A very rich, well to do, privileged, clever man, wrongly accused, locked up, using our gifts and talents to play the game, our faith immovable, and the peace, joy and love in our hearts removes us from suffering in our mind, then in reality. “Crawling through a river of shit to come out clean the other side”.
If you have not seen it, watch it, it's awe-inspiring!
Make friends with the universe: Perception and play
We have a choice of how we play, and that is the decider of the success of the relationship. The ‘Banker’ could have quite easily given up at being wrongfully accused; he had so many trials and tribulations, but he moved methodically, always choosing himself and his freedom.
In my own journey, I have witnessed the choices I have made against the universe. I have bought and sold parts of myself for love and success. I have lost my peace more times than I can count for things that I believed at the time were for my betterment. I see so clearly the games I played with my health, my honour, and lied to myself, to be accepted and fit in.
And observe the simplicity of my clients’ thoughts and how they can change their lives around with them. Seeing past the lies they tell themselves. You can see a person’s intention by the outcome, as the universe will always give you what the truest intention was. An intention creates thought patterns and, like lightning, these energy flashes punctuate the energy field like braille. Over and over.
These surges of energy ripple out into the field like ripples across a pond, moving into muscles, changing our bodies, taking action and therefore moving the energy further and further out into the field. The main thing I would like to highlight here is ‘perception’. (Currently writing a book about it) Our perception is greatly influenced by our thoughts about people, places and things. If we perceive the world to be scary, then it definitely will be, and we will play the game defensively and harshly.
Understanding the universe: Ask the right questions
There are so many theories out in our consciousness to investigate and comprehend, which paint a very obvious picture that we are indeed part of the universe; With me not being a Scientist or a Psychist I will not butcher the poetry of their findings rather inspire you to do your own research as I like to after receiving my ‘downloads’ in meditation. Weaving a tapestry in my own mind to understand my own relationship with the universe.
Or bask in the beautiful teachings of our Indigenous Ancestors and walk the ‘Beauty way’ like the Navaho, who believe that life is a sacred journey, lived in peace and harmony with the world. Or Shintoism, where the people believed in the “way of Kami,” the divine power of all things, inanimate and animate. Or what about living by "the great integrity" (or "Te"), which refers to a state of being in harmony with the Tao, encompassing a sense of integrity, virtue, and the ability to follow the natural order of the universe.
I believe it is our lack of relationship to these ideas that has bodies and minds lost in a vast ocean of ideals that do not serve. And it shows. I observe the same root causes in so many of my clients, and they all stem from loneliness and separation. There are basic core needs for every single human: Safety, Connection and Nourishment. We have built a society that denies us our basic needs, and we turn to science and politics, cold and distant and often complex, to find answers, when the answer is behind the simplest question, “What do I need?’
Trusting the universe: Trusting yourself
We have been taught that our health, happiness and home are somewhere outside of ourselves and that someone else can provide us with a pill, course or retreat to find it. Leaving us kicking the can down the road, waiting for the outside to change. We are taught that dis-ease appears like magic, and we have to “make it go away”. We are so disconnected from the messages that the mind, emotions and body are telling us. The world says, “don’t feel”. Leaving us at war with our very essence.
In truth, the universe is always communicating with us through signs and synchronicities, if we choose to see and become aware of the vocabulary. We are taught from a very young age that our intuition is wrong, to stop crying and making a fuss, to conform and follow.
Like my classmates at school, telling me they were ‘fine’ when they were not. The start of the relationship breakdown happens early. When we cannot communicate effectively, expressing our needs and wants, and knowing that they will be met. The relationship cannot be built when we are not being honest with ourselves and the world.
Building with the universe boundaries and beliefs
The Universe is everything that we can sense, feel, touch, and see; it encompasses everything from the grass you walk on to the coffee you choose, etc. Our beliefs literally build our reality. Just sit for a moment and ponder the programming you have received into what that universe should be like.
What have you been taught to tolerate? This will show you the most deeply rooted beliefs you hold. These usually stem from childhood. But it can come through generationally. And also from past lives, religious dogmas and coding from society itself.
All children should be taught to say ‘no’ because this is just as important feedback to the Universe as the things we choose. Because when we are passive, we say to the universe, “more of that, please”. As children, most of us were bribed, persuaded, distracted, and manipulated and often physically manhandled to do things we did not want. This is all part of the programming we receive that the universe is out of our control.
Imagine how different your life would be with Boundaries and different beliefs?
Having a relationship with society and culture that we have all had a part in creating is breeding dis-ease, overworked, underpaid, living costs escalating, paying for taxes you don’t benefit from and having to do it all whilst keeping up with the Jones’s, programmed to consume everything and anything that is cool. While not letting anyone know you are struggling and telling you are ‘Too much’ or weak for not having it all together.
And that is just a drop in the ocean.
Working with the universe: I can do it
We have created a life of convenience that has severed us from safety, connection and nourishment, apathy is sucking the life out of us literally with the tag line someone else will do it! We have been programmed to believe that we are not capable of or have the power to change.
Society has us so disconnected from nature that we have no idea that things take time to grow, we order our desires through our phones and they spring to our doors the next day, we can have food (if you can call it that) knocking on the door in 30 mins but won’t cook a fabulous meal in 20.
