What No One Tells You About Reaching Your Goals and the Identity Shift Required
- 18 hours ago
- 5 min read
"You are not broken. You are becoming." Petra is a transformation and soul-purpose coach who guides people back to their true essence and inner power. She co-hosts the Real Raw Honest podcast and leads talks as a speaker to inspire others to break free and live their most purpose-driven lives.
We're taught that success is about setting goals, creating plans, and taking action. But what happens when you've done all of that and still find yourself stuck at the same ceiling? This transmission reveals just that, the missing piece of the achievement puzzle, the identity shift that must happen before your external reality can truly change.
What version of you is trying to reach this goal?
I've seen it countless times. Brilliant, capable entrepreneurs who set bold goals, create detailed strategies, and take massive action only to find themselves mysteriously stuck at the same level year after year.
They change tactics. They work harder. They invest in more courses, more coaches, more systems. And yet, something keeps pulling them back to familiar territory.
Here's what I've come to understand: You cannot outperform your identity.
The version of you that set the goal cannot be the same version of you that achieves it. The person who built a £50k business is not the same person who will build a £500k business. The leader who manages a small team operates differently from the leader who inspires an organisation.
This isn't just about acquiring new skills or strategies. It's about becoming someone new.
Why traditional goal-setting falls short
Most goal-setting advice focuses on the external. Define the outcome. Break it down into milestones. Create accountability. Track progress. None of this is wrong. But it's incomplete.
It assumes that who you are today is capable of achieving what you want tomorrow. That the same patterns, beliefs, and ways of being that created your current results will somehow produce different results if you just try harder.
This is why so many people achieve their goals only to feel empty afterwards. Or worse, they sabotage their success shortly after reaching it. They've changed their circumstances without changing themselves.
Your external reality is always a reflection of your internal identity. If you want lasting change, the transformation must start within.
The invisible ceiling of self-concept
Your self-concept is essentially the story you tell yourself about who you are. What you're capable of. What you deserve. What's possible for someone like you.
This self-concept was largely formed in childhood, through your experiences, your environment, and what others reflected back to you. And unless you've done deliberate work to examine and update it, it's probably running the show from the background.
Here's where it gets interesting. Your subconscious mind is extraordinarily loyal to your self-concept. It will work tirelessly to keep your reality consistent with your beliefs about yourself.
If you believe deep down that you're someone who struggles with money, you'll find ways to create financial struggle even when opportunities are right in front of you.
If you believe that success requires sacrifice, you'll unconsciously ensure that your achievements always come with a cost.
If you believe you're not quite good enough to play at the next level, you'll hold back in subtle ways you're not even aware of.
This isn't about positive thinking or affirmations. It's about genuinely shifting who you know yourself to be.
The death that precedes the birth
Every significant transformation requires a kind of death. I am not talking here about physical death, but the death of an old identity. Old patterns. Old beliefs. Old ways of being that served you once but now limit you.
This is why growth often feels uncomfortable. You're not just adding new skills or habits. You're letting go of familiar versions of yourself. And the ego doesn't go quietly.
Expect resistance. Expect the voice that tells you to stay safe, stay small, stay in the known. Expect old stories to resurface with new intensity, precisely because they sense they're losing their grip.
This is not a sign that something is wrong. It's a sign that real transformation is happening.
How to facilitate the identity shift
The shift from who you are to who you're becoming isn't something you can force. But you can create the conditions for it to happen naturally.
Clarify the identity you're stepping into. Get specific about who you need to be to achieve what you want. Not just what you need to do, but who you need to become. How does this person think? How do they make decisions? How do they respond to challenges? What do they believe about themselves and the world?
Notice the gap. Without judgement, observe where your current identity differs from your desired identity. What thoughts, behaviours, or beliefs are keeping you anchored to the old version? Name them with compassion.
Make decisions from your future self. In every moment, you have a choice: respond from your old identity or your new one. When faced with decisions, ask yourself: "What would the version of me who has already achieved this do right now?" Then do that.
Surround yourself with evidence. Your environment reinforces your identity. Seek out people, content, and experiences that reflect who you're becoming, not who you've been. This isn't about pretending but about immersing yourself in new possibilities.
Expect the integration period. There's often a lag between the inner shift and the outer manifestation. Hold the new identity even when your circumstances haven't caught up yet. This is where most people give up. Don't.
The permission you've been waiting for
Here's what I want you to hear: You don't need to earn the right to become the next version of yourself.
You don't need more experience, more qualifications, more proof that you're ready. The readiness isn't found in your CV. It's found in your willingness to step into the unknown and trust that you'll figure it out as you go.
Every successful person you admire once stood where you're standing. They weren't more special or more capable. They simply gave themselves permission to become someone new before their circumstances said they could.
That same permission is available to you. Right now. Today.
The goal is the vehicle, not the destination
Ultimately, the goals themselves are less important than who you become in the process of pursuing them.
The revenue target, the business milestone, the achievement you're chasing—these are vehicles for your evolution. They give you something to grow towards, a direction for your becoming.
But the real prize isn't the goal. It's the person you transform into along the way. The confidence you build. The limitations you shed. The expanded sense of what's possible that you carry into everything you do.
When you understand this, the pressure lifts. You can pursue bold goals without attaching your worth to the outcome. You can embrace the journey, knowing that every step is transforming you into someone capable of receiving what you desire.
Ready to step into your next-level identity?
If you're feeling the pull towards a bigger version of yourself but aren't sure how to bridge the gap, I'd love to support you. Through deep, intuitive guidance, I help visionary entrepreneurs shed the identities that no longer serve them and step fully into who they're becoming.
And if you feel called to go deeper and work together on your transformation, message me on Instagram or email me.
Read more from Petra Zaremba
Petra Zaremba, Transformation and Soul Purpose Coach
Petra is a transformation and soul-purpose coach who guides and inspires you to return to your true essence. Her work is a journey of liberation, an awakening of inner trust, clarity, and courage. Through deep, intuitive guidance, she empowers you to dissolve fear, remove blockages, and transform deep-rooted limitations, allowing you to embrace your unique path and unlock your fullest potential. Her mission statement is, "You are not broken. You are becoming. It is time to step into the most authentic, magnetic, and beautiful version of yourself."
