The Twelve Layers Of Confidence – A Christmas Gift To Give Yourself
- Dec 24, 2023
- 7 min read
Updated: Feb 5, 2024
Written by: Jan Bailey, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In an era of instant – instant food, instant information and ‘instant’ results, it’s no surprise that business people want instant confidence when they speak in front of others. The bad news; there is no confidence pill you can take. The good news; there are many small changes you can make that move you toward a consistently confident presence.
As a communication trainer specializing in public speaking and presenting, I work with people at all levels of business to improve their confidence in speaking and presenting scenarios. The challenge is that the pursuit of confidence is an elusive quest, and few people believe they will succeed. Why? Because if we are truly honest with ourselves, no matter how well prepared we are, no matter how well we know our information and no matter how friendly the audience is, we are all a bit nervous when asked to stand in front of others and speak. Though that isn’t a bad thing – it demonstrates you’re invested in the outcome – it doesn’t go a long way to making you feel confident. In other words – if you always feel a bit nervous before you speak, you don’t ever truly feel confident.
Well, that’s a problem, isn’t it?! Don’t panic. It’s not a problem when you understand that confidence comes in layers. Confidence is much more about doing than it is about being. You practice confidence, and the more layers you add, the more consistently confident you’ll feel.
The twelve layers of confidence are, therefore, truly a gift you can give yourself this holiday season. Some you might already think about, and some might be new. There is no specific order; the only key is that you actually have to do these things. And the more of them you actively do, the more confident you’ll feel, sound and appear.
Smile
So simple and so underused. Quite regularly, I hear, “But Jan, my work is very serious – smiling is not appropriate.” Really? There is no point in your presentation that you can find a smile? Even at ‘hello’? Yup, I thought so. You are human and so is your audience, and that means that a simple smile builds a bridge of trust and communication that helps you connect to your audience.
Posture
Whether presenting in person or virtually, sit up straight or stand up straight. Not only will you be able to take big breaths more easily, but a strong and upright posture subconsciously screams ‘confidence’ to your audience. When you sit up straight on a Zoom call, you appear more alert, more interested, and more engaged … all of these things demonstrate confidence.
Tone
If words are coming out of your mouth, it’s your job to set the tone for the conversation or talk. Whether we mean to or not, often we set a negative tone; for example, we open with language like ‘correct me if I’m wrong’, or ‘I’m not sure, but’ … Our intention is to imply collaboration or discussion around a topic, but what’s happening is a diminishing of the impact of what you have to say. If you have an idea, share your opinion, and do it without apology.
Breathe
The fastest, most effective way to calm your nervous system before you present is by taking big, deep, slow and very conscious breaths. Here’s the secret to it working … you have to do it!
Volume
Highly underrated, volume is often one of the first things I work on with clients at every level. When we’re online, we tend to turn our volume down because it feels like we’re so close to our audience. When in-person – well, we’re a bit out of practice, aren’t we and feeling out of practice tends to make people timid or hesitant. Timid or hesitant often translates to turning your volume down. Turning up your volume equals turning up your confidence.
Body language
There is an old debate that still persists – to gesture or not to gesture. If gestures are natural for you and they are not so big or fast that they’re distracting – then absolutely use gestures. Your body is supporting, or backing up, what you’re saying with hand gestures and body posture. That means you’re more interesting to watch and you’re more aligned with what you say. And that ultimately means … confidence.
Eye contact
Here’s a shift in perspective; eye contact is about your audience, not you. Let me explain. Clients often tell me that not looking at their audience is a strategy they actively practice to avoid feeling nervous or judged. Bad strategy. Two main things happen when you don’t make eye contact with your audience, and they are happening in the deep recesses of your audience’s brain. First, they don’t believe you are invested in your topic. You seem, to them, to not care about what you are speaking about. Like I said, bad strategy. The second thing that happens is they feel excluded. Never in a million years would you share something you were interested in with a friend and not meet their eyes! At some point, and it wouldn’t take very long, they would begin to disengage from the conversation because your lack of eye contact is making them feel unimportant. Said another way, they are wondering why they are even present in the conversation if you aren’t bothering to include them in it. The same applies with your audience of more than one. Find people to look at, spend a second or two and move on to someone else in the audience – it will improve overall feelings of engagement, immediately.
