Why Change Feels So Big and How to Move Through It
- 11 hours ago
- 5 min read
Kathy is Director of Kathy Now Then Coaching, drawing on 15 years’ experience as a teacher, SENCo, Assistant Educational Psychologist, Young person coach, and parent. She supports families to rebuild relationships and help young people thrive amid the evolving pressures of today's education system.
Change is something we often associate with major life events, such as starting a new school, moving house, beginning a new job, or welcoming a new family member. Yet change happens every single day, often in ways we barely notice.
No two days are ever the same. Our routines shift, people around us change, our emotions fluctuate, and unexpected situations arise. For some people, these small changes pass unnoticed, while for others, they can feel overwhelming.
The size of the change isn't what matters most. It's how that change feels to the individual.
The comfort of routine
Whether you consider yourself someone who enjoys routine or not, we all have habits that help our day feel predictable.
Perhaps you always make your cup of tea the same way, milk or water first. Jam or cream before eating your scone, how very British, right?
Maybe you take the same route to work or sit in the same seat at the dinner table. These routines might seem insignificant, but they give our brains something familiar to hold on to. Predictability helps us feel safe.
For many children and adults, routines reduce uncertainty and allow them to begin the day feeling calm and prepared. When those routines suddenly change, it can leave us feeling unsettled, even if we can't immediately explain why.
Transitions
A transition is simply the process of moving from one stage of life to another. It is the bridge between what is familiar and what is yet to come. Some transitions are exciting. Others are unexpected. Many are a mixture of both.
At this time of year, we often talk about children moving into new classes or schools, but transitions happen throughout life. We change jobs, relationships evolve, children grow up, loved ones move away, and sometimes life takes us in directions we never planned.
Every transition asks us to adapt.
The small changes
What may seem like a small change to one person can feel enormous to someone else. A different classroom. A new teacher. A cancelled plan. A change in routine.
When our minds are already feeling overwhelmed, uncertainty can quickly fill the gaps with worry. We begin imagining every possible outcome, often focusing on what might go wrong rather than what could go well.
Our brains naturally seek certainty, and when certainty isn't available, they often create their own stories. This is why even seemingly minor changes deserve understanding rather than dismissal.
Letting go before moving forward
One of the most helpful things we can do during a transition is acknowledge what we are leaving behind.
In schools, we often encourage children to reflect on their memories, celebrate what they have achieved, and say goodbye before embracing the next chapter. This gives them a sense of completion. Adults need this too.
Sometimes we rush straight into the next stage without allowing ourselves time to recognise what we've lost or what we'll miss. Allowing ourselves time to reflect can make moving forward feel much more manageable.
When a transition feels big, remember that nobody else can decide whether a change feels significant. If it feels big to you, then it is big.
As parents, friends, teachers, or colleagues, our role isn't to judge whether someone's worries are reasonable. Our role is to listen, understand, and help them make sense of what they're experiencing. Instead of saying, "You'll be fine," we might ask, "What feels most worrying about this change?" "What do you think might help?"
Feeling heard often reduces anxiety more than trying to solve the problem immediately. Being someone's constant during periods of change means understanding that people often don't need all the answers. They need someone who remains steady. For children, this might be a trusted adult who continues their usual routines, offers reassurance, and reminds them that their feelings make sense.
For adults, it may simply be someone who listens without judgment and reminds them they don't have to navigate change alone. Sometimes being the constant in someone else's life is the greatest gift we can offer.
Small steps forward
If you're supporting someone through a transition, listen before trying to fix. Keep routines as consistent as possible. Talk openly about what is changing and what will stay the same. Celebrate small successes along the way. Offer reassurance without dismissing their feelings.
Allow them to see that change is part of life, and allow them to see that being uncertain about things is normal too.
If you're experiencing change yourself, take time to acknowledge what you're leaving behind as well as what you're moving towards.
Ask yourself:
What will I miss?
What am I looking forward to?
What strengths have helped me through change before?
Who can I turn to for support?
You don't need to have everything figured out before taking the next step.
Final thoughts
Not every change is one we choose. Some arrive without warning and ask more of us than we ever expected. While we can't always control what happens, we can choose how we respond and how we support one another through it.
Growth rarely happens without change. Every experience, whether it feels successful or challenging, teaches us something about ourselves. Sometimes the lesson is resilience. Sometimes it is courage. Sometimes it is simply recognising that we were stronger than we realised.
Every journey begins with one small step. Change can feel uncomfortable because it asks us to leave what is familiar. Yet it also opens the door to new experiences, new relationships, and new possibilities.
So, if life feels uncertain today, remember this, "You don't have to rush. You don't have to have all the answers. Take the next step when you are ready; one step at a time is still progress. You never have to face change alone."
Read more from Kathy Cook
Kathy Cook, Director of Kathy Now Then Coaching
Now Then Coaching takes its name from a warm greeting used by Kathy’s late grandparents and a reminder to focus on now, while growing from then. With experience across primary, secondary, and specialist settings, including Alternative Provisions, Kathy has supported families through both one-to-one coaching and educational support. She helps adults reframe how behaviour is understood, recognising that not all needs are loud or disruptive, some are quiet and easily missed. Kathy advocates for moving beyond labels such as “naughty” or “disengaged”, encouraging a more compassionate, curious approach that asks what a child may need rather than what they have done wrong.
