Two Words To Help You Navigate Painful Life Transitions
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 5, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: Jun 6, 2024
David Trotter and Mandy Adams, co-founders of Start My Next Chapter Coaching and Retreats, are passionate about helping people who have gone through a significant life change (such as divorce, job transition, or the loss of a loved one) heal their mind and heart so they can start their next chapter feeling empowered and confident.
Have you recently experienced a painful life transition? If that’s you, we want you to know that you’re not alone. None of us make it through this life unscathed by disappointment, loss, and grief. It is part of this adventurous journey of being human.
Whether you’ve gone through a divorce, the passing of a loved one, a job transition, an empty nest, a health scare, a midlife crisis, or the loss of your dream, it’s easy to close our minds and hearts as a reaction to the pain we’ve experienced.
We want to share two powerful words that we teach our clients to help them successfully navigate challenging life changes, but first, let’s understand how we protect ourselves.
What happens when we close our minds and hearts?
When I (David) was a young child, I loved being with my grandfather in his woodworking workshop…the smell, the woodshavings, and the power tools! I was mesmerized by all the saws and drills, but my grandfather was clear about how to safely watch and help him occasionally.
One day, he asked me to plug in a power tool, so I quickly reached for the cord and guided the plug into the socket with my two little fingers touching the metal prongs.
Zap!
I felt a buzz shoot up my little arm and squealed in shock at what had just happened. As tears ran down my face, I thought, “I’m never going near one of those cords ever again!”
How many of us have said the same thing when we’ve been zapped by something painful in life?
I’m never going to trust someone like that again. I’m never going to take a risk like that again. I’m never going to try something new like that ever again.
Instead of seeing the painful experience as an isolated situation from which to learn, we often generalize the pain and extend it to whatever category makes sense to us at the moment.
Instead of recognizing that “this particular man is not worthy of my trust,” we may close our minds and hearts by saying, “All men can not be trusted.”
For you, maybe the pain came from pouring your heart and soul into a business, and it didn’t take off the way you had hoped. Or, perhaps you experienced the betrayal of a friend, and you’re feeling closed off to new connections.
We want you to know that closing your mind and heart is a defense mechanism to protect yourself amidst the pain. This may be a helpful tool in the short term, but the longer you stay “closed”…the harder it will be to experience the life that you truly long for.
What do you truly want in life?
Flashback to David getting zapped by that electrical outlet. At that moment as a young child, he said he would avoid electrical plugs forever. Imagine how limiting that would have been if he had kept his mind closed to learning how to plug something into an outlet safely.
Imagine going through all of life asking other people to plug things in!
Yet, how many of us avoid people or situations because we’ve made an internal vow to never be hurt, embarrassed, or abandoned again?
There’s something you want in this life that will probably require you to overcome a painful situation.
You may have experienced a painful divorce, but you want to experience love with a new partner. Your last business failed, but you truly long to start something new and work for yourself. You lost a friendship over a challenging situation but want more connection and community. Or, maybe you’re just feeling midlife boredom and want more adventure and excitement in your life.
It’s time to let you in on two powerful words that will change your life.
What are the two powerful words?
These two words are so simple, but they will prepare you for the next chapter of your life. Are you ready?
Be. Open.
That’s it…be open.
After you’ve closed your mind and heart to protect yourself (for as long as you need to), you have the opportunity to say, “Be open.”
Be open to trusting people again. Be open to sharing your voice again. Be open to trying hard again.
We know how scary and overwhelming it can feel to open your mind to new possibilities when it’s safer to do things the way you’ve always done them. We understand that it can feel easier to isolate yourself and not have to deal with other people's shortcomings.
But neither of those choices ultimately gets you what you want.
We know that you want to live a courageous life full of opportunities to live out your passions and connect with people in a loving and authentic way.
How can I be open when I feel so closed?
When you’re still reeling from the pain of a challenging life situation, it can be quite difficult to be open, but with the support of a Life Transformation Coach, you can soon regain your footing and start the journey of healing.
1. Calm your mind and regulate your nervous system
If your mind is spinning round and round recounting what happened, you’ll stay in a fight-or-flight state, which keeps your mind and heart closed. Through intentional breathwork, guided meditation, and somatic emotional release exercises, we help clients regulate their nervous systems, reducing the levels of cortisol and adrenaline, which leads to lower anxiety levels and a more relaxed state.
2. Look at the situation from every possible angle
When we’re in pain, we often view the situation from one perspective and block out other possibilities. It’s easy to blame others, feel like a victim, take on the role of martyr, or assume that the world is against us somehow. But what if there’s another way to look at the situation?
3. Trust that the universe is conspiring on your behalf
We strongly believe that the Universe (aka God/Spirit/Source) is conspiring behind the scenes on our behalf in ways beyond what we could ask or imagine. Something good comes out of every situation, and we believe the Universe is worthy of our trust. We can find rest knowing that we are loved and held by Infinite Love.
4. Believe that you have the strength and skills to navigate the situation
You have been empowered with strength and equipped with skills to overcome anything that stands in your way. No matter what you’re up against right now in life, we believe…and invite you to believe…that you can and will get through this. You can figure this out with the help of those the Universe has brought into your life. You are not alone.
Are you starting to feel stronger already? That feeling will allow your mind and heart to slowly open to new possibilities.
Whisper to your mind, “Be open.” Whisper to your heart, “Be open.”
If you’re ready to heal your mind and heart so you can start the next chapter of your life with confidence and clarity, we would be honored to come alongside you.
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Read more from David Trotter & Mandy Adams
David Trotter & Mandy Adams, Transformation Coaches & Breathwork Facilitators
David Trotter and Mandy Adams, co-founders of Start My Next Chapter Coaching and Retreats, are passionate about helping people who have gone through a significant life change (such as divorce, job transition, or the loss of a loved one) heal their mind and heart so they can start their next chapter feeling empowered and confident. As Certified Trauma-Informed Breathwork and Guided Meditation Facilitators, they specialize in using somatic exercises and transformational coaching to help individuals regulate their nervous system, rewrite the stories in their minds and bodies, rediscover their true identity, and develop a clear plan for the next chapter of their lives.
