When Your Nervous System Hits 'Collapse Mode' and Why It's Actually Normal
The Emotional Regulation Coach regulates your nervous system, co-regulates with your kids, and feels safe at all times, even when the people around you are dysregulated. Coleman Housefield has spent 20 years coaching and mentoring men and women through the hardest seasons of their lives, but he didn't start this work because he had it all figured out.
Have you ever shown up to something you love and felt, nothing? No drive, no fire, just flat. That’s what happened to me this morning, and once I figured out what it actually was, I knew I had to write about it. If you’ve been feeling stretched thin, this one’s for you.
What happened on the pickleball court
I was playing pickleball with my friends this morning at 5 a.m. when it hit me. I didn’t care about winning. I wasn’t trying that hard to get to the ball or hit a winner.
If you don’t know me that well, I should explain that I love competition. I love to compete. I absolutely love the way sweet victory and the sting of defeat feel. It makes me feel alive. I can’t understand people who play sports just for fun because competition is the ultimate fun to me.
So, when it hit me this morning, when I didn’t care whether I won or lost and I wasn’t feeling that fun energy to compete, it caught me off guard.
When I checked in with my body, I felt nothing, which is unusual for me. I’m someone who regularly feels lots of emotions because I care deeply.
My pickleball teammate noticed and asked why I was being so quiet. I replied, “I’m tired.” I didn’t say more than that. That’s all I could think to say, actually. I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on.
Dropping into my body
On my way home, I dropped into my body to see if I could figure out what was going on for me. Collapse... that’s what I was experiencing.
My nervous system had gone into what felt like collapse mode, a built-in safety response of the nervous system.
Think of it like a circuit breaker. When a wire gets too hot, the breaker automatically flips off to prevent an overload or reduce the risk of a fire. When you can’t return to regulation and the dysregulation in your body feels like too much, it can feel as though your nervous system flips the breaker and you go into full collapse mode. It may feel like there is no power going to the emotional circuits in your body.
Collapse as a nervous system state is often used to describe what may happen when we experience significant trauma, but it can also describe a response to stress that has built up over time, leaving you stuck in dysregulation for too long.
Nervous system collapse is a signal, not a verdict
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It is simply one way your nervous system may respond. It’s trying to protect your energy and, ultimately, your survival.
It can be a normal response, and it may happen even to people without a history of significant trauma.
Nervous system collapse can be a signal, and that signal may be telling you that you need to slow down.
What to do when you notice it
Take a minute to breathe or go for a walk outside. Immerse your five senses in the natural world. Stop thinking for a few minutes and simply notice what comes up for you through your five senses. Do something creative, such as building something, making art, or journaling. Meditate or pray.
Double down on taking care of yourself for the next 24 to 48 hours. If possible, cancel nonessential work or personal commitments and take some time to do things that help you recover.
I’m using this exact strategy this week to help myself recover.
Collapse is normal
There’s nothing wrong with you or me.
Maybe you’ve pushed too hard without pausing to recover.
Maybe it’s been a challenging season of your life, with circumstances mostly outside your control.
Maybe you did have a significantly traumatic experience recently.
Maybe it’s a little bit of two or all three. Either way, what you’re experiencing may be a normal response and your nervous system’s built-in way of protecting you from overdoing it for too long.
The worst thing you can do may be to keep pushing. If you keep your schedule exactly the same and continue taxing your nervous system while experiencing these symptoms, your physical and mental health may be affected.
Questions to help you get started
What will you say no to or change about your schedule this week to help yourself recover? How will you double down on taking care of yourself for the next 24 to 48 hours?
Remember, every act of self-care isn’t just for you. It’s also for the people who are counting on you. They deserve you at your best, showing up in a way that aligns with your values.
How will you take care of the most important asset you will ever have this week? That asset is YOU.
If you want a deeper dive into why rest isn’t something you have to earn, read more here, “Stop Treating Rest Like a Reward.”
Read more from Coleman Housefield
Coleman Housefield, Emotional Regulation Coach
Coleman Housefield has spent 20 years coaching and mentoring men and women through the hardest seasons of their lives, but he didn't start this work because he had it all figured out. He began because his own emotions were running his life, and he didn't know how to stop it. Coleman would get dysregulated by his kids, work stress, and things that shouldn't have been a big deal, with no idea how to handle it. Driven by the need for change, he went deep into studying how our nervous systems work, training with the best to build a method that actually works, not just in theory, but in real life with real people who have jobs, families, and little time for fluff. Now, he helps others do what he had to learn the hard way.
