Inner Child Healing Made Simple – 4 Pillars Of Self
- Brainz Magazine
- May 10, 2023
- 6 min read
Written by: Shannan Blum, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The concept of inner child healing has gained prominence in recent years as individuals seek to address the emotional wounds of their childhood. Inner child work proposes that many of the emotional patterns and behaviors we exhibit as adults are rooted in our childhood or adolescent experiences. By addressing the emotional wounds of our childhood, we can free ourselves from negative patterns and behaviors and live more fulfilling lives.
A key concept in inner child healing, or healing the inner child’s wounds, is to do so from the viewpoint and developmental stage of the child. Applying your adult mind’s thinking skills to the child’s embodied experiences of pain will not be wholly effective. On the other hand, if you take the plunge into interactions with younger versions of yourself, then see, feel, and process as the child did – the integrated and holistic healing process can occur. This is best accomplished attuning to the 4 Pillars of Self: body, mind, heart, and soul.
Defining the Inner Child
The inner child refers to a part of our psyche that retains memories and emotions from childhood experiences, particularly those that were unmet or unresolved. These unmet emotional or unconscious needs may include the need to be seen, loved, or validated. It can include experiences where security, safety, or acceptance were not fulfilled during childhood. Perhaps experiences of persistent emotional unavailability or neglect existed.
As a result of these connections, the inner child is believed to influence our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in adulthood, even when we are not consciously aware of it. This can lead to us holding onto unresolved emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, or shame which continues to affect us as adults. It may drive us to seek certain relationships or experiences that resemble our past, or cause us to repeat patterns of behavior that were established in childhood. This can explain why having ‘big emotional reactions’ that appear out of proportion to the activating event are usually signs of inner-child wounds.
The key for healing inner child wounds is to create awareness and bring these wounds from the unconscious to the conscious level.
The 4 Pillars Self
There are four pillars of healing our inner child wounds that must be addressed to facilitate a holistic and integrative approach to whole-self healing. These pillars include the body, heart, mind, and soul aspects. Each pillar represents a different element of our whole being and must be addressed from the child’s standpoint and development in order to progress into a healing process.
Pillar One: The Body
The body pillar of inner child healing includes all tangible and concrete elements of the physical body including the physical manifestations of our childhood experiences. These may include medical illnesses, physical symptoms, chronic pain, body tension, or other physical symptoms of imbalance. Healing the body pillar involves developing body awareness and connecting to the body sensations, then responding in effective and healthy ways to the body’s feedback. This can include releasing built-up tension, changing body movement, improving overall physical health, etc.
Addressing the body pillar can be done through body-centered therapies such as massage, reiki massage, yoga, tai chi/chi gong, acupuncture, Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR), somatic tracking or somatic psychotherapy. Nutritional guidance and changes can also prove effective. These therapies can help promote ease and balance in the physical body which is essential for healing.
Pillar Two: The Heart
The heart pillar represents the emotional experiences and wounds carried from our childhood experiences. These can manifest in many ways, including disconnection/dissociation, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and unstable relationship issues. Healing the heart pillar involves recognizing and acknowledging the emotions associated with these wounds and learning to process or complete them in a healthy way. Often unmet emotional needs, once met in effective ways, resolve quite organically.
One way to address the heart pillar is through therapy or coaching in a safe environment. Therapists can help you explore childhood emotions and work through the underlying issues with them, and coaches can assist in advancing that into living an enriched and fulfilling life. Specialized therapeutic approaches such as EMDR, brainspotting, or somatic psychotherapy are also helpful for healing the emotions of childhood, since the memories are stored in our emotion centers of the brain and as body sensations.
Emotional self-care practices are another effective way to heal heart wounds. These may include activities such as journaling, meditation, or mindfulness. Engaging in these practices can help individuals connect with their emotions and develop a greater sense of self-awareness which is essential to any healing process.
Pillar Three: The Mind
The mind pillar encompasses the mental patterns and beliefs we develop as a result of our childhood experiences. We can perceive these patterns and beliefs as both positive or negative. Healing the mind pillar involves identifying and challenging irrational beliefs and developing more rational patterns of thinking.
One way to address the mind pillar is through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Identifying cognitive distortions (click here for a free guide to break free from The Top Ten Thinking Traps) and the irrational elements within them can set us on a path of creating changes in our thoughts. By changing them, we can influence our emotions and behaviors, leading to a healthier response to our lives.
In addition to addressing our thinking processes, mindfulness practices offer beneficial and effective ways to help the mind. Jon Kabat-Zinn developed the definition of mindfulness as “paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment without judgment.” By practicing mindfulness, we can learn to observe our thoughts and emotions without becoming overly attached or reactive to them. This can help develop not only a greater sense of self-awareness but also more effective responses.
Pillar Four: The Soul
The soul pillar as part of inner child healing, we refer to all the spiritual aspects of our being. This may include our connection to a higher power, a sense of purpose or meaning, or a connection to nature. Healing the soul pillar involves connecting with these deeper aspects of ourselves, our connections to others, and to the world around us.
One way to work on healing the soul pillar is through a variety of safe, spiritual practices such as meditation, healing music, prayer, or spending time in nature. These practices can help you connect with a sense of your inner self as well as recognize you are part of a powerful, beautiful whole.
Developing your creative expression is also an effective way to address your soul center when healing. This may include activities such as writing, painting, sculpture (like play-doh!), dance/movement, or music. As children (particularly toddlers), we naturally engaged in these types of activities quite freely. This type of creative expression can help you connect with your inner, younger self when the expression of big emotions is difficult to articulate through words.
Conclusion
Attempting to heal the wounds of your younger self, or your inner child, without addressing each of these four pillars will only be marginally effective in your whole-self healing. Addressing these four pillars will provide a solid, healing foundation for living a full and integrated life.
If you are interested in support as you embark on your healing journey, please visit me at here or better yet, find a time that is convenient for us to chat here. I offer integrative and holistic coaching to help women elevate harmony and balance in their lives.
If you want to support developing healing habits and could use premium, transformational coaching to feel more yourself and cultivate whole-self acceptance, please visit my resources page here, my website, or follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook or Instagram and reach out for a consultation.
Shannan Blum, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Shannan is a Wholeness Coach and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist with over 30 years experience helping individuals heal. She's worked extensively as a trauma-trained therapist helping others resolve trauma, depression, and anxiety responses. As a Wholeness Coach now, she helps individuals move beyond symptom reduction into holistic wellness, guiding them through a process of reclaiming well-being so they can finally feel consistently well. Having integrated childhood and religious trauma herself, she is skilled at guiding others toward whole-self acceptance. She uses evidence-based tools from DBT/CBT and Somatic Psychotherapy in her materials, courses, and books to help others "Reclaim, Rediscover, & Rebuild."
She recently published a series of books, "Therapy Thoughts: A 6-Month Guided Journal" for women, men, youth & non-gender and "Boundary Affirmations for Healing: Boundary Support for Women" print journal, eBook and Card Deck.
