Why Healing Can't Be Rushed and Trusting the Timing of Your Journey
- 1 day ago
- 9 min read
Faraday is a coach, mentor, educator, and aspiring writer, fascinated by how trauma shapes human potential, believing that lasting change becomes possible when we work with the mind and body together. Through her coaching and practice, she helps people understand why they think, feel, and behave as they do.
Whether you see it as the divine timing of the universe or simply the natural unfolding of life, there is a gentle and comforting wisdom in recognising that not everything can be forced. We cannot make a flower bloom before its season, nor can we rush the sun to rise. Our own growth follows a similar rhythm.
We often compare our journey to someone else's and wonder why they seem to be moving faster, healing sooner or reaching their goals before we do. But every life unfolds in its own time. Just as no two trees grow at the same pace, no two people heal or transform in the same way. The timing of life is rarely something we can control. It is something we need to trust, but rarely do! What matters is not how quickly we get there, but that we continue moving forward at the pace that is right for us.
Trusting the timing does not mean doing nothing, it means continuing to take each step while accepting that some things cannot be hurried. Often, the lessons we learn along the way become just as important as the destination itself. When we rush, we can miss the significant moments along the way that contribute to our growth.
I must admit, learning to trust the timing of my own journey has been one of the hardest parts of my recovery from trauma. There were many moments when I questioned why things were taking so long. At times, I became frustrated and felt angry that I couldn't move forward faster or understand why some patterns seemed so difficult to change, or why they kept pulling me back.
Some journeys take longer for a reason
Some journeys seem longer than others, not because we are failing, but because they are asking something different of us. One person's journey may be shorter because they have different experiences, resources or challenges, while another may take longer because there is more to process, more to unlearn or deeper wounds to heal.
My own healing journey has been unfolding for the last 12 years, and I am still taking steps towards my growth and recovery every single day. My wounds ran deep, and many layers needed healing. It meant facing difficult truths, peeling back each layer of trauma and, at times, being willing to rip the plaster off so I could truly begin to heal. My healing was never going to be a quick fix, despite what my ego told me.
Perhaps the story of the tortoise and the hare reminds us of this. The hare was faster, but he was also distracted by his own confidence and the need to prove himself. Sound familiar? The tortoise did not rush, compare himself or worry about how far ahead the hare was. He simply kept moving forward, one steady step at a time.
Healing and personal growth are much the same. We can become so focused on how quickly others appear to be progressing that we forget to honour our own journey. Progress is not measured by who you can beat to the finish line, but by your willingness to keep showing up, taking each step and trusting the pace that is right for you.
Time is the greatest gift we can give ourselves
As the saying goes, time is a great healer. But it is not time that heals you, it is your willingness to give yourself the time to heal.
When we give ourselves time, we are telling ourselves that we are worthy of healing, growth and compassion. When we give our time to someone else without expecting anything in return, we are telling them they are worthy too. Few gifts are more valuable than giving someone the time, presence and space to simply be.
The moments we devote to our own journey and healing allow us to grow in the way we need to, moving towards our goals with greater ease and flow rather than stress and anxiety.
Time is one of the most beautiful gifts we can give.
Living by clock time, healing by natural time
As human beings, we are governed by clock time, working to deadlines, targets and goals, and rushing from one day to the next. Yet life itself is not governed by the clock. Nature, healing and transformation all unfold in their own time. Life and nature gently ebb and flow. They know no time, they simply are.
When we want to create change in our lives, we often expect it to happen instantly. We want the gratification and a hit of dopamine to propel us forward. We try to rush a process that cannot be hurried. When we do this, we often notice how many obstacles or delays suddenly appear in our way. If we succeed quickly, we may find that the change does not last because the foundations are not strong. Lasting change needs stability and a solid foundation, just as a new home needs a strong foundation so that it does not collapse. We need that too.
We are all headed to the same place eventually, so why rush to get there?
The wisdom of the oak tree
A tree grows as it needs to. Nature does what it needs to do for a seed to flourish and transform. An acorn will become an oak tree. It has a purpose, yet it does not panic or rush to get there. It simply takes the time it needs to grow into a strong and magnificent tree.
First, it creates a solid foundation. Its roots grow deep into the earth, anchoring and nourishing it. Then, with the passing of time and the changing of the seasons, the acorn becomes a sapling, breaking through the soil before slowly maturing into a mighty oak, its roots firmly planted in the ground.
Mother Nature never rushes this process. She allows the tree to grow at its own pace, taking from the earth exactly what it needs to flourish. There is no hurry, no pressure, no race and no competition with the neighbouring trees. There is trust in the natural process of growth. There is trust in the timing.
As we grow from babies into children, through our teenage years and into adulthood, the process takes time. We cannot rush our physical growth or make our arms and legs grow any faster. Like the oak tree, we cannot force this natural process. We must simply allow ourselves to grow and develop as we are supposed to, in the time we need, moving through each stage of life and learning as we go.
When did we stop trusting the process?
So, when we become adults, why do we suddenly stop trusting the process? Why do we feel the need to rush through life, desperate to get somewhere else?