Enjoyment
You are contagious. In a good way. Have you ever convinced yourself to go to a party that you didn’t want to go to? You just weren’t in the mood, you didn’t feel like meeting new people or putting out the effort required to be social. No judgement – we’ve all been there! Then, much to your amazement, you had a fantastic time. What happened was a form of emotional contagion. The people at the party wanted to be there, wanted to have fun and wanted to connect with one another, and simply by being in the same space with them, you ‘caught’ the fun vibe.
The lesson in this is that you can be the architect of emotional contagion; you can influence how your audience feels during your presentation. If you are interested in your topic, it will generate the same feeling in your audience. If you are feeling inspired, excited, motivated … your audience will feel that and you will have a much easier time sweeping them along in the wave of your enthusiasm. If you’re disinterested, blah or ‘meh’ about your topic… You guessed it – those feelings are equally if not more contagious.
You are contagious – use it
Openness
Strangely enough, we often try to become someone else when we’re presenting in front of others and one place this often happens is with body language. Somewhere in your professional development some well-intentioned person may have told you that you shouldn’t gesture when you speak, it’s distracting. Or maybe they said – you use your hands too much; you should stop. Okay - If you flail your hands about when you talk, or wave them vigorously in front of the camera, I do recommend toning it down, a bit. However, if you naturally gesture, you should continue. It’s a bit unnatural to never use gestures and if you work at restricting them it can make you appear stiff and uncomfortable. Just to be clear, that is the opposite of appearing open and conversational.
Knowledge
I work with a lot of very intelligent, diverse professionals. None of them are confident speaking in front of others if they aren’t at least familiar with their topic. Nothing bolsters your confidence like a foundation of knowledge.
Assurance
When I listen to a speaker I appreciate a conversational style; one where I feel like I am included in the talk or the conversation from the front of the board room. This is something that gets easier with increased confidence. Assurance, defined in this scenario, is the confidence the audience feels when they are listening to you talk. That’s great, Jan, how do I build or inspire that in my audience, is what you are asking yourself. This is one of those tools where you include the audience by using phrases and statements that draw them in. For example, you might say things like, “I’m sure you all have had this happen when training new employees”, or “Is there anyone in the room who …?”, or “Does this sound familiar to any of you …?”. These are the kinds of statements that build alignment or create ‘buy in’ with your audience as you encourage them to think about your topic in a more personal way. (and – no – you don’t really expect them to answer those questions …)
Honesty
Humans are highly sophisticated at reading other humans. If you are not being honest with your audience, on some level, they will know it. If you’re confused, if you’re confusing, if you don’t know … come clean. Honesty goes a long way with an audience.
We all know the saying … slow and steady wins the race. The quest for confidence is a long game, but it’s a rewarding one because every small change you make, every layer you add to your speaking skill makes a difference. Not only do these small changes shift the way you feel about how you present, they shift the way you’re perceived by your audience and that is a very rewarding feeling.
For more simple strategies and easy to apply tips, follow me on Instagram @ovationspeakers, connect with me, Jan Bailey on LinkedIn or reach out via my website. I work with groups and individuals at all levels of business and I would be delighted to help you give yourself the gift of confidence this holiday season, and throughout the year.
Jan Bailey, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jan Bailey is a seasoned communication and public speaking trainer specializing in leadership presence, clear communication and confident presenting. Fascinated by the reluctance most people have around speaking up, speaking out and speaking in front of others, Jan set out to change the way people think about public speaking and presenting. More laughter and less lecture, more personality and less powerpoint and a whole lot more confidence means professionals at all levels are more effective communicators. A dynamic speaker, an engaging facilitator and an insightful coach, Jan genuinely believes in the power of effective communication to change lives; personally and professionally.
