Two Boys, One System – And How It Shaped Us
Updated: Jan 28
Written by Sheila Marina, Energy Healer
Sheila Marina is an Energy Healer and founder of Planet of Peace Energy Healing. Her work centers on emotional safety, somatic stillness, and energetic coherence, supporting clear subconscious communication and meaningful emotional release through carefully hosted sessions.
As my eldest son turns 30, I reflect on raising two boys whose nervous systems were met by the world in very different ways, one uplifted, one misunderstood. This article explores how labels like “good kid” and “problem child” shape identity, family dynamics, and opportunities. It also highlights the life-changing support of Family Connections and the Sashbear Foundation for parents navigating emotional dysregulation.
Introduction: A birthday reflection
As my oldest son Joshua turns 30 on January 26th, I find myself looking back not just at his life, but at the parallel path his younger brother walked beside him. Two boys, raised in the same home, with the same love and guidance, yet treated in completely opposite ways by the systems meant to support them.
Joshua was celebrated, and Christian was scrutinized. Joshua was uplifted, while Christian was managed. Joshua was allowed to rise to challenges, and Christian was asked to sit out until he could behave.
And I, their mother, was left to navigate the emotional and societal terrain of loving two sons who were met by the world through two very different lenses.
This is not just their story. This is a story about all children who grow up on opposite ends of the educational and social spectrum and the families, siblings, classmates, and communities who walk beside them.
Most importantly: This is a story for you, the reader, so you can better understand the children in your own world who are struggling, misunderstood, or mislabeled.
Part I – Early signs: Two infants, two narratives
When Joshua was 10 months old in daycare, his caregiver asked for permission to feature him in her college project. She adored him so much that she even asked to take him home to meet her parents.
When Christian reached the same age, his daycare warned me, “You’re going to have problems with this child. You should get on waiting lists now.”
Two infants. Two nervous systems. Two radically different interpretations. Looking back, that moment foreshadowed everything.
Part II – The “good kid/bad kid” binary
The labeling continued into childhood.
Joshua: The responsible leader
In high school, he was known as the student who would turn around in class and say, “Guys, stop talking to the teacher like that.”
He naturally advocated for classmates who were emotionally sensitive. He cared deeply about fairness and kindness, even when others didn’t.
Christian: The disruptive one
By age three, it was clear something deeper was happening, a nervous system crying out for help. Yet the world didn’t see a nervous system. It saw a “problem.”
His daycare said he may need to leave if I don’t get him assessed.
His Grade 1 school offered reading programs but “nothing for numbers.” His pediatrician told me, “There’s not much we can do for a child like this.”
On the outside: a “behavioural issue.” On the inside: a child drowning without support.
If readers are new to the concept of emotional dysregulation, this overview from the Child Mind Institute offers a helpful introduction.
Part III – The education system: A tale of two classrooms
The starkest contrast came in Grade 9.
Joshua’s Grade 9 class
Reading Shakespeare. Discussing themes of leadership, morality, identity, and tragedy. Being challenged intellectually.
Christian’s Grade 9 class
Reading a story about a boy who becomes a drug dealer to impress an older girl. Limited academics. Assumptions embedded directly into curriculum.
Two boys. Two classrooms. Two future pathways are quietly being shaped by what the system believes about them.
Part IV – The impact on siblings and classmates
This piece is rarely discussed. Children like Joshua, who are emotionally balanced, academically successful, and socially aware, often become unofficial caregivers for classmates who are struggling.
They witness meltdowns, disruptions, emergency interventions, and exclusion. They learn to be patient, compassionate, and adaptable. But they also learn to minimize their own needs.
Meanwhile, classmates of emotionally dysregulated children face:
Confusion
Fear
Frustration
Grief for lost learning
Pressure to be “good” to compensate
Silent guilt for succeeding easily
Joshua lived with this dynamic not only at school, but at home. He was frequently placed in the role of “the easy one,” while his brother unintentionally took up more emotional space.
