The Silent Killer in Family Businesses That Can Derail Your Legacy
- Brainz Magazine
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
Debra Chantry-Taylor helps entrepreneurs & leadership teams break through barriers to succeed in business & life. As an EOS Implementer® & Family Business Advisor, she guides firms to clarify their vision, tackle tough issues & create lasting growth & balance. She is the founder of Business Action & podcast host of Better Business, Better Life!
Across Australia & New Zealand, family businesses form the backbone of our economies – and our communities. They’re more than just businesses – they’re legacy projects, often built on passion, grit & multi-generational values.
But while we often talk about the challenges of growth, succession, or competition, the real threat usually isn’t external.
It’s internal.
More specifically, it’s assumptions – the unspoken, emotionally loaded, inherited beliefs that sneak into conversations (or silence), decision-making & leadership roles. Left unchecked, they silently unravel the very thing families are trying to preserve.
The most dangerous assumptions in family businesses
Here are just a few I hear regularly when working with family businesses across Australia & NZ:
“Everyone knows I’m taking over.”
“My brother’s not interested in the business – he hasn’t said anything.”
“Mum’s retired now – she won’t get involved anymore.”
“We’ve always split things equally – it’ll be the same with the assets.”
“We believed Dad meant it when he said he trusted us to lead.”But he kept pulling the strings behind the scenes.
These are usually delivered with confidence. But they’re often completely untested.
That’s the danger. Assumptions don’t get challenged – until it’s too late.
Understanding the complexity: The 3 circles of a family business
To get to the root of the real issues, I use a simple but powerful model with my clients – the Harvard 3-Circle Model. It shows that family businesses sit at the intersection of three overlapping circles:
Family – the emotional ties, relationships, traditions & values
Ownership – who owns what, who makes financial decisions, how risk is managed
Business – who works in the business, what roles they play, what the business exists to achieve
Each circle has different leaders, different priorities & different rules of engagement. And that’s exactly where the trouble starts, because most family businesses operate like these circles don’t exist.
Let’s break it down.
Family circle
Led by: Often the 'Chief Emotional Officer' – a parent or elder
Priority: Harmony
Rules: If you’re born, married or adopted in, you have a voice. Fair is equal.
Meetings: Annual family get-togethers or ad hoc check-ins
Decisions: Where to live, how family assets are used, family traditions
This circle is emotionally charged, which is natural, but it becomes risky when emotion leaks into business or ownership decisions without structure.
Business circle
Led by: The COO, Integrator or Visionary
Priority: Profit & performance
Rules: Right person, right seat. Fair is market rate.
Meetings: Weekly Level 10 Meetings, Quarterly Pulsing, Annual Planning
Decisions: Hiring/firing, pricing, operational strategy, day-to-day management
The business needs clarity, speed & accountability – not entitlement or family rank.
Ownership circle
Led by: Shareholders, Board, or Chief Ownership Officer
Priority: Maximising return & reducing risk
Rules: Defined by the Ownership Philosophy
Meetings: Usually quarterly or annually with the business leader
Decisions: What owners want from the business, leadership appointments, major financial moves
And here’s a critical distinction: owners have input into long-term vision & core values – but not the day-to-day or short-term strategy.
That separation is often misunderstood – or ignored entirely.
How EOS helps untangle the mess
This is where the Entrepreneurial Operating System® (EOS®) comes in. It’s a complete set of simple, practical tools that help leadership teams – especially family businesses – get clarity, build discipline & create healthy, functioning teams.
EOS supports each of the 3 circles by giving them language, structure & boundaries.
Family – Creating space for conversation without conflict
Tool: Same Page Meeting™
Originally designed for Visionary/Integrator alignment, this tool works beautifully for family leaders who need a structured, respectful way to align. It allows for honest, open conversations before assumptions turn into conflict.
Business – Defining roles & driving accountability
Tools: Accountability Chart™, People Analyser™, Rocks, Level 10 Meeting™
These tools take the guesswork and emotion out of business execution. The Accountability Chart makes it clear who’s responsible for what, regardless of family hierarchy. The People Analyser assesses whether someone truly lives the values & has the GWC™ (Get it, Want it, Capacity to do it) to do the job well.
Weekly Level 10 Meetings ensure issues are surfaced & solved – not buried.
Ownership – Clarifying voice vs vote
Tool: Vision/Traction Organiser™ (V/TO™)
The V/TO gives owners a voice where it matters – in shaping the long-term vision & values. But the execution side of the V/TO belongs to the business leadership team. It protects the business from being micromanaged by ownership, while still giving owners confidence that their interests are represented.
A real-world story (names changed)
I once worked with a 3rd-generation manufacturing company in regional Australia. Two brothers sat on the leadership team. One assumed he was taking over. The other assumed the opposite. Mum had ‘retired’ – but regularly chimed in via group chats.
They weren’t speaking by the time I was called in.
Using EOS, we separated the three circles, clarified their roles, and held a Same Page Meeting between Mum and the brothers. We rebuilt their Accountability Chart, defined what ‘fair’ actually meant, and created a clear 10-Year Target they all bought into.
The business turned a corner. Revenue grew, tension dropped, and the family could finally go on holiday together without bringing spreadsheets to the table.
Final thought: Don’t let assumptions be your legacy
Assumptions don’t protect your legacy – they destroy it.
If you want your family & your business to last beyond your generation, structure & clarity aren’t optional – they’re essential.
That’s the work I do – helping family businesses across Australia & New Zealand untangle emotion from execution, so they can build something worth passing on.
Want to future-proof your family business?
Let’s talk about how EOS can help.
Debra Chantry-Taylor, Accredited EOS Implementer® | Family Business Advisor | Leadership Coach | Entrepreneur
Debra Chantry-Taylor is an Accredited EOS Implementer®, Certified Leadership Coach & Family Business Advisor with over 30 years of experience in business. She works with entrepreneurs & leadership teams to help them break through barriers, clarify their vision & drive sustainable growth. Debra has supported over 600 business owners across New Zealand, Australia, the UK, Europe, & the USA. Her hands-on experience as a business owner, experiencing both huge success as well as two train wrecks, gives her a unique perspective, helping leaders navigate both successes & setbacks. Passionate about balancing business success with personal life, Debra helps her clients achieve a fulfilling, well-rounded life while growing their businesses.
