When You’re Tired of Being Told Who to Be
- 17 hours ago
- 5 min read
Bronwen Sciortino is an International Author and Simplicity Expert who spent almost two decades as an award-winning executive before experiencing a life-changing event that forced her to stop and ask the question, ‘What if there’s a better way to live?
I've been wondering when we became so comfortable telling other people how to live. Everywhere we turn, someone is ready with an opinion about what we should be doing, thinking, or striving for. Eat this. Don't eat that. Work harder. Slow down. Speak up. Stay quiet. Set boundaries. Be more resilient.
The advice comes thick and fast, often delivered with absolute certainty, yet very little of it begins with curiosity. Almost nobody stops to ask who we are, what matters to us, or what kind of life we're trying to build before telling us what we should do next. We've become a society that's remarkably good at giving answers before we've taken the time to understand the person standing in front of us. But maybe that's not so surprising.
Most of us have spent our entire lives learning how to meet other people's expectations. From the time we're young, we're taught what it means to be a good student, a good employee, a good partner, or a good parent. We learn which behaviours are rewarded, which opinions are accepted, and which versions of ourselves are most likely to belong.
Over time, it becomes second nature to look outside ourselves for cues about how to behave, what to value, and who we should become. We become so practised at meeting expectations that we rarely stop to ask a much more important question: Is this actually who I want to be?
When everyone else has your answers
Even well-meaning advice reflects the person giving it. It carries their experiences, their values, their priorities, and their beliefs about what makes a good life. That's not a criticism. It's simply how human beings work.
The problem begins when we forget that someone else's answer is always shaped by their perspective. That puts us in the position of following advice that was designed for a life that isn't ours, measured against values we may not share, and guided by priorities we never consciously chose.
Over time, it's easy to lose sight of a simple truth: no one else has lived your life, carries your responsibilities, or sees the world through your eyes. So how could they possibly know what the right answer is for you?
The longer we rely on other people's answers, the easier it becomes to doubt our own judgement. We second-guess the decisions that once felt obvious. We look for reassurance before we take the next step. We start believing that someone else must know something we don't. It's a subtle shift, but an important one. Instead of becoming more confident in who we are, we become more dependent on someone else to tell us whether we're getting it right. Before long, we find ourselves living by borrowed certainty instead of personal conviction, and that's a difficult place from which to build a life that genuinely feels like our own.
The power in choosing for yourself
Choosing your own direction sounds wonderfully empowering until you have to do it for the first time. That's the moment most people discover that self-direction isn't really about making decisions. It's about becoming comfortable with the fact that not everyone will understand them.
The first time you say ‘no’ when everyone expects you to say ‘yes’, it can feel uncomfortable. The first time you choose rest instead of pushing through, step away from a role that no longer fits, or decide that someone else's definition of success isn't yours, you'll probably wonder whether you're making a mistake. You're not. You're simply experiencing what it feels like to stop living by expectation and start living by intention. Those are very different things, and they require a different kind of courage.
The good news is that choosing for yourself doesn’t require you to have your whole life mapped out. It simply asks you to become more curious before you become more certain. This is where making questions your ally can give you power in moments when decisions are required.
The next time you’re faced with a decision, resist the urge to immediately ask, "What should I do?" Instead, pause long enough to ask yourself a different set of questions. Why does this matter to me? What feels true for me right now? Am I making this choice because it reflects my values, or because it meets someone else's expectations?
Those questions won't always make your decisions easier, but they will make them more honest. Over time, every honest decision becomes another quiet vote of confidence in your ability to lead your own life.
Becoming the one who decides
So, what do you do when you're tired of being told who to be? You don't stop learning. You don't shut out new ideas or decide that no one has anything valuable to teach you. Wisdom has always come from listening, observing, and remaining open to perspectives that challenge our own.
The difference is that you stop treating those perspectives as instructions and start treating them as invitations to think. You allow them to inform your decisions instead of making your decisions for you.
Perhaps that's what self-direction really is. It's not about having all the answers or getting every decision right. It's about knowing that no one else can define a life that is meaningful for you because no one else has lived it. The questions that shape your future belong to you, but so do the answers.
Maybe that's the quiet shift we're being invited to make. Not to become someone different, but to become someone who trusts themselves enough to decide. Because when you're tired of being told who to be, the answer isn't to find another voice to follow. It's to finally hear your own.
Bronwen Sciortino is a Simplicity Expert, Professional Speaker, and internationally renowned author. You can follow her on her website, Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn.
Read more from Bronwen Sciortino
Bronwen Sciortino, International Author & Simplicity Expert
Bronwen Sciortino is an International Author and Simplicity Expert who spent almost two decades as an award-winning executive before experiencing a life-changing event that forced her to stop and ask the question, ‘What if there’s a better way to live?’ Embarking on a journey to answer this question, Bronwen developed a whole new way of living, one that teaches you to challenge the status quo and include the power of questions in everyday life. Gaining international critical acclaim and 5-star awards for her books and online programs. Bronwen spends every day teaching people that there is an easy, practical, and simple pathway to creating a healthy, happy, and highly successful life. Sourced globally for media comment as an expert and working with corporate programs, conference platforms, retreats, professional mentoring, and in the online environment, Bronwen teaches people how easy it is to live life very differently.
