Transforming Grief into Growth
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 11
- 9 min read
Updated: Oct 23
Sharon LeShane is the founder of LeShane Synergy and a dynamic Business Coach, Consultant, Transformational Personal Coach, speaker, and writer. Her work bridges professional development and holistic wellness, offering Reiki, Reiki Training, Sound Alchemy, Yoga, and Meditation. Sharon is also the creator of two empowering group coaching experiences, Awaken Your Authentic Self and Sacred Feminine Rising.
Grief touches every life, yet how we respond can shape whether it becomes a weight we carry or a path toward healing and growth. In this article, we explore grief as both a natural response to loss and a powerful teacher. By allowing ourselves to feel deeply, honour our emotions, and embrace vulnerability, we open the door to resilience, compassion, and renewal even in the face of life’s greatest challenges.
What is grief?
Grief is the natural emotional suffering we feel when we perceive that something or someone we love has been lost. The sorrow we feel reflects the depth of our love.
As with all emotions, it’s necessary to feel before we can heal. The more we try to control or suppress our feelings, the heavier they become. What we resist will continue to persist. However, if we allow ourselves to sit with our emotions and accept what we are feeling, we suffer less.
How we process grief will depend on our past experiences, relationships, beliefs, and our ability to regulate our emotions. It is healthy for us to feel and express emotions. Suppressed emotions lead to unhealthy habits that become unconscious patterns, leading to self-sabotage and suffering.
Pain is natural, but suffering is optional. In the Buddhist philosophy, suffering arises from attachment and the need to control. We suffer not because life is painful, but because we resist flowing with life due to our attachment to the outcome.
Healing one layer at a time
Grief is unpredictable, as it is not a linear experience. It unfolds in waves as we loop back to feelings and memories that we thought we had already healed and left behind. It’s a spiral with many layers, as we revisit feelings many times but view them from increasingly higher perspectives as we continue to heal and grow.
If a loved one dies suddenly, we are in shock and disbelief. If it’s someone young, this shock intensifies as we often have the perception that they were taken before their time. We may have thoughts of things we wanted to say to them or feel that we should have done more. It is only in acceptance, faith, and trust in a divine unfolding that we find peace.
When a loved one is diagnosed with a debilitating disease, the grieving process begins long before their passing. This type of grief unfolds in stages, deepening as we witness the deterioration of our loved one.
While our loved one is physically present and feeling relatively well, there is mourning for the impending gradual loss of who they are. We experience waves of grief as each phase of the decline feels like another loss.
If involved in caregiving, the daily experience of our loved one's decline can lead to burnout and stress. Balancing the practical needs of caring for them and our self-care needs can be challenging. If our loved one is placed in a long-term care facility, we may have the confusing feelings of sadness for having them there, at the same time, feeling a sense of relief that they are safe and getting the care they need.
It’s common to experience conflicting emotions, especially as our loved one nears the end of their suffering and becomes palliative. We may feel relief from the anticipation of their suffering ending, however, sad knowing we will experience another level of loss.
Once our loved one has crossed the veil, grief progresses to a stage where we feel sadness for the loss but are relieved by the end of their suffering. It is at this stage that closure is possible if we allow ourselves to feel and lean into all the accompanying emotions.
Grief comes not only with death, but with change. It may arise from divorce, job loss, a decline in health, or loss of a home. As I write this article, wildfires are burning in several communities in the province of Newfoundland and Labrador. Over 10,000 hectares have burned, and those who lost their homes are grieving. They grieve the loss of their homes but also the loss of memories and their identity. Grieving your home is like grieving a part of yourself. However, loss can open space for resilience, community, and a deeper connection to what truly matters.
Regardless of its form, grief can be a powerful tool of transformation.
Roles we play
If grief is not expressed, it’s suppressed. Suppressed grief keeps us in the drama triangle of roles, victim, persecutor, or rescuer.
The victim is helpless and defeated and needs to assign blame to themselves or others. The persecutor is angry and judgmental because they feel they are out of control. The rescuer is self-sabotaging because they consistently prioritize the needs of others before their own.
We can choose to stay in the drama triangle and continue suffering. We often unconsciously stay in suffering because we don’t know who we are without it, or because our beliefs and programming make us think we should feel guilty for being happy. We believe that if we don’t continue to suffer, it would mean we don’t miss whoever, or whatever, we lost. That somehow, we are doing the right thing by suffering.
However, we can choose to reclaim our power. When we transcend the drama triangle, we become empowered conscious co-creators of our experience. We choose accountability, healthy boundaries, and the ability to support others without self-sacrifice.
Becoming conscious creators of our experience, pain, and grief becomes our teacher, inspiring us to live with purpose and pursue what truly matters. The shift is internal and very powerful.
Freedom to choose
Transmuting means to change something into a different form or substance in a significant manner. To transmute is not to merely alter its appearance, but to change it at its core.
We can choose to channel the raw energy of pain and grief into healing energy that supports and nourishes. Feeling and integrating grief peels away layers, revealing the truth about who we are. Loss has the potential to open our hearts and be a doorway to rebirth.
In the book, “The Awakened Being”, Marci Lock describes pain as an acronym that represents an invitation to “Pay Attention Inside Now”. We will feel pain as we move through the stages of grief, however, acknowledging and feeling all the feels allows us to transmute it into our power. Pain is not a problem that has to be fixed, it’s an energy to be witnessed and transformed.
