Written by: Dan Davis, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever found yourself trying to avoid things that feel uncomfortable? I’m sure that most of us have. Have you noticed how most things that we do rarely flow naturally without resistance? This is again, another common thing that most of us will experience. We all have unique perspectives, unique childhoods, different influences, trauma, and experiences that are unique to us. In this article you will learn about the power of surrendering, the role that resistance plays in guiding you towards your dream life, and why you have been fighting a battle that you will never win.
Throughout my many years of counselling clients and offering therapy to people from different backgrounds, cultures, ages, and perspectives, one thing has been shared by almost all of my clients – resistance. What do I mean by resistance? Think about a time that you have been drained by over thinking a social interaction, or a time you have tried to change or control an outcome, or even a time that you have felt trapped in a job role but unable to explore other opportunities due to a fear of the unknown – these are all examples of resistance and in all of these examples, the resistance is stopping you from growing, expanding your perspective, or improving your daily experience of life.
A common client experience that I hear is their urge to want to control situations, fix things for other people, or try to change an outcome that has already happened. The most important thing that you need to realise is that you cannot control other people’s experiences, you can’t change something that has already happened, and you can’t think yourself out of a situation. All you can do is control how you react to a situation. A powerful skill that you should start practicing is acceptance and you can learn more about this concept from the book: A Liberated Mind by Dr Steven Hayes. Acceptance is the act of identifying an experience or thought (not resisting it or ignoring it), witnessing the thought or experience objectively without attaching meaning or resistance to it, and then allowing it to pass without trying to internalise it. This can be challenging but with time, you will be able to observe thoughts and experiences, not attach meaning to them, and allow them to pass without resisting them.
Think about a time that you have found yourself caught in a negative thought loop and unable to shake the heavy feelings, was this an objective experience or have you created the thought loop that is keeping you trapped in this negative pattern? The human brain is extremely powerful but it can also be the source of the subjective pain and discomfort that you are experiencing, our brain can condition itself to relive negative thought patterns and experiences because it thinks that it is keeping us safe, but we are the ones feeding our brain this information, if we think that all people are bad, or life is unfair, then these stories are going to be reinforced by the information that we are feeding ourselves. It is really important to start conditioning your brain towards positive self-talk, if you continue to reinforce your brain with positive thought loops, then you can rewire your brain. Learn more about this concept with the book: What to Say When You Talk to Your Self by Shad Helmstetter PhD.
Resistance can feel like something that you need to avoid or resist but instead, try recognising the resistance and accepting it. Notice how much calmer you feel once you surrender to these heavy feelings. Furthermore, I would suggest trying to go towards the people, passions and experiences in your life that create a happy feeling; the goal is to reach a resistant free-flow state.
If you need support with surrendering to your resistance or overcoming your internal struggles then reach out to Dan from Meta Minds Therapy for confidential, accessible and affordable online and after hours counselling.
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Dan Davis, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dan Davis is deeply passionate about helping people master their mindset. He is the host of 2 leading mental health podcasts, Meta Minds and The Power of Showing Up. Dan is also the host of Australia's 1 ranked drone YouTube channel, DansTube.TV. Dan has worked within the mental health and counselling industries for 5+ years, and has been dedicated to empowering clients through his counselling practice, Meta Minds Therapy. Dan has made it his mission to empower people to live the life of their dreams!
