We’re All a Product of Our Experiences, So Be Kind to Yourself
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 30
- 6 min read
Donna Reynolds empowers clients to build confidence, understanding it as the foundation for achieving personal goals. With experience working with people of all ages, her Confidence is Key approach helps foster a positive mindset, enabling individuals to move forward with clarity, self-assurance, and resilience.
Someone said to me recently, “When you talk about your therapy work, you're all over the place; you never just stick to one subject.” I’ve sat with that for a while now, and honestly? I think it makes a great article topic. So, let me paint a picture.
Imagine you’re sitting in a room, maybe it’s a party, a concert, or a workshop. Just pause for a moment and picture yourself there. Look around. Every single person in that room has had a completely different life experience. Every single one.
One of the ways I explain this to clients is by saying, “We’re all like snowflakes. No two are the same.” Even identical twins grow up with different experiences, perspectives, and interpretations of the world.
I’ve always loved that snowflake analogy. But I remember when I first heard the word “snowflake” used as an insult, usually directed at younger people. I couldn’t understand it at first. Why “snowflake”? When I asked around, people told me it was because they’re seen as soft or overly sensitive.
But that didn’t sit right with me.
I love snowflakes. I think they’re beautiful, unique, delicate, and yet powerful in how they transform the world when they fall. I could watch them for hours. I love making snow angels and being out in the quiet magic of snowfall. For me, snowflakes carry no negative meaning, only individuality and wonder.
Real people, real stories, and different experiences
Which brings me back to that original comment.
Yes, maybe I am “all over the place” when I talk about my work. But there’s a reason for that.
I don’t write or speak about just one topic because life isn’t one-dimensional. The people I work with, the conversations I have, and the clients I support are all coming from completely different places. Their stories, their struggles, and their breakthroughs are all unique.
I might draw connections between them or share insights from one session to help someone else feel less alone, but I would never say, “You’re exactly like another client I’ve had,” because that simply wouldn’t be true.
And that’s what I love about being a therapist: the individuality, the ever-changing, unpredictable beauty of human experience.
So yes, I may move between topics, but that’s because I’m responding to real life. To real people. And in a world where we’re constantly reminded to “be kind, you never know what someone else is going through,” I think a little variety and understanding go a long way.
We’re all just snowflakes, after all, wonderfully unique. Not scattered or chaotic, just living our own one-of-a-kind stories.
Why do we behave the way we do?
Have you ever been in a situation where someone asked, “Why do you do that?” Or maybe you’ve caught yourself wondering, “Why did I react like that?” and the honest answer is, “I’m not sure.”
That moment of reflection, scratching your head, a bit puzzled, is incredibly common. But what if discovering your “why” could lead to meaningful change? What if understanding the reason behind a behavior could be the first step in shifting it?
Let’s go back to that earlier image of people gathered in a space, each shaped by their own life journey. That applies to you, too.
If we explore your past experiences and start to unpick them, I can say with confidence, and backed by scientific research, that our personal history plays a key role in shaping who we are today.
But, and this is important, we also have the power to shape who we become.
I often describe it to clients like this: the brain is a bit like a tape recorder. Every experience we have is recorded and stored. Those recordings then get processed and begin to shape our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.
This is also where empathy comes in.
We can try to imagine what something is like for someone else. We might even feel close to understanding it. But unless we’ve lived it ourselves, it can be hard to fully grasp the emotional impact. That said, empathy can be nurtured, and learning to be empathetic is part of what helps us connect to others. Still, our reactions often come from our own experiences unless we consciously learn new ways to respond.
Is this making sense so far? Are you still with me?
What PTSD really means
Let’s take Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as an example.
Trauma is not one-size-fits-all, and neither is the brain. So, what is PTSD?
By definition, PTSD is a psychiatric condition that may develop in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event, or a series of them.
But what does that actually mean?
Let’s go back to the tape recorder analogy. If your brain is constantly recording every moment of your life, PTSD is what happens when certain traumatic events get stuck on repeat. The brain doesn’t just store the memory; it replays it, over and over again. This can trigger a wide range of symptoms, from anxiety and hypervigilance to emotional numbness, flashbacks, and panic attacks.
It’s not about being “too sensitive” or “dwelling on the past.” It’s about a nervous system doing its best to protect you based on what it has recorded, whether that protection is still useful or not.
What therapy looks like in practice
Can PTSD be treated?
In my experience as a Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist, yes, it can. I’ve worked with many clients who’ve seen significant changes in how they think, feel, and respond to past experiences.
The truth is, everyone who comes to see me does so because they’ve been through something. If they hadn’t, they likely wouldn’t be sitting in the therapy room at all.
Some examples of the challenges clients bring include:
Recovery from alcohol or smoking/vaping addiction
Fear of driving or flying
Social anxiety or fear of public speaking
Healing from narcissistic or abusive relationships
Panic attacks, sleep disturbances, or low self-worth
And the list goes on...
But the point of sharing these examples isn’t to categorize people; it’s to highlight what I mentioned earlier: there is no single experience that defines everyone.
What each person has in common is this: their experience is deeply personal, entirely unique, and shaped by everything that’s come before.
That’s why therapy doesn’t look the same for every person. And why my conversations, my writing, and even my thought process might seem like they jump around, it’s because I’m responding to life as it really is: layered, unpredictable, and always shaped by what came before.
So, why am I sharing this?
For me, the reason I decided to write this article is simple: because it’s something I’ve experienced myself. It’s something I’ve lived, sat with, tried to make sense of, and ultimately felt compelled to share. Maybe to explain. Maybe to reassure.
We’re all individuals. Not right, not wrong, just human. We live our lives shaped by everything we’ve been through. And sometimes, that leads us to places or situations we don’t fully understand… or don’t actually want to be in.
But here’s the good news: we’re not stuck.
If something isn’t working for you, if life feels off course, you can change direction. You can create a new path moving forward. One that aligns better with who you are and who you want to become.
So, based on your experiences, ask yourself:
Are you happy with the way you’re currently living your life?
If the answer is no, I hope this article has helped you reflect, understand, and maybe even feel a little more seen. More than anything, I hope it reminds you that change is possible. That happiness is possible. And that understanding yourself, truly understanding yourself, is the first step to getting there.
You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re just human.
And you have every right to grow, to heal, and to choose a path that feels right for you.
Read more from Donna Kirsten Reynolds
Donna Kirsten Reynolds, Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist
Donna Reynolds discovered her passion for mental health and personal growth while living abroad and navigating her own challenges. After experiencing a sudden divorce that mirrored the struggles of many women around her, Donna sought to understand why such upheavals were so common. This quest led her to study mental health and behavior, ultimately guiding her to Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy. She believes that by changing our thoughts, we can overcome any barriers and create meaningful, lasting change in our lives.