Through the lens of alchemy, death is not a destructive force but a transformative one. Death is not the end of life but a change of form.
In the book, “Conversations with God”, Neale Donald Walsh referred to death as the soul’s celebration, referring to it as Continuation Day. Those who have had and shared near-death experiences described similar feelings. Many find this a source of peace.
Society and expectations
Grief brings peace one moment and waves of sorrow the next. Flow with the emotions and allow yourself to feel their full depth. We are safe to feel emotions, although many of us have been taught to silence them. Often, this is to make others feel more comfortable because they are not accustomed to feeling or expressing.
Your expression of grief may not meet other people’s approval. One of the most liberating truths in grief and transition is realizing that other people’s opinions do not reflect what is right for your journey.
Others may, intentionally or unintentionally, impose expectations, which project their discomfort with loss. Some feel the need to validate how they handled their grief as being superior to what another did or how you are handling the situation.
Grief does not have a one-size-fits-all, it's very personal, so remember others’ opinions or judgments are not yours to carry. They reflect them and their experiences, not yours.
You don’t have to explain your faith, trust, or the peace you have found. Others may not understand, and that’s okay. Honoring your path and that of others will bring harmony.
There is immense freedom in releasing the need for validation or to explain how you feel or prove your way is the right way. There is no right or wrong, it’s just the way that is right for you.
Sharing pieces of my experience
My most recent experience with grief was less than 6 months before publishing this article. My Dad was 83 when he passed after living with Parkinson's for over 11 years. He had spent the last 3 1/2 years of his life in a long-term care facility due to his severely deteriorating condition.
My Dad offered us a lifetime of love, compassion, and lots of laughter. He emanated that even his last week with us. I find comfort in reflecting on and sharing our family memories and humorous stories.
While the pain of watching him deteriorate was intense, it sparked deeper healing, creativity, and growth, and I am more resilient because of it. There is rebirth after death if you allow.
It's been over 40 years since my sister Darlene, at age 11, and her friend, at age 12, lost their lives in a tragic motor vehicle accident. It has taken many years to process that spiral of grief, as I was young when it happened and didn’t have the tools, understanding, or support that I have now.
Darlene’s transition resulted in deep inner healing for me, for which I am forever grateful. I was able to transmute anger into forgiveness. At that time, I felt the healing was complete because it created powerful shifts in my mindset and how I lived my life. However, there was even deeper healing and inner peace as I transmuted forgiveness into understanding. It was the realization and acceptance that we are all doing the best we can with the tools we have and the level of consciousness from which we are operating. There was nothing to forgive. I continue to heal these layers.
“A Course In Miracles” by Dr. Helen Schucman shares that a miracle is not something that occurs outside of us, as we have been led to believe. The real miracle is an internal shift that begins with a willingness to see things differently. A true miracle is not us controlling and changing the world around us, it’s a shift from our limited beliefs and perceptions to a higher, clearer perspective.
We tend to build walls around our hearts to protect ourselves, however, these walls imprison us. In grief, the pain often cuts through and forces us to feel everything we had buried.
In “A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson, she states that “Healing is a return to love. Illness and death are often painful lessons in how much we love, but they are lessons nonetheless. Sometimes it takes the knife that emotionally pierces our heart to pierce the walls that lie in front of it.”
Opening our hearts with a willingness to change is transformational. Innate wisdom and clarity offered from a higher perspective will begin in our hearts.
You deserve support
When you are grieving, the emotional weight can be overwhelming. Talking to friends is helpful, however, discussing with someone who has experienced and integrated grief is valuable, as they can relate to what you are experiencing.
Many tools and practices can support healthy emotional processing of grief. They include meditation, journaling, somatic practices, energy healing, writing, nature walks, and many more. I describe them in more detail in another Brainz article called, “Is Positivity a Blessing or a Curse?” under the heading, “Healthy strategies for emotional healing”.
You would benefit from someone who can provide a safe, non-judgemental space for you to express your true thoughts and feelings that you may not want to share with your family and close friends for fear of upsetting them or of being judged.
I am so grateful for all who have, and continue to, offer me support and guidance. Although I am a coach, energy healer, and spiritual mentor, I continue to be divinely guided to work with others to support me as I continue my journey of healing and growth. I recognize that if I do not continue my inner healing, it will limit the level of support I am capable of offering others. I have heard many times that we can only take others as far as we’ve gone ourselves.
If you are experiencing the pain of grief, I recommend that you research and find counselors, therapists, coaches, psychologists, or spiritual healers who resonate and feel in alignment with you.
You are worthy of healing and support. You don’t have to face it alone.
Read more from Sharon Doyle LeShane
Sharon Doyle LeShane, Intuitive Reiki Healer and Transformative Coach
Sharon LeShane founded LeShane Seaside Vitality, offering Reiki, Reiki training, personal coaching, yoga, women’s circles, meditation and sound alchemy. She also created the empowering coaching experiences, Awaken Your Authentic Self and Sacred Feminine Rising. With a background as a Chartered Professional Accountant, business consultant, and instructor, expanding into business coaching and consulting was a natural evolution to meet her clients’ changing needs. This inspired the rebrand to LeShane Synergy.
