Why Is Discernment the Secret to True Personalised Wellbeing?
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 11
- 8 min read
Updated: Jul 13
Written by Charlotte Phelps, Founder
Charlotte Phelps, Founder of The Alchemy of Being, transformed her life from a terminal prognosis into a mission to empower others. She offers tools and insights, born from her own journey, for personal growth and holistic health, helping individuals curate their unique 'Toolbelt for Life'.
Many of us try to follow wellness advice, but find it just doesn’t fit. In last month’s article, we explored why your wellbeing journey should be unique to you, not a copy of someone else’s. This time, we’re going deeper. Discover why discernment in wellbeing, the art of tuning in to yourself, is the missing link for truly personalised wellbeing, and how you can build this skill for lasting change.
Why discernment matters
Wellness isn’t about following the crowd or ticking boxes. Last month, we explored why comparison holds us back and how your wellness journey is as unique as your fingerprint. This month, let’s take it a step further.
If you truly want to own your well-being, you need to develop your discernment muscle. Discernment is the art of knowing yourself deeply, understanding what genuinely matters to you, recognising your needs, and having the honesty to make choices that fit your life, not someone else’s.
Discernment isn’t just a modern skill; it’s a lost art. Over the past few generations, many of us have been taught to follow the advice of “experts” who don’t know us, rather than thinking for ourselves. We’ve lost touch with our own ability to tune in, trust our instincts, and make choices that fit our unique lives.
It’s time to change that. Now, more than ever, we need to take back control of our own lives, our own definitions of wellbeing, and our own solutions for what works. Discernment is how we do this, rooted in the latest knowledge from neuroscience and quantum physics, but always aligned to our individuality and uniqueness.
At The Alchemy of Being, we believe discernment is the foundation of a real ‘Toolbelt for Life.’ It’s not about collecting every tool or chasing every trend. It’s about learning enough about yourself to choose wisely, so you can weave wellbeing into your life with efficiency and ease.
Owning your uniqueness is just the start. Discernment is how you turn that self-knowledge into practical, sustainable action. This is where true transformation begins.
What is discernment in well-being?
Discernment in wellbeing is the skill of tuning in to yourself, honestly, without filters or outside noise. It’s about recognising what truly matters to you, understanding your needs, and making choices that honour your unique path.
Unlike simply following advice or copying others, discernment asks you to pause and check in. It’s the difference between doing something because “everyone says it works” and doing it because you know it’s right for you.
Why discernment matters:
It’s not guesswork: Discernment is about gathering real feedback from your body, mind, and life, not just following trends or rules.
It’s a skill you build: No one is born with perfect self-awareness. Like any muscle, discernment grows stronger the more you use it.
It helps you filter noise: The wellness world is full of conflicting advice. Discernment lets you cut through the clutter and focus on what actually supports you.
The Alchemy of Being Approach
At The Alchemy of Being, we see discernment as the foundation of your Toolbelt for Life. It’s how you choose the right tools, habits, and resources for your journey, rather than collecting what looks good on someone else.
Discernment means:
Noticing how you respond to different practices and advice.
Being honest about what fits your life and what doesn’t.
Trusting your own experience, even if it goes against the mainstream.
Why it’s worth practising
When you practise discernment, you stop outsourcing your wellbeing. You become the expert on your own life. That’s where real change and real freedom begin.
The limits of generic advice
Hydration as a case study
Let’s take hydration as an example. You’ve heard the standard advice: “Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day.” It sounds simple, but it’s a classic case of one-size-fits-all thinking. The truth is, this kind of generic advice leaves a lot of people either over-hydrated, under-hydrated, or just plain confused.
Today, there are plenty of online calculators that try to personalise your water needs. They ask for your age, weight, activity level, and even the climate you live in. That’s a step in the right direction; it gets you about 60% of the way to a personalised answer.
But here’s what those tools don’t ask: What’s truly unique about you? They don’t take into account your genetics, any physical limitations, or specific health conditions. For example, there is a whole range of genetic conditions and illnesses that directly affect how much water your body needs. For example, the NHS and Mayo Clinic both highlight that conditions like diabetes (both types), Addison’s disease, and cystic fibrosis can all affect how much water your body needs. Even Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), which I have myself, can change how your body regulates fluids, so your hydration needs might be very different from the average person’s.
Your diet can play a huge role, too. For example, leading nutrition sites such as Diet Doctor note that following a ketogenic (keto) diet changes how your body processes fluids, often increasing your water needs several times compared to a standard diet. Similarly, coeliac disease can affect how much water your body needs, especially if you experience malabsorption or diarrhoea.
And even if you have the “right” number, that insight only tells you the volume you need. It doesn’t help you actually get the water into your body. Those calculators don’t ask if you work best with routines or if you need reminders. They don’t consider whether you thrive on positive reinforcement or if you’re motivated by ticking things off a list. They don’t look at your daily habits, your mindset, or the real reasons you might not be drinking enough in the first place.
This is where discernment comes in. It’s not just about knowing the “right” number of glasses. It’s about understanding how you work, what gets in your way, and how you can weave hydration into your life in a way that feels natural and easy.