In a Relational Universe, Love is the energy, the prana, the life force that we all are part of, in, reflecting and responding to. When we are loved. When we receive the core needs of Safety, Connection and Nourishment, we break up with dis-ease, not just for a few weeks but for good. Our whole world changes from the inside. The more love we put in, the more we receive.
Having authority over your experience is one of my deepest intentions for my work with a client. Autonomy over your experience is a must in any transaction of energy! Full participation in life on your terms is a huge first spoke on the relational universe wheel, cultivating a feeling of interdependence with the universe, working as a team, symbiotically building and dismantling.
What would taking the reins back in your life look like?
The relational universe: Will be your best relationship yet
Health and wellness should and can be a constant! And it is available to us all. If there is anything that my work with people has taught me, it is that there is nothing that cannot be cured with love, time, and space. I believe in solving complicated problems simply. When we are in dis-ease, we are taught to start new ‘relationships’ with drugs and medicines and modalities, like starting an affair in a broken marriage. It gets messy. And never lasts. It doesn’t solve, it soothes.
To search for a therapist, practitioner, or coach, which in theory can be an amazing addition, but can also leave you going around and around seeking advice, validation, and healing modalities which can create looping. And sometimes much more trauma. The answer is not outside of you. The answer is you, is, what has happened to you, is, your pain and your purpose. If the relational universe is always reflecting and responding, then this symbiosis of circumstance, people, places and things is aiding your growth.
The best relationships are built on some fundamental pillars: Communication, trust, respect, intimacy and commitment. Are you showing yourself these values? Mending the relationship with yourself; this takes time, and your outside world will transform as a by-product.
Alone no more: Reconcile with the universe
My specialism is reconciliation. Conflict resolution is the pinnacle of Emotional Intelligence in my belief, as nature teaches us, there will never be a life without destruction, conflict and death, as this is necessary for life to exist, for the baby to be born, the egg to break, the tree to fall, the deer to be killed by the tiger. Life is cyclical. There will always be challenges, strife, hardships and fallouts.
We aren’t always going to agree with others, with the way things happen or with the way the Universe shows up, but we can be fiercely committed to building a better relationship with the universe by:
Communicating, which means listening and expressing what we will and will not tolerate clearly and effectively with grace and clarity. With intention, thought, and actions aligned.
Trusting the complex nature of the Universe and worrying less about how things will be, and concentrating more on how they could be. Trusting that changing how we perceive the universe will change it organically.
Respecting ourselves, that in the past we acted accordingly with the tools that we had. Also extending this reverence to others, respecting that we are all in the same relational universe and not comparing one’s relationship with anyone else. We are all in our varied stages of growth, just like the plants and trees around us.
Intimately growing in our depth. Having the vulnerability to delve into our whys, our hurts, our needs and triggers. Spend time learning about ourselves and the ways in which we react in relation to the universe, to ourselves and others. Asking the big questions that we all dread in relationships.
And coming back into communion with the Universe, yourself and others with some solid boundaries that will create a foundation for exceptional growth, and beliefs that are rooted in stories that serve you, nourish you and replenish your soul when there is conflict in the outside world.
Reconciliation nation: Universal relation
One of my passions in life is people; they fascinate me! The wonder of their lives, their stories, their adventures through this magnificent experience we call ‘human’. In every session I do, whether grouped or one-on-one, I am always the curious child, open, inquisitive and ready to have my beliefs shifted by each experience. The listening is past verbal, and I am gifted with the ability to see past a story.
I often find that working with a client in a reading, the root of the dis-ease is a relationship to a core memory, parent or even a belief system they have outgrown. The greatest gift from the subtleties of the energy field can direct us to the root of all dis-ease within a person, rather than treating symptoms or obvious manifestations. Often, energy keeps moving and oscillating, growing and eventually being so distant from the original story that it does not make sense to the client any longer, so it often gets overlooked.
And it is usually compounded by more thoughts, actions and evidence to support a story which feels more soothing to the client. Most popular being ‘I did something wrong, or I am not good enough’. I believe the gift of space holding is this: providing an environment where someone receives safety, connection and nourishment, and they will heal in time and space.
I could give so many examples of how readings have transformed people, but it’s not the reading, it’s what the person, the individual, is prepared to do with the information. How committed they are to themselves. I believe this to be a reflection of how dedicated I am to my craft.
My intention for all the work I do is to bring clients back to self, not to my way of thinking or beliefs, but to an empowered disposition. A professional in any modality will never know you better than you know yourself. You are never alone if you ‘Know thy self’.
What are you willing to make your life sacred again?
If you would like support in aligning yourself, I am available through the platforms in my bio and would be honoured to support you in building your new relationship with the universe.
Click here for my contact for service.
Read more from Gemma Gains
Gemma Gains, Director
Gemma is a space holder, guiding you as a compassionate, protective, and dedicated shepherd through the subtle energies of your field. With patience and wisdom, Gemma uses her intuitive card readings, deep conversation, and body work to help release blockages and heal generational traumas, realigning your energetic flow. Drawing on principles of quantum physics, Gemma can help you understand how your inner world reflects your relationships with yourself, others, and the Earth. As your unwavering guide, Gemma is dedicated to supporting you in returning to a "right" relationship with yourself, while leaving you with full autonomy over your healing journey. Her intention is to empower you to reconnect with your true self and cultivate harmony within your body, energy, and the world around you.
