Why Acceptance, Not Positivity, Is the First Step in Healing
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 22
- 4 min read
John Bygraves is a Master Energy Healer, Holistic Mentor, and Public Speaker. He guides people worldwide to dissolve trauma, recalibrate their nervous systems, and reclaim their power at the deepest soul level.
Most people think healing begins with a positive mindset. But when you’re in the thick of pain, positivity feels fake, even violent. What saved my life wasn’t “thinking positive.” It was acceptance. Raw. Unfiltered. Nervous-system-deep. In this article, I’ll share why acceptance is the missing step in healing, how I learned it facing Stage 4 cancer, and what it can mean for your own journey.
What is acceptance in healing?
Acceptance isn’t resignation. It isn’t giving up. It’s the opposite. Acceptance is the moment you stop running from reality and finally meet it. It’s when your nervous system drops out of fight-or-flight long enough to breathe. For me, that moment came when the doctors said, “Three months to live.”
I had been pushing, striving, performing, even against my illness. I thought if I could just “beat cancer with positivity,” I’d win. But inside, my body was begging me to stop fighting and start listening.
The cost of toxic positivity
You’ve been told to “stay strong,” “think positive,” “keep fighting.” And maybe part of you believes it. But another part feels exhausted.
Here’s the thing, positivity without acceptance creates pressure. It tells your nervous system you’re not allowed to feel what you’re actually feeling, fear, grief, rage, despair. And when those emotions are suppressed, they don’t vanish. They get buried in the body.
That’s what I had been doing for years, hiding pain behind discipline, masking exhaustion with performance, smiling while my body was breaking down.
Positivity became another cage. For more on the difference, Brainz explores healthy positivity versus toxic positivity.
A cancer patient’s wake-up call
When the doctors gave me the prognosis, something inside me broke open. I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t think my way out. So I sat with the rawest truth of my life, I might die.
And in that sitting, something unexpected happened. A strange peace arrived. My nervous system softened. It was as if my body finally said, “Thank you for seeing me.”
From that moment on, healing became possible. Not because I forced optimism, but because I accepted reality.
Why acceptance creates safety
The nervous system has two main gears, survival and safety. When you’re in survival mode, your body diverts energy to fight-or-flight. Healing shuts down.
Acceptance is the key that turns the gear. It tells the body, “It’s safe to feel. Safe to rest. Safe to repair.” Science confirms this. Research on stress shows that unresolved emotional resistance keeps cortisol levels high, weakening immunity.
Brainz has also covered burnout and resilience under chronic stress. Acceptance doesn’t cure you. It opens the door so healing can walk in.
How to practice acceptance (without collapsing into despair)
Acceptance isn’t easy, especially when the pain feels unbearable. Here’s what helped me, and what may help you:
Name what’s true: Instead of pretending, say it out loud: “I feel exhausted.” “I’m terrified.” “I don’t know if I can do this.” Naming reduces shame.
Let the body speak: Notice where the emotion lives, the chest, the gut, the throat. Breathe into that place, even if it shakes.
Stay with the sensation, not the story: Acceptance isn’t replaying worst-case scenarios in your head. It’s sitting with the physical truth in your body until it softens.
Add compassion: Place your hand on your heart, belly, or cheek. Speak to yourself as you would a child: “It’s okay to feel this. I’m here.”
This isn’t theory. These are practices I used every day while navigating cancer and beyond.
Acceptance vs resignation
Many people resist acceptance because they confuse it with giving up. But acceptance doesn’t mean you stop seeking solutions. It means you stop fighting reality.
Resignation says, “There’s nothing I can do.” Acceptance says, “This is what’s here. Now, how do I meet it with truth?”
That difference is everything. Because when you stop wasting energy on denial, you free up energy for healing.
A reflection for you
Take a breath. Place your hand on your body, wherever it’s calling for attention. Ask yourself gently:
“What am I still resisting?”
“What truth am I ready to accept?”
You may not like the answer. But I promise, what you accept won’t destroy you. It will free you.
The doorway forward
Stage 4 cancer didn’t kill me. It woke me up. And the first thing it taught me was this. Nothing outside of you can heal you until you accept what’s inside of you.
If you’re ready to explore this in real time, join us at Sit Feel Heal rEVOLution, a free weekly healing circle where we practice acceptance, release, and nervous system repair together. Because you don’t have to carry this alone.
John Bygraves, Master Energy Healer & Holistic Mentor
John Bygraves is a Master Energy Healer, Holistic Mentor, and Public Speaker. After defying a stage 4 cancer diagnosis and rewriting his own destiny, John created a multidimensional healing system that works across body, mind, and soul. He is also the creator of the Sit Feel Heal rEVOLution, a global free healing movement restoring safety, balance, and truth to thousands each week. Known for his raw, soul-led voice, John dismantles outdated paradigms of healing and reminds people that nothing outside of them can heal them. John is currently writing his debut memoir, bringing his lived story and healing philosophy to a wider audience.