At The Alchemy of Being, we believe you deserve more than generic advice. You deserve tools, knowledge, and insight that help you know yourself better, so you can work out what you need and actually make it happen, day to day. Hydration is just one example. The same principle applies to every area of your well-being.
Building your discernment muscle
Practical examples
Discernment isn’t just a concept; it’s a skill you build by paying attention to your own life. Let’s look at a few everyday areas where generic advice falls short and see how you can start using discernment to make wellbeing work for you.
Sleep
The advice says, “get 8 hours a night,” a guideline often recommended by experts like the Sleep Foundation. But real discernment means noticing:
What’s my natural sleep rhythm?
Do I feel better with a nap in the afternoon, or does that disrupt my night?
What actually helps me wind down? For some, it’s reading, stretching, or listening to quiet music. Others might prefer a warm bath, meditating, creating tomorrow’s to-do list, gentle breathing exercises, journaling, sipping herbal tea, dimming the lights, listening to a calming podcast, or spending a few minutes in gratitude or reflection.
The key is to pay attention to what genuinely helps you relax and prepare for restful sleep, rather than just following standard advice.
Movement
You’ve probably heard “10,000 steps a day,” a target promoted by many fitness trackers and health experts, including the Mayo Clinic. But what if walking bores you, or your body prefers swimming, dancing, or yoga? Discernment is about asking:
What kind of movement energises me?
When do I actually enjoy being active?
How can I fit movement into my day without it feeling like a chore?
Mindfulness
Meditation is often suggested as the go-to for mindfulness, as recommended by the American Psychological Association and other mental health experts.
Discernment here means:
Trying different ways to be present, you will also know what gets you in the zone, maybe it’s time in nature, gardening, cooking, running, or being creative.
Noticing what actually calms your mind and brings you back to yourself.
Connection
We’re often told to “spend more time with friends and family” for our well-being. Advice backed by research from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which found that strong relationships are key to a happy, healthy life. But discernment means asking:
What kind of social connection feels good to me?
Do I recharge with one-on-one chats, group gatherings, or quiet time alone?
How much connection do I need to feel supported, not drained?
The key: For each area, the art of discernment is about honest self-reflection and gentle experimentation. Notice what works, what doesn’t, and what feels sustainable for you. This is how you build a toolbelt for life that’s truly your own.
How to practice discernment
Your toolbelt for life
Discernment isn’t a one-off decision. It’s a daily practice that grows as you get to know yourself better. At The Alchemy of Being, we see it as the foundation of your Toolbelt for Life. Here’s how you can start building that skill:
1. Notice what actually works for you
Pay attention to your own feedback, not just what you’ve been told. If something feels energising, calming, or genuinely helpful, take note. If it feels forced or draining, that’s feedback too.
2. Reflect on your natural patterns
Are you someone who loves routine, or do you need variety? Do you thrive with structure, or do you prefer going with the flow? Understanding your natural tendencies helps you choose tools and habits that fit you, not someone else.
3. Experiment and adjust
Try things out. Give yourself permission to tweak, change, or even drop something if it doesn’t serve you. There’s no failure here, just information to help you refine your approach.
4. Be honest about what matters to you
Forget what looks good on paper or what everyone else is doing. Ask yourself: What do I actually want from my wellbeing? What feels meaningful and sustainable for me?
5. Curate, don’t collect
Your toolbelt isn’t about having every tool possible. It’s about having the right tools for you, chosen with care and self-awareness. Keep what works. Let go of what doesn’t.
Discernment is how you move from theory to practice, turning self-knowledge into real, lasting change. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. And the more your well-being will truly feel like your own.
The art of living well, and why support matters
Discernment is a lifelong practice, not a one-off achievement. As you get to know yourself better, your needs and preferences will keep evolving. That’s the beauty of it. The more you practise discernment, the more confident you become in curating your own wellbeing, no matter what life brings.
But let’s be honest, sometimes, getting to know yourself isn’t easy. It can be hard to be a neutral observer of your own life. To see what’s already in your toolbelt, or to work out which tools are actually serving you. That’s where support can make all the difference.
At The Alchemy of Being, we’re here to help you build your discernment muscle. Whether you want a one-off Toolbelt Assessment to get a clear picture of where you are now, or you’re ready for a coaching programme where we work together over 3-6 months to really get your toolbelt humming, we’ve got you covered.
Your ‘Toolbelt For Life’ should grow and change with you. There’s no final answer, just a deepening understanding of yourself and what supports you best at each stage.
If you’re ready to take your next step, explore our Toolbelt for Life resources, book a session, or join the conversation in our community. We’re here to support you as you build a life that truly fits.
What’s the next tool you want to add to your toolbelt? Let us know in the comments or reach out if you’d like some guidance on your path.
Read more from Charlotte Phelps
Charlotte Phelps, Founder
Charlotte Phelps's life took a pivotal turn at 33 when she was given just six weeks to live due to a likely bowel perforation. This diagnosis came after a decade of being told she was fine by the medical world, making it both validating and shocking. Forced to explore unconventional options to survive, Charlotte not only regained her health but underwent a transformative journey of soul, mind, and body. She also developed a profound need to understand how she had lived, which sparked a decade-long exploration of holistic practices and alternative approaches. This journey ignited a deep passion to share what she’d discovered with others, leading to the creation of The Alchemy of Being.
