What Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Really Feels Like – The Good, the Bad, and the Unexpected
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 22
- 6 min read
Written by Aleya Belamour, Relationship Recovery Coach
Aleya Belamour is a manifestation expert and energy healer. She is the founder and CEO of Reclaiming Radiance, where she offers a 6-month program to help women heal from narcissistic abuse, a free support group, and leads healing journeys around the world.
Narcissistic abuse doesn’t just break your heart; it shatters your sense of self, distorts your reality, erodes your confidence, and confuses your inner voice. It’s a trauma that lives under the surface, often invisible to the world, but is deeply felt by you and those who love you.
But healing?
Healing is a revolution.
Before you begin picking up the pieces, there’s often a long, agonizing period of simply breaking. In those early days, everything feels raw and disorienting. You're slowly connecting the dots, and as the truth comes into sharper focus, a chilling realization sets in: you weren’t chosen to be loved; you were chosen to be broken. The weight of that truth, combined with the knowledge that people who take pleasure in causing calculated harm truly exist, and that one of them was sleeping in your bed, is terrifying. It feels like this should be the plot of a psychological thriller, not something you come face-to-face with in your real life.
After this period, healing comes for those who are brave enough to fight for it, but you will never be the same person you were after an experience like this. The change comes when you decide you want more for yourself. You don’t want to cry in bed anymore. You begin fighting through your broken heart, your broken dreams, and you start taking it one step at a time. You're ready to start trying again.
When you’ve done the raw, relentless work of reclaiming your power, you don’t just “get over it.” You rise from it, wiser, fiercer, and unrecognizable to the version of you who was once lucky to just survive the day.
Some of the changes that happen are the best things that could ever happen for your well-being, while others are daunting or even sad, but healing isn’t always pretty. What is important is the inner knowing that you can always rebuild a new, beautiful life. Here are eight soul-deep shifts that happen when you finally begin to heal and why life will never be the same:
1. Joy can feel foreign
When you’ve lived in survival mode, joy can feel suspicious or undeserved. Your brain may not know how to fully relax or accept happiness without anticipating loss. You might even sabotage good things unconsciously, simply because peace feels unfamiliar, and unfamiliar can feel unsafe. When good things happen, it may be anxiety-inducing while you get used to a reality where good things happen and stay good. This gets better over time, as your neural pathways heal and re-learn: "I am safe, good things happening is my normal, and happiness is here to stay."
2. You might struggle with isolation
Once you start recognizing toxic patterns, you begin to see them everywhere, in friendships, workplaces, and even your own family. This awareness often leads to cutting off people who no longer align with your growth, which can feel incredibly isolating. You may start to wonder if you’ll ever find “your people” again. Healing can be a lonely road at times, but that solitude is sacred. It gives you space to reconnect with your highest self, and when you're ready to be social again, you'll attract people who align with the new, authentic version of you, simply because you were patient.
At the same time, because a narcissist and then your pain made you feel like a burden, you might find safety in doing everything alone. You may hesitate to ask for help, open up, or lean on others emotionally because needing someone, even a friend, feels unsafe.
3. You mourn the time (and version of you) that was lost
There’s grief in this process. Grief for the years spent doubting yourself, for the opportunities missed, for the relationships you tolerated, and sometimes, for the “you” that existed before the abuse. Even if she were naive or unprotected, she was innocent. That loss is real, and it doesn’t always get talked about. It can make you feel resentful, hurt, and disappointed, and having these feelings doesn’t mean you have a “victim mentality”; it means unjust things happened to you, and it’s okay to be mad about it. The key is shaking yourself out of it, coming back into your body, and refocusing on your beautiful future now that you are free. You don’t want to ruin your future because of your past. Sometimes, you may need to remind yourself of that in your darkest days.
4. Your priorities change
If it negatively impacts your peace, your freedom, your happiness, your success, your stability, your money, or your children, it doesn’t get a place in your life. It doesn’t matter what it is or who it is; once you have to live without those things, you won’t let anything or anyone take them away from you again.
5. Your boundaries become unshakable
Before healing, you may have struggled to say no, speak up, or protect your time and energy, often conditioned to believe that boundaries were selfish or wrong. But that’s a lie. After healing, boundaries become your birthright. You no longer tolerate emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or being anyone’s emotional punching bag. You stop over-explaining, and you stop accepting friendships or relationships that don’t come with honesty, kindness, and respect. Now, when someone crosses a line, you recognize it instantly, and you respond, not with rage, but with unshakable self-respect and usually an instant block. You realize that if you have to ask someone to treat you right, they can’t treat you right, so you let them go without an argument.
6. Eventually, you trust your intuition like a compass
Narcissistic abuse often involves intense gaslighting because they want you to question your memory, your judgment, or even your sanity. It can sever your connection to your inner truth. In the beginning, this can make you not trust yourself, since you were in such a bad situation, but time truly heals.
You learn to trust your gut again, to listen to that subtle inner voice that says, “something’s not right.” You start to feel the difference between nervous system activation from trauma and intuitive warnings from your inner wisdom. This shift is life-changing. Your intuition becomes your most trusted guide in relationships, decisions, and everyday moments. Your people-pleasing days are over.
7. You redefine what love is (and what it’s not)
Going through an experience like this really makes you re-evaluate all you’ve ever known, and in the healing process, you discover your why when it comes to why you ended up in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser. One of the most jarring realizations in recovery is that what you thought was “love” may not have been love at all; it was control, trauma bonding, mirroring, or emotional dependency.
Healing teaches you what real love feels like. Love is not walking on eggshells. It’s not having to earn someone’s approval. It’s not confusion, fear, or emotional warfare.
Love is calm. Safe. Respectful. It grows in clarity, not chaos. After narcissistic abuse, you no longer chase intensity or confusion. You crave and accept peace, reciprocity, and emotional availability.
8. You reclaim your identity
Perhaps the most beautiful shift of all: you remember who you are.
Narcissistic abuse can slowly chip away at your identity. You mold yourself to please someone else. You dim your light to avoid punishment. You abandon yourself to survive.
But healing invites you back home to yourself.
You begin to explore your own values, desires, and dreams. You laugh again. You smile again. You wear what you like. You speak with conviction. You stop shrinking. You start having fun. You start really living again, maybe for the first time in decades.
You reclaim your radiance.
Final thoughts
Healing from narcissistic abuse is not just a process; it’s a reinvention. You shed the false narratives, the self-doubt, and the pain. You walk through the fire of heartbreak, confusion, and grief, and you emerge forged in new, empowered resiliency. Yes, the journey is messy. Yes, it’s lonely at times. But you are not broken; you are becoming the upgraded version of you. Every boundary you set, every time you choose peace over chaos, and every moment you trust yourself again is a radical act of reclaiming your life back.
You are not who they said you were.
You are who you decide to become.
And the life that’s waiting for you, one rooted in self-love, clarity, and freedom, is more beautiful than you can yet imagine.
Keep going. You’re not just healing.
You’re rising.
If you would like to join a sisterhood of women healing their hearts, one ritual at a time, one day at a time, join us at Break Up to Blissful.
Read more from Aleya Belamour
Aleya Belamour, Relationship Recovery Coach
Aleya Belamour is a relationship recovery coach and energy healer. She is the author of Breakup to Blissful and Heal From Narcissistic Abuse: A 90-day Journal. Aleya offers coaching and worldwide retreats to help women thrive after painful breakups and divorce.