The system rarely asks how this shapes the “good kids.” Yet the answer is profound.
Part V – My motherhood identity: Pride, pain, and awakening
As a mother, I felt conflicting emotions:
Pride in Joshua’s natural leadership
Deep worry for Christian
Confusion about the lack of services
Shame when others judged my parenting
Grief when I realized how society sorts children into rigid categories
Before having Christian, I used to look at “behavioural children” in public and think, “That must be bad parenting.” Life has its ways of humbling us into compassion.
By age 15, I realized the help my son needed simply didn’t exist. There were no programs teaching emotional regulation. No support for nervous-system-sensitive children. No training for caregivers on how to respond with skill rather than punishment.
I shifted from advocate to observer with grief, but also with clarity.
Part VI – The turning point: Family Connections/Sashbear
At 18, Christian’s safety became my full-time job. Out of desperation, I walked into a local mental health agency and said, “I’m at the end of my rope.”
They told me about Family Connections (U.S.) and the Sashbear Foundation (Canada), a 12-week, 24-hour transformative program for caregivers of loved ones who struggle with emotional dysregulation.
The moment that cracked me open? The reading of the poem “Welcome to Holland”.
For the first time ever, I sat in a room full of parents who were living a version of my life. Not judged. Not misunderstood. Not alone.
The relief was immediate, profound, and life-altering. To understand the roots of these teachings, many caregivers benefit from this Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills overview that informs both programs.
I took the program once. Then again. Then I trained as a co-facilitator. It didn’t only change my parenting. It changed me.
And Christian later said something I will never forget: “The skills you learned at Sashbear changed my life completely.”
Part VII – A message to the reader (you are the hero)
This article is for you, the parent, sibling, educator, caregiver, or community member who senses that something isn’t working in our current systems.
It is for you if:
You love a child who is misunderstood
You feel judged for their behaviour
You worry about their future
You want to understand emotional dysregulation
You need hope
You need direction
You need to hear that you are not alone
And it is also for you if:
You have a child like Joshua, who quietly carries burdens they did not choose
You care about social fairness and emotional development
You want to help build systems that honour every nervous system
You are the hero of this story. I am simply the guide offering insight, language, and lived experience.
Part VIII – Moving forward: What two boys taught me
Raising two sons who sat on opposite ends of society’s expectations taught me:
Systems are built for some children, and not for others.
Nervous systems not behaviour tell the true story.
Siblings and classmates also need support.
Emotional dysregulation is not a moral failure.
Families need community-based training like Family Connections/Sashbear.
Every child deserves to be understood, not sorted.
Love and skill are equally important.
And sometimes the smallest step in the right direction truly does become the most rewarding step of your life.
Today, both of my sons are thriving in their own ways. Joshua, now 30, lives joyfully with his wife and works full-time in a career he loves.
Christian, now 26, lives at home with his fiancée and is steadily building a fulfilling career of his own. Their journeys have not been the same, but both are proof that hearts, families, and futures can grow in ways no system can predict.
Two boys. One system. And an entire lifetime of lessons about compassion, emotional literacy, and the power of connection.
Over the years, the skills we learned through Family Connections and Sashbear shaped not only our family, but my calling. The emotional literacy, nervous system awareness, and compassion I cultivated as a mother eventually became the foundation of Planet of Peace Energy Healing, the practice through which I now support individuals and families around the world. The same principles that helped my own sons heal emotional safety, nervous system regulation, somatic calm, and energetic coherence are now at the heart of the work I offer to others who are walking similar paths. Healing happens in community, and the tools that guided my family continue to guide the families I serve today.
Thank you for taking the time to walk this story with me. Your willingness to understand, reflect, and hold space for the nervous systems in your own life is a gift to the world.
Read more from Sheila Marina
Sheila Marina, Energy Healer
Sheila Marina is an Energy Healer and founder of Planet of Peace Energy Healing. Her work centers on emotional safety, somatic stillness, and energetic coherence, supporting clear subconscious communication and meaningful emotional release through carefully hosted sessions.