When we want to change, perhaps by quitting an unhealthy habit or losing weight, our ego thinks it can reach its goal in a week or even less. When the change does not come quickly, we want to quit. We stop. Our ego sets us up to fail and keeps us in old, familiar patterns by trying to sabotage our efforts, quietly whispering in our ear that it is not safe, that we will not make it or that we are just not good enough! It tries to protect us from experiencing shame, failure or setbacks again.
We get frustrated and start to make judgements about ourselves, especially when others appear to succeed while we do not. We feel like we have failed, which simply reinforces the very habits we are trying to change, such as working too hard, drinking, smoking or eating ten pieces of cake a day. We then try to force ourselves to quit again, or we believe that self criticism and force will get us through and help us succeed. So the cycle continues. We stay stuck in a pattern of procrastination and self sabotage! The ego wins, keeping us where we are!
The power of small steps
Lasting change happens one small step at a time.
It is not always easy, and there will be moments when you become discouraged and want to give up. This is part of the process. It really is! We, and our social media feeds, focus so much on the quantum leap of change that we overlook the power of small, consistent actions. It is those incremental steps that create the biggest and most lasting changes.
All we can do is take one thing at a time and work on it. You take one thought, one habit, one behaviour, one action, one drawer, and one goal.
You simply focus on each next step rather than the whole journey. It is like the ripple effect of a pebble dropped into water. The moment it touches the surface, the ripples begin to spread outwards. In the same way, every small step we take creates change that reaches far beyond that single action, influencing other areas of our lives in ways we may never have expected.
When you decide to quit junk food, the benefits rarely stop there. You may lose weight, have more energy, think more clearly and become more productive. That increased energy and focus can help you achieve more each day, creating a ripple effect that moves you closer to your goals.
Change rarely happens overnight. But with patience, consistency and one small step at a time, remarkable transformation is possible.
Change requires readiness and safety
Change takes commitment and readiness that you may not yet have. That is 'ok'. It cannot be forced if your system is not ready yet. Safety is a key factor in healing and change. Your system has to feel safe. Maybe it is not your time just yet, or maybe you need to build a little more safety in your nervous system. You are far more likely to fail or fall back into old habits and patterns if you are not ready or willing to commit the time you need. You may also require support and professional help to tackle some of the issues that arise. Finding the right person to support you takes time, energy, and a pace that suits you and your nervous system.
If you want to begin healing old wounds or change the direction of your life, it will require not only clock time but also physical and energetic time. There is no instant cure or magic pill that can redirect your life onto the right path. Healing takes time. Transformation takes time. Recovery takes time. We cannot rush the process. Our journey will take as long as it needs to, and trying to force it will only take us further from where we truly want to be. It really does.
I pushed, forced, and rushed my healing when I first started my journey. I was in survival mode, panicking my way into healing and trying to get it done as soon as I could. I just wanted to get on with my life and feel strong, healthy, and well. I just wanted to feel part of life. But rushing slowed me down, created resistance, and, at times, made me more emotional and physically unwell. When I started to slow down, pause, and take my time, my healing sped up.
If you want to break habits or behaviours, or introduce new ones, you need to practise them consistently for weeks or even months. Even then, sometimes you will still slip back into old ways and familiar patterns. You may default back in times of fear, stress, or uncertainty. Change has not been a simple or easy process for me. Some of my emotional and behavioural patterns have taken years to release because the trauma they were rooted in ran so deep. My nervous system was deeply dysregulated, and my patterns had become automatic and deeply ingrained through years of repetition. But they kept me safe, so why would I want to let them go?
If change were that easy, we would have far less stress, abuse, addiction, depression, and ill health in the world. There would be less division, less hate, and less fear. People would be happier and more secure in who they are, and change, positive, beautiful change, would be happening on a global scale. War would become peace, and people would stop passing their trauma on to one another.
Give yourself time to become who you were meant to be
Before you commit to making a change, ask yourself:
Is this really what I want?
Am I ready to make these changes in my life? If not, what can I do?
Am I ready to face the parts of myself that need healing?
Can I trust that my journey is unfolding at the pace it needs to?
Am I ready and willing to give myself the time, patience, and commitment this journey deserves?
Can I trust that slow progress is still progress?
Is there anything stopping or blocking me?
Because healing is not a race. Growth is not a competition. The destination will still be there tomorrow. The greatest gift you can give yourself is the time to become the person you were always meant to be.
Take it slowly. Be the tortoise, not the hare. Sometimes, the slowest journeys create the deepest transformations and have the greatest impact on the world.
Read more from Faraday Fearnside
Faraday Fearnside, Coach, Mentor and Educator
Faraday is a coach, mentor, educator, and aspiring writer with a deep interest in trauma healing and human potential. Drawing on her lived experience of PTSD recovery, her coaching, workshops, and writing offer compassionate support and practical tools to help others navigate growth, healing, and self-discovery. Using an integrative approach that combines coaching, somatic practices, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and breathwork, Faraday helps people reconnect with themselves, release what no longer serves them, and build lives that are authentic, abundant, and fulfilling. When she's not working, you'll usually find her exploring trauma healing and the complexities of being human in this big, beautiful world.
