When The Leader Is Tired
Written by: Assunta Cucca, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
How to spot the first signs and start thriving again.
‘… yes, but I am exhausted and just about able to drag myself towards Christmas’
She told me during a conversation about New Year’s goals.
She is a leader. She is a human being. She is exhausted.
Specifically, she spends an incredible amount of energy babysitting her team, because she must have control, because there is always an emergency because this pandemic has just ‘changed’ everything.
The team needs her more than ever.
Do you see the picture?
This is a leader – a person- who is tired, and still feels the need to pour from an empty cup.
It’s the end of the year 2021, but it’s not been a normal year for anyone. In fact, the last two years have been a blurry time, where we have seen our energy levels going through spikes and lows, more than at any other time.
If you are in a leadership position, most likely you have discovered different types of tiredness through the pandemic. Perhaps, initially it was a good one: that energy coming from the rush of adrenaline - our nervous system being in a permanent state of alertness - the pressure that ‘makes me deliver’, the continuous crisis and learning, that instant reward.
Then, suddenly, you feel properly fatigued. Burnt- out, I would say. Things are just routine, not that exciting or unexpected. They lost the flavour of the emergency state- yet our bodies are still stressed and wired.
There is no end. Frankly, you are bored of leading a team who has relied so much on you for the past 18 months, more than any other times.
I hear you.
Leadership is very much about compassion and empathy for the people we lead, but also towards ourselves. It’s also about recharging and energising, and if you aim to develop your team’s resilience you need to start from yours.
So, what are some of the signs of a tired leader?
You don’t feel you are brilliant anymore at what you do. There is a sort of sense of emptiness when doing things
you are not able to contain your team’s emotions
you are the master of the drama triangle (check S. Karpman if you are not familiar with it), oscillating between the victim state, ‘it’s all on me!’, to the persecutor state, ‘you are not doing a good job!’
you catastrophise or magnify things
you can’t make decisions and doubt your leadership style
you doubt your love for your job
you increase your need for control.
Very often we hear that burnout is defined as a call for love and appreciation. It’s certainly like this. Whilst you want to be compassionate and empathic towards your team, you should expect them to also step up when these exact skills are needed, to make time for you to recharge.
It was during my experience as a competitive athlete that I first learnt that being kind towards myself would set me up for victory. I learnt through pain and mistakes that stress and tiredness are not signs of weakness, but inputs for a conversation with ourselves. One that would help resetting the ‘thriving’ button.
So, how can you keep leading when you are tired and not giving into this -now popular- great resignation?
Start from yourself. Be aware of your thinking patterns such as ‘all or nothing’, catastrophising, magnifying or minimising
see these patterns as a call for compassion and start a conversation with your inner self: what do I need right now?
trust your team you can prioritise your wellbeing. (TRUST in capital letters here)
lead by example: have a transparent conversation with your people. As Brené Brown says: ‘vulnerability is an act of courage’
experiment: what can you do differently during your working day?
be the leader of yourself: what would you say if you were your boss? (Which you are by the way)
think about your resources network: who can you ask for help to?
look at your narrative: what are the things I have done that helped me previously?
coach, not control your team, and allow them space to cultivate responsibility
finally, come up with a plan: you can’t move from a burnout space to thriving again, unless you step into the recharging zone.
The recharging zone is usually more accessible than we think. We just need to give ourselves permission to replenish and thrive again, although we live in a world where burnt-out is almost encouraged and celebrated.
We can change the narrative we’ve created of ourselves, we don’t need to be tired for ever.
Be the leader and send yourself to recharge.
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Assunta Cucca, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Assunta Cucca is a transformational coach and founder of Kokoro Consultancy, whose mission is to help people thrive in business and life, by bringing back more humanity into their lives and workplaces.
In the past, she successfully led people and programmes to shape corporate cultures and encourage innovation in organisations such as lastminute.com, Tesco, Photobox and Moonpig, but she knows how challenging it is to navigate the corporate world …
Previously a competitive TaeKwonDo athlete, Assunta brings to companies a holistic approach, keeping ‘mind, heart and body’ connected, believing that we can’t exclude the role that healthy bodies and clear minds play at work. She guides and understands the minds of high achievers and the role that perseverance and resilience have in one’s career and life.
It all starts from our kokoro (heart/mind in Japanese)...
