When Drinking Started to Cost Me My Health
Timothy Moylan is an author, speaker, and recovery advocate whose memoir, Rock Bottom Has a Basement: From the Bottle to Borrowed Time, recounts his struggle with addiction, his brush with death, and his journey through recovery and redemption. He shares his story to give hope to those who believe they’ve gone too far to come back.
Admitting that I was addicted to alcohol was one of the toughest things I have ever had to do. I couldn’t understand why I drank differently from other people. In my early twenties, I watched my friends and noticed that I wasn’t just drinking more than they were. I was starting much earlier in the day.
When those friends took a few days off from drinking to handle everyday responsibilities, I started pulling away. I found other “friends” who wanted to drink every day, just like I did. Being around them made it easier to avoid looking at my own drinking.
I was running away from responsibility and avoiding the fears I didn’t know how to face. Bills went unpaid, and I dodged accountability for my actions. At the time, I told myself I was choosing who I wanted to spend time with. Looking back, I can see that I was choosing the people who made it easier for me to keep drinking.
Rinse and repeat
After thirty days in treatment, I walked out excited to start a new life. I had a little sobriety under my belt, and I thought I was ready to stay sober on my own.
Getting back into the real world was a nightmare. For thirty days, I’d been in a place where I could focus on getting sober. Now I was back in the same world I’d spent years drinking to avoid, and I could feel how unprepared I was. I knew right away that if I was going to give myself a real chance at staying sober, I needed to find a three-quarters house to live in.
When I got accepted into the house, I moved in with seven other guys. We were different ages, but I saw a lot of myself in them. Knowing I’d be living with people who understood what I was going through gave me more confidence that I could stay sober. We supported each other the way we had in treatment, but now we had more freedom and privacy.
I was 25, and I still had to learn how to take responsibility for myself. I’d started drinking so young that by the time I was old enough to pay my own bills and answer for my decisions, I’d already gotten good at putting those things off. Living in the house gave me a chance to start doing the everyday things I’d spent years avoiding.
I’ve always believed that starting to drink so young slowed down my growing up. I never gave much thought to what it meant to be a responsible adult. I’d wake up, do just enough to get through the workday, and go right back out that night to party. The next morning, I’d get up and do it all over again.
Rinse and repeat. I knew how to get through a day of work so I could drink that night. At 25, living in the house, I had to learn how to get through an ordinary day sober and take care of the things I’d spent years putting off.
Can’t replace my health
After a year in the house, I convinced myself I was ready to live on my own. Looking back, I can see it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. I was still staying sober for other people. I hadn’t decided to do it for myself. A week after I moved out, I was drinking again.
This time, I reached for hard liquor instead of beer. I blacked out more often, and the hangovers were worse than I remembered. I felt the weight of what I was doing more than I had before, and I tried more often to go a few days without drinking. Sometimes I’d make it a few days, and then I’d start all over again.
The years seemed to go by faster and faster, and the hangovers and guilt kept getting worse. I was struggling with depression and avoiding it like the plague. Whenever it got too hard to face, I tried to drown it out with alcohol.
I’d gotten used to losing friends and relationships and turning to the bottle when they were gone. Then my health started to go, too. I could drink to forget about it for a night, but I’d wake up the next morning and still have to face what was happening to me. By then, alcohol was controlling my life. I knew I had to change the way I was living. If I kept drinking, it was going to kill me.
Can’t do it alone
I wish I could give you all the answers about how to stay sober. I can tell you what made it easier for me. When I thought about never drinking again, I got overwhelmed. When I thought about staying sober today, it felt like something I could do.
I also had to ask for help. It took me a long time to admit I couldn’t do it alone, even after I’d lived with seven guys who showed me what it meant to have people in my corner. If you’re struggling right now, I hope you reach out to somebody today. You can start by saying what took me so long to say out loud. “I’m having a hard time, and I need help.”
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Timothy Moylan, Author, Speaker & Recovery Advocate
Timothy Moylan is an author, speaker, entrepreneur, and recovery advocate whose life was transformed by addiction, a brush with death, and the second chance that followed. His memoir, Rock Bottom Has a Basement: From the Bottle to Borrowed Time, tells the raw story of his journey from alcoholism to recovery and a life grounded in faith, family, and purpose. Today, Timothy draws on his experience to remind others that no matter how far down life takes you, there is still a way forward. He lives with his wife and two daughters in Montana, where he also runs a small business.
