Written by: Brooke Kekos, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In other words, the " true you" that held an intuitive knowing about yourself and the world before your parents, society, or systems conditioned you to forget, deny, or betray yourself in order to receive love.
It is easy to think well I should be able to control this part of my mind, because now I am the adult. I wish it was that easy. In my own journey I quickly found out that not only was my inner child wounded, but she was running the show.
My therapist quickly pointed out to me that I needed to reconnect with this part of me or I would never be able to conquer my inner demons. All children deserve to feel safe—safe from harm, fear, and lack. Safety does not mean only physical security but also emotional and spiritual well-being as well. When children feel safe within the families they were born into, their boundaries are respected, and that their needs are met they feel secure. If they endure the opposite and the child’s needs are not met this destroys a child’s sense of safety, causing them to become hyper-vigilant and scared. In adulthood, these inner children never go away, and neither does their feelings of being unsafe and that the world is a horrible and dangerous place. When a child feels continually endangered, a massive gaping wound opens in their psyche that is so painful that many adults unknowingly repress it.
I was one of these adults. I suffered from many of the below inner child wounds, and I do believe that it explains so much of the hardships I had in life. It is now my life’s passion to help others heal these wounds because it is a necessary part of creating a more fulfilling life. First, you have to be able to identify that you even carry these wounds.
Signs you may have a wounded inner child
The first step in healing your inner child is to acknowledge it is there and that he or she is wounded. The harm done to your inner child is directly correlated with the ways you feel unsafe in the world. Below are some signals that you have a wounded inner child.
A deep feeling that there is something wrong with you
Being a people-pleaser
Being a rebel and feel alive when in conflict with someone else
Being a hoarder
Not being able to let go of possessions and people
Experience anxiety with something new
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries
Driven to be a super-achiever
Being ridged and a perfectionist
Having problems starting and finishing tasks
Exhibit constant self-criticism
Feel ashamed at expressing emotions
Ashamed of your body
Having a deep distrust of anyone else
Avoiding conflict, no matter what the cost
A fear of abandonment
I carried the majority of these within me, and it has been many years of unraveling old conditioning to be able to identify and heal these wounds. The inner child that lives in the human psyche directly influences all that we do. Adults are covertly controlled by their unconscious inner child, and this leaves a child in charge of their lives. When wounded, these little ones are full of anger, shame, and sometimes rage because of the maltreatment they endured. Inner children are the lens through which injured adults make their decisions.
These small, lost, and lonely parts of ourselves are afraid, anxious, and insecure, and that can make our lives miserable. However, there is hope. Inner child work, including self-parenting, can ease the pain and heal the wounds left behind by caregivers who were abusive and toxic. I will be discussing this in the next blog.
“ The wound is not my fault, but the healing is my responsibility” – Marianne Williamson
Brooke Kekos, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Brooke Kekos, is a Magnetic Mindset Coach, RTT Practitioner, and Clinical Hypnotherapist. A traumatic childhood raised in a controlling religious sect, and an abusive father led her to stay stuck in an abusive marriage for 17 years. Once she broke free she transformed her life and career to dedicate her life to helping others heal from their own trauma and suffering to raise their own states of higher consciousness. She is now CEO of Life Coaching Goddess, an international speaker, and soon to be an author of her own memoir.