The Silent Office Saboteur and How To Outsmart The Narcissist At Work Without Losing Your Sanity
- Jul 1, 2025
- 3 min read
Dana Medvedev is a leading Intimacy & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and creator of REVIVE, a breakthrough program helping women rise from emotional manipulation, reclaim their power, and feel safe, sensual, and unstoppable again.
You’ve probably said it, or heard it: "Everyone's a narcissist these days." From the office to dating
You can’t change them, but you can stop them from feeding off your empathy and energy. Here’s how.
Narcissists don’t just want power, they want control
Narcissists in the workplace aren’t always loud, obvious, or dramatic. Many operate quietly, behind the scenes, using charm, manipulation, and image control to climb the ladder and dominate the environment. At first, they can appear confident, driven, and even charismatic, but over time, cracks begin to show.
Their real mission is not collaboration or excellence; it’s control. If you’re empathetic, competent, or emotionally intelligent, you’re a perfect target. Understanding how narcissists function isn’t just helpful, it’s necessary for protecting your peace, your credibility, and your energy.
The psychology behind the mask: Inflate the ego, starve the shame
At the heart of narcissistic behaviour lies a fragile, wounded self. To cope with deep-rooted insecurity and shame, the narcissist constructs a false self, an inflated image of superiority, perfection, and power. This persona isn’t just a mask; it’s a defence mechanism designed to keep the real self hidden, even from themselves.
To protect this illusion, narcissists:
Exaggerate their skills and accomplishments
Take credit for others’ work
Gaslight colleagues to dodge responsibility
Feel deeply threatened by competent individuals
React with coldness or rage when challenged
Every move they make serves one goal: preserving their inflated self-image. Anyone who threatens that image becomes a problem to eliminate.
How to spot a narcissist at work
You might be dealing with a narcissist if:
You feel emotionally drained or destabilized after interactions.
They alternate between flattery and devaluation.
They center conversations around themselves.
They deflect accountability and rewrite facts.
They subtly create conflict or division among coworkers.
They are often masters of perception, presenting one version of themselves to management and a very different one to peers.
How to handle them: Strategic disengagement over confrontation
Don’t feed their ego, or their drama: Narcissists crave attention and emotional reactions. Don’t argue, don’t flatter, and don’t try to win them over. Keep your tone neutral, your responses factual, and your emotions in check.
Minimize contact, maximize boundaries: Limit interactions to what’s absolutely necessary. Use email rather than verbal exchanges. Avoid sharing personal information. The less they know, the less they can manipulate.
Keep a paper trail: Document all agreements, instructions, and decisions. Narcissists often rewrite events to protect themselves. Having records protects you from blame games and gaslighting.
Guard your empathy: Your compassion is a gift, but to a narcissist, it’s a tool. Don’t let guilt or people-pleasing draw you into their emotional web. Protect your energy by creating clear boundaries.
What not to do: Don’t step into the trap
Don’t call them out: Exposing a narcissist publicly may trigger narcissistic rage, a disproportionate, often vindictive response aimed at punishing you for threatening their image. You won’t “win” by confronting them; you’ll simply become their next target.
Don’t try to fix them: You’re not their therapist. Narcissists rarely seek self-awareness or change. They are not interested in insight; they’re interested in maintaining power.
Don’t take it personally: This is crucial. Narcissistic behaviour is not a reflection of your worth. It’s a projection of their internal chaos. Their reactions, manipulations, and attacks are about them, not you.
Read more from Dana Medvedev
Dana Medvedev, Narcissistic Abuse and Intimacy Coach
Dana Medvedev is an Intimacy and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach, and a survivor who turned her own trauma into transformation. She is the creator of REVIVE, a powerful program guiding women through the deep work of healing after narcissistic abuse, emotionally, psychologically, and somatically. Known for her sharp intuition, raw honesty, and deeply empathetic presence, she holds space without sugarcoating. Her no-nonsense style cuts through victimhood and confusion to help women reclaim their bodies, boundaries, and brilliance. Her mission is personal: to help others do what she did, break the cycle, rebuild from the inside out, and come home to themselves.
