Grief Coaching – The Way Forward When Loss Has Knocked You Down
- Brainz Magazine
- Sep 4, 2024
- 6 min read
Nicky brings her drive and force to the fore in Functional wellness coach programmes. Specializing in recovery support for specific conditions of ME (CFS), Fibromyalgia & long COVID. Her supporting work covers bereaved clients trying to find freedom to move on.
Grief is a deeply personal, overwhelming journey. Leaving many wondering how to navigate their raw emotions and find a path forward. But what if there was someone who could guide you through this difficult time. Creating a bespoke plan with you? Enter the grief coach a role that might be unfamiliar to many, yet incredibly powerful in the process of recovery. We’ll explore what a grief coach does, how they can help you process loss, and why their support might be the key to finding peace. Curious to learn more? Let’s delve into the world of grief coaching and discover the unique ways it can transform your healing journey.
What does a grief coach do?
Grief coaching can get misunderstood as counselling for grief. But coaching as we all know is quite different. We do blur the boundaries slightly as yes, we do indeed listen and ask questions to a degree, referencing the past and present feelings. What a grief coach does is quite a different road to travel though. Bereavement coaching is the same as a grief coach. When someone has suffered, knowing how to cope with grief is hard for some people. They become stuck in an internal loop. Clinging onto their mood and frightened to move out of it as in some cases, feel they are being selfish and letting the person who has passed away down in some way. Feeling happy or getting on with life without them feels like a betrayal that they don't care anymore.
Grief coaching versus Grief counsellor
Initially when we are confused and in shock from losing someone either by an accident, natural causes or trauma, an unpleasant subject to discuss I know. But if you have experienced anything like this you do change in how you relate to things. To begin with, moving on is not possible. We want to go over who the person was to us, how we are feeling, and what we miss about them. Coaching is more suitable later on to move from the traumatic stage and the future. Counselling allows this to take place for the person to assimilate the shock and tread carefully just in the moment of now and the past relationship they had.
So, what does a grief coach do exactly?
To start with the focus is to move through the emotional ladder. When someone is very low and stuck in sadness, depression or despair, especially after a long time, the person cannot sometimes know how to change their mood. A grief coach introduces subtle techniques to allow a step at a time to move through the various feelings we experience.
Desolation is way more difficult to feel than despair. Numbness could be harder to feel alive than fear. Nobody can move from feeling even just a little low to feeling joy, it just is an impossible task to achieve. Placing a fake smile may increase and con our bodies slightly creating a chemical change. Fake it until you make it, but our conscious brain will still be fully aware of the empty chasm we have been feeling since our loss.
Once we just slightly tweak the emotions and allow our client to feel more in control, and conscious of life rather than drifting. Then progress to making a plan and moving forward can be started. Rather than dwelling on what had happened or staying in the present just functioning. Constantly focusing on loss does not help to inspire or enlighten. At some time, the dynamic way of bereavement support via grief coaching comes into play.
Learn more and seek help in some way to feel better: Bereavement Coaching
Recovery from bereavement
Starting blocks being self-care. Exercise moves the flow of energy and blood. This is essential to lift your mood. Encouraged by tiny steps. Just being out in the fresh air part of the day can really make a difference. A routine is important. This avoids moping and drifting through life. The coaching wheel for health and wellness is key in making the client aware of what they maybe neglecting. Encouraging a good diet, even if no appetite or snacking due to not being bothered to cook has occurred. Creating an interesting element can help. Our chemical makeup requires a plethora of vitamins and minerals to allow the brain to think clearly with clarity and create energy. Mood is supported and aided by diet. Challenging the client to create a dish or recipe as a distraction, maybe as a tribute to their loved one can stimulate more participation.
Allowing the client to see the future alone is the end goal to have a vision and a life that pleases them. Although our lives are different now, new friends, children or lovers are possible.
Simple tips to be in control of grief
A vital way to cope with loss and grief is greatly enhanced by having a supporting network of friends and family. Having as well an independent bereavement coach gives an outside perspective seeing how certain viewpoints or ridged beliefs and values can make life hard. Many older clients losing a partner fear the future. They may never have dealt with money or household maintenance. The roles of male and females were not as they are today. Their partner may have been the driver. Now they are unable to get about easily. Have no concept of financial costs of bills or where paperwork is for essential things. Becoming overwhelmed is common and having someone to guide and plan is important.
'Grief coaching gets the plans together, the spirit lifted, the life map to suit the individual'
A plan for money left to them. How the household will run.
Avoidance and being aware of any addiction or habits taken up or gone back to as a coping mechanism. Painkillers, drugs, alcohol, binge eating or anorexia
Working too hard, cleaning, offering to do overtime to avoid confronting sadness or destress
Avoiding places associated with the loved one
Not letting go of items or hoarding as a form of comfort just in case needed
A review of their own talents, skills and interests. Many may have been hidden or suppressed
A future plan that creates some excitement to enter into
Grief coaching your buddy who won't judge you at your worst
At some stage, once the initial shock has been overcome, coaching can be introduced. It's quite important when it clearly shows someone is not coping with day-to-day life, retreated inwardly or become more manic. In some cases, medical support may need to be sought for medication to aid sleep, anxiousness or something. Severe depression should not be taken lightly and coaching works with some people and not everyone.
Generally, if the wellness wheel is consulted more natural ways to ease symptoms can be tried before artificial medicine is resorted to. To start with it can be important but reliance on these could delay recovery. Using as a crutch must be picked up on and the client made aware.
Your grief coach is not there to push you but to support and create some enlightenment. A new job or hobby can open avenues to earn or meet like-minded friends. Past couples, friends or parents if you too are a parent may not treat you the same, unable to relate or how to offer comfort. Isolation from them drifting away leaves a very noticeable void. Fresh acquaintances who know nothing of your past can allow a freedom to create a different life. Refreshing to create and in some cases allow new dreams to be achieved. From travel to sport or learning a new skill. A loss can always be reversed to be a new beginning. It’s how with coaching we stimulate and encourage the client to shift. Start with the mood, the body, then the mind will follow.
A map and simple personal steps are created with the client. Monitoring all the time, checking in more regularly. Dependence is to be avoided on the coach, so a time limit or sessions are set in place but an option to check in when needed for a boost with the grief coach and reset can be very useful. This is not the time to apply pressure and large goal setting. A very gentle and constructive approach is required.
Read more from Nicky Abell-Francis
Nicky Abell-Francis, Functional Wellness Coach & Bodyworker
Nicky brings her drive and force to the fore in Functional wellness coach programmes. Specializing in recovery support for specific conditions of ME (CFS), Fibromyalgia & long COVID. Her supporting work covers bereaved clients trying to find freedom to move on. Helping to ignite the spark to progress forward once again. Having lost her own husband suddenly, their daughter within months crashed into developing ME(CFS). Nicky went on to train with the Chrysalis Effect programme. Seeing how burnt out & highly stressed clients can tip into crash phase. Developing chronic fatigue and numerous widespread health problems. Over the past ten years Nicky set up her multi therapy clinic.
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